Let Me Play Among The Stars
by jorgejr33
Summary: The story is Shinji Ikari's journal documenting how his life would have changed if Gendo Ikari had chosen to have him live with Rei as his room-mate rather than let Misato drag him into her home and then shove Asuka into his life, as is official canon. Due to the massive changes that occur as a result, Lara Croft gets brought in as a tutor for The Children. Sit back and enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

"An unfamiliar ceiling," those were the first words when I woke up in the hospital after the fight with the first Angel. Little did I realize that day, that it would lead me to meeting my beloved.

I am Shinji Ikari, and these are my memoirs of what would later be dubbed, "The Angel War." Parts of the story that happen without me present were lifted from what NERV documents survived the conflict, a few even being non-official.

After the fight with the first Angel, on my second day at NERV, I was summoned to the Commander's central office where my living arrangements were to be decided..

Geesh! You'd think they'd plan for me to be set up _**before**_ I was dragged out here to be blackmailed into piloting an Eva, that's the huge walking-fighting, prone to going _**berserk**_ , "robot," but then again, NERV is an organization run by my dead-beat father who sees absolutely nothing wrong with outright _abandoning_ his four-year-old son, at a crowded train station, when his wife "dies," **and that's how he acts when there are witnesses around.** I shudder to think what he would have done if he had found me at home instead, where there were no witnesses. The worst part is that the NERV personnel think that sort of thing is "normal" and can't grasp why I might be just a tiny bit hostile.

Along with Captain Misato, I am called to the NERV housing office where some bureaucrat, whose name I never heard, starts deciding my housing arrangements.

Misato: "You don't want to live with your father?"

Quartermaster: "I think that living apart is … natural for them."

Misato: "And living together is _unnatural?"_

…..

Misato: (To Shinji) "You'll be living alone?!"

Quartermaster: "Yes. His room is the sixth block beyond this one. Is that alright?"

Misato: (To Shinji) "Are you okay with that?"

Shinji: "Living alone is fine with me."

Of course, Captain Misato was clearly not satisified with that and decided to literally drag me to her home and force me to move in and live with her, with no supervision or chaperon. Now I was just a child soldier with no prior military training, but even I can see the problems, plural, involved in such an arrangement, Being completely over my head, I don't complain, but when Misato calls the head of project E, Risuko Akagi, amazingly my dead-beat dad DOES, though I suspect he only did it to be a dick.

(Over the speaker phone while Misato is driving Shinji to her place)

Commander Gendo: "Captain Misato Katsuragi. It has come to my attention that you intend to ignore the housing arrangements we've planned out, after considerable and thorough review, and are in the process of physically dragging Pilot Ikari to live with you at your place without any external supervision or chaperon, despite the fact that not only are you his superior officer, but of the opposite gender. Care to explain your violation of several military rules, regulations, and protocols regarding fraternizing with subordinates? Especially considering the fact that said subordinate is almost a decade younger than you?"

Misato: "That last part is precisely my point! A 13-year-old living alone is bad enough, but slapping the duty of piloting a war-machine on top of that, and Shinji needs some kind of supervision when he gets home! What happens if some physical or mental injury he receives doesn't manifest until long after the battle is over and he's home alone! What if he goes to bed at night and doesn't wake up the next morning! How is he going to fend for himself?!"

Gendo: "That has all been already addressed, Captain. His living quarters are being monitored, and Section 2 security has several details to ensure 24-hour coverage on all Eva pilots."

Misato: "Section 2? Commander, unless these details are going to be physically sharing his apartment, there are several blind spots in their 'coverage' that even simple illness can exploit, let alone hostile elements."

Gendo: "So you're insistent that Shinji not live on his own, no matter what rules you have to break, even going so far as rank insubordination?"

Misato: "For his well-being, yes! I am willing to shoulder that risk, Commander."

Gendo: "Very well. Since we don't have the luxury of throwing you in the brig at this time, I propose an alternate solution."

Misato: "I'm listening."

Gendo: "Pilot Ikari will have a room-mate, the first child. Her unique circumstances have prompted us to try and find her 24-7 supervision for some time, without success. Your insistence that Pilot Ikari not have a flat to himself, unsupervised, has finally provided us a perfect candidate for the task."

Misato: "You want _**two teens of opposite genders**_ living in the same room without adult supervision?"

Gendo: "Captain, you are hardly qualified to be considered 'adult' yourself. Your use of your NERV personal expense card raises serious concerns. We have been overlooking it, considering your skill, competence, and dedication to your work. Unfortunately, your insistence in dragging the Third Child to your personal residence, on your own prerogative is causing the entire organization to reconsider your qualifications. If you continue to be insubordinate, I will have no choice but to have you arrested, thrown into the brig, and make other arrangements regarding the Third Child to prevent your... ill conduct. You are to escort the Third Child to the First Child's residence, immediately, and once he's safely inside his new quarters, leave."

Misato: " **FINE!** I will comply, but I want it stated for the record that I do so with the strongest possible protest, and if I hear of any issues regarding the two of them, I will use my full command authority, and the rules and regulations of Military Justice to make you answer for it!"

Gendo: "Duly noted. Carry out your orders, Captain. Dismissed." Click

Misato: "RRWWWWARRGGGHHHH! I DON'T BELIEVE THAT BASTARD!"

Shinji: "Why... why the heck?!"

At the end of the call, in Gendo's office...

Fuyutsuki: "Was that _really_ necessary, Gendo?"

Gendo: "Indeed. The Captain's immaturity could become a serious threat to The Scenario. It's better to correct it early, while things are still relatively easy to deal with."

Fuyutsuki: (Begins massaging his temple to hold off the oncoming headache) "That may be, but putting the First and Third Children in the same one bedroom efficiency?"

Gendo: "The First has already proven to be a very effective leash on the boy, and the Captain does have a point that The Children need to be watched, closely. What better way than to put them together, very, very close together."

Fuyutsuki: "I suppose. Still, I hope it doesn't come back to bite us in the ass."

Gendo: "As long as it doesn't interfere with The Scenerio, what those teens do to each other is entirely irrelevant."

Fuyutsuki: "I suppose so." (Thinking. You're getting soft, Gendo. You're being too good to Rei and Shinji. Is it because he's your son?)

When we arrive at my "new home," formerly Rei's sole apartment, Misato... well, if she was mad before, she went into apocalyptic fury. She didn't even try to compose or restrain herself.

Misato: "What?! The Third Child lives.. lived alone **HERE!** Sure, the stairs and elevator are in working order, barely, but she's got mail shoved in the slot, left unattended for god knows how long, burned out or outright broken lights right in front of her door..." (Turns the handle, and the door opens.) "And her place isn't even locked!" (Tries locking the door from the inside.) "Oh great! The lock doesn't even work! Is Section Two _really_ doing their jobs watching out for one of the pilots for Humanity's Last Line Of Defense against the Angels?!"

Misato goes on to storm inside with me in tow...

Misato: "Well, the kitchen is clean at any rate."

The "room" is just a narrow corridor heading from the outer door, through the kitchen into the bedroom, with the bathroom opening into that narrow corridor between the front door and the bedroom.

Misato: "Now wait just a minute here. There's only _**ONE FUCKING BED**_ , and no other bedrooms?! What the hell is the Commander expecting? Are you supposed to sleep in the bathtub? Or does he think the two of you are already married?! And what has Rei on top the refrigerator here? As well as all these used bandages and trash all over the place?"

Misato starts examining the labels, doing her best not to touch the bottles like she's preserving a crime scene.

Misato: "Oxycontin, Zoloft, Vitamin K, Ritalin, Maalox, Nexium, Insulin, a bunch of digestive enzymes, human growth hormone, and a bunch of other stuff I can't readily identify... Geesh! Small wonder she's always spaced out like a wind-up doll. She's drugged to the gills all the time, and I don't dare tamper with this regimen without the aid of a damn good medical expert, and maybe not even then. No telling what the side-effects of detox are! Oh, the Commander and I are going to have _**words**_ when I see him tomorrow morning. For now, I've got no choice but to follow orders and leave you here. First though I'm going to get photographic evidence of these conditions, and do something to fix that damn lock so I don't leave you here defenseless!"

True to her word, she drags me off to the hardware store, and we buy a new door knob, with a deadbolt, not to mention a replacement for the light just outside the door, and spend the rest of the day installing it, as well as Misato taking lots and lots of pictures of the apartment, the building, and the surrounding neighborhood.

Misato: "Good night, Shinji. I hope you rest well, because you still have school tomorrow, and I have an appointment with a certain sun-glass wearing douchebag."

The next morning, as I was getting punched in the face by Toji Suzuhara, who would ironically become my best friend, Misato had her own battle to deal with, and it went just as poorly.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Back in Gendo's office, Misato hasn't calmed down in the slightest from her foyer into what would later become Rei's and I's quarters.

Misato: "Commander. Care to explain how our 'competent' Section Two officers can let The First Child live in _these_ conditions? I can understand them not being able to go into her apartment, which is substandard on the best of days, why aside from the kitchen, the poor girl clearly can't care for herself in the slightest, but the **outside?** The neighborhood is run-down, with many buildings scheduled for demolition, including possibly the one she lives in, the outer door was not only missing its overhead light, and the doorbell doesn't work, but _would not lock at all_ , until I took matters into my own hands and made the repairs myself. Furthermore, she has a witch's brew of medicines on the refrigerator near to her bed, many of which I can't even begin to identify, and of those I can, some are dangerous prescription-only drugs with a slew of rather nasty side-effects, including addiction, in the case of the Oxycontin. How can a child on that many drugs be expected to pilot an Eva competently?"

Misato hands over copies of her photographic evidence to Fuyutsuki who then hands it to Gendo.

Gendo opens his desk and pulls out several binders filled with documents and photographic evidence of his own.

Gendo: "Captain Katsuragi. I share many of your concerns. In fact, I have been fighting to improve The First Child's condition for some time. As you'll note in these work orders, I have been attempting to get the safety and security of that apartment addressed for months. You've been in military service during the Second Impact wars. I'm sure you're aware that petty bureaucrats love to justify spending money on big, expensive projects by neglecting the small, mundane minutia of day-to-day life, even if that ultimately puts the big, expensive project in jeopardy. Which reminds me, the receipts you've given me for the repairs will be reimbursed to you, plus labor. As to the interior apartment's condition?"

Gendo has Fuyutsuki hand over to Misato pictures of her own apartment, and her rage meter not only pegs at maximum, but breaks from the strain.

Misato: _**"WHAT THE FUCKING HELL IS THIS!? Who went into my room uninvited and took these?!"**_

Gendo: "As it is within your authority to photographically document the living conditions of your subordinates, Captain, it is within my authority to photographically document yours, as you are my subordinate. Frankly, I'm surprised some kind of feral animal hasn't jumped out and bit you yet. The sheer quantity of discarded alcoholic beverage containers is the most disturbing part. How you manage to function on a day-to-day basis boggles the mind, and unlike Rei, who has a deep underlying condition for which we can only treat the symptoms, with the drugs you've mentioned, among other top-secret treatments I am not currently at liberty to divulge, I fail to see how trying to embalm yourself alive is in any way conducive to your health, let alone your competence as the top soldier in NERV."

Misato:"... That still doesn't explain how you expected The Third and First Children, who I must remind you are teens of opposite genders, to live in the same one bedroom efficiency, _**with only one bed and clearly no room for another.**_ Heck, there's not even enough room for Shinji to unpack his clothes without displacing Rei's!"

Gendo points to the floor diagrams he's prepared of available units. They're either identical to Rei's, or have a big, red X marked through them.

Gendo: "The ones with an X are units that were damaged by Angel attack to the point that they're uninhabitable, or simply destroyed. As you can see, our options are very limited, and before you suggest The Third moves in with me, aside from _his wishes on the matter,_ I'll have you know that **my** superiors are already accusing me of nepotism simply because he's Eva-01's pilot, as chosen by the Marduk Institute. His living with me is simply not an option."

Misato having no further logical means to rebuff him begins to fume in impotent rage.

Gendo: "As this is all deeply upsetting you, Captain, I'm giving you one last chance. If you _really_ want to be their personal caretaker, you have to prove some minimal basic competence. As such, you have until Rei comes out of the hospital to clean up your apartment, if not your act. A full inspection will be conducted by an impartial third party, if you fail this inspection, you will drop the matter entirely and that will be final. If you pass, on the other hand... we'll discuss our options further. You are dismissed, Captain."

Misato: "Yes, sir. Understood, sir!"

Misato salutes and then storms out of the office in completely unbridled fury.

Fuyutsuki:"Is it _**really wise and necessary**_ to alienate her like this? Especially over so trivial a matter?""

Gendo: "She knows what I'm saying is right, even if she's too temperamental and immature to admit it. Besides, her abject hatred of the Angels and overwhelming desire to see them annihilated vastly outweighs whatever perceived slight she might have against me, and she will not jeopardize the chance for her revenge carelessly."

….

Finding myself having to share Rei's quarters, which has only one bed, and getting punched in the face upon transferring to the local high school, which after many years of "therapy" I've finally come to acknowledge was in no way my fault, was going to be the _least_ of the shocking developments that day.

Following the fight with the Second Angel, as the fight ended, Kensuke, being the military otaku, pointed out that I would have been unable to retreat as ordered, and my snap decision to take the opening Sachiel offered and go for its core was the tactically right decision. When Misato started to yell at me for disobeying her order to retreat, I said so.

Misato: "Wait, you followed the advice of a _civilian_ to ignore my order to retreat when said civilian was in the entry-plug with you?!"

Shinji: "Well, there is the fact that the Angel was chasing me, and I was running out of power. If I had retreated, the Angel would have still been coming after us, and I would have been out of power, helpless, with two civilians on board."

Misato: "Well, as angry as I am that you disobeyed my direct order, endangering the civilians with you in the process, I'm glad that you thought it through, and found a more viable, and less risky, path to victory than mine."

Misato then lovingly smacks her fist on the top of my hard-hat. "Good work, soldier. Keep it up. Soldiers are supposed to follow orders, but not blindly."

I was later informed that Ayanami was moved from the hospital we both were in after I woke up from the battle with the first Angel. Her "advanced" treatments were being performed at NERV headquarters, so I had to have Misato ferry me there, but not before she shanghaied me into cleaning up her place, as punishment for my earlier "insubordination"... and boy was **THAT** a mess. The "reward" for that was Misato's "home cooking." The less said about that, the better. Allowing me to clean-up in Misato's shower afterward, and there's my infamous encounter with Misato's pet genetically engineered penguin, Pen **2** or Pen-Pen wherein I ran out of the shower screaming, and naked as the day I was born with Misato completely unfazed, drinking her Yabisu, and the camera's perspective really insulting my nether regions for good measure. She _still_ shares the photos at the slightest excuse where a box of toothpicks is more than enough to be a scenery censor.

It is in that mindset where I am escorted to Rei's "treatment chamber" and invited in, to find her _inside a giant glass chamber full of LCL completely naked._ She doesn't react to the fact that she's naked in front of a boy, who is a complete stranger, in the slightest, except to acknowledge that I'm in the room.

Rei: "Hello, Ikari-kun. I am informed that we'll be living together from now on, once my treatment is complete."

Shinji: "N-n-nice to meet you."

Her response to seeing me stutter and turn away embarrassed is highly unusual, to say the least.

Rei: "Is there something unpleasant about my body? Is it that my injuries upset you?"

Shinji: "Th-that-that's not it! Why...why are you completely defenseless in front of a complete stranger?"

Rei: "Ikari-kun. You are not a stranger. I have read your dossier. Pilot Ikari, male, black hair, blue eyes, mother Yui Ikari, father Gendo Ikari, raised in..." and she goes on to list fact and detail down to the tiniest minutia, including my blood type.

Shinji: "That's not what I mean! What do you know about my personality, my likes and dislikes,.. how I'm going to react to seeing a very attractive girl nude in front of me?!"

Rei: "I'm … attractive?" She begins to show just the slightest trace of a blush, though it's hard to tell with the color of the LCL she's marinading in.

Shinji: "Well, yeah... What the hell could that dead-beat dad be thinking to make me share a room with a girl who is not only defenseless, but someone I know absolutely nothing about, at all!"

Rei: "Pilot Ikari! You will _**not**_ speak ill of the Commander, especially in my presence. If I wasn't in this healing tank, I would slap you."

Shinki: "Sorry! What sort of relationship do you have with the Commander?"

Rei: "As long as you understand. He is my savior, I owe my very life to him. I will obey any order he gives me, even if that means ordering me to die. I have to assume there is some much larger goal and objective, and he has no other viable option."

Shinji: "Why? Why does he abandon me and then take you in? It makes no sense."

Dr. Ritsuko Akagi: "Perhaps this will help."

The very attractive, but clearly bleached-blonde scientist hands me Rei's dossier and my jaw hits the floor.

Shinji: "Wait. She's not only been in NERV since age four, but the LCL treatments are the only thing keeping her alive? And all those medications in her apartment only stave off the symptoms?"

Dr. Akagi: "When she says Gendo is her life, she's not kidding. If the Marduk Institute didn't decide to make her The First Child, her fate would have been a horrific death. As to why she's so 'defenseless,' she's had to grow up being in that tank for extended periods of time, with technicians of both genders and all orientations working to keep her alive and well. So she doesn't grasp the concept of 'modesty.' We at NERV figure it's best if you are exposed to this information early, in a controlled environment, than being ambushed by it when you two find yourselves together."

Shinji: "But why would the Commander choose me, a teenage, presumably heterosexual, boy to be her 'roommate?' as opposed to a medical professional, presumably of the same gender? And not a lesbian? Especially with more than just one bed for sleeping arrangements?"

Dr. Akagi: "We've been trying. Nobody qualified has come forward to help. Either the demands were unreasonable, they had prior commitments, or there was something in their profile that made them... undesirable. You're the first candidate we've had that is both willing and able to watch over her. Further, our options on living space are quite limited. A one bedroom efficiency is all that's available."

Shinji: "I-I see. Well, Ayanami, I'll be in your care."

Rei: "Please take good care of me."

(Asuka's notes in the margin. This is apparently common among the Japanese, not to mention other Asian cultures when they either start dating, or find themselves being room-mates with those of opposite genders. Makes no sense to me, but whatever.)

The days passed quickly, visiting Rei daily in her tank slowly but surely got less and less disturbing with time, although the fact that other people see her au naturale like this, regardless of their orientation, and she doesn't have an issue with it really grates me for some reason.

She's amazingly smart, and her poor school grades are purely a result of habitual _excused_ absence, due to her unusual and rather long list of illnesses. When someone brings her the class notes, something that hasn't happened prior, she's amazingly quick on picking up subject matter, which also helped _**my grades**_ , as having a study partner is not something I've had much experience with either.

Having gotten her permission to do laundry on her clothing, including the intimate items, while she's in treatment, so she'll have something clean to home to, I discovered that all she owns are a sensible black school-swimsuit, a track and field suit, and several "sailor fuku" school outfits.

It shouldn't take a genius to understand why this is unacceptable, now that we're going to be living together and being forced to share a bed.

Of course, a tactless comment from one of the school teachers, within earshot of the student body, immediately caused a furor, and I was hammered insistently by just about everyone on what Rei and my relationship is, as well as intimate details from Rei, like is her blue hair "natural." The worst, of course, are Toji and Kensuke who being healthy heterosexual teen males, are very, very curious about the opposite sex.

Despite my repeated protests that we're being forced to live together, and that there's no "intimate" relationship, the gossip just doesn't stop. All of this together gives me the resolve, that come hell or high-water, I'm taking Rei on a clothes-shopping date the moment she sets foot out of the hospital.

While Rei doesn't object, she completely fails to comprehend the reason for the endeavor.

Rei: "I fail to see the purpose of this excursion and expenditure, Ikari-kun."

Shinji: "Ayanami-san, since we're going to be living together from now on, and we don't have separate rooms, we need some kind of barrier, even if it's only symbolic, to prevent unfortunate misunderstandings."

Rei: "I still do not understand."

Shinji: "Well, it might be fun to see you trying out new outfits."

Rei: "Getting dressed is fun?!"

Shinji: "It can be, yes."

Rei: "I... see. I must trust in your judgment."

Of course, the shopping trip is hardly the quiet affair I had hoped. We run into Toji, who is shopping for his hospital bound sister, and Kensuke who goes wherever Toji goes, and _**they**_ can't keep their mouths shut, so the whole class descends on the clothes store where we're shopping, making Rei very uncomfortable, until Hikari steps in and uses her authority as class-rep to make them behave.

Hikari: "What the hell is going on here?!"

Rei: "I fail to find this amusing, Pilot Ikari."

Hikari: "Shinji-san?!"

Shinji: (Sigh) "Since she spends so much time in the hospital, she lacks 'casual' clothes, including pajamas, at least in good shape, and so I brought her here to get her some, I certainly did _not_ intend to make this a circus."

Hikari: "Rei-san, is this true?"

Rei: "I fail to comprehend the need, but Ikari-kun is telling the truth."

Hikari: "Ok, so who did start all this?! Suzuhara-san?!"

Toji: "What? Why are you accusing me?"

Hikari: "Because trouble follows you around like a stray kitten, that's why."

The rest of the class sells him out almost immediately.

Hikari: "I figured as much. Rei-san, I'll help you pick out some things that are comfortable, and look good, but don't give people the wrong idea."

Rei: "I thank you, Hikari-san."

Blue and white turn out to be Rei's colors, and she turns out to be stunning in a simple conservative night-gown and blue flannel pajamas, made of wool and cotton respectively. She also gets some rather sensible shorts/skits and shirts combos that make her look nice without being too titillating, which gets my heart racing.

Hikari: "I'm not going to press on your relationship, but be sure to lay down boundaries, and make sure Shinji doesn't step over them, okay, Rei-san?"

Rei: "Your advice is welcome, Hikari-san, and I now see what Ikari-kun meant. Clothes-shopping can be fun, with the right partner."

Hikari: "Good. Now get home, we still have school tomorrow, be sure to get plenty of rest, and for the rest of you, scram! SHOW'S OVER!"

Everyone: "Aww!"

Hikari: "I mean it! GO HOME!"

Hikari glares at me right in the eyes, "I better not hear any complaints from Rei regarding the way you treat her in her home, got it?!"

Shinji: "Yes, MA'AM!"

Hikari: "Good. Now get some rest, okay?"

Of course we head home, and once we're past the threshold with the door shut, Rei starts undressing, right in front of me.

Shinji: "Ayanami-san! What are you doing?"

Rei: "This is my home, I am preparing for bed."

Shinji:"But, but, but..."

Rei: "Not this again. Look. I intend to bathe, and I expect you to be joining me."

Shinji: "WHAT!?"

Rei: "I still fail to comprehend your trepidation. Do you require assistance removing your clothing?"

Shinji: "I... I still have to cook our Bento for tomorrow!"

Rei: "Really? Pilot Ikari, that can wait. Now either undress yourself or I will undress you, and I must warn you that I've never undressed a boy before."

Shinji: "Are you serious?"

Rei pins me to the wall. "Do you understand now?"

Needless to say I complied, as she's surprisingly strong, after which Rei examined me very carefully.

Rei: "Hmm, no obvious signs of disease or obesity, muscle mass is slightly below the norm but well within acceptable parameters, bone density looks sound, good heart rhythm.."

Shinji: "Um, Ayanami-san, what are you doing?"

Rei: "I must make a baseline health assessment before we start living together and this is the way I was taught."

Shinji: "Couldn't you have told me that beforehand?"

Rei: "That's odd. Don't all people normally do this?"

Shinji: "Ayanami-san, only doctors and researchers do that, and then only to patients or test subjects. People don't normally do this to one another."

Rei: "Oh. I apologize, Ikari-kun. Now, let's take a bath, then we need to work on dinner and those bentos."

(Asuka writes in the margins again. "What... what the fuck?! Did it really happen like that?! I've heard mixed-bathing and bath dates are a thing in Japan, but that's over the top even there.)

(Rei writhes in the margins..."And your point is? Really, I completely fail to see what the problem is, we were just bathing together.")

Aside from being a bit weird, I found bathing with Rei to be quite pleasant. As long as the issue of Commander Ikari didn't come up, she's very pleasant to talk with. She's the first person to accept me, as I am, without making any demands or simply ignoring me outright when I didn't fit their internal expectations. I'm quite certain this is what made me fall for her, hard.

Even after what we went through to get her some practical night-wear, she simply outright refuses to wear it, while sleeping, though she does happily wear it while we're eating, cooking, or doing other stuff around the house, and stripped herself nude before climbing into bed. By this point, I stopped objecting to Rei making herself naked around me. I figured I should just be flattered that she trusts me that much, even if it does make me quite uncomfortable, which even to the present, after learning the meaning of modesty, she still doesn't understand. Especially when she curled herself around me like I was a body pillow, and although she found the experience quite pleasant, for me, it took quite a bit of getting used to.

Our peaceful life wasn't going to last, and I knew it, because less than a week after we started living together, along comes the flying rhombus later known as the Angel Ramiel.

When I come back from the initial sortie against Ramiel, where Eva-01 got blasted in the chest by a high-energy beam, Rei is the first one by my side, with Misato a close second.

Rei :"Shinji! I was so worried! I.. I thought I was going to lose you! You're the first to ever accept me! Me! 'The girl with a bad personality' that everyone else shuns! If I die, I can be replaced, but not you. You..."

Shinji: (Cough) "Ow! That's my line. You're the first to accept me, without making weird demands, or outright ignoring me when I don't live up to your own internal expectations. I don't care what others told you, you are irreplaceable. Don't ever talk about yourself like that again, please?"

Rei begins crying, showing more emotion than I've ever seen her show, nodding fervently. "Yes, Shinji-kun, if you say so!"

Shinji: "Thank you."

After the joint operation where I used the massive Positron Rifle to shoot down Ramiel while Rei shielded me with a rocket re-entry shield was re-purposed into an Eva-sized tower shield to block Ramiel's energy beam, and I ripped her out of a half-molten entry-plug, I decided right then and there that I would profess my feelings for her, regardless if she may not reciprocate, because considering how our fight with the Angels is a life or death struggle where we could die at any moment, I'd rather die without regretting never having said it.

Shinji: "Ayanami! I.. I love you. I want to become one with you. Will you please marry me?"

Although it felt like hours waiting for her response, my plug-suit's internal clock only noted a few seconds of total silence before she made that genuine little smile that I love so much and said "yes." The rescue teams found us in each others arms, crying and laughing.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Of course, being young teens, simply running to the town hall and putting our thumb-prints on the proper documents wasn't going to be that easy... or so I thought. Despite my misgivings, I followed my fiance to Commander Gendo Ikari's office.

Gendo: "Ah. First and Third Children. The Major and I have been locked in a heated debate concerning your unique situation for some time, and we were waiting for your inpuit."

Shinji: "The Major?"

Gendo: "Oh? You haven't heard? Misato Katsuragi has been promoted as a direct result of your stunning success in the Ramiel operation.

Rei and I both bow and congratulate the new Major, as per Japanese custom. "Congratulations."

Major Misato Katsuragi: "Raise your heads. We require your input as the Commander and I are at an impasse concerning you."

Gendo: "Indeed. The Major has been repeatedly voicing, and quite loudly, some serious misgivings regarding your living arrangements. She thinks the two of you living in that one bedroom efficiency is wholly inadequate."

Shinji: "Well, the room is quite small for the two of us.."

Rei: "Pilot Ikari, perhaps now would be the best time?"

Shinji: "Ah, yes. Ayanami, care to do the honors?"

Rei:"Thank you, Ikari-kun. Commander, Major, after some... discussion, The Third Child and I would like to get married."

Major Misato Katsuragi: "You.. YOU WHAT?! At your age?! Unacceptable, you are way, way too young!"

Commander Gendo: "Major. Frankly, I see no objection. Not only are we placing the weight of all humanity on their shoulders, but they have been living together, without issue, for some time, is that correct, Pilot Ayanami?"

Rei: "It is as you say, Commander."

Commander Gendo: "Furthermore, they being legally married will serve to alleviate most, if not all, of your concerns, especially those of the school staff, who've been making their objections quite plain, as you've been dutifully reporting them. Is that not accurate?"

Misato: "Commander! Marriage is a major life-changing decision, and we're going to decide it based on nothing more than rampaging teenage hormones?"

Shinji: "HEY!"

Gendo: "Major! That is insulting. If it was all about 'rampaging teenage hormones,' the two of them had _plenty_ of opportunity to indulge, and they have not. I am quite certain that the First and Third have given this plenty of thought and are taking the commitment and obligations involved very, very seriously. By the way, Section 2 reports that you passed inspection, but you cheated. The Third Child had to clean up after you."

Misato: "I beg your pardon, sir, but many 'responsible adults' hire maids to handle the household affairs, don't they? Especially those with very demanding jobs, like say, the leader of NERV's armed forces?"

Gendo: "I'll admit, it's a start, and a good one, as such, I'll grant you a boon, provided you agree to let our two young heroes here join hands in holy matrimony. Agree, and I will grant you guardian status over them, and have them _**both**_ move into your residence where you can safely watch over them and their unique needs. Is that acceptable?"

Misato: "It's still a big decision, and the chances of a marriage doing well at their age is quite poor."

Gendo: "True, but there's no need to rush, you have until The Second Child arrives to decide. In the meantime, though, word has reached me that the apartment currently shared by Shinji and Rei is no longer a viable option, as the neighborhood it's in is nearing collapse. As such, we at NERV plan to relocate them to Shinji's original allotted place."

Misato: "Wait, The Second Child is coming here?"

Gendo: "Should the Eva construction in NERV Berlin continue as scheduled, she should arrive within the next few weeks, Eva-02 in tow on the U.S. Destroyer 'Over The Rainbow,' along with an escort fleet. You are her guardian are you not?"

Misato: "You really know how to turn the screws, don't you? Fine. How soon did our two love-birds want to tie the knot?"

Shinji: "Um.. As soon as possible, please? An Angel attack could kill us tomorrow and we'd rather not leave the world with regrets."

Misato: "Yeah, not really helping your case there, Shinji-kun... Which brings up the question, how are you so certain that Shinji and Rei haven't been getting 'frisky,' Commander?"

Gendo: "As commander, I have full access to their medical records, and I can tell you with certainty that sexual activity, or in this case lack thereof, is part and parcel of the information I possess to make informed decisions."

Misato: "That... is deeply disturbing, on several levels. Okay, if Shinji-kun can stand sharing a room and a bed with a girl that sees nothing wrong with being put on display, nude, in a jar, for several days, and wants to get married first before taking it further, I suppose it does speak for a certain level of maturity... Alright, guess I have no choice but to agree to the terms, but make note, I will be in charge of the household, and my word is LAW, understood?"

Gendo: "Well, now that that is settled, all that's needed are your official signatures on these documents right here, and then the public ceremony. We even have a space rented out, available up until the end of next week, so you can get your stuff together."

Misato: "You... **YOU HAD THIS ALL PLANNED OUT FROM THE START, DIDN'T YOU?!** "

Gendo: "And what if I did? You have to admit, they work very well together, and I, personally, would like to keep it that way. What better way than to make their relationship official?"

Misato: "You scheming, manipulative..."

Gendo: "As for you, Third Child, no.. Shinji, you were grievously harmed by 10 years of woeful neglect. This is something I cannot undo. I can try to make it stay an artifact of the past, however. I hope this marriage boon that I grant you serves to undo at least some of the bad blood between us. Keep up the good work."

Shinji: "Thank you, Sir!"

Gendo: "Very good. Now please place your thumb-prints here, here and here."

Commander Gendo directs us to place our thumb-prints on certain parts of the official marriage forms, which we happily do.

Gendo: "Fuyutsuki. Please see to it that the Tokyo-3 town hall gets these officially documented and notarized. We want this marriage to become 100% legit and official."

Fuyutsuki: "Anything else, Commander?"

Gendo: "Is there anything else, Major, Pilots?"

Misato: "Much as I'd love to verbally rip you a new one, no Sir."

Rei: "Noting comes to mind, Sir."

Shinji: "I can't think of anything, Sir."

Gendo: "Then you are all dismissed. You have much preparation to do, including moving all your stuff to your new home, and getting settled in."

As soon as we leave the room, Gendo and Fuyutsuki have this little conversation.

Fuyutsuki: "What are you up to, Gendo? This isn't like you."

Gendo: "Of course not. That disgusting little brat deserves nothing but misery and pain for taking 'her' from me. When the time comes, I'll make sure he gets it, and then some."

Fuyutsuki: "Then why go through all this? Why have him marry Rei, who is vital to The Scenario, and giving them both a happy home? It could make her... reluctant to play her part."

Gendo: "True. That's why this makes for an excellent smoke screen for our true motives and plans. Besides, the most effective method to bring pain and suffering comes in the form of giving happiness and joy to treasure and then brutally taking it away without warning. I can hardly wait to see that brat broken and crying again, just like in that train station 10 years ago. But like fine wine, retribution gets better with age."

Fuyutsuki: "As you say, Sir." (Thinking. I'm so envious of you, Gendo. I wish I could act with that sense of single-minded, unwavering dedication that you display.)

Meanwhile: Inside the elevator from Gendo's office to the main operating center of NERV, Misato's having an epic breakdown and starts pounding the walls.

Misato: "What the hell is the commander thinking? First, he has his son, his minor teen son, live alone without any kind of supervision. When I object, and try to take him in, the commander flatly overrides me and has me dump him in a woefully insufficient **DUMP** without working doorbell or locks, in a very run-down neighborhood, to share with another minor teen, and a girl at that, one who doesn't grasp the concept of 'modesty,' to share both a bath and a bed since the apartment's way, way too small for any other arrangement, and on top of everything else, he's got official _marriage forms_ tucked away in his desk, just in case, which he had you two sign just now. Only once it's official do you two get any kind of supervision. Honestly, is he desperate for grandchildren or something?"

Shinji: "I- I'm sorry."

Misato: "Oh don't you apologize. This mess is clearly not your fault. Sticking you in the same room with a rather... passive girl, together day and night, sharing life-or-death situations on a regular basis, eesh. It's amazing the two of you haven't 'done it' yet. Well, you get married for the first time only once, so we're going to do this thing right!"

Sure enough, Misato made all the arrangements to make the wedding a success, even Eva-01, on standby, in case of Angel attack, was right outside the wedding venue, with a call to our class, to make it a semi-official holiday, and yes NERV does (or did) have that much power. The whole class, and the core of the NERV command staff, including Gendo were in attendance, only Ritsuko was absent, due to having to oversee the test-deployment of the U.N.'s pet project, Jet Alone, meant to render us Eva pilots obsolete, something I secretly applauded. Little did I know that another condition "proving Misato's maturity" is that the wedding Sake would be the last drop of alcohol to cross her lips as long as we're in her charge.

Per wedding tradition, Rei came to the ceremony in her white kimono with the pure-white over-sized head-dress, and I was present in my black kimono... I must say, Rei was, and still is, drop dead gorgeous in white. I was so awestruck I almost fumbled my lines, and my part drinking the three times from the three different sized sake cups after the exchange of vows. The event and the gifts given out by us was all an advance from our trust-funds, scheduled to reach maturity when we reach 20 years old, provided we all survive this whole being Eva pilots saving humanity from the Angels thing, and I must say, the amount is quite substantial... Of course, I found out the truth of the matter is yet another of NERV's dirty secrets, but that's a tale for a much, much later date.

Sadly, although weddings tend to be all-day affairs here in Japan, ours wasn't thanks to Jet Alone literally running amok, and Eva-01 having to stop it before it reached Tokyo 3 and underwent a Chernobyl-style nuclear meltdown, killing god-knows how many people.

Misato's phone rings during the reception.

Misato: "Wait. Ritusko, what's happening?.. Oh, the Jet Alone _nuclear powered giant robot designed for hand to hand combat_ has suddenly decided to start running off from the demonstration, and is headed this way? Wait... the mastermind of the Jet Alone project made fun of Evas for 'rampaging like a hysterical woman?' Oh that's some rich irony. Okay, the Pilots and I will try to restrain that thing while you get that access code to shut it down." Click Dials NERV HQ "Come on.. Come on.. Yeah. Got a situation here. Sound the alarm, Jet Alone has gone AWOL and is charging Tokyo-3 as we speak. Yeah, I'll need a hazmat-anti-rad suit, stat, and we're going to evacuate the wedding party while you guys organize a timely procession into the emergency shelters for all civilians... Oh you can bet the kids are going to be disappointed, but nothing we can do about that... Okay, got it."

Misato: "Attention please. All wedding guests are to head to the emergency shelters immediately. We have an emergency, the UN's Jet Alone robot has malfunctioned, badly, and is headed this way. It could experience a nuclear melt-down at any moment, so time is of the essence. Everybody move!"

Shinji: "Misato, what should we do?"

Misato: "Sorry to ruin your big day, kids, but I'm going to need you to man Eva-01 and restrain that thing while I get into its rear hatch to the computer core and enter the shut-down code."

Rei: "I refuse to be left behind, Major. I am also a pilot, and I must do my part."

Misato: "But Eva-00 is still undergoing repairs due to the joint fight between you both and that last angel."

Rei: "Be that as it may be, I will not be any safer in the shelters than on the front lines and piloting the Eva is my purpose..."

Shinji: "Rei, didn't we go over this already... Wait, Misato-san, can both of us go into Eva-01's entry-plug at the same time? We know Rei's compatible, as the first thing Commander Ikari said is that she was going to pilot the Eva if I couldn't."

Misato: "Wait, you want to try to dual-sync?... That's not a bad idea, actually. Especially with a task this simple. Alright, I give you the go-ahead. Both of you, get into your plug-suits, while I get into my anti-rad gear and we'll launch Operation Hope and Pray."

Since Rei and I were busy changing into our respective plug-suits, we didn't see how Misato managed to get into that big, clunky anti-rad gear so quickly.

Misato: "Good job, pilots. Okay, the mission is to restrain Jet Alone, keep it from coming into Tokyo-3 while I climb inside and shut it down. Dr. Akagi has given me the shut-down code. You are going to carry me to the robot, in Eva-01's hand, drop me off at the entry port in the back, and then hold it still until I can shut it down, no matter what else happens, got it?"

Shinji and Rei: "Yes, ma'am."

Misato: "Good. The operation starts now, both of you, get in that EVA!"

We take the wedding hall's service elevator up to the entry-plug and get in.

Rei: "Now say after me.. My mind to your mind, your thoughts to my thoughts."

Shinji: "Wait. Is that a Star-trek quote?"

Rei: "And if it is?"

I couldn't resist laughing, just a bit. "Oh Rei, I LOVE YOU!"

Rei: "And I you, let's do this!"

Shinj and Rei: "My Mind To Your Mind! Your Thoughts To My Thoughts!"

Back at NERV HQ,

Maya: "Amazing, the Sync rate just shot to 70%! That's the highest rate so far. Both pilot's psychographs are stable, and online. Neural links A-J connecting properly, crossing the borderline, Eva-01 is active!"

Eva-01: "RWWOOOAAARRRGGGHHHH!"

The Eva races towards the rampaging Jet Alone, both giants crash just outide Tokyo-3's city limits. One Eva's hand to Jet Alone's frame where the "head" should be while the other loops around to the back so Misato can jump climb into the rear entry hatch.

Shinji: "Good luck, Misato-san, and hurry! We aren't connected via a power-cable."

Misato: "Understood. Just keep this damn thing steady!"

Rei: "Roger, Major Misato. As for you, you giant rust-bucket. By the sacred flame, YOU SHALL! NOT! PASS!"

Shinji: "Great, I've married an otaku, and I love her for it!"

Misato: "Ahh. To be a teen in love. Focus on the mission!"

Shinji and Rei: "Yes, ma'am!"

Misato manages to climb into the hatch and reach the control computer, but the shut-down code does not work. She tries three times before giving up and starts pushing he massive control rods, by hand.

Shinji: "Misato! Get out of there. We can handle the meltdown with the Eva's AT field! You'll wind up dead in just two days if you're exposed for even 300 seconds!

Misato: "Never mind me! If I don't stop this thing here, all the citizens of Tokyo-3 will die!

Rei: "Major, please evacuate. Your odds of success are less than 0.0001 percent!"

Misato: "Never tell me the odds!" (Grunting) "Come on! You piece of junk! Shut DOWN!"

Shinji: "Hey, scrap-pile! STOP! RUNNING! ALREADY!"

Computer voice "Core breach imminent, please evacuate. Critical failure in 10, 9, 8 "( Misato groans pushing the control rods) "7, 6, 5... " Suddenly the interior lights turn green, the control rods begin to move. "Core shut-down in progress. All systems, normal." (Sounds of gears winding down).

Shinji: "That was awesome, Misato-san!"

Rei: "Indeed. Exemplary performance, Major. I stand corrected."

Misato (thinking) "This 'miracle' was orchestrated by someone." (out loud) "Alright kids, pick me up and let's go home! Then you guys can get started on all that 'husband and wife' stuff you've been dreaming of!"

Shinji and Rei: "YAAAYYY!"

Misato: "That's.. not the reaction I was expecting. Still, how many married couples can say they got Eva powered fanfare for their wedding!"

Some time later, in Gendo's office...

Gendo (speaking on the phone): "So aside from the Major's operation, everything went according to plan? … I see. Hopefully those fools have learned their place and don't try to usurp us as 'Humanity's Last Line of Defense' again. Of course, the next lesson will be much, much more painful, and embarrassing, for them. "

Fuyutsuki: "So everything is well, old friend?"

Gendo: "Indeed, better than expected. Let that little brat enjoy his wife, while he can. The time will soon come when _he learns how it feels to have his loved one taken away_ , that entitled little worm, always sucking on her breast, always getting priority over me for **her** affection, and lastly being present during her Contact Experiment 'accident' and doing NOTHING. I will never forgive him, never! If there weren't witnesses around, I wouldn't have just left him at that crowded train station, no. I would have seen him burned to death, screaming, destroying him just like I destroyed all other physical evidence of Yui. Now, that's no longer good enough. When he's drowning in his despair, suffering the unspeakable pain he gave me for losing _his wife_ , that's when I'll kill him, slowly and painfully."

Gendo begins growling like some kind of ravenous, rabid animal.

Fuytusuki: "Careful not to get distracted..."

Gendo: " **She's** **mine, and mine alone!** If I have to burn the rest of the world down to get her back, so be it!"

He hyperventilates for a few moments before regaining his composure and sitting at the desk in his ridiculously huge, yet empty, office with his fingers tenting over the lower half

of his face.

Gendo: "Soon, so very soon, but for now, I have to pretend to be the good, considerate, competent commander to lure him and his 'friends' into lowering their guard, and going along with 'The Scenario' before I can bring his would crashing down, down, down..."

Fuyutsuki: (Thinking) "There's the Gendo I know. When that day comes, it will have been an honor just to serve by his side."

Back to what we're doing, we arrive at our new home, tired after the wedding, the reception, what little of it we got to experience, and the operation to corral Jet Alone until the robot could be shut down safely.

The first thing we do before going inside is the age-old tradition of the groom carrying his bride across the threshold. Despite the fact that Rei is surprisingly light, she's still too much for me. Struggle as I might, I wind up collapsing with her on-top of me.

Rei: "Ikari-kun. What are you doing?"

Misato: "Oh, it's an ancient tradition, Rei-chan. When a couple gets married, it's commonplace for the groom to carry his bride across the threshold to their new marital home."

Rei: "I see."

She grabs me, lifts me up "Princess Carry" style and carries me across the threshold, smirking. It's a bit embarrassing, but I don't mind, cause Rei is well, Rei and having her be the "man of the house" is just fine.

(Rei writes in the notes: Yes, and don't you forget it.)

Misato: "So this marriage isn't going to be remotely normal eh? That's promising. I wonder what Shinji-kun is making for dinner later."


	4. Chapter 4: Rei

**Bonus Chapter: Rei's Diary. Entry 1...**

This is Rei Ayanami. I have been instructed by my primary caretaker, Ritsuko Akagi, to maintain a diary to help fill in any memory gaps should my body die and my consciousness be transferred to another vessel. I have been doing this since I "awakened" 10 years ago, introduced to the world as "the child of a family friend" by Gendo to NERV staff.

(Skipping 10 years worth of backstory, we come to the most recent entries.)

Day 1: Today, I have met the Third Child, Shinji Ikary, the Commander's son, on the cusp of an Angel attack. I am unable to greet him properly due to being bandaged and bloody because of the after-math from a failed Eva-00 activation test. He seems kind of cowardly, refusing to fight despite knowing that we're all doomed. It is only when he's told that I will take his place that he decides to pilot. I resent that.

Day 2: I see Pilot Ikari in the hospital corridor,.as I am being wheeled away on a stretcher for treatment. I am still a bit put-off by his earlier cowardice, he just looks at me in confusion and a bit of fear.

Day 3: I learn that the Third Child's hesitation resulted not from cowardice, but from having absolutely no previous pilot training before being ordered into Eva-01, as he volunteered to fight another Angel, and directly rescued two civilians caught in the crossfire in the process, one of whom assaulted him just moments before. My assessment of him improves greatly.

Between treatments, I am treated to a Star-Trek marathon. I must admit a certain enjoyment of the series, especially for the character, Spock, as he reminds me of .. me.

Day 4: Commander Ikari visits me, personally, in the hospital before I am to be transferred to NERV to finish my recuperation in the LCL tank.

Commander Gendo Ikari: "Hello, Rei. How are you holding up?"

Rei Ayanami: "I am alive, sir. My injuries still have me bedridden and I can not move much without risking opening them again. Ritsuko Akagi tells me a few days in the LCL tank should correct this."

Gendo: "Good. I am here to inform you that due to constraints in available living space, you are to be sharing your quarters with The Third Child once your treatments are complete."

Rei: "I understand."

Gendo: "Good. While you are recuperating in the LCL, he will be visiting you on a daily basis. I will be checking up on you to make sure you do your best to give him a favorable impression. Do you understand?"

Rei: "Yes."

Gendo: "Good. Rest now, and get well, this is all far from over. Remember, Humanity has no time left, and we have little margin for error."

Rei: "I understand."

For the rest of the day I am treated to the movie "The Lord of the Rings." It is a highly entertaining and enjoyable experience.

Day 5: Shinji Ikari meets me at Ritusko's lab for the first time. He looks confused, anxious, and highly uncomfortable. This is the first time I have ever seen such a reaction to my presence. Is it a result of my injuries? Is it guilt over his initial hesitation? I do not understand his reaction. I find it annoying. Him speaking ill of the Commander doesn't help. I would have slapped him had I not been in the tank, and I don't hesitate to tell him this.

Day 6: Gendo and Ritsuko both inform me that Shinji's reaction was expected, as he was not raised by NERV, he has no way of knowing how things work here, and had no way to know how to react to my... unique circumstances. I am ordered to be patient and give him time to adjust.

Gendo: "Otherwise, what is your impression of The Third Child?"

Rei: "He is... frail He seems unreliable, timid, easily spooked and uncertain of himself."

Gendo: "As expected. I must reiterate that it will be your job to correct this. Build up his confidence, by any means necessary."

Rei: "I.. do not understand. What do you wish me to do?"

Gendo: "I want you to get him to like you, to find you sexually attractive. In short, I want you to marry him, after you've entrapped him."

Rei: "I... am not confident I can comply with that order, Commander."

Gendo: "That's why I'm having the two of you live together in a one-bedroom apartment. Give it time. As long as you're not so pushy that you scare him away, he **will** eventually give in to his teen urges."

Rei: "I fail to understand, but I will obey."

Gendo: "Good. Just in case, you are not to reveal these orders to the Third Child. He will react... poorly, and it will have the opposite effect."

Rei: "I understand."

Gendo: (smiling) "Okay then. Let's get something to eat."

Rei: "Yes."

I sense Ritsuko's hostility at that last exchange, but do not understand the reason.

Day 7: After being discharged and found in good health, the Third Child takes me to buy new clothing. I fail to comprehend the meaning of the action, but after being joined by the class president, Horaki, I must admit a certain level of … enjoyment.

That night, The Third Child tries to run from my body, again. I do not let him. I must admit, I find the experience of bathing together with him quite pleasant, he has a very, very gentle touch. Perhaps I should seek advice from Horaki before going further?

Day 8: After several days have passed, without progress from his end, I seek out Horaki, to speak with her, in private, as my orders specifically mention not letting the Third Child know of the Commander's intentions.

Hokari: (Quite agitated) "Let me see if I understand this right. Commander Ikari of NERV flat out ordered you to sexually entrap and marry Shinji?"

Rei: "Yes. What am I doing wrong? Is my body not attractive? Why does Ikari-kun try to run from me?"

Hokari: "What is this, the Heian era? I can't speak for the Commander's intentions, but he's completely going about it the wrong way! Does Shinji-kun know about this?"

Rei: "No. I have been ordered not to tell him, as the Commander believes it would be … counter-productive."

Hokari: "Well, he's right about that. Shinji-kun would likely be insulted if he found out that a girl as attractive as you was only approaching him because she was ordered to do so."

Rei: "So I am attractive?"

Hokari: "Yes. I must admit, I have a whole new level of respect for Shinji-kun that he **hasn't** tried to take advantage of you, since, by your own admission, you've been coming on to him quite strongly. I mean, climbing into bed naked every night?"

Rei: "I fail to see what you're implying. The human body is not something to be ashamed of."

Hokari: "No, but there is.. a certain order to these things. Now for the big question, _**do you want to marry him?**_ And no 'I was ordered to do it' isn't enough of a justification. _ **"**_

Rei: "I... I don't know. Nobody has ever asked me what I want before."

Hokari: "See. That right there is why Shinji is … reluctant. He wants you to want him, because you want him not because you're being ordered to. His restraint shows an immense amount of respect for you, as a person."

Rei: "So he's treating me with respect by shying away? I.. do not understand, but I like it."

Hokari: "Oh? Are you blushing?"

Rei: "...":

Hokari: "That's fine. The important thing is to take your time, and be yourself. Don't try to rush or force it. That is only likely to backfire. If he likes you, he likes you, If not, he doesn't. Just let him figure out his feelings, while you try to figure out yours."

Day 9-? Over the next several days, until we're attacked by Ramiel, Shinji-kun, when he learned I like "Star-Trek" and "Lord of the Rings" stuff, began getting me small, but pleasant, little gifts like Spock action figures, and Laserdiscs of the Star-Trek series, one episode at a time, and we'd watch them in our cramped quarters during our free time. This proves to me that Horaki was right, he does like and respect me, for who I am, not for Gendo's orders, and I hope he never finds out, as Horaki tells me that could utterly break him.

Realizing this, when Shinji-kun tells me he wants to "become one" with me in the aftermath of the Ramiel battle, and asks for my hand in marriage, I'm genuinely happy, not because I'm carrying out orders, but because I'm going to marry the man who wants me **happy, even if he has to put his life on the line for it.**

Most Recent Entry:

Our wedding day was strange, to say the least. So much so that even I realize it, and I couldn't be happier. I'm married to him because I want it, not because I was ordered to, and it feels very, very nice. The fact that Shinji cares enough to actually learn about how my body really works instead of going with the whole "it only hurts the first time" common myth is certainly a plus. I know I'm not likely to have kids in the near future, considering that I have no uterus, and I know it, but if by some miracle a child enters our lives, I wouldn't be opposed to it as I know how lucky a girl I am, and not only does Shinji-kun repeatedly tell me I'll be a good mother, but I know he'll be a great father.

End of log.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 4**

Despite the fate of humanity riding on us, we're still considered minor teens, and as such are still required to go to high-school, so no extended honeymoon.

The day after Rei and I got married was still a normal school day. When Rei and I got to class, I was immediately mobbed by the rest of my classmates who were more than a bit curious as to how "married life" with Rei, affectionately known as "The Ice Queen," is.Shockingly, she's the one who puts an end to all of it, by addressing the class.

Rei: "I fail to see what the fascination is all about. Yes, my hair is naturally this color, and I'm not the only one who has unusual colors, The Second Child's hair seems to change from day-to-day without explanation, and it doesn't appear to be dye either."

(Murmurs) "Wait. Is she talking to us?" "She's actually talking?" "What have you done, Shinji-kun?"

Rei: (Clears throat) "As for our married life, forget asking about detailed explanations, they're not going to happen. I will say this. Our wedding night was quite pleasant. Shinji-kun is a boy who likes to take his time, and that is all I'm going to say about that. You can fill in the blanks with your imagination, or better yet, **DON'T.** Now would you all be so kind as to pipe down and take your seats? Class is about to start. Shinji-kun, follow me, please."

Shinji: "Yes, ma'am!"

Rei: "Good boy." (Smiles sweetly)

Toji: "Man, completely pussy-whipped already, huh."

Kensuke: "I'd prefer to think of him being 'ahead of the curve' if he can bring out this side of such a shy little girl. And that smile..."

Of course, it wasn't long after that before Asuka joined the picture. The whirlwind that Rei brought into my life was nothing compared to the cyclone of this fiery red-head.

Right before this fateful and unavoidable encounter, Misato, Rei, and I are called into a parent-teacher conference by the school principal. Per usual, my father has "more important things to do." For the last 10 years, I only saw him once a year on the anniversary of my mother's "death." Why should today be any different?

Misato: "Sorry the Commander couldn't be here today. It seems the running of NERV doesn't leave him enough leeway to squeeze in a simple parent-teacher conference."

Yuzuku-Sensei: "I agree. It is a shame that he can't be here. I suppose that we should be grateful that he can at least spare you, their legal guardian, to attend, despite your many military duties."

Misato: "Yeah. It wasn't easy, but I'm here. So what kind of problems are these two facing, or dare I ask causing, that merits this meeting?"

Yukuzu-Sensei: "Oh, you misunderstand entirely, Major. I asked you all here to congratulate and praise them."

Misato: "Oh? Please go on."

Yukuzu-Sensei: "Well. I must admit that I was stunned, confused, and considerably concerned when I heard that Commander Ikari first outright ordered them to live together in the same one-bedroom efficiency apartment, and then signed off on the paperwork to get them married, at such a tender age. I'm pleased to report that my concerns were not only unfounded, but entirely wrong. I don't know what Commander Ikari was thinking, but he clearly had the right idea as both of them are now model students."

Misato "Really?"

Yuzuku-Sensei: "Really! Prior to their-cohabitation, Shinji was a doormat, all that was missing was the word 'Welcome' stamped onto his t-shirt, and as for Rei, attendance issues aside, through no fault of her own I understand, she would do her homework, yes, but she was almost completely detached, spent class doing nothing but staring out the window, and never participated in group activities, always curling up in the corner all by herself."

Misato: "I've noticed. So how are they now?"

Yuzuku-Sensei: "Their improvement has been phenomenal. Rei is actively engaged in class, she volunteers to answer class related questions, she mingles with other students, and participates in group activities without having to be dragged into them. Shinji, well, he's become more assertive, openly raises his hand to ask questions, and even speaks up when he notices a mistake or misunderstanding. In short, they've gone from outcasts to being near model students. Still, their prior... issues have left them considerably behind the rest of the class. I'd strongly recommend getting them a tutor, like this distinguished gentleman."

Misato: "Much as I hate to admit it, perhaps the Commander did have the right idea pushing the two of these children together. May we see that list?"

Yuzuku-sensei: "Certainly, I recommend the guy on top, as he's a local and is familiar with NERV."

After seeing the list, I have to speak up.

Shinji: "Sensei, I'm sorry, but I don't think he's going to work out."

Yuzuku-sensei: "See what I mean? Ikari-kun here would have just gone along with whatever I said before, but now he's actually offering input! Ikari-kun, what makes him unfit?"

Shinji: "He's the Sensei who raised me over the last ten years, by literally putting me in a dog-house, calling me a 'cursed child' when he thought I couldn't hear him, and doing his best to pretend I didn't exist. I don't think he'd be too keen on putting in the effort to bring us up to speed with the rest of the class."

Yusuku-Sensei: "Now that is _very odd_. He's a renown and highly professional teacher. Let me get him on the line."

After dialing a bit on the class phone, Yusuku-Sensei gets in touch with the Sensei who "raised" me.

Sensei: "Moshi-Moshi. Who's calling?"

Yusuku-Sensei: "Yes. This is Yusuku-sensei. We here at Tokyo-3 have need of a tutor. We'd be willing to foot the bill for transportation and provide both food and housing for your stay, would you be interested in helping us?"

Sensei: "Sounds reasonable. What child and in what subject?"

Yusuku-Sensei: "Pretty much the whole curriculum for one Ikari, Shinji-kun."

Sensei: "Look, I don't know what kind of game you're playing, but my contract with Commander Ikari ended the moment that 'cursed child' left here to go join NERV. I have no interest in getting swept up in whatever grudge that brat has earned from the gods!"

Yusuku-sensei: "Just to remind you, all calls here at Tokyo-3, especially from NERV related facilities are recorded and transcribed on a regular basis, and you're telling me, and whoever at NERV might be listening, that you're not a rational man of science, and teacher, but a superstitious paranoid religious .. fanatic?"

Sensei: "Now don't go putting words into my mouth, whoever you are. That child clearly did SOMETHING to offend the gods, his mother died right in front of him, and frankly, we here at the neighborhood believe that the Commander was right to walk away, leaving him in a train station. There's nothing you can say or do to make us take him back!"

Yusuku-Sensei: "Wait, you're telling me you somehow have come to believe that, as a four-year-old, he was directly and intentionally responsible for his mother's death, and his father abandoning him in a crowded train station, presumably in a fit of grief and depression, and have been horribly neglecting him as a result?"

Sensei: "Fine. Do whatever you want, just keep that 'cursed child' away from all of us here!"

Yusuku-sensei: "I see. Well, the staff here and the Japanese Board of Education will be reviewing your tenure, qualifications, and credentials to teach if that's what you truly believe about children in unfortunate circumstances."

Sensei: "Look at what you did! Trying to bring that 'cursed child' back into my life has ruined me, bastard!"

Yusuku-Sensei: "No, no, no! You did that all by your self through your words and actions, 'Sensei.' You certainly didn't need **MY** help or the help of any 'cursed child' to destroy your career! Sayonara!"

Yusuku-Sensei slams down the phone receiver, hard then turns to us.

Yusuku-Sensei: "Tsk! I used to look up to him! Now we're going to have to carefully audit his records and see just how he actually schooled children, and how he earned all those merits and accolades that made him the most recommended teacher and tutor in the country. Perhaps you have some recommendations, Major?"

Major Misato Katsuragi briefly skims the list.

Misato: "Oh. This one looks interesting, but he's rather far away. What do you think?"

Yusuku-Sensei: "A Mr. 'Indiana' Jones? Says here he's a highly-tenured professor in Archaeology, and well respected by his students and peers alike. Sadly, he's clearly in his eighties, despite being in surprisingly good health, doctors say he's still got several decades of life in him, provided he doesn't meet with an 'accident,' but sadly, he doesn't speak a lick of Japanese, so that rules him out."

Misato: "Then how about this one?"

Yusuku-Sensei: "Hmm. A Miss Lara Croft? Why her in particular? Although her credentials are clearly quite impressive."

Misato: "My father knew hers before either of us was born due to sharing many of the same fields, so although we've never met, we can at least come to an understanding."

Yusuku-Sensei: "Well, her credentials are quite possibly over-qualified, speaking at least twelve official languages, and a few non-official tribal tongues in very remote regions. She's highly athletic, and agile, has first hand expertise in a great many obscure fields, and is an expert in guns and hand-to-hand combat, operating vehicles of all types, deep-sea diving, computer programming and security, architectural engineering and design, having designed her own mansion, and she's freaking RICH. She's also rather... eccentric. I'm not sure she'd be interested in just tutoring a couple of school children. Hmm. Wouldn't hurt to give her a call."

Again he dials, after a few rings, he finally manages to connect, and we hear the sounds of gunfire and explosions.

Lara Croft: "Who is this? I'm kind of busy at the moment!"

Yusuku-Sensei: "What's going on? This is Yusuku-Sensei at Tokyo-3 trying to hire a tutor.. not calling for a para-military op... Is there a good time to try to reach you?"

Lara Croft: "Oh this _**is a good time.**_ Fighting off the Taliban here at the Afghan Museum of Art is actually a bit of a breather compared to what I usually have to deal with."

Loud Curses in Arabic come from some disembodied voice and Lara responds in kind before some more shooting and then everything going silent at the other end.

Lara Croft: "Ah. That's better. Now what is this about a tutoring job?"

Yusuku-Sensei: "Well see, we need someone who can bring two teen-age children who have both suffered extreme neglect and illness since they were four-year-olds up to high-school comprehension and competence, and you're the most … talented candidate on our list."

Lara Croft: "Wait just a second, you're telling me that you want me to bring up to speed two teenagers from a 4-year-old comprehension level to a high-school level?"

Yusuku-Sensei: "Not at all, they've had other forms of education, some self-taught, but we need someone skilled to fill in the gaps."

Lara Croft: "Oh. That's a bummer. I would have loved the challenge of the first interpretation. So what kind of background and environment can I expect, should I take on the job?"

After getting a brief summary of the situation in Tokyo-3.

Lara Croft: "Oh, fighting giant beings of an incomprehensible nature on a regular basis **AND** trying to have a high-school life in between?! With the local military getting pissy that a couple of kids are making them look bad? Is that an accurate assessment?"

Misato: "Uh. Yeah, but when you put it that way..."

Lara Croft: "And who, pray tell, are you?"

Misato: "Major Misato Katsuragi, top military attache for NERV and the legal guardian of Shinji and Rei Ikari."

Lara Croft: "Oh, their superior officer and legal guardian? That's got to be a headache, not to mention serious conflict of interest. So a pair of siblings?"

Misato: "Husband and wife actually."

Lara Croft: "Wait.. They're MARRIED. And pray tell how old is this happily married couple?"

Misato: "Fourteen."

Lara Croft: "Four—FOURTEEN?! Child soldiers, married, and still not exempt from high-school? Okay, you lot have certainly piqued my interest. When do you need me to start?"

Yusuku-sensei: "When CAN you start, you mentioned fighting off the Taliban not too long into this call..."

Lara Croft: "Oh that? Yeah, just a splinter cell. Got to love it when these self-proclaimed 'Muslims' that don't think a woman should be good at anything but cranking out sons that they can strap bombs to, get their asses kicked ten ways to Sunday by one. Besides, all the non-muslim artifacts just finished getting shipped out so these dirty-night-sheet wearing hoods can't blow them up and then turn around and pretend they never existed. So my tour here is pretty much done."

Yusuku-Sensei: "In that case, right away?"

Lara Croft: "Oh, my two favorite words in a contract. Be glad to be working for you lot. If you'll get the Visas and paperwork so I can enter your country squared away, I can handle the rest."

Yusuku-Sensei: "Do you even know where you'll be living?"

Lara Croft: "Like I said, I'll handle it, personally. I'm making the arrangements right now. Don't be too shocked if a large 'Western' mansion suddenly shows up in your quaint little town. Got to go now, Luv. See you in a couple of weeks."

(Click) (Dial-Tone.)

Yusuku-Sensei: "Like I said, eccentric."

Misato: "Yeah. No kidding. What does she actually do?"

Yusuki-Sensei: "Professional Treasure Hunter."

Misato: "Oh. Oh boy! Wait.. Crap. Forgot to tell her about Asuka-san, the Second Child. NERV Berlin is shipping her over in a week or two."

Yusuki-Sensei: "Oh, I'm sure she'll be thrilled."

Misato: "Oh well. Nothing to be done about that. We'll burn that bridge when we get to it. Shinji-kun, call your two other stooges. As a reward for being such a model student, I'm going to be taking the four of you, to the 'Over The Rainbow' to meet Asuka-chan. "

Shinji: "Oh, Kensuke will be _thrilled."_

Rei: "I... see."

Shinji: "Rei-san? What's wrong?"

Rei: "I've never been on a ship. How... am I supposed to act?"

Shinji: "Like my lovely, blushing bride? Just be yourself, and I'm sure you'll be fine."

Rei: (Sigh) "If you say so."

Shinji: "Look, I'll be with you the entire time, so we can tackle any problems that show up together. Okay?"

Rei: "Okay."

A week later, the five of us, Rei, Misato, Toji, Kesuke, and myself are riding a Chinook to the U.S. Aircraft Carrier where we're going to meet Asuka, The Second Child.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 5**

Soon enough, it was time to go meet the illustrious Second Child, Asuka Langley Soryu. True to her word, Major Misato rounded us up, Rei, Toji, Kensuke, and myself and flew us to the American aircraft carrier, "The Over The Rainbow" on a leased Chinook troop transport helicopter.

Of course, we're not the only ones to arrive by helicopter. To everyone's surprise, we're greeted by Dr. Lara Croft, but she doesn't get a chance to introduce herself until after our favorite red-head makes her grand entrance, stomping on Toji's hat and then slapping him when he tries to pick it up and the crosswinds flip her sundress up in his face, revealing her panties.

Asuka: "And that's the 'viewing fee.' Quite the bargain, right?"

Lara Croft smacks Asuka upside the head, hard. "And that's his change! You were raised in the military! If you don't want people seeing your panties, don't wear a sundress on the deck of an aircraft carrier, for crying out loud. By the way, stepping on his hat was rather rude, even if it was just to keep the wind from blowing it away!"

Asuka: "OW! You hit me, ME, the great Asuka Langley Soryu! Who the hell are you anyway?"

Lara: "Dr. Lara Croft, archaeologist, treasure-hunter, college professor, and millionaire philanthropist. Not to mention the personal tutor for you and the other two Children, who just so happen to be here too."

Asuka:"What? When? Who made such a decision without telling me?"

Lara: "A Mr. Kaji got in touch with me after learning NERV hired me to teach the other two. Said something about not leaving you behind or the like if memory serves."

Asuka: "Leave ME behind? HA! The other two should consider themselves lucky to touch my shadow!"

Lara: "We'll see about that. Shinji and Rei Ikari, will you two please step forward?"

Asuka: "Siblings?"

Lara: "Spouses, to be precise."

Asuka:"..."

"..."

" **SPOUSES?! Whose bright idea was that?"**

Misato: "Commader Ikari set it up."

Asuka: "Oh! Now I get it, the rich, pampered commander's son gets whatever he wants, including a wife, eh? Is that how it is?!"

Shinji: "OH HELL NO! That … man.. gave me NOTHING.."

Rei puts her hand on my shoulder, "Shinji-kun, dear, allow me."

Knowing full well that when Rei gets in a fighting mood, it's best to let her do what she asks, I step aside.

Rei: "It was Shinji-kun's idea to ask for my hand in marriage, I agreed, and the Commander approved, true, but not once was I _**ordered**_ to do anything of the sort. I married him of my own choice and my own volition because he earned my affection. I was certainly not 'given as a gift to a rich, pampered Commander's son who gets whatever he wants.' Especially considering the fact that from age four onward, my darling Shinji has only seen his fathers face one a year on his mother's funeral anniversary, at her grave."

Asuka: "Oh. So the poor weakling can't even speak for himself, eh? What's wrong, Shinji? Aren't you a man? Eh?"

Shinji: "You bet your pompous cherry-covered head, I am! I just know keeping my dearest Rei happy is what's good for my long-term health!"

Asuka pouts."Oh! Nothing more boring than a house-broken male."

Lara: "Oh. This is going to be interesting."

Suddenly ships in the fleet start disappearing under the water as something, something BIG starts taking them down, one by one, and heading our way.

Misato: "Pattern Blue?! An Angel? Here? And without any Eva for us to fight with?"

Lara: "Well, just so happens I have experience fighting big nasties, but my options are damn limited under water."

Misato: "Appreciate the offer, but this isn't the type of job we hand out to civilians, no matter how talented."

Asuka: "Actually, we have an Eva. Eva-02. Now you plebeians get to see the glory that is Asuka Langley Soryu in action! Third Child! You're coming with me!"

Shinji: "Wait what?!"

Asuka: "Shut up and watch closely! You might just learn something. Just be grateful that I'm being generous enough to field-train you!"

Rei: "And you're not going to train me?"

Asuka: "Hush it, Wondergirl! You've been at this at least as long as I have. I've checked, and you're still not able to get a synch rate over 30% by yourself. You're a lost cause. This dumbkopf here might, just might, benefit from my hands-on training. Besides, the entry plug is going to be cramped enough as it is with two people inside, there's not going to be room for three!"

Rei: "I... I see. Pilot Ikari, don't go getting any strange ideas. I mean it!"

Shinji: "I understand, I'll be back soon."

One kiss and embrace later "Shinji, come back safe, or not at all, okay?"

Shinji: "Sure thing!"

Asuka: "GAG! What a stupid couple! Here, take this spare suit and lets get ready, that Angel isn't going to wait around for us!"

Shinji: "HAI!"

Considering how cramped the changing quarters are, I couldn't help but get a peek at Asuka's body, and apparently, she mine.

Asuka: "HEY! Don't peek!"

Shinji: " SORRY!"

Asuka: "Honestly, why are boys all such perverted dorks?"

Says the girl who shoved me into a girl's plugsuit, with cleavage...

(Asuke writes in the margins again) Hey! It's all that was available!

(Rei writes in the margins) Was that the only reason?

Not long after, Asuka drags me into her Eva's entry plug, and begins the initiation sequence.

Asuka (In German) : "Entry plug activation sequence, alpha, opening circuits one, two, three, crossing the border-line"

Shinji (In German): "Your thoughts to my thoughts, my feelings to your feelings."

(The following is all in German.)

Asuka: "What the? What ARE YOU doing, Third Child?"

Shinji: "Preparing to dual-synch, like last time..."

Asuka: "You've done this before?!"

Shinji: "Yes. With my wife when we got married."

Asuka: "What kind of wedding did you have?! Never-mind. Wait, where did you learn German?"

Shinji: "Rei has been teaching it to me to welcome you."

Asuka: "Oh. So you DO know how to respect your betters. That's good to know. Border-line crossed, Eva-02 activate! What the … 68% synch rate?! Guess you're not so useless after all! Let's go kill this thing"

Wow, so Asuka wants to be praised even more than I do, and she's so impeccably cute when she's happy.

Shinji: "Yes, ma'am. With pleasure."

Asuka: "Now THAT'S what I'm talking about, keep it up and we won't have any problems."

I've never seen an Eva being used to play hop-scotch before, and it's both as fascinating and terrifying as it sounds. Still that's not enough as the Angel, later identified as Gaghliel jumps on to the deck of the Over The Rainbow and knocks us into the ocean, then simply toys with us.

Rei: "Major, perhaps it's time to use Eva-00 with the under-water combat equipment?"

Misato: "But it's completely untested!"

Rei: "Eva-00 is the experimental test-model, what better way is there?"

Misato: "Ugh! I guess you're right." (Misato radios back to NERV command) "Deploy Eva-00 with the experimental under-water combat gear, The Second and Third pilots are in trouble."

Aoba: "Roger. ETA 30 minutes."

Misato: "Thirty minutes?!"

Aoba: "We took the liberty of attaching the under-water combat gear before you headed out, just in case, but the Eva still has to be flown to your location, there's no other practical way.."

Misato: "Practical way? What about the emergency water-based evac system?"

Aoba: "Are you NUTS?! It's completely untested, unproven, and unchecked. Not to mention we don't know how Eva-00 will fare through the transit."

Gendo: "Do it!"

Aoba: "Sir?"

Gendo: "Now. The pilots won't last 30 minutes."

Aoba: "Yes sir."

Gendo (thinking) "We can't let the Angel get a hold of 'that.' Inspector Kaji better have it secured for instant transport."

Gendo: "Major. Have all non-essential and civilian personnel evacuate by helicopter immediately."

Misato: "Understood, Commander." (Turns to the people on board the Over The Rainbow) "Kaji, get on board the Chinook. Admiral, have everyone that isn't absolutely vital to ship's operations depart as well. Our pilots can't effectively concentrate on fighting the Angel and protecting your people at the same time."

Admiral Yamomoto: "Understood, but what are your people doing in the meantime."

Aoba: "Major. Eva-00 is en route, arrival time, ETA 10 minutes, be advised that Eva-00 will have, at most, 30 seconds of operating time, and then it's dead weight."

Misato: "Understood, good work. Shinji, Asuka, reinforcements are on the way, keep it busy for just a little bit longer."

Shinji: "Understood, Misato-san!"

Asuka, "HEY! What are you doing? Get away from the controls!"

Suddenly, the Angel opens its mouth and swallows Eva-02 whole.

Misato: "Don't panic, pilots. This is exactly what we want to happen. Eva-00 will be there to assist you shortly. In the meantime, see if you can locate its core or any other weak points!"

Asuka: "I don't take kindly to being used as fish-bait!"

Shnji: "Welcome to Tokyo-3."

Asuka: "What's THAT supposed to mean?!"

Shinji: "Oh, just that this is a step up from how I got dragged into this."

Asuka: "Whatever THAT is, don't tell me. I don't want to know."

Shinji: "We can't see the core, Misato-san, and I don't think the umbilical will hold much longer!"

True enough, the Over The Rainbow starts to rock and sway as Gaghagliel yanks Eva-02 around. In fact, the winch holding the cable is straining to break free from the deck.

Misato: "Come on, Eva-00, where are you?!"

Eva-00 amazingly arrives in 5 minutes as opposed to the estimated 10 due to catching a lucky and temporary sea current.

Misato: "Thank God Okay, Rei, don't waste any time, get in there and help them. No don't bother trying to change into a plug suit, just go!"

Rei: "Roger, Major."

I wasn't aware of it, but as soon as Rei got into Eva-00, she went into battle like a living torpedo, making a bee-line towards Gaglahiel and wrestling it to submission, the progressive knife failing to pierce its skin despite tearing through its A-T field like paper.

Rei: "Major, progressive knife is proving ineffective. We need something bigger, and heavier."

Misato:"Bigger and heavier? What?! Wait, Asuka mentioned fishing earlier! And the stupid fish is already on the hook! Rei, listen to me very, very carefully. How good are you at fishing?"

Rei: "Excellent."

Misato: "Alright! Well, this fish has already bitten the hook, but the pole's about to break! So we need to do something a bit different."

….

Admiral Yamamoto: "What do you mean, Major, you want us to deliberately sink two of our destroyer escorts, and then once inside its mouth, have them open fire and self-destruct?"

Misato: "Exactly, Admiral. It's our only shot!"

Admiral Yamamoto: "You realize this is crazy, don't you?"

Misato: "With certainty."

Admiral Yamamoto: "Alright you lot! Do what she says, let's kill this thing!"

Misato: "Rei: HOLD THAT SUCKER STILL! Shinji, Asuka, we need the two of you to get its mouth, open when I give the word!"

I can clearly feel Asuka's breasts on my back as she climbs into the seat behind me.

Asuka: "Don't get any strange ideas, Third Child."

Misato: "NOW!"

Asuka and I think of nothing but the word "OPEN" over and over again, until Eva-02 forces the Angel's mouth open and the two destroyers sink past us, down its throat."

Misato: "Rei! Get! Them! Out! Of! There!"

Rei: "Roger, with pleasure."

Rei grabs us and yanks us out its mouth moments before the two destroyers fire and then self-destruct, blowing the Angel to smithereens! Then she runs out of power, and the carrier's winch reels up up to the deck.

To be continued in chapter 6.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 6**

Being introduced to Asuka, and fighting an Angel at sea are the _least_ of the surprises that day, the day that Lara Croft came into our lives.

She immediately took custody of us the moment the battle ended and we got out of the entry-plugs.

Lara Croft: "Starting right now, I'll be taking custody of these three pilots, Asuka Langley Soryu, Rei Ikari and Shinji Ikari."

Misato: "Now wait just a moment, you were hired to be their tutor, not their guardian! Besides, do you have any idea what I had to go through..."

Lara Croft: "Stop right there, Major. While I can appreciate how big of a shock this is to you, you have to admit there's a major conflict of interest involved here. The primary guardian is also the commanding officer? The one responsible for overseeing their well being is the one who is ordering them to put their lives on the line? Your overwhelming desire for revenge against the Angels versus their continued … well being; does that sound about right?"

Misato: "How, how the heck do you know all this?!"

Lara Croft: "I always do my research when I take on a job, Major. Besides, them living with you sounds nice, but your apartment is too small for you and three teenagers. I'm not casting you out of their lives, but I am gong to be enforcing a certain professional distance between you from now on."

Misato: "Hold on here, I'm the one who brought you on board, how can you..."

Lara Croft: "Major, you may have brought me in, true, but I work for NERV in this, not you. Besides, I have the Commander's orders right here."

Misato: "Why that four-eyed, bearded, backstabbing... He pulled the rug out from under me, AGAIN!"

Lara Croft: "Don't worry, they're not going far. My mansion is all set up, and there's going to be plenty of room. Why you should be familiar with the address, here you go."

Misato reads the note. "Hey! This can't be right, that entire neighborhood was condemned!"

Lara Croft: "Oh, it was, and it was certainly a fixer-upper, which my people took care of. I'll need you to help move Shinji and Rei's stuff tomorrow, but for the rest of today, I'll be showing them their new home. On the way there, would you mind sitting in while I interview the three of them?"

Misato: "HMPH! I may have to go along with this, but don't expect me to like it!"

Lara Croft: "That's fine. Besides, it's better that way. Keeps us both honest. Kensuke, Toji was it?"

Kensuke and Toji: "Yes?"

Lara Croft: "I could use your first hand interpretations of Shinji and Rei's daily school lives if you don't mind..."

While Dr. Lara Croft goes over with Toji and Kensuke a bit and the rest of us get grilled concerning our past prior to her arrival, the final questions she has are the most poignant.

Lara Croft: "Okay, Children, that pretty much wraps up everything and brings my records up to date, there's just one little question left. 'What brought you into this whole Evangelion thing in the first place?' True, I do have some notes about it, but I'd like to hear it from you directly, in your own words. Starting with you, Shinji-kun."

Of course, I tell her how I was escorted by Mistato to Tokyo-3 and NERV's geofront, all thanks to my father's letter with the only word legible being "come" and Misato's scantily-clad picture, which not only do I still possess, but Rei sees fit to openly display at the slightest excuse.

Lara Croft: "Now that is interesting. What else?"

Shinji: "Well, I was told to get into Eva-01, for which I had absolutely no previous training, while we were under active Angel attack, and told to pilot, or Rei here, all bandaged, bloody, and clearly unable to stand on her own, or anything else, would be forced to do it. It's a miracle we got out of that situation alive."

Lara Croft: "So you were basically drafted, and with no prior training or experience. Hmm. That's one strike for NERV, especially the top commanding officer. Yet you won. Congratulations. Rei. Same question for you."

Rei: "I was raised by Commander Gendo Ikari at NERV. Piloting Eva is all I know, it is my life. The future of Humanity rests upon me. If the commander's orders tell me to die, I would do it without hesitation, for I know I can easily be replaced... At least prior to marrying Shinji, he gives me _other reasons_ to live, treasures me, unconditionally, and makes me feel very, very... pleasant. I only hesitate now because I don't want to leave him alone and hurting."

Lara Croft: "I see... So far, what I'm hearing about NERV is certainly not good. Asuka, sorry you're last, but as the newest member here in NERV Tokyo-3, I had to get your senior's accounts first."

Asuka: "Oh, I've been training and practicing to be a pilot from age 4. Heck, when I was chosen for it, I was ecstatic! Until I ran to my mother to show her and saw with my own eyes that she hanged herself, and a doll with my name stuck on it! She'd been losing her marbles day by day for a while, and my father's behavior clearly didn't help. Her body wasn't even buried before he went and married his freaking mistress! Whom he'd been banging in the room right next to the both of us, so we could fucking hear it! Then the bitch nurse, who should have known better than banging the spouse of a patient, was shocked that I didn't like her, and tried to drug me into an obedient little wind up doll for her own damn peace of mind! I'm going to be a famous pilot, and the best there is, so I can stick it to both of them, and when they come to me, trying to horn in on my fame, I CAN FINALLY TELL THEM WHERE TO STICK IT! Oh and don't any of you dare pity me, or I'll go after you first!"

Lara Croft blinks rapidly a few times. "Okay. So the whole organization is rotten to the core, regardless of nation, but we can't do anything about it because they're the only ones with the tools to deal with the Angel threat. Eesh! And I though being an orphan having to explore ruins and facing doomsday cults coming after me since the age of 10, after both my own parents died, was bad. Father, airplane accident, gave up his parachute to save me.. Mother, well, not really sure what happened, but I got to see her disintegrate."

Lara Croft: "Well here's my preliminary results."

She ruffles my hair, and it feels good. "Shinji-kun, A+. Conscript aside, you've been the ideal little soldier so far. In fact, the one time you disobeyed orders was more than justified, from a purely tactical and strategic standpoint. I gather you hate being a Pilot, but that's okay. You just want to get home safe, to your loving wife, and that's how a soldier **should** think."

Asuka: "HMPH!" and she starts pouting.

Lara Croft: "Rei-san. B-. Sure, you've been good at this so far, but your death wish is alarming. While it does give your companions the reassurance that you'll take the bullet in their place, it opens you up to taking needless risks, that will eventually jeopardize them and the mission, and going by what we know of the Angels, that would be bad for all mankind, and I don't care what you've been taught, you are **CLEARLY NOT REPLACEABLE!** "

Rei: "Shinji-kun says the same thing to me all the time, crying.. I do not like seeing him cry, it hurts."

Lara Croft: "Shinji-kun! Extra credit! Good job!"'

Asuka; "Guess it's finally my turn?"

Lara Croft: "Asuka, luv. C-"

Asuka: "You give me, the ace, a C-?!"

Lara Croft: "I'm being generous here. Ideally, you'd be borderline unfit to pilot. Your need to carve your name blazing across the sky so you can stick it to your father and step-mother is not only clearly unhealthy, but makes you a liability. As someone with a first-hand life of thrill-seeking, treasure hunting and having murderous cults going after her since childhood, I can say with absolute certainty that if your attitude and demeanor don't improve, and quickly, your life will end, badly."

Asuka clearly does not take that well, and rushes to Lara-Sensei to try and slap the insolence out of her, but Lara-Sense takes her down, effortlessly.

Lara Croft: "Okay, now I have to downgrade you to D-. Your propensity for violence to your own team-mates and superiors, not to mention the general public, would have you spending time in the brig in any anywhere near functional military outfit, period. It will be much easier for everyone, including yourself, if you just admit that you're a loose cannon and need to work on your internal discipline. I **strongly** recommend that you don't raise your hand in a violent or threatening way again to me, or your team-mates without what I consider a damn good reason, as I'm not just a pretty face, but an actual hardened combatant skilled in several martial arts, and numerous types of firearm. I could probably take you down in my sleep if I wanted."

Asuka proceeds to unleash a string of words in German that I don't recognize, and I'd be told later that she was screaming profanities in a stream of consciousness fashion.

Lara Croft: "Oh, you have quite a mouth there, fraulein. I'm just going to hold you down until you calm down and come to your senses. If that means holding you down for the rest of the trip, so be it."

Sure enough, that's what happens. It takes the rest of the ride back to Japan on the Over The Rainbow before Asuka finally stops struggling like an enraged badger.

When we finally reach shore and Asuka has calmed down to the point that she doesn't need to be put into a sleeper hold, Misato, Rei, Asuka, and I are loaded onto Lara's helicopter with her in the pilot's seat. Arriving at Lara's mansion has us all stunned.

Misato: "How... How was that mansion built so quickly?!"

Lara Croft: "When I hire someone, Major, I hire the best. I don't tolerate foot-dragging and cutting-corners.'"

After landing on the helipad, disembarking, and actually going inside through the roof entrance, while Rei remains as stoic as ever, and Misato is quietly nonplussed, we can only look on and gasp in sheer awe as the mansion is mostly empty space, covered with fine art, scaffolding and implements that wouldn't be out of place in a circus trapeze act, although the ground level is mostly one (yet to be filled) giant swimming pool with numerous painted targets.. along the bottom.

Lara: "And THIS is my physical fitness room. Part of your after-school training will be navigating this course, especially the pool, once it's properly filled, that is. Yes, I am aware that you pilots are tasked with fighting in giant, for lack of a better term, 'robots' against horrors that are just as large, but you're going to need to be physically fit in the event something goes tragically wrong and you have to evacuate."

After she pushes a button or two on a hand-held remote, we start seeing mockups of soldiers with various weapons pop out at random.

Lara Croft: "I also expect you to be able to handle yourselves in a conventional fire-fight. It is my long, and hard-learned, first-hand experience that governments and armies tend to be ungrateful bastards to their heroes and servants who prove a bit _too good_ at their designated task, and I've already heard that the JSSDF has a serious hate-boner for you Children, since they've been made to look bad by being utterly helpless before the Angel threat, and being shown up by 'little kids.' That means you!"

Asuka seems to get starry-eyed at that last part. "Wait, we actually get REAL training? As opposed to simply going through the motions?"

Lara Croft: "Of course, once I determine your baseline aptitude, yes."

Asuka: "YEEHAW! Just wait until you see what I'm really capable of, Third Child, Wondergirl! You'll be green with ENVY!"

Lara Croft: "That's the spirit! Any questions?"

Shinji: "So exactly what form is this training going to take? The closest I've had to training so far is 'line up the target, pull the switch,' and it hasn't helped much."

Misato: "Shinji-kun!"

Lara Croft: "It's a perfectly valid question, Major Misato Katsuragi, aside from learning how to handle a firefight, I'm going to expect you children to be able to navigate this obstacle course here."

She pushes a button and a massive cement slab closes the pool so that the walls start moving around and pillars come out from all directions.

Lara Croft: "Now pay attention, as I'm going to show you how it's done."

She proceeds to sky-dive off the catwalk we're on, grab the closest handle bar and start swinging through the air like a skilled circus acrobat until she reaches ground level, then starts racing to and fro among the obstacle course until she climbs a ladder at the other end and uses a zip-line to zoom back to us, all in about one minute, 45 seconds, which Misato confirmed with a stopwatch.

Lara Croft: "One minute 45? Hmm, must be slipping a bit. My best time is One-oh-five. Well, I don't expect you rookies to start off with the acrobatic stuff, at least not until the pool's ready so your lives aren't put at too much risk, but I will be running you through the ground gauntlet, daily, and what you've seen here is just the most public part, the rest of the house has all sorts of hidden paths and chambers that you are going to be exploring."

Misato: "While I can understand everything you've said so far, NERV asked for a tutor, for their academics, not a drill instructor!"

Lara Croft: "I am aware of that, Major, but academics are meaningless if the people who learn it don't live long enough to apply it."

Misato: "HMPH."

Lara Croft: "Hmm, I suppose I'll have to put you through the course as well. Now as for the ground rules, while I am aware that Shinji-kun and Rei-chan are legally married, there's not going to be any hanky-panky in this household, as long as you're under my care, at least until I'm satisfied that it won't cause issues in your combat performance. That means separate bedrooms for everyone. Sorry about that. Any future Pilots will meet the same restrictions, don't you worry about that."

Rei is visibly crestfallen as she's quite fond of sharing my bed, and I must admit, I've grown to rather like the feel of her soft, naked skin up against me when we sleep.

Lara Croft: "Next, I have my own private bathroom, which I will showcase to you a bit later. Anybody who goes in there without my explicit permission, barring some major emergency, like the house being on fire, is likely to find themselves facing the barrels of my shotgun, and I do tend to shoot first, ask questions later, and no this isn't a joke. Before you ask, I'm just going to say I have issues that I'm not going to elaborate on."

I can understand wanting to protect your privacy and chastity, but pointing a shotgun at you for going into the bathroom seems a bit extreme to me.

Lara Croft: "Lastly, as long as we're going to be in my house, what I say goes. When I tell any of you to do something, and that includes you, Major, I expect it done right away. I won't tolerate back-talk, grumbling, or insubordination without a damn good reason, and any questions I get better be on _how_ to do what I tell you, not if I'm sure, serious, or if someone else can do it instead. Am I understood?"

Shinji and Rei: "Yes, Ma'am!"

Lara rubs our heads. "Good! I've heard you're a great cook, Shinji, soon as we're done here, we're going to the kitchen and see what you can whip up!"

Lara Croft: "Major?"

Misato: "Fine, but I protest in advance that I'm only doing this under duress."

Lara Croft: "Fair enough. Asuka-san?"

Asuka: "Hmph! I don't see why, I, The Great Asuka Langley Soryu should have to be your lap dog!"

Lara Croft: "Oh? So you don't want to benefit from the training, and show off your stuff? You just want to go on the streets and panhandle like the loser you are?"

Asuka: "WHAT?!"

Lara Croft: "Because that's precisely what's going to happen if you give me any more lip like that, Miss Soryu."

Asuka: "Hmph! I won't stand for this unfair and preferential treatment against me!"

Shinji: "Anta Baka, Asuka? What 'preferential treatment' are you talking about? I don't think any of us would get away with talking to Lara-Sensei the way you are, or trying to slap her either."

Asuka: "Baka! Dumbkopf! Swinehund! I have a freaking college degree! I shouldn't have to lower myself to deal with the likes of you two marginal dropouts!"

Rei: "There's book smarts and street smarts, Asuka-san. While you claim to have the former, you certainly lack the latter. If anything, we're the ones lowering ourselves to deal with you."

Asuka: "Bwargharhagahrah!"

Asuka rushes over to try and strangle Rei, but Rei _easily_ grabs her arms and pins them behind her back.

Rei: "I strongly suggest you do not struggle, Asuka-san, as I could break your bones like twigs, entirely by accident. I don't want to do that. I can tell you have problems with authority, but this is neither the time nor place to display them."

Asuka: "You blue-haired, ice-cold bitch! YAAAAARRRGGGHHH!"

I suddenly see very dark bruises appear on Asuka's forearms, and she's in clear pain.

Rei: "I warned you. Stop it now."

Asuka: "I'll kill you, I'll kill you, I'll kill you!"

Lara Croft cold-cocks her with her side-arm, rendering her unconscious in seconds. "Oh good grief. Why is she fit for being a Pilot again?"

Misato: "Supposedly, she's the only one who can pilot Eva-02."

Lara Croft: "Oh brother. So a raging war-machine is to be trusted to an unstable ball of anger with authority and inferiority-superiority issues? If this level of provocation is all that's needed to set her off, she's going to have to be side-lined, and hard."

Sure enough, when Lara-Sense is having Asuka examined in her private medical room by her trained medical staff, that she keeps on staff in case she has an accident while "training," they find that Asuka's forearms do indeed have hairline compression fractures where Rei grabbed them, to Lara Croft's horror.

This exchange takes place in the Lara's nearby office.

Lara Croft: "I've seen these wounds before, when someone was run over with a truck! Just how strong is this Rei girl? And that Shinji boy married her? He must be scared out of his mind every day!"

Misato: "Actually, from what I can tell, he proposed to her, and she's the one who accepted. Not to mention that he loves her dearly."

Lara Croft: "That's not what I mean. I'm sure Shinji is scared because if he pisses her off, she could utterly break him like a twig!"

Misato: "Yeah, I'm betting that's why he asked her to marry him before they had sex, despite the fact that our 'esteemed commander' saw fit to put them in the same one-bedroom apartment while they were both still single."

Lara Croft: "Oh, that's interesting, do go on."

Misato fills Lara in on our backstory...

Lara Croft: "Co-dependent. That's what they are, alright. I don't see any benevolent reason for this. I trust that what I say next is not to be repeated out of this room."

Misato: "Well I certainly won't, not as long as we have to work with NERV, as is."

Lara Croft: "Good. Frankly, I've seen Rei's behavior and mindset before, in child suicide bombers. Afghanistan, Iran, Iraq, Palestine, you name it. It's utterly despicable what those kids go through. Their hopes, dreams, sense of self-worth, love for their friends, family, and community are all thoroughly crushed or twisted beyond reason, utterly driving them to despair, so they want their miserable little lives to end, then they're given the promise of going to 'Paradise' or their heads are filled with all sorts of propaganda about how some 'evil enemy' is the reason for their suffering, and if they just go strap a bomb to themselves, and blow up this 'hated enemy' everything will be all right, and they'll make 'god' happy! It's absolutely sickening, and frankly, if I could, I'd hunt down every last mullah, 'prophet', or other self-proclaimed 'holy-man' that teaches this is a good thing, and shove their own so-called religious texts right down their throats! Killing them horribly in the process, or better yet, strap **them with bombs** , unaware, and then blow them up right in the middle of their congregations. But that's not the scary part here."

Misato: "Then what is?"

Lara Croft:"There's no religious or ideological bent to Rei's behavior. No central premise to deconstruct. Sure, she has an almost religious fervor to Gendo himself, but she doesn't have any ideology or agenda to her complete obedience, except that she _just wants to die._ Right now, Commander Ikari is using her as a leash, a leash with a bomb on it, to control Shinji's behavior. Neither she nor Shinji are aware of this, and that's a good thing. I shudder to think what's going to happen when the Commander reaches a point in his agenda where he thinks he doesn't need a leash on Shinji any more."

Misato: "So we have to find a way to break ties between Rei and the Commander?"

Lara Croft: "Sure, eventually, but the real scary part is how SHINJI is going to react."

Misato: "Shinji?! He's harmless, a doormat, he has to stop and ask permission to defend himself!"

Lara Croft: "No. He's a pressure-cooker. What's worse is that he's been so starved for affection that he latched on to the very first person who treated him kindly, and we're lucky it's Rei, who has no agenda for him, at least not as far as we know, or that even she's aware of. And that's a good thing."

Misato: "What do you mean by that?"

Lara Croft: "I hate to have to lecture a Japanese person on Japanese culture, but here goes. Shinji was abandoned by his father, at age four, in a crowded train terminal, after his mother's apparent death. He is considered by most, thankfully not by you or Rei, as 'cursed by the gods,' and people don't want to acknowledge he exists, which is actually the more benign outcome as Japan tends to treat anything different or out of the ordinary with fear, revulsion, and hate, brutalizing those that stand out until they stop standing out, even if making them stop standing out means they're killed as a direct result. The phrase 'the nail that sticks up gets hammered down' is a phrase you should be very familiar with, Major. That's why Shinji looks like a doormat to the untrained eye. He has no socially acceptable outlet for his pain, grief, and most importantly, rage. His marriage to Rei helps alleviate that pain, immensely. So if anything happens to Rei, I suspect all the pain, grief, and anger will come to the surface at once, and he'll utterly explode like a high-yield nuke. Need I remind you that Rei and Shinji both pilot giant robots against giant 'Angels' for a living? Need I also remind you that Rei was raised to be utterly suicidal?"

Misato: "Oh, oh my GOD!"

Lara Croft: "Exactly. Asuka's anger and problems with authority may be well-founded, but the last thing we need is to throw a live grenade into a nuclear stock-pile. That's why I'm coming down on her so hard. I just hope she realizes that her outbursts and hot-dogging are not going to give her the affection she so desperately needs before it's too late."

Misato: "And what do you mean by that?"

Lara Croft: "Think about it. At age four, her mother becomes seriously mentally ill, to the point that she eventually commits suicide, and Asuka watched her mother deteriorate day by day, with her callous father boinking his goddamned mistress in the room right next to them, _**so they'd hear it**_ , and then chances upon her mother's hanged corpse.. and her callous father _**marries his mistress before the body's even buried,**_ shipping Asuka off to NERV Eva training because he couldn't put up with her grief and rage anymore, and his 'new wife' couldn't medicate Asuka's 'problem personality' away. So now Asuka desperately wants to get close to people, to get hugged, and squeezed, pampered, and most importantly, loved. But she can't do that. She's too damn scared to get close to others because she's horrified that they'll just wind up leaving or hurting her too. So she lashes out. She demands fame, glory, praise. She demands to be treated like royalty because she's actually a very, very scared little girl who wants to cry in a corner, but is too hurt by ridicule to do it."

Misato: "Dear sweet Lord, is the Marduke Institute deliberately searching for the most broken children they can find to pilot our war-machines that we need to protect us from the Angels?"

Lara Croft: "I can't answer that question, and frankly both psychiatry and psychology are two of the very few fields that I haven't mastered. But here in Japan, good luck finding a therapist that isn't going to be treating these children like monsters because they walked in the door, with the whole 'insanity is a dishonorable lack of strength of character for the whole family' sickness the Japanese culture, as a whole, has been suffering from for centuries."

Misato: "Then what **CAN** we do about it?"

Lara Croft: "Now remember, I'm neither an expert nor a licensed therapist, so take what I say next with a grain of salt, though I what I am about to propose is going purely by what I've witnessed, first-hand."

Misato: "Alright, Ms. Harvard. You've got the legal disclaimer out of the way, what is it?"

Lara Croft: "Well, Major, we have three options, all of them carry considerable risk. Option one, we break Asuka down, make her hit rock bottom, and then, when she doesn't have the energy to resist anymore, or put up her iron-wall defenses, nurture her back to health and build her up again. I very, very strongly discourage this approach, as we already have one suicidal pilot on our hands, we don't need another."

Misato: " Uh.. Yeah! So what's option two."

Lara Croft: "Well, we enable her fantasy and escapism. Praise her as the best at all times, and never let her have to worry about the consequences of her hot-dogging. Sure, we'll get her cooperation, short-term, but as you've already seen, she's already a loose cannon, and if we enable her, she's going to doom everybody while showing off and not giving a crap about herself or others."

Misato: "Yeah. That doesn't sound good either. The last one?"

Lara Croft: "Okay, this is going to be the trickiest to pull off. Those other kids, Shinji and Rei, are going to have to sneak past her defenses and drown her in kindness, until she's willing to come out of her shell, and then they're going to have to love her up one side and down the other until she realizes they're neither going to betray nor abandon her. Considering how jaded, abrasive, and violent, she is, that's going to be rather hard. This is why I've been so hard on her. I want her to vent her hostility at me so those kids can have a chance. So far, it's not really working."

Misato: "Well, for starters, Rei should apologize. I'm sure she was only trying to restrain Asuka, but breaking her arms is a bit too far."

Lara Croft: "I agree, and hmm."

Misato: "What?!"

Lara Croft: "Oh. Oh, I see. That may just work." She starts nodding to herself. "Yes, yes. Major, please bring The First and Third Child in. I have an idea."


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 7**

Lara Croft: "Yes. Yes. That could work."

Misato: "Wait! WHAT could work?"

Lara Croft presses a button on the intercom, "Shinji and Rei Ikari, please report to my private office. It's located at the penthouse suite. I'll be joining you shortly."

Misato: "Now what are you up to?"

Lara Croft: "Oh, you'll see. If this goes as I predicted, this is going to be FUN!"

Misato begins nursing a headache, "Oh no. What you consider 'fun' is nothing but a headache for the rest of us!"

After about a half-hour of searching, we finally find it. Man this mansion is a freaking maze, full of nasty "do not touch" things. Lara-Sensei says it's for personal security, but I think she's just nuts.

(Lara Croft writes in the margins, "Oh you poor, naive child. You have absolutely no idea what's happened in my last two homes. I'm not sure all those internal defenses were enough, but considering I'm having tenants now, I had to tone it down a bit so my fellow residents don't wind up tripping all over them.")

Lara Croft: "Well, glad you finally manged to make it here. Yes, before you say anything, I know my house is a maze. That's deliberate. I have a long, sordid history of death cults coming after me and mine, and I'm so far beyond sick of it, that I can't even see 'sick of it' any more."

Shinji: "So why did you call us here?"

Rei: "Yes, Lara-Sensei, please enlighten us."

Lara Croft: "I was getting there. I understand your sentiments, but the two of you need to stop provoking Asuka, regardless of what she does. She's unstable enough as it is. Further, you owe her an apology, Rei; restraining her to keep her from assaulting you is fine, but breaking her arms is going over the line, and no 'I warned you I can't control my strength' isn't going to cut it. I don't know when you got strong enough to mimic injuries caused by being run over by a truck, but you're obviously able to control it quite fine or you'd be smashing Shinji into a pulp in your sleep without meaning to."

Rei: "I.. understand."

Shinji: "It's okay, Rei, I'll be there with you when you apologize, but still are we just supposed to let Asuka treat us like punching bags, and dump all over us whenever she's in the mood?"

Lara Croft: "I will discipline Asuka if need be, your jobs will be to try and make her feel welcome, treasured, and most importantly, **safe** , by every means at your disposal. It's the only way she will ever calm down."

Shinji: "Wait, you're telling us _she's scared?!"_

Lara Croft: "Exactly. I've seen this before. She's lashing out, and acting like the Queen of the Universe precisely because she's scared and insecure. I know it's not going to be easy, but I'm counting on the both of you. If you, Shinji, can be best friends with the guy who punched you in the face the first day of school, I think you can figure out a way to get Asuka to mellow."

Shinji: "Um, I had to save his life, and have his little sister, who got hurt the first time I fought an Angel, chew him out before he and I could even think about being friends. I'm not sure someone like Asuka is going to be that easy."

Rei: "Shinji-kun. I do not think Lara-Sensei would tell us to do it if it was impossible."

Shinji: (Sigh) "Fine, but it's not my fault if I walk away when she starts calling me 'idiot', 'pervert', or 'pervert idiot' at any time."

Lara Croft: "That's fine. Emotional abuse is still abuse. I'll punish her for that too. Now get to work, tomorrow. Tonight, she's under too much sedation and pain relief medicine to hear you. Now get to your bedrooms and get some sleep. It's going to be a long, and busy day tomorrow."

Shin and Rei: "Yes, Sensei!"

The night winds up being rough for Rei and myself, we've grown so accustomed to sharing the same bed that the sudden empty space has us tossing and turning, reaching for someone that's not there, and in the morning it shows, to Asuka's amusement.

Asuka: "Serves you losers right, hope you had nightmares all night for what you've done! HMPH!"

Rei: "You are correct, Asuka-san. I went too far, I apologize."

Asuka: "Good! Glad you admit it! Now stay out of my face!"

Rei: "Pilot Soryu!"

Shini: "Rei, dear" I place my hand on her shoulder, gently. "Remember what we agreed."

Rei: "Yes, Ikari-kun, but she makes it... difficult."

Asuka: "Oh? What's this? You convinced her to stand down! Did you get her to apologize too?"

Shinji: "Actually..."

Asuka: "Never let it be said that the great Asuka Langley Soryu ignores her debts!"

Completely unprompted, she walks up, lays one hand gently on one of my cheeks and gives me a gentle peck on the other cheek with her lips, and it feels surprisingly good.

Rei, to the surprise of no one, is furious.

Rei: "Shinji-kun is _**my husband**_ , Pilot Asuka Langley Soryu! For your safety, I strongly suggest you don't touch him like that again without my consent!"

Asuka begins prancing around flirtatiously, "Oh? Is Ms Wondergirl feeling threatened by the thought of competing with this hot, sexy body?"

As she starts putting her hands on her hips and moving very seductively, I'm glad she's not in her plug-suit as that would make it worse, and considering that Rei and I haven't shared a bed in a while, it's quite difficult to keep from reacting.

Rei: "Ikari kun!"

I have obviously failed.

Asuka: "See! He agrees! Or at least his body does! LOOK AT THAT BLUSH! For starters!"

Rei: "AAAAAAASSSSSSUUUUKKKKAAAAAA!"

Before Rei completely loses it, I whisper in her ear that Asuka isn't trying to provoke her to violence, but challenge her on who is sexier, and it's best to show her why I'm her husband, not Asuka's. Rei glares at me a second, and if looks could kill, they'd be holding my funeral right now, but then... understanding crosses her face, and she suddenly looks like a predator eyeing her prey. I can tell she's hungry, and not for breakfast.

Rei: "Why, Asuka-chan, I wasn't aware you felt that way. I'm honored."

Asuka: "Wait, what... What are you talking about, you crazy bluenette?"

Rei: "Now, now. It's too late to deny it, Asuka-chan, what with all that erotic posing you just did"

Asuka starts going pale. "Wait! That was directed at him, AT HIM!"

Rei: "But yet, you were addressing me while you did it."

Asuka clearly begins panicking now.

Asuka: "I... I … I!"

Rei: "Well, since Lara-Sensei doesn't want us pregnant, that still leaves us plenty of room for girl on girl action, and I really, really look forward to tasting every inch of your hot, sexy body, and seeing how eager you are to taste mine."

At this poimt. Asuka's nose bleeds explosively and she falls over backwards, unconscious, with the most bizarre look on her face, a mix of terror, lewdness, and unadulterated joy.

Rei: "And Shinji-kun, for cluing me in, I think I'm going to let you watch."

I feel my nose erupt and the last things I hear before passing out...

Rei: "My, what an interesting, and highly amusing reaction. FFFFTTT Bwahahahaha!"

Misato: "I need a freaking drink!"

…..

I wake up in Lara-Sensei's infirmary, somehow already changed into my school uniform with Rei lying beside me, snuggling up, in her school uniform.

Rei: "Morning, Shinji kun. I've missed lying beside you like this, among other things."

Maybe it's just my imagination, but she seems to be purring, and it's just so adorable that I can't help but stroke her lovely blue hair which causes her to snuggle up more.

Asuka: "I feel sick! Why don't you stupid couple go get a room already!"

Rei: "Ah! Asuka-chan! Good morning! So you're feeling left out. I'm sorry, I'm going to start snuggling you now..."

Asuka: "Oh, hell no, Wondergirl, keep me out of your perverted 'happily married' delusions! I want no part of it!"

Rei: "Oh? That's odd. Your reaction in the kitchen says different, what with the look on your face as you passed out..."

Asuka: "What! NO WAY! Nah-huh! I have... a condition, yes, that's it! I have a condition!"

Rei: "Now that's really, really odd. There's nothing describing you having a condition like what happened to you this morning in your file, I've checked."

Shinji: "Yeah, she does that. She peruses your file very, very thoroughly before she meets you, as a pilot."

Rei: "Shinji-kun, dear, hush."

Shinji: "Yes, ma'am!"

Rei: "Now, would you like me to call Akagi-sensei, (sensei meaning "doctor" here) and make sure?"

Asuka turns beet red, with steam coming out of her ears. "No! Don't you dare!"

Rei: "I thought so. Now will you admit it?"

Asuka sighs in resignation. "Alright. I admit it, what do you want?"

Rei and Shinji: "What?"

Asuka: "Oh come on! Don't play dumb now! Everyone who's nice to me or gets leverage on me like you did clearly wants something. My freaking step-mother wanted an obedient doll! My oh so 'loving' father wanted me to be nothing more than something he could tack his PRECIOUS LEGACY to, screw my well being! In fact, he did that literally, right next door to the room where I, at four, was with my birth-mother as she faded away, day by day, not recognizing me, at all, but calling a mother-fucking doll by my name and pointing at me like I was the evil step-child. Oh, you know those 'nice' people in NERV Berlin? Oh sure, they kept Eva-02 in top shape, but me? Praise me to my face, snicker behind my back! I hate them, I hate them all, AND I HATE YOU! So tell me what you want before I gouge your eyes out and EAT THEM!"

Rei and I look at each other for just the briefest of moments, before we nod, and decide on our course of action. Each of us grabs Asuka on one side, Rei on the left, I on the right, and hug her until she stops struggling.

Asuka: "Don't touch me! Let me go! I mean it!"

Shin: "All we really want is to be your friend, Asuka-san. We're going to be going into battle together, and it's better if we're not fighting each other too."

Rei: "It's alright, Asuka-chan. Let it all out, cry, scream, shout with rage, whatever. We won't judge you, we know what pain and loneliness feels like."

Asuka: "Bullshit! Let me go! What do either of you know about pain and loneliness? You, the commander's son, and Wondergirl, NERV's pet and poster girl? I bet you both get every luxury on the planet just by snapping your fingers!"

We hug her even tighter.

Shinji: "No, Asuka-san. The Commander abandoned me in a crowded train-station at age 4, and it's his second-in-command, Fuyutsuki-san, who pawned me off on a 'Sensei', a distant uncle, that _literally_ put me in a dog-house and tried to pretend I didn't exist. I only saw my father once a year, every year, on the anniversary of my mother's death, which just so happens to fall on a day a week or so from now, and he destroyed absolutely everything that reminds him of her, so I can't see it. He even burned the family house down. I don't know what he would have done with me if I wasn't in public, but was at home when she died."

Asuka: "Hahahaha! Bullshit, Third Child. The Commander gave you Wondergirl as a wife! How privileged is that?!

Shinji: "No. He did not. He put me in her living quarters, as a guest, while she was in the hospital, because he couldn't be bothered to prepare a place for me, in advance, before having Misato come to pick me up with a letter having her picture and one word 'COME' and you know what I find when I get to NERV, as an Angel is bearing down? Rei, bandaged, and bloody, on a stretcher, being wheeled in to pilot Eva-01, if I refuse, despite the fact that I had absolutely no training whatsoever! It's a miracle we at Tokyo-3 aren't all dead!"

Rei: "And I wasn't 'given' to anyone, thank you. Shinji asked for my hand in marriage, after living and loving me for weeks, and we took down Ramsiel together, both of us nearly getting killed in the process. My saying 'yes' is a decision I do not regret as I know he loves and accepts me, good, bad, or just plain weird, and I know he thinks 'weird' about me far more than anything else. Now if by 'poster-girl' you mean 'put in a test-tube, naked and put on display for pretty much one and all' since pretty much the age of 4, then yes, I suppose I'm NERV's 'poster-girl.' As to my 'privileged' life? I've been raised to _want to die_ , and I'm on a cocktail of drugs to keep my body together, and pain-killers to keep me from dying 'too soon.' Even though Shinji's kindness has given me reason to live, my every day is an exercise in agony far, far beyond your wildest imagination, and my nights when I don't share his bed.. Well, can you imagine having dreams of being strangled to death, and waking up with bruises on your neck? That then disappear in a few minutes, but the pain doesn't?"

Shinji: "Rei..."

Asuka: "No way! You're lying! You're both lying! There's no way any of that is true!"

Misato: "I can vouch for Shinji, at least. Here's his file, and as for Rei, well the 'put in a test-tube and put on display' thing has some truth to it. Dr. Akagi does routinely put her in a transparent jar of LCL for medical procedures I can't even begin to understand, and yes, she's buck naked in there."

Asuka: "Of course, you'd be on _**THEIR**_ side. They're your precious 'gifted' Children, I'm just the loudmouthed foreign girl. Forget that. I'm not going to read that fiction."

Not letting up in the strength of our hug, we begin patting her head and leaning our heads closely, rubbing our faces against her cheeks, and her struggles eventually start to wane.

Shinji: "Do you really want us to stop?"

Asuka: "No... fine. You win. If you lot are going to play pretend and act like my friends, I'll play along, but when the inevitable betrayal comes, be warned, I'll beat you to it, and I'll make your deaths slow, painful, and utterly horrific, as a warning to the next ten generations not to FUCK WITH ASUKA LANGLEY SORYU!"

We kiss her on the cheeks, and then she breaks down and genuinely starts crying. We stay that way for a while.

Naturally, we show up a bit late to school, but Misato decides to cover for us, stating a NERV training exercise, which is also used to cover the fact that Asuka has two broken arms, from a "training accident."

When we get into class, Asuka is asked to identify herself, and she does so with flair, scrawling her name on the blackboard, in English.

Asuka: "Hello, everyone! I, The great Asuka Langley Soryu, have been appointed to your class. Due to NERV circumstances, I will be staying with the First and Third Children, so don't get any strange ideas.

Hopefully we can get along well together!"

Toji: "Man, what luck! You not only get the blue-haired idol, but the fiery red-head too!"

Shinji: "You, of all people, shouldn't be saying that, Toji. I'm sure you remember why."

Toji: "Yeah, yeah. I get it. Still, she's nice to look at and you get plenty of excuses to 'look' if you get my meaning..."

Shinji: "Are you TRYING to get me killed?"

Asuka is assigned the seat nearby where she hears everything, and starts to death-glare at me, and yes, I'm fully aware she's doing it.

The class devolves into thirty minutes of sheer terror as I can sense Asuka's biting hatred, and knowing full well, broken arms or no, she can and will act out on it given the chance.

I'm almost too happy for lunch break to roll around, until I realize that we didn't pack our bentos today thanks to the early morning "confusion."

Asuka: "What do you mean we don't have our lunches?! I've had to put up being sat next to you 'three stooges', and your teeen-boy pervy talk about me, and now I have to go hungry too?!"

Shinji: "Calm down, Asuka, we can still get something in the cafeteria..." 

Asuka: "OH! Hell no! That cheap, mass produced trash, they have down there? If there's anything that keeps you from being completely worthless, is that you know your way around a kitchen pretty damn well! Who taught you to cook anyway? Your eats are the best I've had in.. forever, and I don't hand out praise lightly."

Shinji: "I've had to learn to cook for myself, by myself, thank you. It wasn't easy."

Asuka: "Another tall tale, I see, fine, don't tell me. Wouldn't fill my belly anyway."

Toji: "Shinji. Are you sure you married Rei? Cause you and Asuka quarrel like you've been married for years."

Asuka and Shinji (Blushing furiously): "It's not like that!"

Toji: "Whoah! Perfect sync!"

Rei: "... I was planning to tell you right away, but that reaction was worth the wait."

Asuka: "What, Wondergirl?"

Shinji: "Rei?"

Rei: "It was my turn to make and pack the lunches. Here you go."

Shinji: "Thanks, sweetheart! You're a life-saver!"

Asuka: "Hmm. Well. I suppose this beats being hungry, thanks."

As we all start eating...

Asuja: "Wow. Hey, this is really good! Third Child! Are you sure you aren't letting Wondergirl take the credit?! Here! This omlet rice is one of your specialties! I also see some boiled octopus, a bit of canned asparagus, and some pickled beets for a bit of a sweet and spicy kick!"

Shinji: "She's right, dear. You've improved! And I thought you didn't like meat..."

Rei: "I don't, but I put in octopus, this time, as a bit of an apology to Asuka-san for the 'accident' this morning."

Asuka: "Wait... You've been teaching her to cook?!"

Shinji: "Yes, among other things, and in return she's been teaching me German, among other things."

Asuka: "Wait?! YOU KNOW GERMAN, WONDERGIRL?!"

Rei: "Jawohl, fraulein."

Asukua: "And how, pray tell, did you learn German? It's not a common language here in Japan."

Rei: "I've had 'visits' by numerous German technicians down in NERV, since four years old, I couldn't help but pick up the language, both written and spoken."

Asuka: "Your tale gets a bit 'taller' every time you tell it, Wondergirl."

Rei: "Whether you believe us or not is up to you, Asuka-chan. Shinji-kun and I have and will be completely honest with you."

Asuka: "That remains to be seen."

The school-day ends and Asuka opens her locker only to have a flood of letters pour out, which she immediately stomps on, quite angrily.

Asuka: "Stupid pervert teens! Don't know squat about me, but still 'fall in love' with the exotic foreign girl just on looks alone! Not a sincere one in the bunch! GAH! They can all drop dead! For all I care!"

Shinji: "Umm, Asuka-san?"

Asuka: "WHAT?!"

Shinji: "The class president wanted to talk to you..." 

Asuka: "About what?"

Hikari: "Umm. Just saying hello, and I'm sure those boys don't mean anything by it. They're just curious is all."

Asuka: "Oh. Hello, Class President … Hikari was it? Pleasure to meet you."

Hikari: "Honored. So.. is it true that you will be sharing a roof with Shinji and Rei Ikari?"

Asuka: "Yeah. Our 'genius' private tutor thought it would be great if the three of us live under the same roof, but don't be getting any strange ideas. It may be the same house, but it's a 'Western' mansion with private separate rooms for each of us. Married or not, Shinji and Rei aren't sharing a bed either."

Hikari: "I see. That's both a relief and a heartache. It's sad to see a married couple kept apart, for any reason."

Asuka: "Yeah. Well. I don't know what NERV was thinking getting them married this young in the first place. Teen marriages don't trend well."

Hikari: "Well. That may be true, but although I can't speak for Shinji, since he hasn't been here that long, but Rei, Rei has improved immensely _after_ they got married. She used to just spend the whole class staring out the window, completely unresponsive, but now, now she's actively engaged. She asks questions. She raises her hand. She's pro-active, and actively volunteers. "

Shinji: "Our class Sensei recommended a tutor precisely because of her marked improvement." 

Asuka: "Sure, sure, right... Where is Wondergirl anyway?"

Shinji: "She's down at NERV for a check-up. I've been asked to invite you down with us."

Asuka: "Hahaha! Sure. Why not? Not like I have anything better to do."

Shinji: "That's great. I'm sure she'll be happy to see you."

Asuka: "I'm not doing this for her, Baka!"

Shinji: "Of course, not, Asuka-san."

When we get to NERV and are ushered into Ritsuko's lab, Asuka's smug confidence that Rei's stories of being dunked in an LCL tank and being put on display for one and all being a work of fiction shatter, along with her smile, and then she runs right back out into the corridor where I have to chase after her.

Auska:"What...WHAT THE FUCKETY FUCK?! That story was true? Doesn't this bother you? In the slightest?"

Shinji: "Yeah, it's true, and it bothers the ever loving hell out of me, okay? But what am I supposed to do? If she doesn't go in there and be examined by Ritsuko and whoever she deems 'necessary,' she could easily die! Hell, she's been going in that thing and been 'on display' since age four. She has no concept of 'modesty.' NERV's brilliant idea to get me used to that was to have me visit her _while she's in that state,_ in that same lab, until she was officially deemed well enough to be released from the hospital and then, because I had nowhere else to live, have the two of us move in together."

Asuka: "Oh, oh hell. And you're the Commander's son, and she's the 'poster-girl.' What the hell do they think of **me?** "

Shinji: "I don't know, and I don't want to. But if we have anything to say about it, you won't be 'just a disposable tool.'"

Asuka: "Even if you don't mean it, that's nice to hear. Thanks, Baka."

Shinji: "My pleasure, now lets go see Rei, okay? She's going to be wondering what's wrong soon."

Asuka: (Sighing) "Fine. I suppose we should get this over with then."

Walking back into the lab, I hear Ritsuko ask Rei a question no husband ever wants to hear his wife answer, not even to her doctor.

Shinji: "Ritsuko-Sensei!"

Rei: "Ah, Shinji-kun, Asuka-chan. You made it."

Asuka: "Yeah, this... is obviously going to take some getting used to."

Ritsuko: "I assure you, Ikari-san, that this question is vitally, and medically important. I wouldn't have asked otherwise."

Rei: "That's fine. Shinji-kun?"

Shinji: (sigh) "If it's absolutely medically necessary."

Having gotten my consent, Rei goes on to describe, in detail, the full minutia of our sex lives.

Asuka: "That's so surprisingly... vanilla."


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 8**

Ritsuko: "Well. Now that the interview is over, it's time to conduct the neurological and physical tests."

Rei: "Yes."

Ritsuko: "Okay, Rei. Try to clear your mind."

Rei takes a perfectly blank expression.

Ritsuko: "Good, good. Electrograph is within normal. Alpha, Beta, and Delta waves within acceptable parameters." (She makes some notes on her notepad.) "Now for vital signs: Breathe deeply,"

Rei: (Inhales):

Ritsuko: "Hold it... 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...Okay, lung volume normal, Exhale, slowly."

Rei: (Exhales)

Ritsuko: "Okay, good, breathe normally now. Ekg reads normal. Hearbeat is... wait. Something's wrong..."

Rei: "KYAAAAA!"

Shinji: "REI! What's wrong?! REI!"

"SSSHHHRRRIIIPPP!"

With that sound, Rei's left arm falls off and starts floating next to her in the LCL tank.

Ritsuko panics, hits the alarm, and all hell breaks loose.

For the sake of decency, I'm not going to go into detail of what happens next, but Rei, Asuka, and myself wind up in quarantine and in individual LCL jars, in the same room, undergoing analysis while the NERV staff communicate to us through an intercom, and watch us on scientific monitors, that while not seeing us directly, do show us through infared and other scans.

Misato, in that office is clearly not happy with our predicament, but that's nothing compared to Asuka, who is as mad as a wet bob-cat.

(Over the intercom)

Asuka: "Alright, Frau Doktorr, you and your gestapo dragged us here, power-washed, rinsed, repeated, and now pickling like beets in a jar. NOW WHAT?! Oh, and Third, I'm only going to say this once. Even though I know you were dragged here along with us, there will be consequences if you don't keep your eyes facing forwards, or if you MUST look my way for some reason, look at me only above the neck, got it?!"

Shinji: "Yes, ma'am! SORRY!"

Asuka: "Gah! You apologize way, way too much, Baka!"

Ritsuko: "You three are in quarantine as there's no way Rei's arm just falling off on its own is normal, even for her. We're going to have to run some tests to make sure that Angel contamination hasn't got you compromised."

Asuka: "You're kidding, right? None of us has touched Angel flesh, outside an Eva at any rate, and even if Rei is somehow compromised, why are the rest of us here, and stripped down to our birthday suits?"

Ritsuko: "Your clothing is being carefully screened pilots, and think about it, Second. Shinji and Rei have been very, very close for a significant amount of time, and you had prolonged exposure to Shinji while sharing an Entry-Plug. LCL carries nutrients needed for rapid healing and regeneration, but it can also carry .. other things."

Asuka: "OH FUCK ME! I do one nice thing for my fellow pilot and it bites me in the ass!"

Misato: "Are you serious? Rei's left arm just fell off? For no reason?"

Ritsuko: "Yes. Asuka, Shinji, and I were in the lab watching over Rei in the LCL tank when 'sshhrriiip', there it goes. We've tried to graft it back on, and hope it sticks."

Misato: "For the love of... Of all the ridiculous things I've heard of, this has to be the strangest. Now I have to contact the school and their tutor, get them to acknowledge the quarantine and make up some damn good story to explain their prolonged and indeterminate absence without revealing NERV classified data or starting a panic!"

Ritsuko: "Simple, just tell them The Children have been quarantined due to exposure to some unknown pathogen, to which they're reacting badly. If asked for more information, simply say we at NERV don't know. It will be the truth, and reveals nothing."

Msiato: "SHIT! Guess, I'll have to do that. Okay, Rits, run your tests while I make the calls."

Ritsuko: "You got it. Pilots, I know you're highly agitated, but I'm going to need you to relax, and try to clear your minds, think of nothing at all."

Rei: "Yes."

Shinji: "I'll … try."

Asuka: "HAH! Easy for you to say! Guess, I've got no choice but to try..."

Rei: "Do, or do not. There is no try."

Shinji: "Rei. Not. Helping."

Asuka:"... PFFFTTT! BWAHAHAHAHA! Strong am I in The Force, but not that strong!"

Ritsuko: "Pilots, please!"

Misato: "Relax, Rits. That's the happiest I've seen her... ever. Let them get it out of their system."

Ritsuko: "Sigh. I suppose. Guess we'll start with the passive tests then."

Misato: "Okay. Now to get to those calls."

As Misato is informing the school and Lara Croft about our situation, Ritsuko starts noting our vital signs.

Ritsuko: "Heartbeat within normal range for all pilots, good. Temperature normal. Neural activity normal. Okay, Pilots, everyone take a deep breath, please. Hold it.. 5,4,3,2,1, now exhale. Good. Lung volume and function reads normal. Initiating A-T field scan.. SWEET JUMPING JELLYFISH!"

Misato: "Oh now what... That... THAT CAN'T POSSIBLY BE RIGHT! Can it?"

Ristuko: "Unless this equipment's malfunctioning, I'm afraid it is. This is an unmitigated disaster."

Asuka: "Okay, Frau Doktorr. What the damn hell has your panties in a bunch?!"

Rei: "I am … troubled by your enthusiastic, inventive, and highly irrational outburst. What is going on?"

Shinji: "Umm.. What's wrong? I'm really starting to get worried now..."

Ritsuko: "Pilots, I don't know of any easier way to tell you this, but your A-T fields have become a tangled mess. The three of you can't be more than a meter or two apart from each other, for any significant amount of time, before the strain starts tearing your bodies apart at some predetermined stress points."

Asuka: "Get real!"

Shinji: "How... How did that happen?"

Rei: "This is most disturbing."

Ritsuko: "It's true. I don't know how, but Rei had the misfortune of falling apart first, due to her long history of health problems. As for the rest of you, it's worse."

Shinji: "Um... worse than having an arm just fall off?"

Asuka: "..."

Ritsuko: "Asuka. Your entire right side is compromised above the hip. Your right eye would explode. Your right arm would peel apart like a banana. As for the abdominal area... well, let's just say the result would be too graphic to mention."

Asuka: "#$()*# *($^Y #&*$^! #$()*! #$*& #~!"

Shini: "And me?"

Ritusko: "Your skin will peel off, for starters."

Rei: "That is very disconcerting."

Ritsuko: "Rei. You were lucky we got you into quarantine when we did. Any more strain and the damage would have gone downward, diagonally, from your shoulder to your abdomen, as if you were wearing a seat-belt in an American vehicle and it tore right through you. I'm afraid the three of you are going to be stuck down here in NERV for the foreseeable future, in very close quarters, until we can get this sorted out, and you back to normal."

Asuka: "Oh, oh hell NO! You baka couple better not be getting any ideas.."

Ritsuko: "Exactly. Sexual relations are only likely to make it worse, much worse."

Rei: "I am very not pleased with this... outcome, Doctor."

Shinji: "We can still hug, caress and cuddle, in non-sexual ways? Yes?"

Asuka: "BAKA! Why would I want to cuddle you?!"

Rei: "Now that is an interesting reaction, Asuka-san. I do not belive Shinji-kun specified you."

Asuka: "Ecchi-Girl! I'm just per-empting his horny, teenage, pervert hormones! I'm certainly not making any kind of overture or invitation!"

Rei: "I never said you were, Asuka-san!"

Asuka:" BWWWEEEEEEYAAAAHHHH! SHUT IT, WONDERGIRL!"

Misato: "Are you seeing what I'm seeing, Rits? Does it look like their A-T fields are … dancing, as they bicker, quibble, and quarrel?"

Ritsuko: "Wait... hang on.. There's something riding your A-T fields, Pilots. Aoba, Maya, get me camera drones on the pipes, specifically the T-1 junction."

Aoba: "Roger."

Maya: "Right away!"

Misato: "These pipes are supposed to be new, right?"

Ritsuko: "Yeah."

Misato: "Then what's that?"

Ritsuko: "That looks like corrosion of some sort, but certainly doesn't seem to act like it. Maya, guide the maintenance bot there and surgically remove the whole pipe, wiring included, then activate an energy containment field. Try to avoid disturbing it, as much as possible."

Maya: "Understood."

Misato: "Rits, are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

Ritsuko: "I am, and I hope you're wrong, Major."

Maya: "Pipe is disconnected, and energy field active, extracting sample out now."

Ritsuko: "Good, nice and gentle, Maya, no rush."

Maya: "On it."

Aoba: "Preparing launcher 04 for immediate activation, Ma'am."

Ritsuko: "Good work, Aoba. Major?"

Misato: "I'm calling the JSSDF, just in case." (After a few rings) "Hello, yes, this is Major Misato Katsuragi, we have a situation here. We need an N2 equipped missile on standby... I see. Well, I suggest you get the authorization, pronto, or be prepared to face the fall out from extreme negligence in the face of an Angel threat... That's right, we have a possible Angel bio-weapon attack en route, get that N2 missile ready."

Aoba: "PATTERN BLUE! It's an ANGEL!"

Ritsuko: "The 'corrosion' is attacking the pipe and energy field, corroding both at an exponential rate!"

Misato: "DAMN! Angel bio-weapon confirmed, highly adaptive and corrosive, we need that N2 missile ready to go, stat! … Wait, you've got THREE ready to go? Outstanding, Lieutenant Itami! If you weren't on the other side of this phone call, I could kiss you! Alright, we've only got one shot at this, preparing to send telemetry the moment this bio-weapon is launched out of here!"

Aoba: "We're losing the MALP, don't know how much longer we'll have telemetry!"

Misato: "As long as those N2 missiles can lock on to it at apogee, it's good enough! Is the MALP in position on the launcher?"

Maya: "Launch in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, GO!"

Ritsuko: "Wait! You can use words like 'apogee' and in the correct context?"

Misato: "I didn't spend _**all**_ my college time letting my boyfriend boink the shit out of me, Rits!"

Now if you're thinking, how far a rail designed to move a "robot" the size of a tall building from several miles underground to the surface in seconds will launch a robot that weighs "only" about 800 kilograms, and think "stratosphere," you'd be right. When the missiles intercept it at the height of its deceleration arc, as it escapes from its energy field, the massive nuclear-level explosion not only overwhelms Ireul's A-T field, utterly destroying the Angel, or so we think, but the resulting EMP effectively shuts down all power in NERV's geo-front and the entire city of Tokyo-3.

Meanwhile... at an undisclosed location, six "monoliths" with the name SEELE and a number from 001 to 006 began talking among themselves.

SEELE 003: "Ikari's been a naughty boy. Peeking at his Christmas presents! He should get a bag of coal!"

SEELE 002: "And he took that which does not belong to him."

SEELE 004: "We should have put a bell around that cat's neck."

SEELE 005: "We did, but it did not ring."

SEELE 006: " Actually, the bell did ring."

SEELE 001: "WHAT?! Why did you not warn us?!"

SEELE 006: "Did you all not get my notes, calls, or mails?"

SEELE 001: "Do not try to pass off the blame. It is not too late to replace you."

SEELE 006: "The cat will eat his kittens, for the mouse is not enough."

SEELE 004: "What does THAT mean?"

SEELE 001: "So Ikari plans to betray 'The Children.' Hmm, well, we would have to push them aside anyway soon enough. We can overlook this, for now. As for 'the mouse,' it can only mean one thing..."

Everyone: "Ikari's started to move against us."

SEELE 001: "The bell must be put tighter around that cat's neck. Our 'inspector' must get close to 'The Children.'"

SEELE 006: "He can't. All of them are in quarantine, due to Angel contamination."

SEELE 001: "Irrelevant. Ikari may think he's a step ahead of us, but he's wrong, and it's almost time for him to find that out. Everyone knows what needs done. Dismissed."

After the monoliths all blink out, one by one, an old man with numerous cybernetics and a "visor" completely wrapping his head appears in the center of the room, a Chairman Lorenz Kihl. "What are you up to, Ikari? How does hurting The Children help your precious 'Scenario?'"


	10. Chapter 10: Asuka

**Asuka's Diary, Part 1:**

Before being sent to Tokyo-3 as the newest "Child," I was asked by my superiors to keep a log and make routine mailings to keep them informed. _I suck at this!_ Still, orders are orders.

 **Day 1:** I meet The First and Third Children, learning to my shock that they're already married to each other, on the "Over The Rainbow," the US Aircraft Carrier that's delivering me and Eva-02 to Tokyo-3 to help in the fight with the Angel threat. Not long after the encounter, our fleet is attacked by an Angel. I get to show off my stuff, and try to impress the Third, who is a clear rookie with my skills. I am glad to admit that he's not entirely useless, boosting our dual sync to 68%, and I have to give the First some grudging respect for piloting her rather lack-luster Eva prototype _just_ well enough to keep the sortie from being a disaster, at the outright insane orders of our commander, Captain Misato Katsuragi... After all this, our private tutor gives the Third an A+, the Second a B+, and me, the ace, a C-, downgrading it to a D- when I object, and pinning me to the ground for the remainder of the trip to Tokyo-3! While she chats pleasantly with everyone else!

 **Day 2:** The next day isn't much better. Granted, I was a royal bitch, lashing out from the way Lara Croft treated me, on the other Children, but The First crushing my arms like they were run over by a truck was way out of line! No way I was going to let her get away with merely a simple apology, so when I thought the Third had something to do with getting her to apologize, I decided making her squirm with jealousy was a good idea, and it worked, for a little while, until she decided I was flirting with her instead and _decided to flirt back._ I'm not interested in girls, at least I don't think I am, but DAMN, she's good! I woke up in the infirmary after one of those annoying "comedic" nosebleeds you see in manga all the time, to see Rei and Shinji being all lovey-dovey in the next bed, because she apparently did the same to him, and snuggled up in there while he was unconscious, though they were both fully clothed. Telling them how nauseating I found their antics only caused them to turn their attention to me. Granted, there was no sexual undertone to their actions, but them hugging me out of the blue was creepy. For some strange reason though, it felt really, really good. While I am suspicious of their motives, I have to admit, their overtures of friendship, nothing more, as they claim, really felt nice, and I liked it, even if they were faking.

 **Day 3:** It has been a few days since I started school in Tokyo-3... DAMN IT! I have a freaking college degree from The Technical Institute of Berlin, Technische Universität Berlin, or TU Berlin for short, why the hell do I have to attend high-school with these losers?! (Sigh) Oh well, guess I can't brag too much as due to the fact that my 'esteemed' education failed to teach me how to read and write either Kanji or Hiragana, my school grades horrifically fail to reflect my true intellect. If it's an act, those two deserve an Oscar. My fellow pilots both praise my ease with the subject material and try to teach me the written Japanese language. Gotta admit, that's rather hard; 3000 Kanji to memorize alone, and they all look so similar to each other! Baka Shinji and his "wife" have the same grades as I do, and if their stories are to be believed, and I have serious doubts, Shinji's suffered neglect so horrible, he's lived in a literal dog-house during his formative years and had absolutely _zero_ formal education prior to Tokyo-3, and Rei has been so ill, she might as well have had no education herself because she's absent so damn often, and even when she's in class, has been seriously detached, just staring out the window.

 **Day 4:** It has been the better part of a month since I was brought here, and I have yet to see any evidence of their so-called backstory. Shinji and Rei are very popular and active in class, though them being happily married seems to play a factor. Unfortunately, while visiting my locker at the end of the day, the inevitable "love" confessions came pouring out! GAH! Those shallow, perverted boys! They don't know anything about me, but "fell in love" with the exotic red-head on looks alone! THEY CAN ALL DROP DEAD! The class president met me as I was grounding those envelopes, unopened, underfoot and explained the class situation, and it seems Rei's story does have some merit. Hiraki has no reason to lie or anything to gain by sucking up to me, so her words carry far more weight than Baka's or Wondergirl's do. She mentions that Rei and Shinji being married has, in fact, done wonders for both of them.

 **Day 4, part B:** I am invited by Shinji to visit Rei in NERV's advanced medical facilities, presumably at Rei's behest. Not having anything better to do, and in the mood for a lark, I agree... HOLY FUCKING SHIT ON TOAST! No sooner do I get to Rei's treatment lab than the evidence that Rei's story is true hits me in the face, literally. Yes, that poor girl's been on display for one and sundry in a giant test-tube full of LCL in the buff, and it's been going on for so long, the girl has absolutely no sense of modesty or regard for her nudity in the slightest. If that part of her story is true, what else is true... AND SHE'S THE FREAKING POSTER CHILD FOR NERV TOKYO-3! If Shinji's true to his word, and this time I have no doubt he is, he finds this just as disturibing as I do, if not more, but is helpless to do anything about it, as they've both come to believe that she'll die if she doesn't go through with this type of "medical treatment." Hell. The poor girl's been so conditioned to be naked, in every sense of the word, that she can't even refrain from discussing the most intricate details of her sex-life! Which I'm not going to repreat, thank you very much. I will say that I'm glad her tastes are very "vanilla."

 **Day 4, part C:** As disturbing as everything so far is, this isn't the worst of it, not by a long shot. As Shinjii, Dr. Ritsuko Akagi, and myself are in attendance watching over Rei, _her left arm falls off for no fucking reason!_ Holy SHIT! If she wasn't in that LCL tank, she may well have died of blood loss and shock alone! But it doesn't end there, oh no! Frau Doctor pulls the alarm and we are all thrown into quarantine, and we suffer numerous rather grievous indignities that I've already reported to Kaji, the UN's inspector, so I'm not going to repeat them here, ultimately winding up in the same state as Rei, on display in a giant test-tube of LCL, wearing nothing but our birthday suits! At least there are no other people present in our immediate surroundings, but there are all sorts of passive sensors, with the 'good' doctor monitoring us in some detached, windowless control room. Fortunately, Shinji's got enough sense to keep his eyes to himself, and not exploit the situation. As if all that's not bad enough, an Angel had to go and fuck with our A-T fields, which is why Rei's arm fell off in the first place, and now the three of us can't be more than a meter or two apart for any length of time without disfiguring and almost certainly fatal injury. That's right, the three of us are going to be forced to live in the same room upon threat of an extremely excruciating death, until NERV figures out a way to fix that, but I'm not holding my breath. The actions of the upper management to date don't give me much faith that they can fix a burnt out light-bulb, let alone three hopelessly entangled A-T fields.

 **Day 4, Part D:** Remember that Angel that tangled up our A-T Fields? I didn't even get a chance to fight it! Misato and the JSSDF blew it up with three N2 missiles! I don't know what pisses me off more about that. Whether it's the fact that I was stewing like a pickled beet at the time, or the twin humiliations of the aftermath, where we're frog-marched to a communal shower, with just one flashlight for the three of us, and bathing there in near total darkness, to then be shoveled off to the one king-sized bed efficiency that's to serve as our quarantine sleeping quarters, and basically having our change of clothes, that consist only of hospital gowns and underwear just thrown at us as we're ordered inside! How any of us managed to sleep soundly that night is a mystery known only to the gods.

 **Day 5:** While we may be stuck in the same one-bedroom efficiency, under pain of death, I'm certainly not going to share a bed with a married couple, to whom I'm not romantically entangled, if I can help it. Of course, my declaration that the closet I was setting up to be my personal bedroom is "the impenetrable wall of Jerico" came across as a challenge to Rei. She opened the door, embraced and openly kissed me, _right in front of her husband!_ Damn if she isn't a good kisser! Her excuse? "The walls of Jerico fell." **That's what I wanted Shinji to figure out!** Gah! To make things even more bizarre, Rei proceeded to ask me out, as in becoming her girlfriend, _with Shinji's blessing!_ Gotta hand it to them though, their offer was pretty damn tempting, and not once did they try to cajole, manipulate, or threaten me. In fact, during every step of their appeal, they made it perfectly clear that the choice was mine and mine alone, and they would respect whatever decision I made. After carefully weighing the pros and cons, I figured I had nothing to lose and everything to gain by agreeing... and while there were certain ... surprises, like finding out that Rei sees me as her _**birthday present**_ , I have to admit, they're true to their word and actively strive to make me happy. Very, very happy. The staff at NERV found it unbelievably romantic. Oh that's right, forgot to mention that the entire effincency, bar the commonal shower/restroom is wired for sound and we knew it. So the NERV staff finding out about it doesn't surprise us in the slightest.

 **Day 5, part B:** Once again, we're in the LCL test tubes, though considering that I'm now in a 'romantic,' though chaste, relationship with Rei makes it a tiny bit more comfortable as I know Shinji truly respects her wishes, and I'm hers alone, until she says otherwise. I can't describe how happy that part makes me, even if I think I'm straight. I have no idea if that's the cause, but our sync scores are the highest ever, for all of us. Even Wondergirl boosted her score to twice her usual maximum. Something NERV staff had pretty much given up on. This remains true even when we start the cross-compatibility tests ,and Rei maintains her 60% with Eva-01. Shinji's test with Eva-00 was a near disaster, as the Eva started going berserk.. until Shinji somehow _reversed it_ , managed to get it under control, and then jumped his score to a whopping 75%, though he apparently started suffering halucinations as he began talking to people who are not there, and having what seems to be a rather spirited conversation, though we could only hear his end of it. Still, it seems as if he's addressing a small child, and quite well at that. After a few minutes, he 'returns to reality,' and the connection is severed.

 **Day 5, part C:** After Rei gets a 30% reading with Eva-02, it's my turn to sync, or try, with an unfamilar Eva, in this case, Eva-01, since the chances of Eva-00 going berserk again are ruled too high to risk it. What happens next appears to be entirely a hallucination as none of the other pilots report seeing the person to whom I was talking, and I later find out Shinji had a similar experience when he synced with Eva-00.

 **While synced to Eva-01:**

I find myself in an alien landscape, surrounded by shapes and forms I do not recognize. Before me is a woman in a lab-coat that looks suspiciously like Rei, except she's a full-grown adult with brown hair and eyes. I look down to see myself in my plug-suit, but I know I didn't wear anything at all for this sync test.

? : "Greetings, Asuka-san. Don't be afraid. I won't harm you, and I've arranged for your mental image to have your plug-suit so you could be at ease."

Asuka: "Who are you?"

?: "Ah, pardon my manners, it has been a long, long time since I've spoken with anyone. My name is Yui Ikari, Shinji's mother. I must say, I am quite proud of my boy. He got himself married first and _then_ had sex, not the other way around, which is far, far too common for kids your age. He also loves her dearly and treasures her smile. He thinks about that dear Rei girl _**a lot!**_ He's also started thinking about you, and her, together, and the images are quite.. inventive... Oh, oh my, so you're her girlfriend. That explains so much. Those two are the real deal then if he's willing to go that far to make her happy."

Asuka: "How do you know this?"

Yui: "Ah. That. The surface thoughts of everyone that syncs with Eva-01 are like a bilboard to me. I can't help but read them. So that means I have a pretty good idea of what that worthless husband of mine is doing, but I'm powerless to stop him, or those old men above him. One of whom, a Lorenz Keel, happens to be my grandfather. They are so bent on making themselves gods, or turning humanity into goo in the process, that they've killed people by the billions. The Angel attacks are a necessary step in that plan, as was Second Impact."

Asuka: "What? You're kidding! You can't mean..."

Yui: "Try to avoid saying things aloud, dear. While the staff at NERV can't hear me, they will hear you, and you're 'expendable' to those old men and my husband, Gendo, who's hardly been faithful while I've been trapped here."

Asuka: "..."

Yui: "That's right. I know because Rei knows. She's been informed, since age 4, about how Gendo abuses and exploits women, treating both the Akagis, mother and daughter, like fleshlights with PHDs. He honestly believes that if he turns the world to ash to get me out of here, that I'll be happy with him, and forgive all the nastiness he's done. He also thinks Rei is his obedient little doll that he can do anythng and everything with. Because that's what he raised her for."

Asuka: "Why speak to me?"

Yui: "Bcause you are actually prepared to listen. Shinji was close, so very close, but he's still too scared of pain and rejection to reach out to me. I don't blame him. I knew my life was under threat from SEELE, and initiated the 'accident' called 'The Contact Experiment' so I'd be trapped here, beyond their reach, where I could hopefully, someday, thwart and subvert their plans, turning them to goo, but leaving what remains of Humanity alone. Unfortunately, I now know my 'darling' Gendo has other ideas, and he actively destroyed any and all things that remind him of me, especially the letters and videos I left for Shinji to explain why I did what I did and to give him the instructions he so desperately needed to survive the Angel war. I supspect it's because Gendo's such an insanely possessive asshole that he was jealous I showed any affection to our own son! As for Rei, she's got a life-time of chemical and psychological conditioning to overcome. She can speak, but not hear."

Asuka: "What do you want of me?"

Yui: "I want you to be there for him, for them. The time is coming, and very soon, where they will need you, and badly. Just remember, the Angels are the _**easy**_ part of the equation."

Asuka: "The Angels are the EASY part?!"

Yui: "That's right. Oh, and if Shinji ever asks, I clearly did not want to traumatize him by letting him see my 'death.' It's just that I wanted witnesses around in case Gendo did something... unpleasant upon hearing what happened, and it seems I was right. That violent son of a bitch abandoned Shinji in a crowded train terminal, and his aide, my former professor, Fyutsuki, took the poor boy to a 'Sensei' that would go to see him as a 'cursed child' and literally put him in a dog-house to fend for himself for ten odd years! Whether Fuyutsuki is ultimately loyal to Gendo or SEELE, it doesn't matter. That man, whom I trusted, obviously failed to instruct Shinji as well, because I also provided Fuyutsuki copies of my instructions, and Shinji never got them. Shinji was supposed to be far, far more prepared than he was when he got here and could barely even get this Eva to walk, let alone fight!"

Asuka:"These intstructions?"

Yui: "Sadly, we don't have time. Gendo will forcibly cut the neural link, if we talk too long, so we're going to have to say goodbye. Oh, and that weird stuff Rei said about clones in the basement. It's true, or she thinks it is. Goodbye, Asuka-chan, and good luck. Even if you are a comfort wife, I'm proud to have you as a daughter-in-law. You make your mother, Kyoko, proud."

Asuka: "You know my mother?!"

Yui: "Oh yes, she was my best friend. She followed my work very, very closely."

Asuka: "Then that means..."

Yui: "That she's alive? Maybe. Just remember, the next time you're in Eva-02, don't talk, listen. Goodbye now."

I wake up back in 'reality' seeing myself in the LCL tank with borh Rei and Shinji looking at me worried. Shinji moreso. I did not dare relate my entire experience to them as NERV was listening, and above them, SEELE. Now I'm not sure if I want to know if my mother is still 'alive' in Eva-02 or not, but I sure as hell am not going to be treating the Eva as a doll to command or a beast to tame ever again, but as a partner upon whom my life depends.

 **End of Diary Entries... for now.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 9:  
**

Asuka: "I don't know what pisses me off the most! 1.) The fact that an Angel showed up and I didn't get to do squat about it, being pickled like a beet and all. 2.) The fact that Section 3's idea of maintaining quarantine involved simply frog-marching us here at the point of guns and flame-throwers, leaving us with only one flashlight, and throwing these hospital gowns and underwear that we're now wearing, into the room, as an afterthought 3.) We have only one bed and one bath here, and we were forced to wash off that LCL, together, in a single communal bath, in near total darkness! Though I suppose I should be grateful that they didn't decide to power-wash us with a fireman's hose like I heard a few of them threaten to do, but don't expect me to give them an award for basic decency. 4.) NERV has the gall to think we should be grateful that the entire 'apartment' minus the bathroom is monitored for sound 24/7 because having no mics in the _communal_ bathroom, though the toilets have stalls, at least, and supposedly no cameras, is 'respecting our privacy.' GAH! "

Shinji: "At least Lara Croft managed to provide enough generators that we have minimal power..."

Asuka: "Yeah. I can't tell if that makes things better or worse! Now instead of worrying you'll 'accidentally' grab something you shouldn't, I have to worry that you'll 'accidentally' **see** something you shouldn't!"

Rei: "I can understand being scared of bathing in the dark, as that is physically quite dangerous, but I fail to comprehend why you're so ashamed of your body. You are quite beautiful, Asuka-san, and you obviously take good care of it. I am... somewhat envious."

Asuka: "Are.. are you for real, Wondergirl? Being on display in a giant test-tube is one thing. At least you have a sold, physical barrier that lets people know to keep their hands off. Willingly being naked, as in not just nude but _defenseless..."  
_

Rei: "I see. So you are afraid of us?"

Asuka: "Like hell I... okay, maybe 'suspicious' is the right word. You two are way, way too nice to me, and I don't mean the 'stroke her ego to her face and snicker behind her back' kind, but the 'honest to God' kind that always offers me a helping hand, regardless of how you personally feel. It's been my experience that the latter are the more dangerous, as they _always_ want something. For the life of me, I can't figure out what you two want from me, as we're stuck together on equal footing, and I have nothing to offer you."

Shinji: "All we want is to be your friend, Asuka-san."

Rei: "Indeed. As you say, we are stuck together, so it's better for all of us if we're on good terms."

Asuka: "Oh, so it's the old 'be nice to her as long as she's useful' shtick, eh?"

Rei: "No. We may have been asked to be nice to you, but all we want is your good will, even after all this is over."

Shinji: "Besides, you're cutest when you smile."

Rei: "Pilot Ikari, you said something unnecessary. Still, I must concur. Asuka-chan is quite cute, especially when she's happy."

Asuka: "W-w-w-w-what!? No! This can't be happening! Forget it! You ecchi couple can have the bed! Now that I can see what I'm doing, I'm sleeping in the closet! Fair warning! The closet door will be the 'impenetrable wall of Jericho, and if either of you try anything, you'll regret it!"

Asuka darts into the closet, slamming the door behind her.

While I'm confused and chagrined, thinking we might have gone too far, Rei smirks, walks over and quickly opens the door..

Asuka: "WHAT DID I JUST SAY?!"

Rei: "The walls of Jericho fell, Asuka-chan." Rei leans in for a kiss. First a tentative peck on the lips, and then a long, slow kiss that has Asuka melt like butter, for about five seconds.

Asuka: "What! ARE! YOU! DOING?! That was my first kiss, damn it! I was hoping Shinji would wise-up and take it.."

Asuka suddenly realizes her outburst, covers her mouth with her hands and starts to both blush furiously and weep in embarrassment.

Rei: "I thought so. Sadly, Shinji-kun is spoken for, and off-limits, at least until **I say so**."

Asuka: "Doesn't that apply to you too? Aren't you 'spoken for' and off-limits? Wouldn't Baka-Shinji object to his wife having a fling?"

Shinji: "With anyone else, especially another guy, abso-frackin-lutely! Can you name a reason why I'd object to you?"

Asuka: "So you're not worried that I'd steal her away?"

Shinji: "Not your style. You prefer to win your fights, honestly, and straight up. Besides, you and Rei make each other happy, and I **LIVE** for Rei's smile. I also told you you're cute when you're happy, remember?"

Asuka: "Bet you're just saying this because I'm another girl."

Shinji: "Right, so?"

Asuka: "And what, pray tell, makes you think _**I'm**_ into girls?"

Shinji: "You were far, far nicer with Hikari-san than anyone else, and you stomped on all those 'confession' letters without even opening them."

Asuka: "Me hating guys is not the same as me liking girls, BAKA! And Hikari hadn't done anything to warrant me bitching at her."

Shinji: "Well, there is the reaction you had when Rei first came on to you.."

Rei: "Indeed. That was most.. unexpected ...and amusing."

Asuka: "... Okay. Ya got me there. So what's next?"

Rei: "That depends entirely on you, Asuka-chan."

Shinji: "No pressure one way or the other. You and Rei want to start something … romantic, I won't stop you. In fact, I'll cheer you on, and we _**both**_ will do everything in our power to make you happy. Decline, and we'll respect your boundaries, do what we can to make you comfortable, and otherwise leave you alone. All alone. How you handle it is up to you."

Asuka: "No pressure.. right. You sure you're not a used-car salesman? That's a pretty good pitch for a lemon in the lot if ye get my drift."

Rei: "I do not appreciate being compared to a 'lemon,' whatever that means."

Shinji: "Well, Rei is rather.. unusual, yes, but so are you, Asuka-san, and you've openly admitted having 'romantic' feelings towards both of us."

Asuka: "Oh, fine then. I suppose I don't have a problem dating her, but I'm not in any way ready for any sexy shenanigans."

Rei: "That's more than acceptable. Especially as we're forbidden from sex anyway, thanks to our A-T field.. issues, at the moment."

Asuka: "I suppose it's time to make this official then? How does it go... AH! Rei-san, though I am unworty, please take care of me!"

Rei: "My pleasure, Asuka-chan! Welcome Home!"

Shinji: Sniff, Sniff (As I'm clearly crying) "That … was beautiful."

Rei: (Smiles sweetly) "Yes, Shinji-kun. I get a girlfriend for my first birthday with you! Best! Present! Ever!"

Shinji: "Birthday? Today's your birthday? Umm... Happy Birthday?"

Rei: (Frowning) "You forgot? Didn't you? Ikari-kun?"

Shinji: "Forgot?! How was I supposed to know? You never told me."

Rei: "It was in my file, that I gave you, remember?"

Shinji: "Oh, you mean under that black redacted marker stuff, like about half of the information in there?"

Rei: "... Well, I'll forgive you, since you gave me such a wonderful present, and we can't go shopping anyway, nor even bake the cake... Well, actually, we could, but without frosting."

As the "warehouse" attached to this suite has enough non-perishable foods ranging from powdered milk, eggs, and flour to freeze-dried fruit to last years, set up by the UN under Kaji's direction, Rei's statement is clearly credible.

Asuka: "Wait... I'm a birthday present? And today's your birthday?"

Rei: "I don't blame you for not knowing, as you believed my file, and Shinji-kun's was 'pure fiction' the day we met."

Asuka: "Actually, I did read it, and yeah, your birthday's not listed in there, at all, just a giant black marker swipe where the birthday's supposed to go."

Rei blinks a few times, but then just shrugs and smiles "Well, you both know now! So expect consequences if you forget next year! Now time to unwrap the present!"

Asuka: "Now hold on! I thought we agreed..."

Asuka doesn't even get to finish her statement before Rei picks her and me up and puts us on her shoulders like bags of rice before taking us to the communal shower/bath attached to our room. On the plus side, it seems NERV managed to reattach her arm just fine.

Asuka: "Oh, oh hell no! She's not doing what I think she's doing, is she?!"

Shinji: "Sorry. Forgot to mention Rei's a HUGE fan of mixed bathing, at least as far as I can tell."

Asuka: (Sigh) "And strong enough to literally break us in half if we resist, right?"

Shinji: "Oh, by the spirits of our ancestors, yes."

Rei: (Humming happily) "Oh, we had orders to get 'squeaky clean' for another day in the LCL tank too!"

Asuka: "Wait, we were going to be **ORDERED** to bathe together?" (Asuka starts glaring at me.)

Shinji: "First time I'm hearing this!"

Rei: "Hehe! No, Shinji-kun, Asuka-chan, but now that we're all one happy family, bathing together is going to be no problem at all!"

Asuka: "I know it's my fault for agreeing to date her without asking about this first, but if I find out you break the bathing etiquette..."

Shinji: "Yeah, you'll gouge my eyes out and eat them, right?"

Asuka: "You're learning!"

Rei: "Hey now! Play nice!" (Opens the shower door and carries us inside.)

A little while later, we are once again in the LCL tanks, in exactly the same state as last time, and yes, I get to keep my eyes.

Asuka: "Okay, here we are again, triple-washed, squeaky clean, and naked as jaybirds. What do we have in store for us this time?"

She sounds.. almost jovial about it, and NERV staff is quick to pick up on it.

Maya: "She sounds... kinda happy."

Aoba: "I'm scared! Where's that unstable ball of anger we all know?!"

Misato: "Rits, did something really good happen behind my back? Or is there something you're not telling me..."

Rits: "I'm not in any way responsible for their mood, Major, though I'd love to take credit for it."

Misato: "Then what's going on?"

Maya: "Asuka and Rei are now dating! And the way it happened was just so romantic!"

Misato: "Wait, _**WHAT**_?! How did that happen?! And didn't Shinji-kun object to somebody else romancing his wife?!"

Aoba: "He ...umm... kinda set it up, actually, or at least greatly helped it along."

Misato: "You're joking..."

Maya: "Oh, no! Get this, Asuka-chan is Rei's _**birthday present!**_ That's how badly Shinji-kun wants Rei-san to be happy! It doesn't get more romantic than that! I'm so jealous!"

Misato: "... That little perv..."

Ritsuko: "Enough. Keep that tabloid rumor-mongering type talk out of the lab, please. We are supposed to be professionals here. Try acting like it!"

Aoba and Maya: "Yes, Ma'am!"

Ritsuko: "Major?"

Misato: (Sigh) "Fine. I'll talk with them over the intercom later, when we're done here."

Ritsuko: "Thank you. As to your question, Asuka-san, we're going to pick up where we left off last time, before we were... interrupted, and perform some remote sync tests. The reason you're all 'au naturale' is that we wish to minimize any and all variables that might affect your sync score, notably the plug suits, outside clothing, or anything on your bodies."

Asuka: "As embarrassing as this is, I have to admit it does make sense, on paper. But sync scores are affected by our mental state, yes?"

Ritsuko: "... Yes. That's why we're planning plug-suit tests as a 'control' later."

Asuka: "I see."

Ritsuko: "Major... I don't know or care what their personal lives are like, but whatever they're doing together in quarantine, don't rock the boat. This is the most cooperative I've seen her, and I'd like her to stay that way."

Misato: "Yeah, Rits. I'll be .. gentle."

Ritsuko: "Good. Okay, Pilots, the first test will be syncing with your original Evas as a baseline, and then we'll see about inter-eva compatibility."

Asuka: "Inter-eva?"

Ritsuko: "Indeed. Situations may arise where you have to use each others' Evas and we need to know now how well that plays out before that happens. We know there's _some_ compatibility between Shinji and Eva-02 as your sync score went up while he was duel-synced with you, but we need to be clear how high that is, and among other tests."

Shinji: "That makes sense."

Rei: "A highly logical assertion."

Asuka: "... I'm going to have to be a broken, bloody mess on the ground before _**anyone**_ uses Eva-02 without me in the cockpit, or without my permission! Still, I can see the merit in being ready before that happens."

Ristuko: "Good, okay, Pilots, try to clear your minds... breathe normally and relax.. beginning sync tests..."

Aoba: "All Evas activating normally!"

Maya: "Wait, are these readings correct?"

Ritsuko: "Maya, what's going on?"

Maya: "Asuka just got a sync reading of 70%, though it's fluctuating by a margin of up to five points! Shinji's reading is 65%. REI is stable at 60% and that's twice her normal maximum!"

Misato whistles loudly. "Damn! Whatever it is they're doing in their 'downtime' is clearly working!"

Ritsuko: "I must agree, Major, though there is a glaring drawback to our new-found fortune."

Misato: "I can see where you're going, Rits. Something happens to one of them, and they might all buckle."

Ritsuko: "Outstanding work, Pilots! You've managed to surpass your maximum rates by a significant margin! Especially you, Rei. You've doubled your maximum to a full 60%. Asuka, though you're still in the lead at 70%, you're fluctuating up to five points. With Shinji at 65% and stable, it's a photo-finish for you!"

Rei: "Hmmm! This is welcome news, doctor!"

Shinji: "I... I've caught up to Asuka?!"

Asuka: "Don't let it go to your head, Third! I'm still ahead of you!"

Ritsuko: "Now comes the hard part, Pilots. We're going to have to test how you fare on each others' Eva. First comes Rei on Eva-01 as a benchmark test. We know she's compatible with Eva-01, and had the same level of sync as Eva-00. We need to make sure this is still true."

Rei: "I understand."

Eva-00 shuts down, and Eva-01 powers up.

Maya: "Sync rate stable at 60%, no change."

Ritsuko: "Outstanding, Rei. You're still at 60% even in Eva-01. Congratulations."

Rei: "Thank you, Doctor."

Ritsuko: "Okay, sorry about this, Pilot Asuka, but considering the tendency of Eva-01 and Eva-00 to go berserk, we're going to be performing the cross-sync tests with Eva-02 first."

Asuka: "I _really_ don't like the idea, but since there's nothing I can do about it, make it quick."

Rei's sync score with Eva02 is 30%, enough to get it moving, at least as well as Eva-00, but not much more.

Asuka: "Ha! I wouldn't date you if you couldn't do at least that much!"

Rei: "High praise indeed, Asuka-chan. I shall strive to meet your expectations."

Asuka: "HMPH! You'd better!"

Shinji (Sigh)

Rei and Asuka: "And WHY ARE YOU SIGHING?!"

Shinji: "This... is going to take some getting used to.. but I think I like it."

Rei and Asuka: "BAKA!"

Misato: "Well, you sure do get along!"

Ritsuko: "Pilot Shinji Ikari. It's your turn."

Shinji: "Yes, Ma'am."

I find out that my sync rate with Eva-02 is _**exactly**_ 50% down to the tenth integer.

Asuka: "I... I don't know whether to be impressed it takes that level of precision to measure your reading, or feel threatened the Eva-02 likes you that much."

Shinji: "I got that nerve-crawling feeling like I just met the in-laws for the first time with their daughter out of the room."

Rei: "Indeed. I had a similar feeling, only I didn't seem to be well-liked."

Asuka: "In that case, be grateful they didn't start polishing their shotguns while talking to you!"

I later find out that the NERV staff didn't get the reference and had to have it explained by Kaji, who has a great deal of experience interacting with "The West."

Ritusku: "You've all done well so far, Pilots. Just one last pair of tests and we're through for the day. It should be three tests with an Asuka+Eva-00 test, but the Commander has forbidden that one, due to its tendency to go berserk on activation, and Asuka's documented emotional instability."

Asuka: "HEY!"

Shinji: "Over the Rainbow..."

Asuka: "Grrr!"

Rei: "Hahahaha!"

Ritsuko: "Pilots! Please!"

Shiji: "Ok, Risuko-Sensei, I trust the tests involve Asuka in Eva-01 and myself in Eva-00, by process of elimination?"

Ritsuko: "Correct, pilot."

Shinji: "Ladies first?"

Asuka: "Oh NOW you remember your chivalry?"

Ritsuko: "He is correct. Eva-01 is known for going berserk in combat, but not upon activation. Asuka first, and then Shinji."

Asuka: "Oh, fine. I suppose Mr. Housewife goes last then."

Shinji: "?"

Upon syncing with Eva-01, Asuka begins having a one-sided conversation with someone or something. At least it looks one sided as neither we nor NERV can hear anything being said by someone else, but Eva-01 does growl a few times.

Asuka: "Who are you?"

Asuka: "How do you know this?"

Asuka: "What? You're kidding! You can't mean..."

Asuka: "Why speak to me?"

Asuka: "What do you want of me?"

Asuka: "The Angels are the EASY part?!"

Asuka:"These intstructions?"

Asuka: "You know my mother?!"

Asuka: "Then that means..."

Ritsuko: "Cut the connection! Sever the link, or we might lose her forever!"

Aoba: "Preparing to sever the link in 5"

Misato: "Wait! She's coming around!"

Asuka: "What... what happened? Stop staring at me, Baka, Wondergirl! It's creepy!"

Shinji: "Thank God, you're alright! We were afraid you were going to lose your mind in there."

Rei: "Indeed, Asuka-chan. We... _**I**_ was very concerned about you. NERV was seconds away from pulling the plug, damn the consequences. There are better ways to break-off a relationship, don't you think?"

Asuka: "What the hell are you trying to imply, Wondergirl?! I am not that wishy-washy!"

Misato: "Thank the Lord. Everything's back to normal. Let's hope Shinji's test goes better."

Ritusko: "Major..."

Maya:"Good news is she got a 75% sync rating... That's better than with Eva-02!"

Ritsuko:"A mixed blessing then... Don't know how the Commander is going to react to that. Aoba. Keep that eject switch for Eva-00 ready.."

Aoba: "Roger."

Ritusko: "Alright, Pilot Shinji Ikari, your test is the last for today. Let's see if you and Rei are cross compatible with the Evas."

Shinji: "Roger."

Maya: "Initiating neural link.. Something's wrong! The neural pulses are reversing, shifting back to the pilot."

Ritsuko: "Damn! Sever the connection, stat!"

Aoba:"It's not working. The signal is being ignored!"

Shinji:"Something... something is trying to force its way into my mind... Rei?"

Rei:"Shinji-... kun?"

Eva-00 goes berserk. "ROOOOAAAAARRRR~!"

It rips its way free of the restraints, walks up to and plants its palms on both sides of the normal observation booth before staring in.

Ritsuko: "Eject the power cord, NOW!"

Aoba:"Right!"

Aoba smashes the glass covering the button, pushes it, and the cord detaches, using boosters to land safely. Eva-00 shuts down for a split-second before activating again.

Ritsuko: "Back up power will last 30 seconds!"

Misato: "Rits! What's going on?"

Ritsuko: "It's happening again! Damn it! At least this time, I'm not in that damn observation room as that monstrosity goes out of control!"

Misato: "What are you talking about?"

Ritsuko: "The same damn thing happened when Rei tried to activate it before the first Angel attack. It's why she was so bandaged and bloody, and Shinji had to be brought in! Fortunately, we don't have to worry about it ejecting an entry plug as he's connected remotely."

To Be continued...


	12. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10:**

After everything is over, we are fully debriefed back in our quarantine quarters.

Misato: "Let me get this straight. Asuka, while you were synced with unit 01, you were speaking with a woman in a lab coat, but can't tell me much more than that, like distinguishing features?"

Asuka: "No. I can tell you how tall she was compared to myself, that she has brown hair, but the rest of her features were too blurry to make out. It's like trying to identify someone in a film that's way out of focus, through a fog."

Misato: "I see. And you, Shinji, met a 'little girl' who is a near spitting image of Rei? And that's the voice we all heard ?"

Shinji: "Yes. That's it exactly."

Rei: "..."

Misato: "Rits, care explaining what that's about?"

Ritsuko: "Now Major, Pilots, what I'm about to say next absolutely can not go anywhere beyond the five of us, and what I can tell you is going to be very, very limited as it touches on some seriously and highly classified material."

Misato: "That's deep and dark, Rits. What's going on?"

Ritsuko: "My mother was a murderess. She never went to trial because she committed suicide immediately after, and I saw it all."

Misato: "Oh holy fucking shit!"

Ritsuko: "Yeah. In a fit of jealousy, she strangled a 4-year-old that looked and sounded very much like Rei Ayanami, and after realizing what she did, took a dive right over the MAGI super-computer, bashing her brains out on impact."

Shinji: "So... um... how does that relate to what just happened today?"

Ritsuko: "Well, when I saw 'Rei' the very next day, I initially thought she somehow survived being strangled and thought nothing more of it. Now, I know different, very different."

Rei: "I see."

Ritsuko: "Now 'Rea' confuses me with my mother, and wants to kill me. I implore you, pilots. Don't dig any deeper into this. NERV's secrets are far, far deeper and darker than you can possibly imagine. Just because the three of you are Mankind's last line of defense doesn't mean NERV will hesitate to replace or dispose of you if you become inconvenient, or know too much."

Shinji: "..."

Asuka: "..."

Rei: "..."

Ritsuko: "I've said my piece. Major?"

Misato: "Yeah, we spoke with the Commander before coming here, and the official roster's been changed. Rei, you're going to be piloting Eva-01 from now on."

Rei: "Understood."

Misato: "Shinji. You're going to be piloting Eva-00."

Shinji: "May I ask why Eva-00 and not Eva-01 or Eva-02?"

Misato: "You're a victim of your own success. You've managed to connect with Eva-00's core consciousness, and came back alive, which is something nobody has ever done before. Until the phenomenon is fully understood, Eva-00 is going to be your ride. Furthermore, you're the only one who has ever _reversed_ an Eva's berserk state and got it back under control."

Shinji: "I understand."

Misato: "Besides, 'Rea' likes you, and that solves a whole slew of problems."

Asuka: "I guess I'm staying with Eva-02 then?"

Misato: "Yes. For the time being. If you connect with the core consciousness as well, then everything will be … reconsidered."

Asuka: Sigh "Fine, I get it. Well, Third, aren't you going to boast about beating me out?"

Shinji: "No. It.. doesn't feel right."

Asuka: "Good. I'd hate to have to beat the shit out of you."

Misato: "Before I go, I'm sure you've noticed the new laptop in your quarters. Turn it on please."

After the laptop boots up, we are instructed to activate the two-way conference function, and an image of Lara Croft shows up on the monitor.

Lara Croft: "Hello, pilots. Eesh, I had heard your quarters are cramped, but... this is no joke. So much for keeping you in separate bedrooms! Ironic that the British archaeologist who has a bunch of fanservicey videogames based on her is the one most trying to keep you teenagers modest! (SIGH) Oh well, can't be helped, I guess. I've been told about your 'condition', and that the three of you have to be stuck together like glue for the foreseeable future, but without the hanky-panky... As if teens can be trusted to withstand that kind of temptation... yeah, I can see you. Well, I'm not going to let you lot use this as an excuse to fall behind in your studies, and since the military training I had in mind is now impossible, we're going to be focused on team-building exercises for the next week, minimum. I've already prepared an outline..."

...To understand how we got to this point, we have to rewind the story just a little bit. Eva-00 going "berserk" was its internal captured soul lashing out at the mistreatment she had been enduring for the last 10 years, stuck inside the Eva as a "disposable test subject." I'm not going to go into detail here, perhaps at a later point in these memoirs, but we managed to connect when that little perpetually 4-year-old little girl learned our pasts aren't so different, being abandoned by the "father" who claimed to love us and then thrown into darkness for 10 years, only to be called upon to be used as tools, our suffering and pain ignored.

She really is a sweet, and sensitive child, but it's Gendo's reaction that's relevant at the moment. To say he took the revelation poorly is an understatement of an epic degree.

Gendo: "So you're saying The Third Child made contact with the soul inside Eva-00?"

Ritusko: "There can be no other explanation, sir. The description he provided is an exact match for the 'donor,' and he described several things that he had no possible way to know otherwise."

Gendo: (Sigh) "It can't be helped. From now on, Eva-00 will be the Third's Eva while The First will be assigned to Eva-01. As for The Second, assign her to her original unit, after verifying the situation."

Ritsuko: "And what should I tell them?"

Gendo: "Reveal nothing classified, but do not attempt to deny anything The Third has experienced, even if this, regrettably, reveals the fate of the former head Eva scientist."

Ritsuko: "Yes, sir."

Gendo: "Dismissed."

Ritsuko leaves the office to carry out her orders.

As soon as she leaves the office, Gendo does not hesitate to share his true feelings with Fuyutsuki.

Gendo: "This. Is. UNNACCEPABLE! That brat must NOT 'awaken' her. NOT AGAIN! I won't let it take her from me again!"

Fuyutsuki: "Old friend, sadly, it's still too soon for that brat to have an 'accident.' The Angels are still coming."

Gendo: "Damn it! I know, but this is a wholly unacceptable level of risk to The Scenario."

Fuyutsuki: "For now, all we can do is lock them up in quarantine, and keep their contact with the EVA to a minimum, at least until a replacement can be found.."

Gendo: "We'd need a replacement Eva too, or at least a replacement core, and we just don't have the time, not anymore."

Fuyutsuki: "Well, will making The Children's lives... inconvenient suffice?"

Gendo: "For now, we have no choice, but the moment it becomes convenient..."

Fuyutsuki: "It will be done, old friend."

As for what was going on in our quarantine quarters,

Asuka: "Okay, I grant you some of this stuff makes perfect sense. Working on our schoolwork, playing FPS games like Gears of War and Call of Duty, and having us all work on our 'household' chores together as a team is quite reasonable. The rest? … Are you trying to synchronize every aspect of our lives?! Including the use of our... hygiene?"

Shinji: "That kind of thing sounds like something Misato-san would do.."

Misato: "Right-o, kiddo. It's official orders!"

Asuka: "You take some kind of sick delight in having us sync when we have to go to the shitter?"

Rei: "Asuka-chan... We can't be more than a meter or two apart, remember?"

Shinji:"... I … took the liberty to label the stalls to avoid any.. accidents."

Asuka:"You WOULD think about that, hentai-baka!"

Shinji: "Considering how many times you threaten to gouge my eyes out? HELL YEAH I THINK ABOUT IT!"

Asuka: "Have you forgotten what you did on 'The Over the Rainbow'?"

Shinji: "What **I** did? **You** dragged **me** into a tight, enclosed place and changed into your plug-suit in front of me, and forced me to change into one of your spare suits, which has cleavage! Then called me a 'perverted dork'!"

Asuka: "Yeah?! I caught you trying to sneak an eyeful! Be grateful the pending Angel attack didn't let me charge you the standard 'viewing fee'!"

Shinji: "Well, excuse me, Princeess, but if you were so shy, why did you drag me there in the first place?!"

Asuka: "You...!"

Rei suddenly grabs both of us and puts our necks under her armpits in a dual headlock. "Enough, Shinji-Kun, Asuka-chan. We are stuck in this situation, and must make the best of it. Besides, your bodies are nothing to be ashamed of. I wonder how often I'm going to have to say that before it sinks in."

Asuka and Shinji: "Sorry."

Rei: "As long as you understand. Lara-Sensei. I do have a question. How are we supposed to participate in this 'Dance Dance Revolution' synchronized dancing regiment? Our living space is quite.. restrictive, and we can't leave."

Lara: "Oh that has been prepared-for in advance. Try lifting the bed, everyone."

Asuka:"Whoa! The bed fords into the wall!"

Shinji: "And there's a slate blackboard as the base... Just what was NERV preparing to use this 'quarantine' area for?"

My question was treated as rhetorical and never answered. We spent, under orders, the next week practicing out ability to synchronize in _everything_ , doing schoolwork, housework, practicing team-building tactics with FPS games, and even co-ordinating dance steps with dance-dance revolution!

While Rei and I managed to sync perfectly on the very first try, Asuka had to struggle, though she adamantly refused to admit fault.

Asuka: "Damn it! What's with you two? Can't you keep up with a simple Macarena dance?"

Rei: "We are scoring 'Perfect', Asuka-chan,. You're the one who's struggling."

Asuka: "What?! You dare impugn this great me?!"

Rei: (Holds Asuka very close and tight) "Yes."

Asuka and I both get nosebleeds and faint. The last thing I hear is Rei's little barb. "Well, you've managed to perfect synchronizing _**that**_! And it never, ever gets old."

Fortunately, we do manage to get our activities synchronized just in time for an angel attack, Israfael.

To be continued...


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 11:**

After a week of trying to synchronize everything in our lives, and I do mean _EVERYTHING_ , while we're stuck in "quarantine," with the NERV staff trying to figure out if it's even remotely safe for us to be among the general public, the alarm klaxon blares to indicate an incoming Angel attack.

Per usual, the JSSDF just mindlessly shoots at it, to no avail. As we've been informed by Lara, repeatedly, they are just so damn desperate for any kind of accomplishment, so that they're not "shown up by little brats" any more that they've given up formulating any kind of plan or strategy, and have basically fallen to the point that they'll throw anything and everything at the Angels, including the kitchen sink, just to see what works.

Considering our "condition," deploying in our Evas is.. problematic, and we don't hesitate to say so.

Shinji: "Um.. Misato-san? How are we supposed to deploy? We can't be separated by more than a meter, two at most, without risking grievous injury and gruesome death. The EVA cockpits are more than two meters apart, with the Eva standing side-by-side."

Asuka: "Yeah! I've put up being in the same quarters, basically no privacy, with my fellow pilots because I'd rather not risk my right eye exploding and my right arm peeling apart like a banana. By Gott, if I find out I've been lied to..."

Rei: "Asuka-chan... This is very, very different from what you were saying last night..."

Asuka: "Wondergirl... Not helping!"

Misato: "Trust me, kids. I don't like this any more than you do. Lara's been riding my ass like you wouldn't believe because I've had to put the three of you in the same room for an extended period of time, and I'd hate to have to find out I endured that for a lie. That being said, I really, really don't want to risk you going through such a gruesome experience as Rits laid out, but we think we've found a solution, at least short-term, and with an Angel bearing down on us, we have to take the chance."

Rei: "As the saying goes, we're all ears, Major."

Misato: "Rits. You're up. Make it good."

Ritsuko: "Thank you, pilots. I'm certain the last week hasn't been easy on you, but I'm afraid I have to make it a bit harder. For now, you need to head to the testing lab. We haven't been idle, either, and while we haven't yet formulated a decent remote-control system, we have completed a viable delivery system that will place you inside your Eva insertion plugs, and, once activated, the Eva's vastly stronger A-T field will keep you intact, at least until the battle's over. We're still working on how to get you back out with minimal risk."

Asuka: "OH FUCK ME! Your 'grand plan' is to roll the dice and hope we'll be okay?"

Rei: "Asuka-chan, if it wasn't for our current restrictions, I wouldn't mind taking you up on that offer."

Asuka: "D-d-d-dumpkopf! That WASN'T AN INVITATION!"

Shinji: "Pfft!"

Asuka: "What, Third?!"

Shinji: "Oh, you're just so cute when you're flustered."

Her face turns beet red at that.

Rei: "Ikari-kun, you're my husband; she's my girlfriend. Do try to keep that in mind."

Shinji: (Gulp) "Yes ma'am!"

Rei: "Good boy. Major, I trust this is the only way?"

Misato: "As far as I can tell, yes."

Rie: "Then I guess we have no choice. Okay, everyone, let's head to our tubes in the lab, and do as they ask. Time is of the essence!"

We rush to the labs, get in our testing chamber tubes, and we find out, to our horror, what the "delivery system is."

Remember that scene in 'Willy Wonka And the Chocolate Factory' featuring Augustus Gloop. Yeah, that one. We quickly find out how he felt as we are flushed through the tubing at high speed and pressure going through many twists, turns, and loops, into the entry plugs and then straight into our Evas.

Asuka: "I feel sick!"

While I share Asuka's sentiment, Rei actually enjoyed it.

Rei: "WHEEE! That was fun! Can we do it again, later?"

Misato: "All pilots aboard! Activate the launchers!"

Upon breaching the surface, I turn green, Asuka throws up in her plug and Rei is beside herself with excitement.

Rea: "Onii-san? Are you okay?"

Shinji: "I'll be fine. I hope. Asuka-san. Rei?"

Asuka: "BLARGH! Gott! That's horrible! I don't want to go through that ever again!" (Gurgle) "Urrrgg! Good thing my stomach was empty..."

Rei: "The Angel, it's here! Should I take point?"

Asuka: "HA! As if I'll let a little thing like motion sickness get in the way of showing off my stuff! Watch an learn, Wondergirl. You too, Baka!"

Although I'm concerned that Asuka might be pushing herself a bit too hard, I have to admire her fighting spirit.

Shinji: "Alright, be careful. Don't forget we're here to back you up!"

Asuka: "Now THAT is the right attitude. Watch me carve this turkey!"

Asuka leaps into action and with her twin Eva-sized axes cuts it vertically into three pieces.

Shinji: "Not bad."

Rei: "Impressive... Asuka. Jump back NOW!"

Asuka doesn't hesitate and jumps back just in time to avoid all three parts of the Angel grabbing Eva-02 and planting it face first into the ground.

Misato crushes her cell-phone with her bare hands. "What the hell is this?!"

Nothing we do seems to work as the Angels are moving in perfect tandem, as if they're still one being.

Shinji: "No.. No way. The three parts of the Angel are moving in perfect sync with each other! We shoot at one and while that one dodges, the other two try to pincer us! We 're getting cornered here!"

Rei: "Indeed. We need to sync our movements too. Time to put that training Lara Croft sensei put us through to good use."

Shinji and Asuka: "Got it! Let's PERFECT this bastard."

Sure enough we start using the moves we learned during the DDR "training" and it's very effective.

Fuyutsuki: "Wait... Are... Are they dancing the Maccarena?"

Rea: "HEY! MACCARENA!"

Misato: "Seems so.. but who cares! It's WORKING!"

On the final beat of the Maccarena, we jump up and stomp, turned completely around as the Angel tries to circle behind us and we stab into its three cores simultaneously with our progressive knives, to see it explode.

Misato: "Alright, now head to the launcher and descend, with your umbilicals attached, we should have plenty of time to figure out how to get you out of there safely."

Everyone: "Erm..." (Holding up the cords that were totally shredded by Israfael in the fight.)

Misato: "Oh for fuck's sake! Just.. just get to the launchers. Once you get to them, reduce power output to its minimum! That should tide you over for a few hours to give Rits a chance to get her staff's act together and get you out of there safely!"

Fuyutsuki: "I've noticed something else that's rather... odd about the pilots."

Misato: "And what is that, sir?"

Fuyutsuki: "Rei-chan keeps calling her husband '-kun'. Why does she do that? Married couples don't use honorifics with each other..."

Misato: "Oh, that? The answer is simple. That's something Rei does as a short-hand cue to clue in Shinji on his boundaries. 'Shinji-kun' means she's feeling affectionate. 'Ikari-kun' means she's getting upset, and he'd better change course-pronto. When she calls him 'Pilot Ikari', he knows he screwed up, royally, and he'd better fix it, FAST."

Fuyutsuki: "And how do you know this?"

Misato: "I asked, and she told me. She's never had to tell Shinji-kun though. Contrary to what or red-headed Berliner thinks, he's actually pretty quick on the uptake and caught on immediately."

Fuyutsuki: "That's.. far, far closer than I thought possible, especially for 14-year-old brats like them. Old Friend, your plan is going very, very well indeed."

Misato grows suspicions at that statement, but since Gendo is tenting his fingers over his face as usual, she can't make heads or tails of whether the "plan" is a threat or not.

 **Meanwhile... SEELE is having a meeting...**

SEELE 01: "Is this recording accurate?"

SEELE 02: "Seems so. Our 'bell' brought it to us at considerable risk, and expense."

Kihl: "Now it makes sense. That brat is _**dangerous**_. He is far, far too skilled to take lightly."

A holographic playback of Eva-00 going berserk is shown before all the SEELE high members.

Eva-00's power umbilical is ejected, and Eva-00 continues to pound at the glass of the observation room.

?: "Where is she? Where is that mean, old hag?! She's ALWAYS here, watching over me! Where is she hiding?"

Maya: "Shutting down in 30. 29! 28! 27!"

Shinji: "It's alright. Calm down. I understand."

?:"Who are you onii-san?!"

Shinji: "A friend."

?: "How could you possibly understand?! I..."

Shinji: "I too have been 'thrown away' by the Commander, and got brought in to fight as a tool, and just a tool..."

?: "And you've been locked up in darkness?!"

Shinji: "...Yeah. I was put in a place where everyone did their best to pretend I didn't exist, and when they couldn't, they called me a 'cursed child', recoiling as if the gods would strike them down if they so much as breathed the same air I did.."

?: ",,,"

Maya: "Oh, oh no! Eva-00 has picked up the power umbilical and plugged itself back in! The eject system is no longer responding!"

Misato: "Everyone, calm down, and let's watch the situation."

Shinji: "Leave it to me, Misato-san!"

Misato: "You have one chance, Shinji-kun. Don't screw up!"

Shinji :"Hai!"

?: "So you're Shinji-kun?"

Shinji: "Yes, and you are...?"

?: "Rei."

Shinji: "Rei? But..."

?:"I AM REI! Not that... PRETENDER ONEE-SAN!"

Shinji: "I.. see. How about if I name you Rea?"

?: "Rei-ah?"

Shinji: "No. Rei-Ay! Because you're the top?!"

Rea: "Hehe! You're nice, Shinji-niisan! I like YOU!"

After watching the video for the next 4 minutes, with Eva-00 sitting quietly as Shinji and Rea chat...

Kihl: "So that's why you want to betray The Children, eh, Gendo? A brat who can connect with the core of any Eva is too great a risk.."

SEELE (Germany) :"Our 'Child' is ready, and waiting, but Eva-05 is far, far from complete."

SEELE (England): "Our situation is the same."

SEELE (America): "Evas 03 and 04 are still undergoing final assembly and testing. We're still trying to install the S^2 engines provided by NERV Tokyo-3, and the process is proving especially problematic."

Kihl: "Very well. Where are those 'Children' now?"

A spotlight turns on and right before Kihl is a brunette girl with glasses and a thin silver-haired boy with red eyes.

? :"Maki Illustrious Makinami here, ready and waiting for orders!"

?: "Kowaru Nagisa here. I look forward to meeting the others, especially The Third Child. He is.. fascinating!"

Kihl: "Good. Everything is going according to schedule. Soon, very soon, our dreams will come true!"

Everyone: "FOR INSTRUMENTALITY!"

 **Back at NERV Tokyo-3, in the Eva Hangar:**

After several hours in our Eva, Ritsuko and her team finally tell us to open the hatches, one at a time. Per the luck of the draw, I emerge last. This is fine by Rea as she and I were playing a rather spirited game of chess, and she was pretty much cleaning my clock.

As the hatch opens, Rea begins to pout. "Bye, bye Onii-san! See you soon?"

Shinji: "Count on it. Next time, I won't be so easy on you!"

Rea: "Hahahahaha!"

Ritsuko proceeds to slap a collar on me. Quickly looking around, I see Asuka and Rei have matching equipment. I am then handed a charger, and instructions explaining how the collar can momentarily mimic our respective A-T fields, allowing us to be separated for a brief period of time, so we can get out of quarantine, and back to lives that are as normal as we can possibly get in the age of random Angel attacks.

Ritsuko: "This is only a temporary measure until we can get you completely untangled. The three of you are still going to have to share a bed and a bath for the foreseeable future, but NO SEX. I can't stress that enough. The further you separate, the quicker the battery drains, and you obviously can't be separated while the collars are charging."

Shinji: "Collars that are designed to force us to act a certain way, and without which we'd die? I'm not liking the implications."

Asuka: "YOU are not liking the implications? How do you think we feel?"

Rei: "This... Is most unpleasant. I am clearly not pleased with this."

Ritsuko: "I am well aware of your concerns, and I share them, Pilots, but there simply is no other way, at least not now. You can trust that we're working on it."

Rei: "When can we get back to being 'normal' teenagers, in every sense of the term? There are … certain aspects of my life I'm missing, and which I'm sure my husband and girlfriend would also like to partake."

Ritsuko: (Sigh) "I wish I could tell you. I really do. You all have to be aware that this is completely uncharted territory. The answer could be here as early as tomorrow morning, or we may not find it during our lifetimes! I just don't know."

Rea: "Mean old poopy-head!"

Eva-00 , without a pilot, turns towards Ritsuko who is clearly not thrilled at the implications or ramifications and starts to panic.

Ritsuko: "It's the truth! I swear!"

Shinji: "Rea, stop it, please. I appreciate your intent, but your method..."

Rea: "Okay, Onii-san!"

I swear, if an Eva could pout, we'd be seeing it right now.

Ritsuko: (In her notes) "Great. Now we have not one, but TWO Eva who move on their own without external power or pilots, and the second actually talks back too." (Aloud) "Okay, Pilots, today and tonight is the end of your quarantine. You'll be heading back to Lara's mansion, and 'normal' school life tomorrow, so enjoy it while you can."

Asuka: "Oh, good. I get to catch up with Hikari. She must be worried sick!"

Rei: "The class must certainly miss us, especially Toji and Kensuke."

Shinji: "Yeah. Those two are bound to mob me on sight."

Rei: "Remember, don't answer any personal questions, right Ikari-kun?"

Shinji: (Sigh) "Yes, ma'am."

Rei: "Good boy."

Rei proceeds to take turns patting my head and Asuka's and then kissing us as we head back to our quarters. I could get used to this. After all, life could be worse. If it wasn't for Rei mediating between us, I think Asuka and I would literally wind up at each other's throats. I'm never going to regret marrying her, ever. I don't regret sharing her with Asuka either. They're both happy, and Asuka makes some mean western style pancakes in the morning.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 12**

The next day, and we are returned to Lara Croft's custody at the Western-style mansion. We are also tasked with bringing over the packages of foodstuffs that we opened during our stay in quarantine, and some of it is quite heavy.

No sooner do we get everything settled than we hear a knock at the door.

Misato: "Take a rest, kids. I'll get it."

As we collapse into various chairs, sofas, and what-not, gasping for breath, Misato has answered the door, and not too kindly.

Misato: "And what, pray tell, are you doing here?"

?:"Well, the U.N. sent me over to investigate the status of 'The Children.' Make sure everything's on the up and up..."

Asuka: "KAJI!" With an unexpected burst of vigor, she runs over to the man at the door, and nearly bowls him over as she grabs him around the mid-section. "It was horrible! You have no idea what I had to go through since coming here!" She takes on the air of a helpless little girl and tries to paint herself in the most innocent and victimized manner possible while bringing him up to speed on her side of the story... Rei and I are not amused.

Kaji: "That sounds rough, leibchen!" He pets her on the head. "But your story isn't exactly accurate, you know. I was on the 'Over The Rainbow', and I saw the security footage of what you did when you got here. You have to admit _some_ of what happened is your doing, right?"

Asuka begins squirming and pouting like a little kid who got caught with her hand in the cookie jar. "Yeah.."

Kaji: "As for the rest, that's why I'm here. While some of what you endured in quarantine was unavoidable, the rest... Well, let's just say NERV security needs a LOT of work."

Misato: "No kidding. So why exactly are you here and not at NERV headquarters?"

Kaji: "Well, I do need to interview The Children as part of my investigation. Shinji-kun, you rascal. Got yourself a wife and a girlfriend, eh? And at 14 no less..."

Rei: "That is not exactly accurate, Inspector Kaji, Minister of the Interior, Liason to the U.N. and point-man for the Instrumentality committee." Rei then goes on to describe, in detail, the publicly available contents of his dossier.

Kaji: "Oh, that's right. Deer sweet Asuka here is your girlfriend, right Rei-chan? Asuka, why would you agree to that? I thought you were interested in.."

Asuka: "KAJI! … It was either that, or sleeping in a closet!"

Rei: "Soryu-chan, we would have never made you sleep in a closet, and you know it!"

Asuka: "Yeah, yeah. But my dignity would have demanded it, okay?! I mean, sharing a bed with a married couple? Even you have to admit that's rather weird, right?"

Shinji: "Well, I can see where you're coming from but.."

Asuka"Not another word, dumbkopf! I am well aware of the 'restrictions' Herr Dokctor put us under... And I don't like it any more than either of you."

Rei: "That's a relief, Asuka-chan. I was worried that you were forcing yourself..."

Asuka starts blushing furiously "Shut it, Wondergirl!"

Kaji: "Oh. You sure get along."

Asuka and Rei: "It's not like that!" They look at each other for a second and sigh. "Okay. So maybe it is!"

Kaji then pats me on the back. "Good job, Shinji-kun. You've already learned the most important lesson life has to offer. 'Happy wife, happy life.'"

Shinji: "Please don't talk that way, Kaji-san."

Asuka: "Oh please. Nothing more boring than a house-broken male..."

Shinji: (Sigh) "And that's why."

Suddenly the alarm starts blaring, indicating an Angel sighting.

Lara Croft: "Oh, you've got to be kidding me! We jut now finished ferrying you out of NERV HQ and now you have to go back?!"

Misato: (Sigh) "Welcome to a soldier's life, 'Lara-Sensei.'" Misato pulls out her cell-phone. "Okay, Rits. Talk to me. Yeah, you can get me up to speed on the way."

Misato, Asuka, Rei, and myself head off to NERV, Lara Croft and Kaji settle down and start chatting about us.

Kaji: "So 'Laura-Sensei', how's James doing?"

Lara: "Who?"

Kaji: "Oh, so that's the story, eh? Well, have to thank you for getting NERV up and running as quick as you did after that EMP triggered black-out."

Lara: "My pleasure, but even if I did know a 'James', I have no obligation to share that with you."

Kaji: "Fair enough. What's your impression of The Children?"

Lara: "No point in hiding it, I suppose. The best we can do is what you saw, and that's hardly stable."

We were all briefed over the phone en route to NERV HQ, and then when we got to the war-room, we saw what we were up against, in detail. An Angel attacking from orbit took out one of the observation satellites America put into orbit and has been dropping pieces of itself as target practice as it approached the mainland.

Misato: "So we think it's going to drop itself like a bomb over Tokyo 3?"

Ritsuko: "Exactly, Major, but the possible area of impact is too huge to consider a proper plan of evacuation, and we certainly can't evacuate all of Japan in the few short hours we have left before it's directly overhead."

Misato:"And we blew through our ready N2 mines on previous Angels. It'll be days before we get new ones, right?"

Ritsuko: "Indeed."

Misato: "Where's the Commander?"

Ritsuko: "He's at the site of Second Impact, gathering something on behalf of the Instrumentality Committee. That's all I know."

Misato: "Oh, great! So it's all up to me, isn't it?"

Ritsuko: "I don't envy you.."

Misato: "Okay. I don't see any other way to do this.."

Shinji: "Wait. You want us to catch the Angel with our bare hands?"

Misato: "That's not all. In order to maximize our effectiveness, due to the huge margin of error of the Angel's incoming trajectory, we need to field all three Evas, and have each of them at a strategic point, racing towards the crash site when that is determined."

Rei: "You are aware that this plan is highly irrational, correct?"

Misato: "Yeah, but I can't come up with any better ideas? Asuka, can our college graduate come up with something?"

Asuka: "Scientific calculator, pencil and paper please?"

Misato: "Erm.. Okay?"

Asuka goes through some rather difficult and lengthy advanced trigonometry calculator. "Yeah, Major, I'm not going to sugar-coat the chances of success, but this 'plan' is the best we've got going for us, and your choice of Eva placement is ideal. I've even taken the liberty of detailing the best estimated angle of descent as that thing comes hurtling down." She hands out parchments to each of us.

"Dumpkopf, this one's yours, you and Rea abourd Eva-00 should respond with this angle of attack."

"Wondergirl. Likewise."

Asika: "I've got my own probability arc to contend with. Just say the word, Major, and we'll sortie!"

Misato: (Thinking) "Holy shit. This is the most cooperative I've seen her, ever. Guess I should thank Shinji for letting her be Rei's "birthday present." I just hope these kids don't screw things up, literally.

(Aloud): "Alright, Piots. SORTIE!"

Everyone: "Yes, Ma'am."

Once the Angel's orbit comes above Tokyo-3 it stards dive-bombing towards the surface. The closest unit is Eva-01.

Rei: "En route to intercept!"

Shinji: "Racing to assist now!"

Asuka:"Oh. You have got to be kidding me! The son-of-a-bitch is breaking up!"

Misato would crush something in her hand, but her hands are empty, so she settles on slamming the surface of her control console.

Misato: "Oh that son-of-a-bitch! It's broken up into four pieces. Three of them are headed towards the Evas, but the fourth is still heading for downtown Tokyo-3... OH! OH SHIT! High energy reaction detected, like with that damned Ramiel!"

A high-powered energy beam blasts straight down from the fourth fragment, instantly liquefying the ground, buildings, and concrete beneath, boring through the 22 armor layers, one at a time, but far quicker than Ramiel did. Breach is calculated as coming in a matter of minutes, not hours.

In addition, two lateral jets start spewing energy and mass to keep it on target, and an engine appears on top to keep its energy beam from blasting upwards. In short, it looks like a giant hovering crucifix.

Misato: "How the hell are we supposed to deal with this?! We can't send up the JSSDF positron rifle, set it into position and fire it safely in minutes! Worse, we can't spare any Eva as those three fragments are bearing down on them! And if the Eva don't stop them, the loss of civilian life would be astronomical! God knows how many people we lost due to that energy beam alone!"

Ritsuko: "I wish I had a solution, Major, but we just don't have enough Eva! Damn that Instrumentality committee! It took Ramiel to authorize a third Eva here, and now this?!"

Misato: "Damn IT!"

The solution winds up coming from the strangest of places. Whoever said "from the mouth of babes comes great wisdom" was an authentic genius!

Rea: "Onii-chan! I want to play catch, not do this!"

Shinji: "Rea, I understand but... wait? Play catch? REA, You're a genius!"

Rea: "?"

Shinji: "Asuka, Rei. Can we grab those incoming fragments and throw them back somehow?"

Rei: "Interesting concept, Shinji-kun! Yes, we can coil our A-T fields to work like springs, but the recoil... and targeting angles..."

Asuka: "Let me worry about that, lets see, for maximum effectiveness... (Begins mumbling some highly advanced math equations)... OK, Wondergirl. You need to ready your A-T field to reflect it back at approximately 60 degrees. Baka! 45 degrees upward! Myself.. 39.95 Degrees and GO!"

Everyone: "HAI!" (Yes, Ma'am).

Doing as Asuka said, it works, but the recoil sends Rei downward into the ground, breaking Eva-01's feet. Eva-00 is driven down and backwards leaving huge grooves along the ground until smacking into a high-rise, back first, and Asuka is literally sent flying!

Still, the plan works like a charm as the three giant Angel fragments are bounced back to the main body, right in the line of the energy beam. Each impact causes part of the Angel to be blown away, and forces it to quickly consume its mass as it revs its thrusters to keep from being blasted out of its location. On the third impact, it consumes the last bit of itself and the now unguarded core starts falling to the ground.

The core is so small that if Rea didn't tell me about it, I might have missed it. Not wanting to risk the Agnel's core falling into the middle of Nerv HQ, Eva-00 and I run over to the projected point of impact, reach up, and catch it.

Rea: "We caught it, Onii-chan! That was fun!"

Shinji: "Yeah! That was great, Rea! I wish I could pet your head right now!"

Rea: "Hehehe!"

Once we're back in the base, getting debriefed...

Ritsuko: "This is the second time you've brought in a near-perfect specimen, Pilot Ikari. But this time, you've managed to bring back the core, completely intact! Impressive performance, all of you!"

Gendo: "Indeed. Well done, everyone. Especially Pilot Ikari who came up with this plan."

Shinji: "Thank you, sir, but I didn't come up with it alone.." 

Misato: "I'm sorry I allowed so much damage to take place..."

Gendo: "That's quite alright, Major. There's nothing you could have done to prevent this. We should all be grateful we're alive to see another day. That is all, dismissed."

Resting and relaxing on a hill overlooking Tokyo-3, and the huge scars caused by the latest battle, Lara Croft, Misato, Asuka, Rei, and myself are enjoying a well-earned picnic.

Larea Croft: "I know I already asked this, but how can the three of you keep on doing this? Despite all the downsides."

Asuka: (Beaming) "Getting my name carved in the history books and across the sky, never to be forgotten? YEAH. WORTH! IT!""

Rei: "I... I used to think I had nothing else... Then Shinji-kun, my anata, came into my life. Now.. I'm not so sure. Especially now that I've got the 'Great Asuka Langley Soryu' to cuddle with..."

Asuka: "Eh...ECCHI GIRL!"

Rei: (Sung to the tune of 'Barbie Girl') "I'm an ecchi-girl, and it's an ecchi world..."

Asuka: "Stop that, you!"

Lara Croft: "Hahahah! As for you, Shinji-kun?"

Shinji: "I used to want to get my dad's approval, but now... It's Rei's smile. I will do anything for that."

Rei: "You mean this smile?" (Rei does that cute little smile she first showed me immediately after the Ramiel battle.)

Shinji: "YES! That smile! That is the most precious thing to me in the world!"

Asuka: "You really are an idiot... But I must say I don't hate that about you, you sweet, naive dumpkopf."

Shinji: "Thanks, Asuka-chan.."

Asuka: "Hey! It's Asuka-San, to you. Only Rei gets to call me 'chan!' GOT IT?!"

Shinji: "Yes, ma'am."

Lara Croft: "Hmm. Definite improvement. I may have to re-evaluate my assessment of your relationship, but it's still too soon to tell. B+ for everyone!"

 **Meanwhile, in an undisclosed location near Reno, Nevada, United States...**

Random Lab tech: "Okay, Eva-04 is ready for activation test. You okay, Pilot?"

Pilot: "Yes, sir."...

Sadly, that is the last thing either of them would ever say on Earth, as Reno, and a circular area with a radius of approximately 40 miles vanishes forever. Eva-03 starts being shipped to Japan. To be continued...


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 13:**

 **Meanwhile, at an undisclosed location...**

In outer space, a massive battle is taking place. A gigantic mechanical monstrosity the size of three planets is bearing down on three small, by comparison, but heavily armed moons that are firing on it. The moon's blasts do nothing but annoy it, and it is about to display that fact, by unveiling hatches containing cannons that utterly dwarf them, and lining up to fire.

At this moment, a young boy, with body made of cinder and hair made of fire makes his impassioned plea to the king of Planet Rock. A bald, ill-tempered, arrogant man seemingly made of stone, with a heart and head to match.

Prince Pyrus: "If the Battle Moons could beat the Beast, they would have done it long ago! Lord Mantel, please! SPARE MY PEOPLE!"

Amazingly, Lord Mantel realizes his folly, turns the key on his throne, and the Battle Moons flee from the suicidal "glorious thrust" Lord Mantel put them on.

Unfortunately, while they may be done with the folly of attacking the Beast Planet head-on. The Beast is not done with them.

Captain Blaze: "Damn that stone-headed Rock-Hound king! He's doomed us all!"

Soldiers of Rock scurry around in a panic at the Battle Moon's core as the Beast Planet targets and fires upon them.

"If that thing hits us, we're finished!"

Suddenly, salvation appears, a tear in space-time forms in front of them...

Captain Blaze: "We have no choice! Head into the anomaly!"

Quarrior Peridot: "Normally, I don't take orders from a lava-head.. but you're right! Heading to the rift, NOW!"

The three Battle Moons disappear into the tear in space, which quickly closes right behind them, and the Null Matter cannon blast flies right past where they used to be, and then The Beast Planet begins to move on Planet Rock, now crippled, thanks to waves upon waves of fighters that swarmed upon it, since the planet's strongest line of defense was thoughtlessly dispatched... elsewhere. Their story will be elaborated later.

As of now. the Battle Moons quickly encounter the remains of the Eva manufacturing and testing complex. Along with everything else that was sucked into the Dirac Sea by the Eva activation disaster. The population on the Battle Moons immediately take measures to salvage everything and everyone in the place, in an effort to find their way out...

 **Meanwhile, back at the Lara Croft estate...**

Waking up the next day, after the battle with Matariel, the Angel of Birds, as we're eating breakfast as part of the morning ritual to prepare for school, Asuka lets slip the bombshell below, leaving Rei and I to damage control.

Asuka: "Yo, Third. Glad you and Wondergirl enjoy my pancakes and waffles. I must also thank you for keeping your hands to yourself all the times we've bathed together, and slept in the same bed, but there is something that's been bothering me for a while."

Asuka grabs my left hand, staring me in the eyes, clearly sending me the message that I'd better not try to run from this.

Asuka: "Now, I promise not to hurt you if you tell me the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you whatever god you believe in. I'm sure you realize how important this is?"

Shinji: "Ye- yes, Asuka-san?"

Asuka (inhales deeply): "ARE YOU TRYING TO FUCK ME WITH YOUR EYES?!"

Of course everyone stops what they're doing and just kind of stares at her with jaws on the floor, gobsmacked by the outburst, and it's implications.

Rei: "Soryu-chan? Shinji-kun has had plenty of opportunity to.."

Asuka: "And, that, Wondergirl is a major part of the problem! Now, dearest baka, did you think I wouldn't catch on to the fact that your eyes go down below my shoulders, but turn away the moment you think I'm turning my head in your direction?"

Rei: "Pilot Soryu! Enough."

Rei gently, but firmly puts her chopsticks down and then turns her head at Asuka, glaring at her and then asks me, in a calm, quiet tone, dripping with rage.

Rei: "Shinji-kun. Do you _**want**_ to gaze upon Asuka's nude body?"

Shinji: "Y-y-y-y-yes. I'm sorry!"

Rei: (Sighing in relief): "It's better to be honest, Shinji-kun. I'd be worried if you didn't. Were you perhaps thinking it was unfair of me to refuse sharing you when you were more than willing to share me with her?"

Shinji: "Um.. now that you mention it.."

Rei: "Good. I'm glad. Now, Shinji, Asuka. While the two of you are both clearly comfortable with me, and I'm comfortable with the both of you, you are both clearly not comfortable with each other, and that's the reason I put her off-limits to you, for her sake. Today, though, I've reached my limit."

Asuka: "And what does that have to..."

Again Rei glares icy daggers at her and Asuka shuts up, fast.

Rei: "Pilot Soryu. Though you are fond of calling Shinji-kun an idiot, and he may well be to you."

Shinji: "Hey!"

Rei: "Hush, dear."

Shinji: "Yes, ma'am."

Rei: "Good boy. As I was saying, Pilot Soryu, he's got two things he will always trump you on. One, his cooking. Though you've improved by leaps and bounds, breakfast alone once being too much for you, Shinji still has you beat. As for the other.. He's far more keen at knowing when I'm angry, and doing his best not to cross that line. Perhaps it's a cultural thing, as Westerners like yourself don't use honorifics the same way."

Asuka: "If you consider being raised in a pickle jar a 'culture' I guess."

Rei: "Fair point. I'll admit my social mores are a bit off. Still I've come to the conclusion that the problem is not culture, nor body image issues. Asuka. You've been using those as a crutch to hide the real crux of the problem. It's high time you tell us what's _really_ eating away at you. I've also noticed you 'sneaking a peek' as it were, so don't try to say I'm being one sided here."

Asuka: "And if I don't feel like talking?"

Rei: "Asuka. You don't want to go there. I've got over 100 ways to punish you without leaving any physical proof." Rei whispers something in Asuka's ear that has the other trembling in terror. "That's method #35. I'd rather not have to try to force it out of you."

Asuka:"... Okay. Fine. If you must know, Shinji drives me crazy, just by being himself! I'm highly, highly conflicted in the way I feel about him!"

Rei: "Doesn't that feel much better? Now please elaborate."

Asuka: "Mein Gott! You realize I have major trust issues, right?"

Rei: "We are aware. Now we can't guarantee we're not being spied on, but we won't go repeating what we hear here anywhere else, right Shinji-kun?"

Shinji: "Absolutely!"

Asuka: "For the love of Gott! Okay, Third! I like the fact that you're doing your best to respect my boundaries, but when I consider that this is just the result of you being too much of a chicken-shit coward to actually try anything with me, it drives me up the wall! I mean, you won't even look at my naked **shoulders** if you think I might be watching, but you're all too happy to look much lower the rest of the time!"

That particular revelation makes me feel quite guilty and my ears start burning from the blush.

Asuka: "Then there's your talent, yes _**TALENT**_ with the Eva. You get a fucking 40% sync rate without any previous training whatsoever, and the only reason I'm better is because I've been at it for a decade, and you're already in spitting distance of me in less than a month! Yet... YOU HATE IT! In fact, I'm sure that if it wasn't for Wondergirl being your wife and keeping your feet to the fire in this, you'd run away and spend hours, if not days, just going round and round and round on that damn monorail that circles the city!"

Shinji: "Um.. That's oddly specific, Asuka-san."

Asuka: "Shut it! I'm not done! As for being a pilot... I don't know how much this has to do with your wife, and now little Rea, cheering you on, but in the cockpit, you're confident, assertive, bold, and very, very quick to come up with workable plans to impossible problems! I don't have words to tell you how utterly yummy that makes you! When you get out though? YOU FUCKING LET EVERYBODY DRAG YOU AROUND LIKE A GUTLESS WIMP! I don't know what I want to do more, kiss you for being such a nice guy, or strangle you for being such a loser. In fact, right now, I want to do both at the same time, and no not as an S&M kink!"

Everyone: "Wow!"

Asuka: "Yeah, and still, despite all that, I want you all to myself. I don't want to be the 'other woman' and I clearly don't want you to have a mistress either, but... YOU'RE TAKEN! Even if I somehow got Wondergirl out of the picture, she'd take away most of what I really like about you with her!"

Rei: "Now I understand perfectly. You've been at war with yourself, and what happens to us is merely the collateral damage. Would it help if you and I were equals, Asuka-chan?"

Asuka: "Oh hell no! I'm not going to give you the 'you made me divorce my husband' card.."

Rei: "Asuka, dear. You misunderstand completely. Not your fault, as there's nothing like it in Western culture."

Asuka: "Then what ARE you talking about, Wondergirl?"

Rei: "I'm asking you, Asuka, dearest, would you be willing to be my and Shinji's 'comfort wife'?"

Asuka: "I've heard that term before...What exactly is that?"

Rei: (Sigh) "Since you've been up-front with us, I'll be up-front as well. I can't have children. I have no womb."

Shinji: (Gasps) "Rei!..."

Rei: "If by some miracle, I did conceive, it would be an ectopic pregnancy, and that would be... bad."

Asuka: "So you want a surrogate..."

Rei: "Sort of. In Japan, the Legal wife, especially in wealthy homes, is so busy handling the home and hearth, while the husband deals with external threats and problems, that she doesn't have the time or energy to bear and nurse children. As such, the family searches for a willing woman who would desire to take on the task in her stead. Ultimately, the legal wife makes the final decision in this. While the practice has fallen out of favor in modern times, due to Western influence, among other things, the law is still on the books."

Asuka: "Wait, wait, wait. Are.. are you PROPOSING to me?"

Rei: "Yes, yes I am. I even have the paperwork right here."

Shinji: "Anata, when and where did you get that?"

Rei: "When we were going to City Hall to register our wedding, I picked up the forms, for the future. I wasn't expecting to need them so soon.."

Misato: (Facepalms)"You've picked up some strange habits being around the Commander."

Rei: "He did raise me. Well, Asuka-chan?"

Asuka: "Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! This. This is too much, too fast! Even if it wasn't..."

Shinji: "Umm... yeah..."

Rei: "True, there is that. Tell you what, Asuka-chan. How about you decide after we get this A-T field issue straightened out? Of course, if you want it sooner, all you have to do is let me know and we can get your thumb-print right away."

Asuka: "Ecchi girl... You... you just want a legal excuse to get into my pants, don't you?"

Rei: "If I said I did, would that change your decision?"

Asuka: "I'd still have to think about it."

Rei: "Fair enough. Just to be clear, the 'comfort wife' has identical legal and marital standing to the legal wife in the eyes of the court, or in the case of custody. Should you agree and conceive children, they will all be legitimate, none of them will be bastards, and you certainly won't be a 'mistress.' Does that help allay your fears?"

Asuka: "...You're desperate, aren't you?"

Rei: "Yes. I'm desperate to see the two people I love happy, especially with each other."

Asuka: "... I'm going to study this matter very, very carefully. Right now though, we need to get ready for school. Let's finish breakfast and head out."

As we return to school, and go through our day, Misato learns what happened to Eva-04, the plans to ship Eva-03, and the looming arrival of two new Children. She is not amused.

To be continued...


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 14**

 **Back at NERV HQ...**

Miasto: "So the Nevada testing site along with Eva-04 are completely gone?"

Rits: "Yes. During the activation test, Eva-04 triggered some kind of dimensional portal, sucking it and everything in a sphere with a 40 mile, or roughly 88 km, radius to parts unknown."

Misato: "And the US, now is shipping Eva-03 via super-stealth aircraft to dump it on us, 'the experts' because they don't want to deal with it?"

Rits:uko "Exactly. That's not all. The Instrumentality committee is also sending us two new pilots."

Misato flips open the dossier. "A Nagisa Kowaru and Mari 'Illustrious' Makinami?... Good grief. Our problem isn't a lack of pilots, it's a lack of war potential! Though this time, the UN has a damn good excuse. Eva blowing up or deciding to leave the planet is an obstacle pretty hard to overcome."

Ritsuko:"Major, you seem even tenser than usual. Did something happen?"

Misato: (sigh) "Just when I think those kids have run out of ways to shock and stun me, they find something new and unexpected! Rei outright proposed to Asuka this morning!"

Ritsuko: "Wait... WHAT?!"

Misato: "Yeah, at the breakfast table, Asuka went into one of her typical 'The Third Child is an idiot, a pervert, and perverted idiot" tirades, and Rei had enough of it. So Rei threatened Asuka into revealing what's _really_ bothering her."

Ritsuko: "I know Rei can be a bit... odd, but how does that lead to a marriage proposal? Especially as Rei's already married?"

Misato: "I'm getting there. When Asuka went on and on about how she really feels, and how _**conflicted**_ she is regarding Shinji, Rei decides the perfect solution is to propose to Asuka right then and there, offering her the spot as the 'comfort wife' to herself and Shinji because she wants kids but can't have them!"

Ritsuko: "You can't be serious!"

Misato: "Oh, I'm very serious. In fact, Rei admits having the paperwork ready to go, claiming she picked it up from City Hall when Shinji wasn't looking while they were registering their own wedding, and has been holding on to it, 'just in case', just like the Commander has wedding forms in his office, ready to go.."

Ritsuko: (Facepalm) "Unbelievable."

Misato: "Tell me about it. I had the same reaction as you, and I was right there! I even facepalmed! So when can we expect the new pilots and Eva?"

Ritsuko: "Let's see. The pilots should be arriving by the end of the school day, Eva-03 should arrive in a few weeks, with Eva-05 and Eva-06 scheduled to arrive a few weeks after that."

Misato: "Wait... New pilots arriving by the end of the day, and I'm just hearing about it NOW?!"

 **Meanwhile, in the throne room of Planet Rock...**

Prince Pyrus: "What do you mean you have no idea where the Battle Moons went? All my people are on there!"

A small toad-like creature, the Emperor of Planet Bone, speaks up to the distraught prince.

Femur: "I hear ya, Kid. Look. Everyone here knows I'd do, and have done, some terrible things to keep my people safe, even if they didn't always appreciate it. I know where you're coming from, but they had to flee into a spatial anomaly to avoid the Beast's Null-cannon blast..."

A large, fur-covered bipedal creature, known as Zuma, who can only speak via telepathy then states her findings, or lack thereof. "We have been searching, child, but apparently our powers can not pierce dimensional boundaries. For now, your people are lost, parts unknown."

Sternum, Femur's elder brother then puts in his observations. "I understand. Not knowing is the worst part. I teleported away my own people with my own hands to keep the rest of us safe while the Beast was bearing down on us, so the rest of us may live. Even knowing I had no choice, I still regret it, not knowing if they're alive or dead."

A large man of Rock, blue crystalline "hair" and leader of the Alliance, speaks words of comfort. "Fear not, Prince Pyrus. We won't stop looking until we find them, one way or another. Even Tekla has not given up analyzing the readings we got on that spatial rift that swallowed up the Battle Moons..."

Jade: "In war, we all lose something precious to us. But as long as I'm Queen of Rock, you can count on our people's support."

Pyrus: "While I appreciate it, words are empty. I need action. I have to do SOMETHING!"

Zera, young princess of Planet Ice, and her father King Cryos pat the young, brave, ruler of the people of Fire. "That's what we're trying to figure out. What can we do.?"

A metallic woman comes running into the chamber, it's Tekla, lone survivor of planet Tech.

Tekla: "I have good news. We've finished analyzing the data from your recordings of the spatial rift! Tell them Vox!"

Vox, a small, flying computer droid speaks. "AnalySis of gravometric, tachyon, optical, and wave form data indicates a 9.3321 % chance of re-opening the rift with a properly attuned tachyon emitter from a craft of approximately the size of an Ice 'Blade Wing' or a fighter craft from the armada of Planet Fire. The lighter the craft the better."

Pyrus: "Now THAT is what I'm talking about! When can I fly out my personal Fire ship?"

Zera: "I'm going too!"

Pyrus: "Hold on! The fire ships only have room for one..."

Zera: "I HAVE been learning to fly blade wings, you know! I'm going to be flying my father's personal craft along side you. No way I'm letting you go off alone!"

Cryos: "Loathe as I am to see my daughter go into danger, Lady Zera is correct. You can not go doing this alone, your Highness."

Femur: "Okay, you lovebirds. Old Papa Femur's going to escort you on the Clavicle, and then let you try to open that rift without getting sucked in! So, Doll. When's the doo-dad going to be ready?"

Tekla: "It already is! Your alliance ships all come with Tachyon transmitters pre-installed. You just need to broadcast at a specific amplitude and frequency at the rift!"

Cryos: "And why can't we do this on the Aurora?"

Femur: "The Clavicle is faster, more agile, can dock planet-side, and has grapples to reel them in, worst case scenario, and unlike the Aurora, The Clavicle is alive and learns from experience. Crate may not look like much, but she's one tough bird!"

Cryos: "Against my better judgment, due to a certain emperor's checkered past, I must admit that Femur's plan is quite sound."

Femur: "Hey, now, 'old buddy'. I may be a cowardly toad, but I'm not suicidally stupid! I have nothing to gain by backstabbing you, and everything to lose."

Sternum: "Hard to admit, but Femur's actually a good emperor for Bone. Still, caution is not ill-advised. Even without malice, a great deal could go wrong."

Femur: "Yeah, yeah. I hear ya. Now if ya'll will quit yer belly-aching, we need to hurry. Spatial anomalies have a tendency to misbehave, especially if they're kept waiting!"

Pyrus: "It's agreed then? Let's get going before the trail goes cold!"

 **At the outer edge of our solar system...**

The rift opens up, spitting out the three Battle Moons, aboard which is all that survived the Nevada testing grounds, including Eva-04, its test pilot Alicia Claus, and a handful of scientific personnel. Everyone's managed to survive thanks to a make-shift hydroponics plant for food and oxygen.

After a bit of a struggle, some basic communication was made possible by devising a simple morse-code.

Captain Blaze: "Is this the right place? I've never seen a solar system this large before!"

Quarrior Peridot: "Indeed. Even at maximum thrust, it would take months to reach the third planet from here!"

Alicia: "Yes, this is the place alright! We'd better focus on gathering resources for the trip, as by your own admission, without the lichen of 'Planet Bone', lichens which don't do well in our hydroponic farms, your people will starve in less than a week!"

Quarior Peridot: "Indeed. Fortunately, the ice and rock in this 'Oort Cloud' is very close to the 'rock salts' we normally eat at home, and there's no shortage of water. Combined with the food your people have managed to grow, we might be able to subsist until we arrive at your world, where we might find help."

Alicia: "Yes, provided the Angels haven't wiped my people out in the meantime..."

 **Back on Earth, blissfully unaware...  
**

As Asuka, Rei, and myself are walking home from school, a shout of "Yahoo" startles us, and I look up just in time to see a glasses-wearing braided brunette with a pink jump-suit coming down from above with a parachute on a collision course with me. I don't have time to get out of the way before her breasts crash into my face, knocking me flat to the ground, and having the parachute land on all of us.

"Mari Illustrious Makinami has arrived!"

Asuka: "SIS! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!"

Mari: "Eh? Ah! Asuka! Good to see you! How have you been?"

Asuka: "Don't give me those pleasantries! What the hell are you doing here coming down on us with a parachute in a high-traffic area?!"

Mari then pulls out her paperwork. "Official orders from the UN Instrumentality Committee!"

Asuka skims the document a moment..."Nowhere on here does it say you should para-drop right on top of us!"

Mari: "Yeah, but you know I just had to see the guy my 'Big Sis' has her sights on. Where is Shinji-kun, by the way?"

Rei: "You are currently sitting on him. Would you kindly move, and pick up your parachute? You are troubling others."

Mari: "Oh. You must be Rei-san. How do you do? Maki Illustrious Makinami here, your fellow Pilot reporting for duty!"

Asuka: "Quit it and get off of him already!"

Mari looks down and helps me up. "Huh? This is him? He doesn't look like much."

Asuka: "Yeah, some crazy glasses-wearing loon just crashed on him with her parachute! And who said I had my sights on him?!"

Mari: "Oh, Asuka, Sis. I've been briefed on your reports to the UN. The letters may not say it, but I can read between the lines, and I know when you've got the hots for someone!"

Shinji: "Ow. Ow. OW! Asuka-san? Who is this?"

Asuka: "Wondergirl, Third, this is 'Maki Illustrious Makinami', my half-Sister from my father's mistress, aka 'second wife.' The nurse who ..."

Mari: "That's not something to say in public, Sis, and furthermore, you shouldn't talk about your father like that..."

Asuka: "Father? Sperm donor and pond-scum are more apt terms for that guy!"

Mari: "Now, Sis..."

Shinji: "Um.. if she's your sister, she can't be older than 10-years-old! How..."

Asuka: "Ah! Yeah, that nurse didn't start seeing my 'father' when MOM was in the medical hospital, slowly wasting away. I'll let you fill in the blanks."

Mari: "And yet, you're dating a married boy yourself, Sis?"

Asuka: "HAH! No. I'm dating his wife, thank you very much, at her request, and his."

Mari: (Blinking rapidly) "Err, what?"

Asuka: (Preening) "Yeah! And furthermore, any report you might have gotten about ..."

Shinji: "Uh.. maybe it's a good idea to finish discussing this at home?"

Rei: "As fascinating as I find this, we are gathering quite a few stares. I must agree with Shinji-kun."

Mari: "Eh, hehe! You're right, Rei-san! Would you all help me gather my parachute and let's go to the Lara Croft estate?"

Arriving home, the Lara Croft estate, we are greeted by another surprise, the other pilot the UN sent us landed on the roof, at Lara's copter port and was ready to greet us, being presented by Kaji.

Kaji: "Ah. I see you've already met Maki Illustrious Makinami, and this here is Kowaru Nagisa.."

Rei, of all people, took an immediate dislike and addressed him with unprecedented levels of hostility.

Rei: (Glaring daggers at Kowaru) "Who are you?!"

Kowaru: "I don't understand, I'm Kowaru Nagisa... Pilot for NERV Berlin..."

Rei: "NO! I asked who are you?! Where the hell did you come from? What are you doing here?! GET OUT! GET OUT NOW! OR..."

Kowaru: (Smiling and shaking his head smugly) "Now, now, Rei-chan. You don't want to start something here, do you? What would happen to everyone else that lives here? Hmm?" Kowaru then walks over to me. "Ah, you must be the amazing Third Child, Shinji-kun! I was so looking forward to meeting you." He puts his hand under my chin and leans in as if he wants to kiss me. "How about you and I lose the ball and chain and just go hang out together for a bit, man to man? Eh?"

I get goosebumps from how creepy this is.

Asuka: "THE HELL! GET AWAY FROM HIM! YOU, YOU SILVER HAIRED GIRLY BOY!"

Rei grabs him by the back of the neck. "Thank you so very, very much for giving me a reason to throw you out, literally." She then picks him up and throws him out the door with so much force that he dents the light pole he crashes into, head first.

Shinji: (Trembling in fear and disgust) "Wha... what the hell was THAT about? Rei?"

Rei: "I! Do! Not! Like! Him! I don't know who he is, where's he's from, or what his end-game is, but out of nowhere he's pawing up my husband like … like..."

Asuka: "Like a pimp talking to his cheapest hooker?"

Rei: "EXACTLY!"

Mari: "Um... Asuka... Sis.. That's a rather... unusual reference?"

Asuka: (Sigh) "You poor sheltered child."

Kowaru: "Ow. Now that wasn't very nice, Rei-chan."

Rei: "Oh, are you trying to start a fight now?"

Mari: "Whoah! Whoah! Cool your jets! Cool 'em! Nagisa-kun didn't mean any harm. Raised in NERV Berlin, he doesn't understand the norms here.."

Auska: "Bullshit! I was raised in NERV Berlin, until I went to and graduated college, and I never met him. Wondergirl here lived her life in a pickle jar, and her social mores are way, way better than that!"

Mari then runs over to Kowaru to explain just why what he did was wrong.

Kowaru: "Oh. I must apologize. I had thought that's how men 'hung out' here? From all the media I've been shown..."

Shinji: "... And what the heck have you been shown?"

Kowaru pulls out a BL magazine.

Everyone: "..."

Mari: (Sigh) "Oh that is so wrong on so many, many levels! And what are you doing rifling through my collection?"

Asuka: "Now I've seen everything. Someone who makes Wondergirl, who spent her formative years in a giant test-tube, look normal. What's up with your reaction? Never seen you that hostile to anyone, not even me, at my worst."

Shinji: "Yeah, dear. Even when you were mad at me..."

Rei: "It is not something I can discuss in mixed company. Perhaps when we're preparing to turn in?"

Mari: "Eh? The three of you share a bed?!"

Asuka: "And a bath, but don't get the wrong idea, Sis. It's either that, or we die, horribly. Some Angel … screwed with and tangled our A-T fields and if we're too far apart, too long... the results aren't pretty."

Mari: "So that means that you, and he, and she.." (Pant, Pant, Pant)

Asuka: "STOP right there, pervert glasses! I know what you're thinking, and no, THAT would, at best, make everything worse, if not kill us outright."

Mari: "Hold on, hold on! You have to share a bed and a bath, or you die, but if you do anything indecent, you also die?"

Asuka: "That's the gist of it, yes."

Mari: "THAT SUCKS!" (Maki's glasses suddenly shine) "But still, excellent excuse to get a view of some nice beefcake and cheesecake, eh?"

Asuka: "Cut it out, PERV!"

Kowaru: "So you eat dessert in your bedroom? Or do you eat in the bath? Japanese customs are so confusing."

Kaji: (Sigh) "Your partner is using slang. Don't worry, I'll teach you about it later when I'm sure the Major isn't around to beat me up, right Misato-san?"

Misato has just walked in, mad as a hornet. "Inspector Kaji, care to explain how Pilot Maki and Pilot Kowaru were scheduled to arrive and settle in here, today, but I didn't find out until this morning, and the rest of us weren't informed at all?!"

Kaji: "Not my call, Major. Those big-wigs on the Instrumentality Committee figured there were saboteurs targeting them, so it was 'need to know' until they got here and settled in. That means I wasn't informed until late last night, when they were getting on the plane, and you, apparently learned about it this morning to … make security arrangements, I guess."

Misato:"... BHWAHADASDASNDEASDFVASDJKAS #$ !# $! !W #$%# !"

Asuka: "Whoa! I thought I had the potty mouth."

Misato "Asuka, dear. It has much better and bigger effect if you save it for when it's really, really justified."

Asuka: "I'll try to keep that in mind."

Misato: "Okay, kids. I know this sucks, but Kowaru Nagisa and Maki Illustrious Makinami have been ordered by the UN to live here, and we have to accommodate them, and no there doesn't seem to be any other accommodations available. That being said, I'm sure none of us like it. Lara Croft, do we have room?"

Lara: "Fortunately, yes. The two newcomers have already been briefed about Asuka, Rei, and Shinji's special needs, and if there's a silver lining to their plight, is that it frees up individual rooms for Maki and Kowaru. Also, to avoid accidents, I strongly recommend locking the doors on the bathroom when you go in. For the sake of the newcomers, I'll say this again, go in my private quarters or bathroom without permission, and you risk being shot. No, that is not an exaggeration."

Mari: "She's joking, right? Please say she's joking."

Shinji: "No, she's not. She's showed us her shotgun. Also, this house does have a maze, and several possibly lethal traps. I'm sure she'll start training you on running the gauntlet soon."

Mari: "EH?!"

Lara Croft: "That's right! Once I get your full files from NERV, be prepared for some grueling training and team-building exercise!"

Everyone: "GROAN!"

Lara Croft: "Now, now. You lot have to admit that my training is one of the primary reasons you're all still alive and well! For now though, everyone got pencil, paper, and calculator?"

Mari: "Umm..."

Kaworu: "Calculator? I was not informed I would need one."

Lara: (Sigh) "Shinji-kun, Asuka, Rei? Mind lending them the needed tools?"

Asuka: "Good luck, Sis"

Rei: "Do not expect me to wish you well, Nagisa-san."

Shinji: "Erm... I do hope you do well, and we can get along, just... don't do THAT again. Okay?"

Kowaru: "..."

Lara Croft hands them their papers, "Shinji, Rei, Asuka, go work on your homework now. As for the new meat, test... START! NO TALKING!"

To be continued...


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 15**

The next day, as we were all preparing for class, Lara Croft informed us that she'd have the evaluation exams she had Mari and Kowaru take fully graded by the end of the day, and today they'd be going with Rei, Asuka, and myself, just to get officially transferred into the school. The lesson plan at home would be adjusted once she fully analyzed the results, and got the school's lesson plan updated.

On arrival at the classroom, both Mari and Kowaru were asked to introduce themselves.

Mari: (Writing on the blackboard in Japanese) "Mari Illustrious Makinami! a" (Aloud) "Pleasure to meet you all. As a girl raised in 'Jolly Old England', I hope we can still get along!"

Shinji: (Whispering) "England, but..."

Asuka: (Whispering back) "Hush, baka, I'll explain later."

Then it's Kowaru's turn.

Kowaru: (Writing in Japanese) "Kowaru Nagisa" (Aloud) "Hello." (Bows) "I'm Kowaru Nagisa, born in Austria, but raised in NERV Berlin, I hope to get along well with all of you. Though I am inexperienced, please take care of me..."

The guys in class begin to giggle while the girls start to blush and stammer.

Mari: "Um.. Kowaru, that term means something a bit different than what you think..."

Kowaru: (Head tilting slightly to the side) "Uh? What did I say wrong?"

Mari: (Facepalm) "You've been exploring my 'other literature,' haven't you?"

Kowaru: "Is it not an accurate depiction of Japanese life?"

Mari: "In a word, no."

Kowaru: "...Oh."

Teacher: "I'm sure our new transfer student has been reading manga and other fictional stuff, and is just a bit, ill-informed, that's all. Now let's see, where shall they be seated... AH. Mari, you will sit by Asuka while Kowaru sits by Shinji..."

Rei: "Sensei, is there not another seat available? There have already been several 'misunderstandings' of a … delicate nature, and I'd rather not see the two of them placed close together."

Teacher: "Nagisa-san, is this true?"

Kowaru: "Uh... yes."

Teacher: "Oh. I see. This does pose a problem...In that case, Mari will sit by Shinji while Kowaru sits by Asuka, as there are no other available seats."

Rei: "Thank you, Sensei."

The next few lessons were pure torture. Sure, Kowaru did very well in the purely academic side. The rest of the time? It was completely awash with accidental innuendo, at least we all hope it was accidental, for the sake of our sanity. When lunch time came along, the entire class was greatly relieved.

Eating lunch together on the roof were Asuka, Rei, Hikari, Toji, Kensuke, Mari, Kowaru, and myself.

Mari: "Kowaru, sweetie, that was not just horrible, but atrocious! I was told you were briefed on Japanese culture... What happened?"

Kowaru: "I was taught the language, yes, then I perused your literature and movies for context..."

Mari: "Wait, hold on. You're saying that the UN decided the best way to acclimate you was to simply teach you the language and then have you go through my 'literature' which is composed entirely of h-doujin without informing me?"

Kowaru: "Yes..."

Everyone: "GROAN"

Mari adjusts her glasses, massages her temple, and looks up at Kowaru, annoyed.

Mari: "Kowaru, dear. That stuff is all fiction, make-believe, fantasy, acting, and most importantly, pure fiction. People don't act like that in reality, at least not without getting slapped in the face, at best, winding up with criminal convictions at worst. Until we get you up to speed, perhaps you should let me, or the others handle social interaction."

Kowaru: "I... understand."

Mari: "Okay, now that's settled, I'd like to hear more about the relationship setup between the rest of my pilot team-mates. I'd like to avoid stepping on toes if I can help it."

Shinji: "Well..."

Rei: "Allow me, Shinji-kun. Our relationship is somewhat complicated. As you're all aware, Shinji and I are married. It was a whirlwind romance that began when we were ordered to live together, due to a lack of viable alternatives. To his eternal credit, Shinji-kun kept his hands and eyes to himself, no matter how hard _I pushed him_ , until we both almost died in the battle with Ramiel, at which point he proposed to me, and I accepted., very happily."

Hikai: "That... Is so romantic!"

Mari: "Oh... That is fascinating, but what about Asuka?"

Rei: "Oh that.."

Asuka: "Yeah, that! I'd like to hear it!"

Rei: "Well, this is where things get complicated. The three of us were forced to live together by virtue of having our A-T fields entangled by an Angel such that if we're more than a meter or two apart for any length of time, we get some rather graphic injuries, and we learned that because my left arm fell off for no reason."

Toji: "Man, that... that's horrible!"

Asuka: "Yeah, that was a nightmare!"

Hikari: "Hold on! You've been more than two meters apart several times today! Did NERV fix that..."

Rei: "Only a temporary 'patch'." (Points at our collars) "These allow us to be separate for a brief amount of time, but they need to be recharged, frequently. So three of us still have to sleep in the same bed..."

Asuka: "And bathe together, but don't get any ideas. Baka here knows he'd better keep his eyes and hands where they belong... or else."

Shinji: "Yeah. Aside from whatever Asuka would do to retaliate, our A-T fields are also likely to kill us if we do any echi things with each other..."

Hikari: (Gasp) "HOW HORRIBLE! Man and wife can't do anything with each other... That's like 80% of the marriage off-limits! Still, how does that translate to ..."

Rei: "Asuka being my girlfriend?"

Kensuke: "Yeah!"

Rei suddenly smirks, mischievously.

Rei: "Well, our very first night together, she insisted on sleeping in a closet, like a bobcat that's been abandoned, abused, and chased off from everywhere she called 'home,' proclaiming that the closed door was 'the impenetrable wall of Jericho.' Knowing that the walls of Jericho fell, I realized that she wanted affection, but was too scared and hurt to ask.."

Asuka: "Yeah, she opened the door and kissed me! Right on the lips!"

Rei: "And that's when she let slip that she had designs on my husband, Shinji-kun."

Hikari: "And you weren't even the tiniest bit angry, jealous, or spiteful?"

Rei gently sets down her chopsticks, smirks and goes...

Rei: "Nah! I was far too busy enjoying watching our favorite angry bobcat melt into an adorable puddle of embarrassment and shock as she desperately tried to process what she just blurted out. Let's see if memory serves..."

Asuka: "DON'T YOU DARE, YOU ECHI BLUENETTE GIRL! YOU PROMISED!"

Rei: "Hehe! You're right, Asuka-chan! Would you prefer to tell them?"

Asuka: "Shut it, you! Well, if I'm a bobcat, then Baka here has to be an abandoned stray kitten people feel sorry for..."

Feeling a bit mischievous, I play the role that Asuka laid out.

Shinji: "Nyah!"

Asuka: "What?!"

Shinji: "Nyah" (curls up the digits of the hands like cat's paws and starts swatting Asuka's pigtails.)

Asuka: "Is your head broken, dumpkopf?!"

Shinji: "Purrrr!" (starts rubbing Asuka cheek to cheek)

Asuka: "Hentai! Dumpkopf! Hentai DUMPKOPF!" (starts cringing away)

Shinji: "Nyah!" (starts gently licking Asuka's exposed neck like a kitten would)

Asuka: "GYAH! Stop it!"

Asuka grabs my head gently with both hands, and turns me to face her. I can clearly see the embarrassment in her face; she's as red as a tomato.

Asuka: "...Baka... If you want to kiss me, do it properly..."

Shinji: (Gulp)

My heartbeat faster and faster. While staring right into Asuka's eyes, I can tell, from the corner of my eye, that Toji is smiling like the oaf he is. Hikari is watching us through her fingers, like she knows she shouldn't be seeing it, but unable to turn away. Rei is … smirking. Kensuke, of course, is taking flash photography photos like crazy, not wanting to miss the big moment. Mari... I can't tell what she's doing, as she's moved herself behind me, but she's certainly panting heavily, and it would be **rude** to Asuka if I turned around to find out. To me, none of that matters. The Great Asuka Langley Soryu _**just told me in no uncertain terms to kiss her! Plus I know REI, my wife, wants it to happen!**_

Just as she puckers up...

Kowaru: "Aren't you supposed to kill stray kittens? I mean, there's no animal shelter, and there's too many to take in so, one quick snap, and it's over. Quick and painless..."

And there goes the mood...

Mari: "Kowaru... That had to be the most vile and _inappropriate_ thing you've said and done yet! Not only are you happily discussing harming small, helpless animals, but _**you completely ruined the mood!"**_

Hikari: "As the class president, I have to say that goes way, way past any acceptable form of culture clash. It also goes way past insensitive to downright callous and cruel. Who the hell raised you? How? Why, by the spirit of the ancestors, do you have no empathy for living things?"

Kowaru: "I do not understand. It is better to let kittens suffer and starve to death? Also I do not know who raised me..."

Hikari: "Kittens are the offspring of cats, and cats find food for their offspring... Wait. What do you mean you don't know who raised you?!"

Kowaru: "Exactly what I said. I have no memory of life before waking up in a medical stasis capsule and being ordered to come here..."

Asuka: "Mein GOTT. You're not just culturally ignorant, you're mentally damaged! And badly. I don't care about the fucking stigma in Japan against getting mental help. You need it, urgently!"

Rei: "...Those disgusting old men.. What are they up to?"

Shinji: "Dear? You know something about this?"

Rei: "Shinji-kun? Have you forgotten how you met me before we moved in together?"

Shinji and Rei: "AH!"

Rei: "Looks like our dear Kowaru had the same treatment, only nobody bothered to help him adjust, learn and grow properly. It would not surprise me if facts, figures and technical knowledge was artificially pumped into his head somehow, and then he was let loose on the world..."

Shinji: "Then 'those old men'...'"

Rei: "The Instrumentality Committee. Who else would have the clout and resources to do something like this, or order to have it done?"

Everyone: "Oh."

Rei: "Before we do anything else, we should speak with Misato, Lara Croft, and possibly Kaji."

We eat the rest of out lunch in silence. Fortunately, the rest of the school day passes without incident.

Hikari, Toji and Kensuke ask to walk with us to the Lara Croft estate, wanting to see where we live with their own eyes. We agree, seeing as there's really no reason for us to refuse, and it would certainly make keeping up with our school-work easier should duty call and something happen at NERV HQ.

Meanwhile, at the Lara Croft estate, Lara herself is expressing the grave concerns she has for Kowaru to Major Misato Katsuragi.

To be continued...


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 16**

On our way back home to the Croft mansion, Asuka notices a cosplay store with a color flier featuring a cat-girl maid outfit and the words **"Today Only"** in bold letters across the bottom.

Asuka: "Third... I think it's time for you to pay me back for the embarrassment that you gave me on that rooftop..."

She proceeds to drag me inside. The rest of our crew tilts their heads in confusion and reluctantly follow us. To my horror, I find out that Asuka intends to put me in the cat-girl maid outfit, and have Kensuke take photos to his heart's content. She's not going to take "no" for an answer, even dragging me into the dressing room.

Shinji: "Can I at least have some privacy while I change?"

Asuka: "BAKA! We bathe together. It's not like you've got something I haven't seen already... Plus I want to see you too... GAH! Don't make a girl say things like that! Now I'm _really_ going to have to punish you!"

After a few minutes out of sight in the dressing room, Asuka and I emerge, with me fully in the outfit, including a leash, and I can't make-up an excuse like the outfit not fitting.

Mari: "Oh! OH WOW! I had no idea you were into cosplay and Bishojo-games, Sis! That outfit from Let's Meow Meow fits perfectly!"

Shinji: "Bishojo-game?"

Mari: "Yep! 18+!"

I can practically feel the steam coming out of my ears from the embarrassment.

Kensuke: "Man, glad I brought extra film today! If this were a normal day, I'd already be out! Buddy, if I didn't know better, I'd swear you actually were a girl! Those proportions are completely seamless. You've got talent for nekomimi play!"

My squirming only serves to make things worse and Kensuke points out that I'm playing the part perfectly!

Asuka: "Cashier! We'll take it, and he'll be wearing it home!"

Shinji: "EH?!"

Asuka: "By the way, Sis. I don't play h-games, but you apparently do. What kind of genre are we talking about here, considering the obvious issues..."

Mari: "Well, I'll just come right out and say it. I'm a raging pervert, Sis. I'm into pretty much every genre you can think of, but I can not stomach NTR, except for very rare exception like..."

Asuka: "Enough, pervert glasses, you don't have to get into specifics! I just wanted a general idea of what Mr. Creepy might want to try.."

Mari: "Aww.. Stop being a prude, Sis! You're seriously missing out! Now, are we getting anything else here today?"

Asuka: "... Not today, I've got what I need for now. Okay, Third, you wanted to role-play as a cat, I'm going to walk you home like one. So you're going to have to begin and end your sentences with 'Nyah' until I tell you to stop, got it?"

Shinji: "Nyah, yes, Asuka-san, nyah!"

Asuka then scratches my head right between the cat ears, which feels really good for some reason.

Asuka: "Nice kitty!"

Rei: "Mari-san. I believe Asuka's 'innocence' in those matters is a major part of her charm. I'd rather she not get into smut, thank you."

Mari: "Okay, whatever floats your boat, but if you ever change your minds..."

Shinji: "Nyah! No, Thanks! Nyah!"

Mari: "A boy who turns down porn without hesitation?!" (Glasses start shining) "What are you girls really doing to him?"

Asuka: "... NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!"

Rei: "Mari-san. You seem like a nice girl. With you as Asuka's imouto, what I must say next comes with a heavy heart, so please take it in the spirit in which it is given. I do not mind you bearing witness and enjoying any public shows of affection, and how you stoke your libido is your own prerogative. When it comes to our private lives, if you meddle, pry, or otherwise try to interfere without an engraved invitation, I will have to hurt you, _**badly!**_ So don't push your luck. As for Nagisa-san... My every instinct is already screaming at me to rip him to pieces and butcher him, horribly. Nagisa-san, don't give me a logical reason, I'm warning you."

Kowaru: "...Scary..." (Smiles smugly)

Rei: "Is he not taking me seriously? Are you _**daring me...**_ "

Hikari: "Um... Asuka-san. You never specified what made you agree to be Rei's girlfriend."

Asuka: "Hmm, oh that? Well, after Wondergirl here made a passionate plea, and her husband here did likewise, I figured a warm, comfy bed was infinitely better than a closet. I mean, sharing a bed with a married couple and not being romantically involved with at least one of them? Can anyone imagine anything more awkward, and no Mr. Creepy, that's not a challenge for you."

Rei: "Jiii!"

Asuka: "Of course, once I agreed, _then_ I found out it was Rei's official birthday."

Hikari: "Wait... You're Rei-san's _**Birthday Gift?!**_ _"_

Shinji: "Hey, I didn't know either, okay?"

Mari: "Ooooh! So she 'unwrapped her present' right away?"

Asuka: (Blushing furiously) "Um... Yeah. Picked me and Third over here like sacks of rice and dragged us both into the bath... We've been 'bath dating' ever since. Yes, I looked it up, that is a thing here in Japan. To his eternal credit, the pervert baka here **has** kept his hands and eyes to himself, as he should. Wondergirl... Well, let's just say her touch is better than the notion of being power-washed by a high-pressure hose, which is how NERV wanted to handle our... situation."

Rei: "Pilot Ikari, Pilot Soryu, everyone, are... are you ignoring me?"

Asuka: "Third.. I think Wondergirl's getting lonely."

Asuka pushes me into Rei, harshly.

Asuka: "Now remember, you're a cat, act like it, got it?"

I nod at the "suggestion" and start "flirting" the same way with Rei that I did with Asuka on the rooftop.

Shinji: "Nyah!" (rubs up against Rei, cheek to cheek) "Nyah!" (Sniff, Sniff)

Rei: "Ikari-kun... what are you doing?"

Shinji: "Purrr!" (lick, lick)

Rei: "Stop...Pffftt! STOP IT, Shinji-kun! That... tickles... bwahahaha! Stop, stop, stop it!"

Rei gently puts one hand under my chin and gently guides me. "Now here is how the kiss on the rooftop **should** have gone!"

Rei kisses me strong, firm, and long, ending with a trail of saliva between us. The clerk gets an explosive nosebleed and collapses. Hikari melts into a puddle of embarrassment. Toji is a mask of pure envy. Kensuke... as usual, he's using up rolls of film like they're going out of style.

As for Mari...

Mari: "In all my manga, h-doujin, rom-coms, or whatever, I have yet to see or hear of a story with a plot this cheesy... AND I LOVE IT! OMGWTFBBQ! Only people genuinely in love can be this corny with a straight face! I wish I could have been there for the wedding!"

Rei: "Indeed. While it may be too late to see Shinji-kun and I 'tie the knot' as you Westerners say, it is not too late to see your darling onee-san join us."

Asuka: "Wait, hold on! I still haven't decided yet! I've still got to look into it!"

Hikari: "Shinji-kun, Rei-san, Asuka-san? What are you talking about?"

Rei: "Why, I wish to make Asuka-san my 'comfort wife', what other meaning is there?"

Hikari: "Wait.. what?! Hold on, hold on! That... that hasn't been done since the upheaval known as the Meji period! During the Edo period, women married the _household_ the husband came from, not the husband himself!"

Rei: "But it's still legal, yes?"

Hikari: "...Maybe, there are still families who see marriage that way...but good luck finding a Shinto priest who will carry out the ceremony, which while not a strict legal requirement for it to be recognized by The Cabinet, it will mark you as 'non-religious', which could be quite bad, and it won't be legally recognized anywhere outside Japan!"

Asuka: "... Wondergirl..."

Rei: "I apologize, Asuka-san, I am no expert on international law, I can only speak on how Japan would treat our union, and what I told you is accurate, as far as Japan goes."

Asuka: "You know... this 'revelation' doesn't help your case. That being said, I'm beginning to find your proposal somewhat attractive, as I do know a few Western laws allowing for joint custody.. We _**MIGHT**_ be able to make it work, but I'm still not ready."

Rei: "I understand. Take your time."

Toji: "IKARI! What kind of magic are you using?! You've got..."

Hikari pulls on Toji's ear. "Not one more word, got it?" (Turns to Asuka, Rei, and myself.) "Asuka-san, Rei-san, Shinji-kun, I'll look around. If you ever want to go through with it, I'll do my best to help."

Rei: "Thank you for... everything, Hikari-san. You're a true friend."

Asuka: "Yeah. You represent the best Japan has to offer."

Hikari blushes from the praise. "It is my honor. Now shall we get going?"

On our way to the Croft mansion, the cat-maid outfit caused a great many accidents as people stopped paying attention to what they were doing to turn their heads and crashed into places, things, and each other. Some of them didn't even bother to restrain themselves and just had their noses explode and they fell over backwards with strange looks on their faces... The news coverage that night would be... interesting, to say the least.

 **Meanwhile, at an undisclosed location...**

Kihl: "The implants we gave him are working properly."

Seele US: "Yes! We see everything he sees!"

Seele England: "We hear everything he hears!"

Seele France: "And already it pays off..."

Seele US: "Yes. Those kids are already getting too big for their breeches. How dare that... doll... besmirch us and the Instrumentality committee!"

Kihl: "Indeed, they need to be reminded who is in charge, and to treat their superiors with respect! Disgusting old men, indeed. She, especially, should be 'reeducated,' harshly! But..."

Seele England: "We can't take direct action, not yet..."

Seele China: "Perhaps I can offer a solution?"

Kihl: "Oh? Enlighten us."

Seele China: "The cult of Xian would be more than happy to go through 'The Children' to get at Lara Croft. Our hands will stay clean while those brats learn their lesson... It won't take much, just a 'loose lip' in the right places..."

Kihl: "While we can plausibly deny any knowledge or responsibility... Yes. Perfect! The brats want 'disgusting old men'? They'll get their wish!"

Everyone: "FOR INSTRUMENTALITY!"

 **Back at the Croft Mansion...**

We were worried about how we were going to enlighten Misato and Lara about Kowaru's "issues" until Lara gave us the opening to discuss it.

Lara: "Welcome home, everyone... Shinji Ikari, what is up with that outfit?!"

Misato: "Pffft! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!" (Falls out of her chair laughing.)

Shinji: "Nyah! Asuka-san, may I go change now? Nyah!"

Asuka: "Hahahaha! Sure, Shinji-kun, I think you've had enough."

I'm momentarily confused that Asuka called be by name, but I take the opportunity to get out of the cat-maid outfit that's presented, and come back to see Lara de-briefing everyone on what she learned out of Mari's and Kowaru's entrance exam.

Lara: "I've got the results for the new kids' exams. Mari.."

Mari: "Yes."

Lara: "Outstanding work! Clearly college-level intellect, though your grasp of the kanji and hiragana is a bit weak, but we can work on that. What concerns me though is how you answered your 'freestyle creative writing' assignments... You're 14 years old! If you were 21, or even 18, I'd happily overlook the erotic literature nature of your work, I might even praise your style, as you've certainly got quite the imagination, but for a 14-year old to write like a 'dirty old man'..."

Mari: "Oh, well. Let's just say that while I was growing up in London, my parents were rebelling against what they considered 'prudish' upbringing, and let me slake my curiosity by perusing all kinds of erotic literature, and thought it would be a good idea if I learned the Japanese language through h-works."

Lara: (Facepalms) "I see. Being British myself, I can't say I'm keen on that idea, but you seem like an otherwise happy and healthy individual, and the damage is done in any event. Just remember, real-life isn't always like what you read, and I consider that type of stuff inappropriate, especially in this house."

Mari: "Understood."

Lara: "Kowaru Nagisa... You worry me. Sure, your technical knowledge is excellent, however..."

Misato: "What?"

Lara: "How do I put this... It's like you've simply memorized all the science, math, and grammar material and regurgitate it, verbatim, while having no understanding or comprehension of the concepts and theories behind it. You can solve the equation A^2 + B^2 = C^2, but can't grasp what it refers to, nor grasp the reason for it. And your 'creative writing' exercises? Either totally blank, or pure plagiarism! It's like... you can't imagine anything different than what you've already seen, heard, or had explained to you. Almost like an 'idiot savant' that was fed a bunch of facts and figures and then ruled 'sane' and let loose on the world without any kind of understanding or relevant experience. This is clearly not good, usually indicating some kind of severe mental defect, trauma, or injury. I'm going to have to ask, kids, you've been with him all day. Now tell me, holding nothing back, everything you saw or heard him do that you consider odd, or worries you, hold nothing back and keep nothing out."

Given the opportunity, nae the order, and a blank check to explain how odd Kowaru is, we comply and tell Lara Croft about all Kowaru's odd and disturbing words and acts during the day, especially how he sees nothing wrong with rounding up kittens to snap their necks, because he considers that a "mercy" and simply can't comprehend how that's wrong.

Lara: "... Major. This is critical. The boy Kowaru Nagisa is seriously, seriously mentally ill. He needs an MRI scan, and the best psycho-therapist we can find. I don't know how he was raised, and I don't want to, but people who go out to hurt small animals... never turn out well without immediate intervention, and sometimes turn out poorly despite it."

Misato: "Got it. I'll have Dr. Ritsuko Akagi give him a full medical workup ASAP, and I'll see about getting him a therapist, though getting one, especially a highly competent one, on such short notice, is … yeah, don't hold your breath."

Lara: "Yeah. Haven't forgotten where we are or what we're up against, but he needs what he needs and we can't change that."

Misato: "Okay. I'm going to take him to NERV HQ after dinner, see what Rits can find out. After that..."

Lara: "Yeah, good luck. We're going to need it."

Sure enough, Misato takes Kowaru to the NERV medical facilities, along with his homework, while the rest of us are left behind.

Lara: "Okay, kids, due to the lateness of the hour, I'm not going to be sending you home alone, so you can spend the night here, but I'm going to be making sure there's no hanky-panky going on. Toji, Kensuke, you two will share a room. Mari and Hikari will share another. Rei, Shinji, and Asuka... I'm sure everyone knows why they get a special exemption..."

Everyone: "Right!"

Lara: "Okay, then, everyone, get to bed and go to sleep. I've got to get you lot up to par on your exercises. Oh, don't think that just because you're not pilots that you're exempt! Everyone who's under this roof gets the morning training! Everyone."

Rei: "She's not kidding. Get your rest. You'll need it."

 **As we're turning in for the night...**

Asuka: "Wondergirl, is it alright if I lay on Baka's side of the bed tonight?"

Rei: "Of course."

Shinji: "Eh?!"

Asuka: "Don't get the wrong idea, Shinji-kun. Just makes it easier to do this." (She gives me a light peck on the cheek.) "Ya know, it feels much, much better to know that you're trying to respect my boundaries because you _**want**_ to respect my boundaries, rather than because you're too chicken shit to try something."

Shinji: (Crying) "Asuka-san..."

Asuka: "Call me 'chan' when we're alone from now on, Shinji-kun. You've earned the privilege. And why are you crying?"

Shinji: "You... called me 'Shinji-kun!' I'm … so …. so happy!"

Asuka: "Oh good grief! Ya wear yer emotions on yer sleeve don't ya! Well, can't say I hate that."

Rei: "Indeed. You've both come a long, long way today. I'm proud of you."

Rei proceeds to lift Asuka's face by the chin, to kiss her long and deep, separating with a trail of saliva like she did with me earlier.

Rei: "I've already rewarded you, today, Shinji-kun, but this is on credit." (Licks up my tears on her side) "Oh, sweet. This is why I love you, Shinji-kun. You're too honest to be afraid of your feelings."

Asuka does the same on her side.

Asuka: "Hmmm. Kinda salty, but yeah. Enjoy your reward tonight. You're getting every teen boy's dream right now, squeezed between two lovely ladies, so don't push yer luck!"

Shinji: "Sniff! Yeah, thank... thank you, Rei, Asuka-chan!"

Asuka: "Sounds nice! Now sleep."

 **Down in the NERV lab...**

Ristuko: "Major, what can it be now? Do you have any idea how late it is, and why is one of the pilots here with you?"

Misato: "Rits. We need to get him a full medical, stat."

Ritsuko: "What? What brought this on? He looks perfectly okay to me..."

Misato: "He isn't. I'll tell you more, in private."

Ritsuko: "Okay. This isn't like you. It must be serious. Bring him in. We'll see about getting him checked out."

Kowaru: "I fail to see why everyone is panicking. All I suggested is that it's far more merciful to kill stray kittens quickly than to see them suffer and starve to death..."

Ritsuko: "Okay, I can see where this is headed. To my lab, stat."

Once Kowaru's in a specially segregated LCL tank and getting the full scan...

Ritsuko: "OH MY GOD!"

Misato: "What? What... OH! WHAT THE FUCKING HELL! What are these shadows in his head?!"

Ritusko: "... Rough first guess... Tumors, Inoperable, and metastasized. It's amazing he's still alive. We could maybe, maybe remove the ones on his optic and auditory nerves, but it would leave him completely deaf and blind, presuming it doesn't kill him."

Misato: "Sweet Jesus!"

Ritsuko: "Yeah. Leave him here overnight. I'll speak with The Commander about this. You. You get home and get some rest."

Misato: "Understood."

Later we'd find out that what she tells Commander Gendo Ikari would be an entirely different story.

To be continued...


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 17**

 **In Gendo's office back at NERV the following morning...**

Ritsuko: "Sir, the newest male pilot, Kowaru Nagisa... has been compromised."

Fuyutsuki: "How so?"

Ritsuko: "Although I told Major Misato Katsuragi that my preliminary analysis indicates inoperable metastasized tumors in his brain, the final result is far more worrisome."

Gendo: "What are you trying to say, Doctor?"

Ritsuko: "The boy has numerous visual and audio sensors implanted in his optic and auditory nerves. In addition, there's some kind of … device planted deep, deep in his cerebral cortex. I have no idea how such a thing was put there, but it defies analysis as to its nature. I did manage to get a chemical analysis by inserting a microscopic probe into his cerebra-spinal fluid. The results are alarming. Whatever else that device does, its structure contains at least one very high-yield plastic explosive. That's all I was able to learn before the boy underwent a grand-mal seizure and the probe was destroyed."

Fuyutsuki: "My word..."

Gendo: "Doctor. The Child, blue or orange?"

Ritsuko: "... The readings are bouncing back and forth. He keeps fluctuating between blue and orange in a regular pattern, the change occurs roughly every six hours... matching with the lunar tides."

Gendo: "... Those senile, arrogant, inbred IDIOTS! This is completely unforgivable! What's worse is that they set it loose too soon! To compound their idiocy, they actually think a simple high-yield explosive is enough to cover their tracks and serve as a collar... MORONS! Such a thing is only likely to be an annoyance, at most, to it, while grievously harming anyone that tries to stop it...! GAH!"

Suddenly, the phone in Gendo's office rings, from a number very, very familiar to Gendo, Chairman Kihl.

Fuyutsuki: "Speak of the Devil..."

Gendo: (Answering the phone.) "Hello."

Kihl: "Ikari. Why is the fifth child in NERV HQ's medical wing?"

Gendo: (Looks over at Fuyutsuki, nods and returns to the call.) "The Major brought him in. Said something about him acting very strangely. An advanced medical screening found what appears to be a set of inoperable metastasized tumors in his head. How could this have happened? Was he exposed to lethal doses of radiation? Some bizarre toxic chemical or chemicals?"

Kihl: "Enough playing dumb, Gendo. You know as well as we do what the Fifth's true story is! Why is he not with the others? We need to keep an eye on them..."

Gendo: "With all due respect, the Fifth's behavior was indeed VERY odd, and cause for concern. The moment he began talking of harming small animals with indifference..."

Kihl: "Fine. Tell the world he's got cancer, and has to stay at NERV HQ as your people try to find a cure. In the meantime, there is an urgent matter we must discuss. The next Angel has been found. Proceed to the meeting room, at once!"

 **As Gendo heads out to the usual SEELE meeting place to learn of the lava-swimming Angel, later known as Sandalphon, Ritsuko is examining Kowaru in her lab...**

Kowaru: "Now, Doctor. Let's drop the pretense, shall we? You and I both know that 'cancer' is not what ails me."

Ritsuko: "What makes you say that, Pilot?"

Kowaru: "Oh, I am well aware of my implants, and the explosive 'leash' in my head. SEELE sees and hears everything I do. Even things that ordinary human eyes don't."

Ritsuko: "What... are you talking about?"

Kowaru: "Oh, you sure are good at lying, Doctor, even to yourself. I **see** you throwing yourself at The Commander... Those old men are getting quite a show... Oh, on top of his desk in his office? How... adventurous!"

Ritsuko: "...HOW THE HELL DO YOU KNOW ANY OF THIS?!"

Kowaru: "Like I said, Doctor. I see things. Gendo will never love you, and you know it, but … you keep throwing yourself at him, hoping to 'fix' that, regardless of the cost. It never works. You're just a flesh-light with a PHD to him.. Is it fun trying to take your mother's place?"

Ritsuko: "...You are testing my patience... Do you want to die?"

Kowaru: "If only you were able... Oh, oh dear. You'd become your mother then wouldn't you? Would that make you happy? I want to make you happy, Doctor. Please enlighten me."

Ritsuko: "GHYHAAAAAHHH!H! YOU MISERABLE LITTLE..."

Kowaru: "Ooh. Language, Doctor. As to your earlier question, yes, I very much would like to die. But nobody has the ability to do that... except maybe Shinji-kun... and that only serves to break him. I don't want that."

Ritsuko: "NOW what are you talking about?"

Kowaru: "Why, he SHOULD be a raving delinquent, a lunatic, a complete psycho who hates the world, but he isn't. Despite being abandoned, put into a literal doghouse, and treated as non-existent for a decade, starting at age four, he's still a sweet, sensitive, observant boy who truly treasures his friends, classmates, and those two significant women in his life. Doesn't that fascinate you? His spirit... shines like the sun, and it's … beautiful!"

Ritsuko: "What... what have they done to you?"

Kowaru: "THEY have shackled me, Tabris, the Angel of Free Will, for their own sick amusement. The only way to break the chains are with my death, or theirs... and they know it. But they are out of reach, and I can't die..."

Ritsuko: "How...Why..."

Kowaru: "Ah. I'm not saying anything they don't already know, and to someone they consider powerless to stop them. So why shouldn't I?"

Ritsuko: "... So you were deliberately provoking me, to see if I'd be enraged and determined enough to try and kill you?"

Kowaru: "Yes." (Smiles sweetly.)

Ritsuko: "...Now I know how Misato feels. I NEED A FUCKING DRINK! NOW!"

Ritsuko picks up her cell-phone and calls her old friend Major Misato Katsuragi, but then gets a message from Gendo.

Gendo: "Doctor. Have your subordinates watch over the Fifth. Your services are required elsewhere. Report to my office, immediately."

Kowaru: "Saved by the bell? Pity."

As Ritsuko is riding the elevator to Gendo's office, she bumps into Misato, who was also called.

Misato: "Going to see The Commander?"

Ritsuko: "Yes... Major, remember how Rei used to be before she married Shinji?"

Misato: "...Yes?..."

Ritsuko: "Kowaru makes _**her**_ look downright cheerful and adorable by comparison."

Misato: "JESUS CHRIST! You wanna talk?"

Ritsuko: "I... want to, yes. I... don't think I can..."

Misato: "My door's always open, Rits. You can talk to me anytime..."

Ritsuko: "I'd like that. Let's find out what The Commander wants first."

Misato and Ritsuko get briefed on the upcoming mission to face Sandalphon, the lava-swimming Angel.

 **Somewhere in Tokyo-3...**

A girl, early teens, short, red hair and blue eyes is in her apartment. She is speaking on the phone with someone...

? : "Yes. I was watching the Eva pilots today. I even got to get close to them in a cosplay store... No. I don't think approaching The Third Child directly is possible... Well, his wife and _**her**_ girlfriend made it quite clear to their companions that meddling in their private lives is an engraved invitation for violence. I'd be lucky if I just got skinned alive, literally...Then what DO you suggest?...I see. That could be possible. I'll try getting closer to his friend, Kensuke, the one guy who didn't have a girl hanging off of him... Are you serious? Is his rep really that bad? The Third doesn't strike me as a guy who'd hang out with a total sleaze...Yes, yes, I know. The mission trumps my personal feelings. Still, I'd need something from you... Yeah, I need into his class. It's the only way I can be around them long enough... Okay. Starting tomorrow then, I'll be in Tokyo-3's high-school under the name Mana Kirishima. Wish me luck."

Mana hangs up the phone.

Mana: "Those …. hypocrites! After everything they've done, they dare to have the gall to be offended that NERV is using kids as soldiers...Musashi, Keita... I'm sorry I couldn't do anything for you!"

The next morning, she shows up to class, introduces herself as Mana Kirishima... and learns the pilots, all three of them, have been shipped off to the Hokkaido hot-springs on an official NERV mission. She is visibly crestfallen, still, takes the seat vacated by Kowaru, who she learns has been pulled out of class, due to having end-stage, inoperable brain cancer, that amazes the medical staff on how it hasn't killed him yet. The classes go quietly, but come lunch break...

Kensuke: "Wow. Three new kids in as many days... What are the odds?"

Toji: "Tell me about it... and those three get to go to a _**hot springs?!**_ What are they going to be fighting over there? Modesty towels?"

Mari: "Hey, hey, boy-oh's. This is NERV business. You can bet an Angel is going to be showing up there one way or another.."

Toji: "Ooh! Yeah, the Angel of wrinkles and prune skin..."

Hikari: "Stop it! Don't make jokes like that! You know those three can't be more than a meter apart, two at most, without special gear, or they'd die, horribly, and an Angel is responsible."

Kensuke and Toji: "..."

Hikari: "Oh don't you two go there. You know they can't 'climb the stairs to adulthood' either, as that's liable to kill them quite graphically too!"

Mana: "Are.. are you serious?!"

Hikari: "Uh. Yeah. Makes them kinda … touchy... about their personal space. Normally, we don't talk about this, but we figure if you're going to hang out with us, you need to know."

Kensuke: "Yeah. Sad about that Kowaru kid. We thought it was a culture barrier but..."

Hikari: "Yeah. Brain cancer is known for doing all sorts of things to your personality and giving you all sorts of psychiatric and psychological problems."

Mana: "I wish that I could have met him, and the others.."

Kensuke: "Well. Can't blame you concerning Asuka-san, Rei-san, or Shinji-san. They are celebrities, after all, but for Kowaru..."

Hikari: "Yeah, probably better you didn't meet him."

Toji: "Let me just say... he's rather creepy. How much of that is the cancer, cultural barriers, or … his inherent self... no way to tell."

Mana: "Wow..."

Hikari: "Hey. We may not be able to catch them, but it's part of my duties to take their assignments to their tutor, would you like to join us?"

Mana: (visibly and genuinely surprised) "Gladly! If nothing else, I'd love to see where they live!"

Hikari: "Okay, let me just let her know." (Calls Lara Croft's mansion) "Hello, Croft-san? Hikari-san, the class president here. We'd like to bring a new friend to your mansion...Okay, here she is."

Mana: "Hello, may I call you Croft-Sensei?... Okay, Lara-sensei. My name is Mari Kirishima-san. I'd like to accompany Hikari-san, Toji-san, and Kensuke-san to see you... Oh? You'd like to see me?... Wait. How did you know I just transferred in today?... Oh, the teacher told you?...I see...Well, can't say I disagree with the idea. The more friends the better? Okay. Thanks... Bring pajamas? Wait... (Click)"

Kensuke: "Okay... that was kind of fast... Croft-Sensei seemed kind off... stand-offish to me..."

Hikari: "Yeah, she is kind of... odd, but she's pleasant enough, though... be prepared for some rather... intense morning exercises."

Mana: "EH?!"

 **At the Croft Mansion a bit later...**

Lara: "You're Mana Kirishima, I trust?"

Mana: "Yes, honored to meet you, Lara Croft-Sensei?"

Lara: "Indeed. Pleasured. Kensuke-san, Toji-san, Hikari-san? Could you go ahead and set up the study area? I need to speak to our newest student for a bit, see where she is on the curriculum."

Everyone: "Of course!"

Lara: "Thank you."

As the rest of them leave, Lara's smile vanishes and she turns to me, her face a stony mask, devoid of emotion.

Lara: "Okay, dearest. Your timing for transfer in and seeking the pilots is suspicious. Who's sponsoring you?"

Mana: "How.. Wha?"

Lara: "Please, don't insult either of us by pretending you don't know what I'm talking about. I've been through the school of hard knocks several times. Now if you're not going to be honest, I can make it damn hard for you to even see the pilots, let alone meet them, clear?"

Mana: "Uh..." (Looks around nervously)

Lara: "Ahh, yes. Of course." (Whips out a sniffer and waves it over Mana) "Clear. Speak freely."

Mana: "The JSSDF."

Lara: "(Sigh) I figured as much. I'm honestly surprised those yobs waited this long to try something. Now, I don't fault you, personally, as I'm sure you don't have a choice in the matter, but I am tasked with the pilots' well being, so _anything_ happens to them, and there will be consequences."

Mana: "Understood."

Lara: "Good. Now I don't mind you hanging out with them, as long as you keep them out of the bloody politics, as much as possible anyway. They've got enough on their plate going into life-or-death battle every day.."

Mana: "Life or death battle? They're in robots the size of skyscrapers! How could they be in danger?.."

Lara: "Been fed the party line eh? Ever gotten shot in the chest by a plasma beam? Had your arm ripped off, crushed or mangled? Pierced through the skull? I can show you the videos of their fights, and I know for a fact that they feel every little thing that their 'robots' go through."

Mana: "And how do you know any of that?"

Lara drops the medical reports right in front of Mana. "Read them."

Half-way through the reports Mana's eyes open wide. "No... way. These are lies!"

Lara: "I can't make you believe anything.. But that IS what they go through, or that is what they believe they go through, and their relationship with each other, not to mention the rest of humanity is … rather fragile, and I'd rather not see them break. Now what did the JSSDF do to you?"

Finding a sympathetic ear, and assured that the JSSDF isn't going to "punish her for insubordination," Mari shares the story of her abuses at the hands of the JSSDF, including the way her team-mate Keita was savagely beaten for wanting out of the TRIDENT program.."

Lara's face goes dark with unbridled rage. "THOSE COWARDLY ENTITLED WANKERS! It's a crime to put an adult through that, but a defenseless kid?! "BLOODY HELL!"

To be continued...


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 18**

While preparing for our mission at Hokkaido, I'm working on a rather difficult calculus equation poolside...

Asuka: (In a sporting yellow bikini) "What ya working on?"

Shinji: "This equation is so difficult."

Asuka: "You're struggling with something so simple?" (Leans over so her bikini top is right in my face.) "Here and here... there you go."

Shinji: "Wow. You can solve such a difficult equation so easily..." (Eyes locked on the bikini top.)

Asuka: "Yeah, but I do poorly in the class exams? Well..."

Shinji: "You have a bit of trouble understanding the Kanji?" (Eyes still focused on the bikini.)

Asuka: "Something like that... As for the equation you were working on, it basically boils down to thermal expansion."

Shinji: "Things getting bigger when they're hot and smaller when they're cold?"

Asuka: "Exactly. Now what do you suppose would happen if I rubbed my breasts with my hands?" (Puts her hands on her bikini top, palms inward.)

Shinji: "I...I... don't..."

Rei: "Why, Asuka-chan, that's a myth. Even taking into account that whatever heat you put on your breasts would be carried away by your blood before any noticeable effect, there's no scientific evidence agreeing with what you suggest... Although the textbooks could be wrong." (Rei grabs my hands and puts them over Asuka's while Asuka still has them over her bikini top.) "Care to find out, Shinji-kun?" (Rei wraps her own hands over mine to keep me from pulling away.)

Shini: "(Gulp) Asuka-chan..."

Asuka: "Hush. Don't move. Don't blink... don't even breathe... it tickles..."

As Asuka starts leaning in for a kiss, the door opens and in comes Ritsuko Akagi with Misato in tow...

Ritsuko: "Pilots, it's time to..."

Misato: "Erm... Don't mind us, kids. Not like we have an important mission briefing or anything..."

Asuka: (Pushes Rei and Shinji back angrily and embarassed.)"...Gyhyaahhh! Damn it!"(Stomps) "Damn it!" (Stomps) "Damn it!" (Stomps) "DAMN IT ALL TO HELL! That's the _**second time I got cock-blocked while trying to kiss Shinji-kun!**_ BWAARRGGHHH!"

Misato: "The second time?"

Rei: "...Yes! Nagisa-san ruined the mood last time by happily proclaiming the desire to kill small animals."

Ritsuko: (Sigh)

Misato: (Waves one hand playfully while covering her mouth with the other) "Sorry, sorry...I find your flirting very, very cute, but duty calls... Wait... Did.. Did Asuka just call him _**Shinji-kun**_?! Not BAKA or Third?"

Ritsuko: "You heard correctly, Major. While I trust this means something special to you, to me it doesn't matter what they call each other as long as they do their job and do it well, with a minimum of fuss."

Misato: "Rits.. You don't get it. Asuka uses nicknames for _everyone_. Even her official _**girlfriend**_ gets identified as 'Wondergirl' not Rei-chan or Ikari-kun! When.. when did the two of them get that close?!"

Asuka: "What, do you want me to call him 'Baka' or something? Shinji-kun earned the privilege when he showed me that he respects my boundaries _because he wants to_ , not because I'm a 'side dish.' And man does it feel good when he decides to 'push the envelope' and flirt with me. Why do you think I put him in a cat-girl maid costume?"

Ristuko and Misato: "..."

Rei: "Asuka-chan does not use nicknames for class-president Hikari..."

Asuka: "Well, that... that's out of respect for her position, as class-president, Wondergirl..."

Rei: "What... exactly do you think of me, Soryu-chan?"

Asuka: "Well... I like ya, I really do. Yer exciting, fun, nice on the eyes, and gotta admit, it's very, very comfy getting snuggled by you, but... ya can get pretty freaking scary! Specially when you have problems understanding the boundaries people usually take for granted."

Rei begins sulking and squirming, clearly uncomfortable with Asuka's assesment.

Asuka: "That being said, I love and trust ya, and I wouldn't want anyone else being my wingman. Heck, yer willing ta share yer husband with me, like he's willing to share you with me, so I get loving from you BOTH! I couldn't ask for better, and I won't. I'm... just not there yet, okay?"

Misato and Ritsuko: "Daaannngggg!"

Asuka: "Now Major, Her Doktorr, what was so important that ya had to go and shut down our flirting time? Hmm?"

Major: "Now I feel guilty..."

Ritsuko: "Me too... Pilots, the Angel's been located, and it's time to show you your Eva's special gear."

Of course, we're ordered to change into our plug-suits and then shown our Eva... needless to say that none of us are happy with what we see.

Asuka: "Eva-02! What have they done to you?!"

Shinji: "Think Eva-02's bad?! The rest of us look like..."

Rea: "Onii-san! Get this ugly stuff off me! I look weird!"

Ritsuko: "I'm sorry, pilots, but this gear is absolutely necessary to deal with the heat and pressure you're going to encounter in the magma flow where the Angel is currently incubating. We've also made special adjustments to your plug-suits. Please activate the device on your wrists.."

We all do to suddenly have the plug-suits swell up like balloons.

Asuka: "The fuck?! We look fat!"

Rei: "Fat? OBESE! And highly uncomfortable."

Kaji: "Oh what a shame. I don't get to see Asuka-chan's lovely figure."

Asuka: (Turns and glares at Kaji) "HMPH! There was a time when I would have been thrilled hearing that from you, but that ship has sailed, Mr. Skirt Chaser!"

Kaji is briefly taken aback, as Asuka used to call him by name, but is now addressing him by nickname and a rather insulting one at that.

Misato: "And what brings you here today, Inspector?"

Kaji: "Well, Major, the UN sent me here to inspect and observe the Eva and the operation to capture the Angel. Purely to ensure their investment is well protected..."

Rei: "Of course they did."

Kaji: "Well that and to inform you about the state of the Fifth Child."

Misato: "Pray tell, what is that?"

Kaji: "End stage brain-cancer, inoperable. He is to be contained in NERV HQ until a proper medical regimen can be developed, or he dies..."

Rei: "I see. That does explain a great deal."

Ritsuko: "Rei? Care to elaborate?"

Rei: "Of course, Doctor. Aside from the well documented psychoses and changes to personality possible by advanced brain-cancer, have you all forgotten how Asuka-chan, Shinji-kun, and myself got to be the way we are?"

Misato: "You... You're saying Nagisa Kowaru-kun has been infected and compromised by a microscopic Angel?!"

Rei: "It would certainly explain why my every instinct screams at me to destroy him on sight."

Misato: "Rei..."

Ritsuko: "Part of Rei's upbringing does include being taught how to discern Angel activity and ..."

Misato: "Stop. I don't want to hear any more, not now, especially since we're in mixed company, and we're not entirely sure who the Inspector would be reporting to..."

Kaji: (Sarcastically) "Oh, that hurts, Major, and we used to be so close..."

Misato: "Zip it, skirt-chaser-san! Now, kids, I know you're not happy with how your Evas look, and the Evas aren't happy either, but we only had the one Eva-sized dive suit so we had to decommission several old WWII subs for the parts to jury-rig the suits for the others. They're not quite as durable. The plan is for Eva-02, piloted our best diver, to dive in, capture the Angel and be reeled back out."

Rei: "Like deep-sea fishing?"

Misato: "More or less. As you are all well-aware, though, things haven't been going that well in the Angel fights lately. The Angels have had the nasty tendency of splitting themselves off into pieces and attacking in and from multiple directions at once. The environment already gives us a huge disadvantage, and if the Angel wakes up and continues the pattern, with Asuka-san tethered to the cooling pipes, unable to maneuver..."

Asuka: "Yeah, I'd get fucked over 10 ways to Sunday, and no I don't mean the good kind."

Misato: "Exactly, so Eva-00 and Eva-01 are going to be on standby next to the winch and if anything goes wrong, they're to use the …. hastily adapted gear to race down and extract Eva-02, and exterminate the Angel with extreme prejudice."

We're taken to a cliff overlooking where the magma river breaches the surface and Eva-02 can be inserted, which we do.

Asuka: "I can't see crap down here! This is also the second time I've been set to dangle like bait on a hook! Where's the Angel?!"

Misato: "Asuka-san, you're supposed to be right on top of it!"

Makoto: "Ma'am. She is right on top of it, 100 meters on top of it."

Misato: "... Damn! And her gear's maximum safe depth is only 50 or so more meters down..."

Asuka: "I'll do it!"

Misato: "Are you sure? It's not just your life on the line..."

Shinji: "We can't risk that thing riding a current and then attacking from under Tokyo-3!"

Rei: "Indeed. It is a risky move, but the risk of doing nothing is much higher."

Misato: (Tapping her pencil against the desk for a few seconds.) "Alright. I approve. Asuka-san, get that Angel, but be careful."

Asuka: "Got it, Major."

Makoto: "Lowering Eva-02 into position..."

Asuka: "Angel spotted, preparing to deploy cage." (Creaking noises) "The progressive knife has broken free and is falling down."

Ritsuko: "Don't worry about that now. Focus on capturing the Angel, and then getting out of there!"

Asuka: "Roger! In range, deploying cage."

Makoto: "Cage deployed, capture successful!"

Asuka: "Thank Gott! Now get me out of here! I'm beginning to be parboiled in my own juices!"

Ritsuko: "All the tension's released at once..."

Makoto: "The Angel... wait... seems to be nothing..."

Misato: "Makoto-san, elaborate. What just happened?"

Makoto: "Major, the Angel seemed to wake up for a brief second, but went back to dormancy..."

Misato: "Pilots! Stay alert. That Angel could wake up at any time, even after you've reached the surface!"

Everyone: "Roger!"

The rest of the return to the surface appears uneventful. Asuka even manages to get the containment cage cliffside.

Asuka: "Whew! I wish all our missions could be this easy..."

Rei: "Asuka-chan, don't jinx it now..."

Asuka: "As if I believe those cliché..."

Shinji: "Asuka-san! Watch out!"

The Angel wakes up in earnest, transforming Asuka's cooling lines, which we had to cut her out of, into feeding tubes for itself, taps into the lava flow and begins pumping lava, preparing to attack. Now we're dealing not with an Angel that lives in a volcano, but an Angel that IS a volcano.

To be continued...


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 19**

Try as we might, the Angel's A-T field is too strong. Even all three of our Evas focusing on a single spot barely degrades the A-T field enough for us to scratch the surface, and our Progressive Knives can't pierce the outer shell, in fact, the extreme heat causes the blades to dull and melt.

Shinji: "What the hell can we do about this?"

Rei: "Indeed, we don't have any N2 mines available to us..."

Asuka: "The only thing I can think of is that the Angel is going to have to drop its A-T field to attack, and that will be our only opening."

Shinji: "But even then..."

Rei: "Someone will have to take the attack head-on, while the rest of us try to find a way to breach its armor... which our weapons can't do..."

Shinji: "I have the answer..."

Shinji and Asuka: "Thermal Expansion!"

Asuka: "What do you think is going to happen when something that's super-heated, like our Angel 'friend' here, experiences sudden, rapid cooling?"

Rei: "Then I'll take the heat..."

Asuka: "Sorry, Rei-chan, but it won't be you." (Rei blinks in surprise) "I'm the only one properly equipped to take a lava bath. I'll be counting on the two of you to hose it down."

Rei: "Asuka-chan..."

Asuka: "Oh, don't worry, you both are going to owe me for this. I'm not sure how you're going to pay me back.."

Shinji and Rei: "We look forward to it!"

Asuka: "Hahaha! Oh you sweet, sentimental fools. This is why I love ya! HERE IT COMES!"

Sure enough, the Angel finishes pressuring itself and launches a stream of lava in our direction. Asuka takes the heat while the two of us grapple the Angel and hose it down with what remains of our coolant pipes... but it's still not enough! After the Angel fishes bathing Asuka with a high-pressure lava stream, it knocks us aside as easily as you or I would shove aside a mosquito and raises its A-T field again. True the outer skin is cracked, blistering, and peeling, but this isn't enough to compromise its structural integrity. Asuka's diving suit is shot, and Eva-02 is unable to move. No way it can take another hit!

Asuka: "Guess we gave it our best, huh?"

Shinji: "Don't be too sure about that!"

Rei and Asuka: "Eh?!"

Shinji: "Look in it's 'mouth' where the lava came from."

Coolant pipe #3 is shoved into the "mouth" of the Angel and trapped there, apparently caught on something.

Shinji: "Misato-san, please direct all coolant pressure to pipe number 3!"

Misato: "You heard him, DO IT!"

Makoto: "Yes, Ma'am!"

Asuka: "BAKA! What good is that going to do?!"

Rei: "I see... Not bad, Shinji-kun."

Asuka: "What are you talking about, Wondergirl?"

Shinji: "Now, Asuka-san, have you never heard about Shield Volcanoes?"

Asuka: "Oh.. He, He, Hehehe, Bwahahahaha! That's brilliant, Shinji-kun!"

Misato: "What are you pilots talking about?"

Asuka: "You'll see. I recommend taking cover, Major. The Angel's going to BLOW!"

Shield volcanoes are a type of volcano that erupts at regular intervals, when the pressure of the lava underneath reaches a certain point. Unfortunately, the lava's chemistry sometimes changes, causing it to get sticky. When that happens, the vent(s) for the lava become blocked, causing the pressure to continuously build, until the entire volcano can no longer take the strain, and the whole thing explodes, violently. The Angel is not aware of this, and builds up its pressure for another attack... while its "mouth" is now completely blocked by rock and volcanic ash.

Angel: "Cough, Hack, HISS!"

Steam and trickles of lava begin forming on the Angel's skin which Shinji and Rei proceed to hose down. The Angel can't vent, and can't stop the pressure from building.

Angel: "BWAAARRRGGHHH! HEEEEEEEIIIIIIYYYAAAAAAAA!"

(FWEEEENNNN!)

Shinji: "HERE IT COMES! Rei! Help me cover Asuka!"

Eva-01 and Eva-00 dive atop Eva-02 just before the Angel explodes, sending up lava-bombs, rock, and volcanic ash, along with pieces of itself at incredible speeds. Naturally, the core does not survive intact, and breaks into several pieces.

After digging our way out of an air pocket formed by our Eva A-T fields shielding us from a pyroclastic flow, and having our entry plugs eject us, Asuka, firmly tired of being denied grabs me and plants a big, wet one.

Asuka: "That was brilliant, Shinji-kun. Guess I can't call you 'Baka' any more!"

Shinji: "Thank you..."

Asuka: "I've decided! The answer is 'yes!'"

Shinji: "Eh?!"

Rei: "Asuka-chan? Does that mean...?"

Asuka: "Hell yeah, Rei-chan! If we find a Shinto priest who'll do it, I'm going to marry the both of you, and I'm not going to take 'no' for an answer!"

Rei: "Asuka...chan... THANK YOU!"

Shinji: "We're honored. If you're willing to have us, we won't turn you down!"

 **Shinji's journal tears here... There are no other entries...**

 **A spotlight shines on Misato from above as she's brought before SEELE to explain what would later be called "The Hokkaido Incident."**

Kihl: "Major, in your own words, tell us what happened at Hokkaido that allowed the enemy to take the three Children in your care so easily."

Misato: "Yes, sir. After the battle with the Angel designated 'Sandalphon,' by my own prerogative, I had the three Children partake of the local hot-springs, that they just recently struggled very, very hard to protect, as we were awaiting our departure queue, upon which we were expected to depart the following morning."

SEELE France : "Interesting, and I trust you joined them?"

Misato: "No, Sir. They were segregated into one onsen and I was on the other side of a wall from them in an onsen of my own, by myself, save for my pet warm-water penguin, Pen^2."

Kihl: "As the adult and ranking officer, why were you not supervising them more closely?"

SEELE Germany : "In your culture, Chairman, it may be normal for children to bathe with their parents and legal guardians into their mid or late teens, but the Second is clearly not from your culture, she is a 'westerner' and I presume would be greatly uncomfortable at the suggestion."

Misato: "Thank you, Sir. Yes, indeed that was my line of thinking as well. Asuka-san only agreed to bathe with the others because she must be within a meter or two at all times, without special assistance, which needed recharging at that moment. It would have been to much for her … sensibilities if I were to insist on joining them."

Kihl: "I see, so you did the next best thing by being right 'next door,' as it were. Please continue."

Misato: "Yes, sir. Well, while I was relaxing in the onsen, I could hear them just on the other side of the wall, chatting, flirting, and generally enjoying themselves, until a loud crash and a scream got my attention. Thinking the pilots were in trouble, I raced to the dressing room, where I had my side-arm, to find a group of large, heavily armed men waiting. While I ducked back into the onsen to take cover against their weapons' fire, Pen^2 wasn't so lucky. He didn't even have enough time for a startled 'WARK' before being reduced to a fine mist, and the … enemy yelled 'Congratulations!' afterwards."

SEELE Germany: "So you basically surrendered without a fight?"

Misato: "No, Sir. Unarmed, and naked as the day I was born, I put up whatever a fight I could. In fact, when one of the armed men strolled into the onsen looking for me, I kicked him in the groin, seized one of his eight-gauge shot-guns, of which he had one in each hand, and blew his mask off, along with the entire head underneath. Then, using his corpse as a shield, made my way through the dressing-room, killing the entire lot. I barely made it to the hallway before taking the rifle butt of an enemy AR-15 to the face and losing consciousness."

SEELE England: "Impressive, sort of like that Yank movie hero, 'Rambo' is it?"

SEELE US : "Correct. So what happened next, Major?"

Misato: "Sir. I awoke aboard some kind of transport helicopter. At the time, I did not know where I was or what was going on. On each side of me was a guy built like a brick wall, and across from me were the Children, covered in bruises, cuts, and other injuries. The Third Child was the most victimized. All four of us were hand-cuffed to our 'seats' for lack of a better term, wearing the barest minimum to protect our modesty."

Kihl: "Interesting, do go on."

Misato: "Yes, sir. As soon as the enemy 'soldiers' realized I was conscious, I was presented with a recording."

Kihl: "Do you have the recording with you?"

Misato: "Negative. I do not have the original as it is undergoing careful audio analysis, but I do have a copy that was made for me to bring here."

Kihl: "Play it, Major. That's an order."

Misato: "Yes, Sir."

(Recording in a clearly female voice) : "Ah. Major. So good to have you among the land of the living. Now before you get angry and start shouting all sorts of names, remember two points. One, I could go to great lengths in describing what 'honorable' things your people did to mine the last time we had a spat. Two, if you insist on being uncivil and uncooperative... well, neither you nor your precious pilots are wearing clothing, your modesty only being protected by a towel, and the men you see here have quite a bit of resentment pent up regarding the rather impressive resistance they faced from 'a bunch of brats and an arm-chair officer with a pretty face.' I shouldn't have to spell out how easy it is to open a zipper, should I?"

Everyone present gets the meaning of the threat, loud and clear.

(Recording) : "I trust I now have your attention. We are the path of Xian, and as to what we want, a woman in your company, Miss Laura Croft, has taken something precious of ours, and killed quite a few of us in the process. We want it back. The fate of these Children rests entirely on their cooperation, and yours. When we are ready for the trade, we will get in touch with you. Fair warning, we may not want to kill the 'saviors of humanity', but that doesn't guarantee that they'll be thrilled with their 'accommodations.' Anger us and they will suffer for it. For example, we could rent them out to some people with rather... how shall we say, 'unusual' tastes to compensate us for our time and aggravation. Ah, seems like you've arrived at your destination, Major... (Click)"

Misato: "At that point, I was picked up like a sandbag and literally thrown out of the helicopter, onto the helipad for Lara Croft's mansion, and the helicopter's wash tore the towel right off, blowing it into the streets below."

Kihl: "And I trust you notified NERV immediately?"

Misasto: "Yes, sir. At that point, The Commander ordered us to launch a media blitz seeking aid from the JSSDF, the Japanese population, or anyone that might have information concerning this group of terrorists or the Pilots' whereabouts. Even offering a reward for the Children's safe return. And a warning to the perpetrators..."

Kihl: "Which Commander Ikari delivered personally."

Misato: "Yes, sir."

Kihl: "Major, do you have any idea how the terrorists' timing was so good?"

Misato: "That is still under investigation, Sir."

Kihl: "Did you receive word about what this Cult of Xian wants from the Children's tutor, Miss Laura Croft? Need I remind you that lying here will jeopardize the investigation, and the chances of recovering the Children safely?"

Misato: "I am aware, Sir, and no they have yet to send word on what they want from us, or Laura Croft."

SEELE IN UNISON: "Thank you, Major, dismissed!"

After Major Misato Katsuragi has left the room...

Kihl: "Seems the Major doesn't know or suspect anything."

SEELE China: "Yes. The Major can be sometimes scarily _too_ competent at her job...In any case, everything is going as planned. Our hands are clean, NERV is chasing its own tail, the dangerous pilots are out of the way..."

Kihl: "And Commander Ikari has to do things _**our**_ way. He can no longer afford to sideline the pilots we sent him!"

Everyone: "FOR INSTRUMENTALITY!"

 **Back at the Lara Croft mansion...**

Lara Croft, Misato, and Ritsuko are in Lara's office, sitting around a table trying to compare notes. An unexpected presence is also in the room, a Mana Kirishima.

Misato: "Before we start, Lara, care to fill us in on why this young girl is here? Granted she gets along with Shinji and friends, but..."

Ritsuko: "What we're going to discuss could well get her killed."

Lara: "Oh, that? Well, her life is in jeopardy anyway if she doesn't keep the JSSDF happy, right, Miss Mole?"

Misato and Ritsuko: "WHAT?!"

Lara: "I saw through her almost instantly. Not her fault, really. I just happen to be a bit more... paranoid... than the typical eccentric multi-billionaire, who has a history of seeing through spies and agencies far, far less obvious than her and the JSSDF goose-steppers that sent her. Now I trust the meeting with the Instrumentality committee went well?"

Misato: "Hardly! It seems like they wanted to know what I knew more than wanting any leads that could help..."

Ritsuko: "Heck, they asked me to turn up completely naked!"

Everyone: "WHAT?!"

Ritsuko: "I mean... I can get wanting to be sure I was 'clean', but..."

Lara Croft: "Right, let's not go there. I suspect your instincts about their motives are correct, Major, and as for you, Doctor, I'm sure they just wanted to humiliate you so you don't 'forget your place' especially considering the little bombshell you got from your patient."

Misato: "Rits..."

Ritsuko: "Remember how you asked if I _wanted_ to talk, but I replied that I didn't think I could?"

Misato: "Oh."

Ritsuko: "That's why. SEELE did things to Kowaru, and 'cancer' is not his problem."

Misato: "Oh... OH! Those... BASTARDS! I bet the Angel attack that messed up Asuka, Shinji, and Rei was their doing too!"

Lara Croft: "So they go by the name SEELE, do they?"

Mana: "Erm, what are we talking about?"

Lara Croft: "Eyes and ears open, mouth shut, Lass. It will serve you better if you only speak when spoken to or asked a question, okay?"

Mana: "Yes, Ma'am."

(Lara pats her on the head.) "Good girl."

Lara stabs a dagger into the table. "THIS is what those Xian cultists are looking for. I waited until after your meeting to tell you because, frankly, I don't trust anybody with authority in this place, present company excluded, far as I could throw them. Heck, I don't even trust them that far, and your impressions of today's meeting have proven me right."

Misato: "Then why are you telling us now?"

Lara: "Because I've had _several_ run-ins with those yobs, and I'll tell you this, they are willing and eager to kill as many people as they can to get what they want. Heck, first time I met them, they blew up a section of the Great Wall of China just to try and get me out of the way. As I'm sure you now fully understand, they're also the reason I keep a shotgun in my bedroom and bath, as they stormed my London Home, in force, in the middle of the night, while I was bathing. Fortunately, I had the home field advantage, literally, and I already had the place set up for urban combat training."

Everyone: "Geesh!"

Lara: "Now tell me, how well did my students do before they got themselves captured?"

Ritsuko: "I've reviewed the surveillance footage, since I'm THE technical expert down in NERV, and even bare handed, they did not sell themselves cheaply."

Lara: "Of course. Could you give me more details?"

Ritsuko: "Gladly. In a running battle, Asuka used a martial art that specializes in high-kicks, Tae-Kwon-Do, or something similar to disable or kill her enemies, Rei made full leverage of her insane levels of strength, Krav-Maga, I think, maybe Maui-Thai? Shinji... He's the scariest. He didn't really have a 'style' per se, but he was still brutal, efficient, and brutally efficient. When Rei and Asuka got K'O'd, he went into a primal stance and improvised like a pro! He even managed to stab one of the assailants to death with the assailant's own rib!"

Lara: "...BLOODY HELL!"

Ritsuko: "That's not all. The boy simply refused to go down. The 'yobs' as you call them had to pile on 10 to 1, and pummel him senseless to get him to stop, sort of... like he was Eva-01 berserking!"

To be continued...


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 20**

Lara Croft decided it's best not to dwell too much on the raging berserker Shinji Ikari had become, and instead chose to focus on more immediate problems, those she could actually deal with.

Lara: "Okay... let's put aside the sheer... carnage that brings to mind, the fact of the matter is that those three children are in grave danger. Even if we do precisely what the Xian cultists say, and give up the dagger, they will simply turn around and kill the children, if they haven't done it already. You said they communicated with you via recording?"

Misato: "Yeah..."

Lara: "Okay, let's hear it. Maybe we missed something..."

As Misato plays back the recording again, Lara's face grows ever darker...

Lara: "Jacqueline Natla... THAT BITCH! So she's joined up with the Cult of Xian... Oh, this couldn't possibly be worse news... Although if there's any kind of silver lining, it means those kids are still alive, for now, and it certainly narrows down our search."

Misato: "What are you talking about?..."

Lara: "That 'woman' fancies herself the reincarnation of an ancient god! Hard as it might be for you lot to believe, I can't refute that assertion. I've 'killed' her or watch her 'die' no less than _**five times, including watching her drown in lava! She's come back each and every time!**_ "

Misato: "... Right, pull the other one..."

Lara: "You fight beings made of light that even a nuke can't scratch, and you think a 'woman' can't survive being dunked in lava?"

Ritsuko: "Hate to be the one saying this, but she's got a point there, Major."

Misato: "Okay... maybe she's another Angel in disguise... CRAP."

Ritsuko: "What?"

Misato: "I don't think Kowaru's human. Not entirely..."

Ritsuko: "...No comment."

Lara: "Actually, I can see where this is going, but let's leave the speculation for later. Time is of the essence."

Misato: "Yeah, about that. What makes you think the Children are still alive?"

Lara: "Two reasons. First, Ms. Natla is extremely sadistic and wants me to watch them suffer, helpless to stop it. Since we haven't received video of any kind from her 'organization,' we can presume this hasn't happened, yet."

Misato: "I'm terrified to as to what the second reason is."

Lara: "You should be. The bitch is _**obsessed**_ with 'kick-starting the evolution of mankind,' even if her attempts doom all life on Earth to extinction in the process. When she sees video of Shinji's and Rei's impressive resistance to the kidnapping, she's going to want a child from the two of them to experiment on, desperately."

Ristuko's eyes open in horror "but Rei..."

Lara: "Is barren? Yeah, Rei hasn't exactly kept that a secret. Of course, Asuka is there and has a fully-functional female anatomy..."

Everyone: "OH SWEET LORD!"

Lara: "Yeah, so I'm going to be 'away' for a while, hitting up Ms. Natla's corporation for clues. In the meantime, I've arranged a plan for Mana to join your crew down at NERV."

Misato: "But the Commander..."

Lara: "Would never allow a mole into the place? He already has at least one, Kowaru. I know he's got transmitters on him sending stuff out. I've intercepted the signals. As for the plan, I'll have Mana explain."

Mana: "Ah, erm. Yes. As I understand it, the plan is to invite Kensuke to the JSSDF base, with him completely unscripted, so his enthusiasm is genuine. Then I'm to present evidence to my superiors that I've won him over with my 'feminine wiles' so they don't doubt my sincerity when I propose letting NERV make use of my TRIDENT vehicle, which only I can pilot, while Lara attempts to retrieve the three kidnapped Children, using the premise of having the pit-crew in NERV HQ as a pretext to have a chance of examining the Eva, up close and personal."

Misato: "Are you sure you should be saying that? And how are you going to provide the proof of your 'silk work?'"

Lara: "It's my plan, Major, and Mana, show them..."

Mana hands over several Polaroid photos to Misato and Ritsuko, clearly embarassed.

Misato: "... Wow... These are quite convincing. You look like you were having fun."

Ritsuko: "Very risque! Yeah, who took them? Kensuke?"

Lara: "That's exactly what happened. If Mana's asked, she can honestly say I interrupted her and kept her from going any further, and that she's never going to get the chance if she's stuck with him in this house, as I sure as hell am not going to let 14-year-olds under my roof engage in that, regardless of marital status. Not even while I'm 'away', and I expect you to enforce those rules in my absence, everyone."

Misato: "...This is very elaborate, Lara-San. Why?..."

Lara: "Well. Two reasons. First, remember everything I heard about NERV when I arrived? The JSSDF makes that account of NERV look positively saintly by comparison! No telling what would happen to dear, sweet Mana if she's sent back empty-handed."

Ritsuko: "I... have seen things that make me doubt anyone would be capable of making NERV look saintly by comparison."

Lara: "Well, those bloody yobs are certainly making a go of it!"

Misato: "And the second reason?"

Lara: "The JSSDF would just send someone else, someone more cunning, crafty, and underhanded. Someone who likely won't have to go through me, and wouldn't be above a bit of sabotage, like cutting the power at base as you're under Angel attack, just to see which systems are priority..."

Misato: "..."

Ristuko: "Oddly specific, and highly plausible, I must admit."

Lara pulls out her cell-phone and dials a number, after a few rings, a husky male voice answers. The following conversation entirely in English:

Zip:"Yo! How can I be of service today?"

Lara: "Zip, I need the latest update of Natla's corporate holdings."

Zip: "Oh, what's she up to this time?"

Lara: "Aside from her usual 'end of the world' stuff? She's teamed up with the Cult of Xian and kidnapped the three children I was tutoring."

Zip: "...YOU MEAN THE EVA PILOTS?!"

Lara: "You got it! Bitch is so smug she gave their superior officer and legal guardian, Major Misato Katsuragi, a recording with her voice on it, completely unaltered... I'm not even going to mention the humiliation the poor Major was put through in the process."

Zip: "How's she doing? She okay, physically?"

Lara: "Physically? Pretty much unharmed. Mentally? She's beside herself with rage, fear, frustration, and sheer helplessness, but she's a fighter. Point her in the right direction..."

Zip: "Got it. Sending the info to your computer now. Should arrive in a few. You can share it how you like. She coming with?"

Lara: "Much as I want a second gun on this, no can do. The Angels can attack Tokyo-3 at any time, and she's got her plate full keeping them from doing... whatever it is they want to do, because if they win..."

Zip: "We're all toast."

Lara: "Got it. Send me a chopper, fully fueled and ready to go in a moment's notice. Going to hit that bitch, and hard."

Zip: "Like only you can.."

Lara: "Of course. Talk to you later, caio." (Click)

The conversation switches back to Japanse.

Lara: "Okay, Major. In addition to guarding the mansion, I'm going to task you with guarding this." (Hands Misato the Dagger of Xian)

Misato: "Oh, you can bet they're not going to put one over on me again..."

Lara: "Oh, I agree with the sentiment, but.." (Leans in close) "I _want_ them to take the dagger."

Misato: "Erm... WHAT?!"

Lara: "Oh, don't misunderstand, Major. I want you, NERV, and even the JSSDF to seriously put the hurt on them. They won't believe it's the genuine article otherwise."

Misato: "I see where this is going. You've got some way of tracking the dagger..."

Lara: "Exactly. Still. I won't get too upset if you actually repel them blighters, although Shinji, Rei, and Asuka will be made to pay the price then."

Misato: "So we have to 'let' them take the dagger, but we have to 'lose it' convincingly? That..."

Lara: "Yeah, I know that's going to be rather hard. In the meantime, I give you full authority to open any and all packages addressed to me, especially anything that looks like a video-tape, and the clearance to watch it. It would not be good for us to give Ms. Natla the impression that she's being ignored."

Misato: "Got it."

Ristsuko: "Don't worry, Major. I'll be sure to carefully analyze anything we get for forensic evidence. If my efforts can bring those kids back, safe and sound even one minute earlier..."

Misato: "Thanks, Rits. I look forward to it... Damn IT. I just wish I could have stopped those kids from getting taken way in the first place!"

Lara gently lays her hands on Misato's shoulders. "Not your fault, love. You did everything you could. Now if only we could figure out... and prove... how those bloody yobs were able to get such impeccable timing to literally catch you with your pants down..."

 **Meanwhile... At NERV HQ.**

Gendo: "WHERE ARE THEY?! This cult must be made to answer for this! They... they're stealing away my vengeance!"

Fuyutsuki: "I know, old friend. We'll find them. We'll make them pay. Your speech has gathered the full support of the public, even those JSSDF bastards..."

Gendo: "HAH! As if those morons could be trusted to tie their shoes correctly without aid... Still. I suppose we can find some way to use those arrogant incompetents.."

Fuyutsuki: "Naturally."

 **At a yet undisclosed location...**

Shinji, Asuka, and Rei awaken, bound to tables, at a 45 degree angle, wearing only the most minimal of clothing, surrounded by all sorts of scary-looking equipment and devices. Across from them is a giant color television which is all but impossible to avoid seeing. Soon, it clicks on, and they are greeted by the image of a very well-dressed woman in corporate business atire.

"Morning, pilots. I trust you slept well?"

Asuka: "You've got to be bullshitting me, you..."

(ZAP!)

Asuka: "KYAAAA!"

Shinji: "Asuka-san!"

Rei: "Asuka-chan!"

"Now, now, fraulein, language! My name is Jacqueline Natla. I will be your host until such time as NERV or your 'esteemed tutor' Lara Croft and my people come to... an understanding."

Rei: "What is it that you want, Natla-san?"

Natla: "Oh. Polite to a fault, and straight to business eh? I'll get to that in a moment. First, there's some things you must know before we can go any further."

Shinji: "And what are those, Natla-san?"

Natla: "Take a quick look at each other. Do you notice anything missing?"

The pilots do as instructed and start to blush, until Shinji's eyes go wide.

Natla: "That's right. We've taken the liberty of returning all your NERV equipment to your legal guardian, Major Misato Katsuragi, along with a video showing you're alive and well, for the moment, although that could change in a heartbeat, literally, if any of you tries something."

Rei: "Why are you doing this? If we do not stop the Angels..."

Natla: "Hahaha! Don't worry too much about that! Your backers and our organization have already taken that into account. There are already back-up pilots in place..."

Shinji: "Mari Makinami-san and Kowaru-san."

(ZAP!)

Shinji: "GWAAARRGGHHH!"

Natla: "Don't interrupt, dear. You are correct. Although mankind has been stuck at this evolutionary plateau for thousands if not millions of years, and is not likely to survive the next major event unless we do something drastic. So I don't mind if the Angels win and 'reboot' Earth's evolutionary process in their own image."

Rei: "You are clinically insane!"

The other two pilots cringe, expecting Rei to be electrocuted, but that, surprisingly, does not happen.

Natla: "You are not the first to say such a thing to me, child, and I doubt you'll be the last. You might even be right. Still, EVOLUTION WILL NOT BE STOPPED! The most we can do is 'guide' it, and that is what your backers and I intend! BWAHAHAHAHA! If you're wise, you'd join me..."

Asuka: "Now you sound like the cliché villain from a sentai show!"

Natla: "... I'll let that one pass. After a bit of thought, my lines did sound cooler in my head than when I spoke them aloud. That, and you managed to go an entire sentence without profanity. I'll reward you for that. I must apologize for what you'll experience next, but provocation like this can not go unanswered. Your Commander Gendo Ikari must be made aware of how serious the situation is and how determined we are."

Natla plays the video of Gendo's speech and appeal.

Gendo: "People of Tokyo-3 and the world. I come before you with horrifying news. A terrorist group calling itself 'The Cult of Xian' has launched a cowardly terrorist attack on the Hokkaido hot-springs. We are still counting the casualties, but the saddest part of this is that the three Eva pilots, Shinji Ikari, my own son, Rei Ikari, my daughter-in-law, and Asuka Langley Soryu were all kidnapped while they were in the bath! These despicable cowards attacked while our people were recovering from an Angel battle where the Angel was trying to blast the surrounding area with lava! I ask you all for your aid. Any information as to the Pilots' whereabouts will be greatly appreciated. As for you, 'Cult of Xian', you have harmed NERV personnel, and endangered all of mankind with your cowardice. This will not be tolerated. Return our pilots, immediately, alive and well, and maybe, just maybe, we can come to some kind of peaceful 'understanding'. Provoke us, and you will be shown the TRUE MEANING of helplessness, humiliation, and frustration! I swear upon the name of my dead wife, Yui, that I will not rest until you are all made to answer for what you've done!" (Click)

Natla: "Once again, I must apologize. If you wish to blame someone for what you'll be experiencing in the next few moments, blame your Commander."

To be continued...


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 21:**

 **The Next Day...**

As planned, Lara Croft gives Misato a print-out with a map of all Jacqueline Natla's current known offices, the closest of which is in Hong Kong, keeping a copy for herself before heading out to investigate them. Misato is heading to the nearest JSSDF base, run by Admiral Yamamoto, both escorting Mana Kirishima and Kensuke, and officially requesting aid in finding the kidnapped children and staving off the next Angel attack, whenever that might be.

Lara: "Good luck, Major."

Misato: "Likewise. I hope you find the kids..."

Lara: "Say no more, Major, and don't worry, I seriously plan to kick lots of ass in your place."

The two women smile, laugh and shake hands before heading off their separate ways.

Upon arriving at the JSSDF base, Kensuke looks like a kid in a candy shop, pointing at, taking photos, and listing the specs of every military vehicle he sees. Mana is strangely bemused by this, and thinks maybe her orders to "hook up" with Kensuke might not be that bad.

Kensuke: "Wow! An OH-6D, I never thought I'd get to see one, especially in mint condition, considering they were being phased out by the Kawasaki-OH1, after Second Impact!" (Snaps some pictures) "Wow! The self-propelling howitzers the type 99, and the M110, side by side!" (Snaps some more pictures.) "The M270 MLRS Missile system. I've never dared dream of seeing one up close!" (Snaps a picture.) "Man the others in school are never going to believe that I've been here! Thanks for bringing me along, Major! And for inviting me, Mana-san."

Mana: "Hehe! My pleasure, Kensuke-kun. Ah. We're here."

Soldier: "State your name, affiliation, and purpose of visit, please."

Misato: "Major Misato Katsuragi of NERV Tokyo-3, here to see Admiral Yamato, as per our appointment."

Soldier: "Understood. Why are those children with you?"

Misato: "Per Admiral Yamamoto's request, they are here to help investigate the disappearance of the three Eva pilots, as classmates."

Soldier: "Very good, everything checks out, proceed to his office waiting room, he'll be with you shortly."

None of them have to wait very long, as the Admiral greets them in person as they walk through the door.

Admiral Yamamoto: "Ah, Major. Good to see you again. Hope nothing gets blown up this time..."

Misato: "Likewise, Admiral, though I can't be held accountable for the Angel's actions."

Yamamoto: "Fair enough. I will need to interview these two one at a time, before we conduct our official business, is that alright?"

Misato: "I'll be right out here, waiting patiently until it's my turn."

Yamamoto: "I appreciate your understanding and cooperation, Major. Civilian Kensuke, come with me please."

Kensuke: (Stands up and salutes) "Sir! Yes, Sir!"

Yamamoto: "Hahaha! That's the spirit, son! But be at-ease, you're a civilian at the moment, and don't need to go that far. Follow me, please."

After crossing into the Admiral's office and shutting the door...

Yamamoto: "Now, son. The kidnappers might be after the Eva tech, so what can you tell me about the Evas and NERV. Did the pilots tell you anything?"

Kensuke: "Well, I've got the NERV guide book, Shinji-kun let me borrow with me right here." (Hands it over to the Admiral) "I can't really tell you much about the Eva that isn't already public knowledge since Shinji-kun didn't really know anything about them, but I can tell you that I've been in the cockpit with him once."

Yamamoto's eyes open wide in surprise for a brief moment before he regains his control.

Yamamoto: "You've been in the cockpit? That's very interesting. Did you see or hear anything unusual?"

Kensuke: "Not really, we were a bit busy trying not to get killed by an Angel at the time... OH, I have these close up photos right here of the battle..."(Presents the photos he took at close range which almost got him and Toji killed.)

Yamamoto: "I'll make a few copies and get these back to you." (Gets up and copies them with a color copier and returns them.) "Now as to the cockpit..."

Kensuke: "I really don't understand how it works, but there was a split screen view, similar to a modern surround-sound theater, a seat where the pilot sits and a couple of 'joystick' handles that really don't do anything. I'm not sure how Shinji-kun got the Eva to move the way he wanted.."

Yamamoto: "Thank you, Kensuke-kun. You've been a big help. Dismissed, and send Mana-chan in, please."

Kensuke: (Stands and bows) "Yes, Sir! Thank you, Sir."

Kensuke leaves the office and Mana enters.

Yamamoto: "That boy... is a GOLDMINE of information. I must say your instincts were right on the money. Had we gone with the original plan, we'd have nothing. How did you know he'd been in Eva-01's cockpit?!"

Mana: "I didn't. I just figured that since Shinji-kun was off the table, one of his two friends would have been a good entry point, and since Kensuke-kun wasn't romantically involved..."

Yamamoto: "Makes sense. How close have you gotten to him?"

Mana: "This close, Sir." (Mana proceeds to hand over the rather risque Polaroids Kensuke took of her, wearing nothing but a towel.)

Yamamoto: "HOT DAMN!" (Hands the Polaroids back immediately) "Great work! For the price of a few photos, you've managed to secure our foot in the door." (Proceeds to show Mana the close-ups Kensuke took of Eva-01.) "Keep it up! Have you learned anything else about the Eva from him?"

Mana: "Negative, Sir. I would have gotten closer, but Lara Croft walked in on us.."

Yamamoto: "I see. Well, just stay close to him. Be his girlfriend. If you learn anything from him that's useful..."

Mana: "I understand, Sir. I'll notify you as soon as I can without being discovered."

Yamamoto: "Excellent. If you keep this up, I'll see that your friends get an honorable discharge with full-pension."

Mana: "...Th—thank you, Sir!"

Yamamoto: "Dismissed! Now send the Major in, please."

As Mana leaves, Misato enters the room.

Misato: "Thank you for agreeing to meet with us, Sir."

Yamamoto: "At ease, Major. Have a seat. I'm sure there is much we have to discuss."

Misato: "Yes, Sir." (Sits down across from the admiral, on the other side of his desk, while the admiral does the same.) "The truth is, we at NERV formally request all the help you can give us, including your Angel slaying vehicle..."

Admiral: "And where did you get such a fanciful notion..."

Misato provides a list of parts requisitions, deployment orders, technical request assistance forms, and so on.

Misato: "As you are well aware, Admiral, I'm not only in charge of three Evas, and their pilots, whoever that may end up being, but I've been inside Jet Alone, and been in close contact with the CEO of the company that built it. As such, I recognize most of these parts and know what they're for. If you're not building giant 'robots,' what **are** you building?"

Yamamoto: (Sigh) "Guess we can't hide something that big forever. I take it you're here to officially requisition our equipment?"

Misato: "I'd prefer to avoid doing that. Things would go much smoother between our two branches if you lent us that... vehicle, along with whatever technical personnel might be required to keep it in top form, of your own volition, rather than me simply trying to strong-arm you."

Yamamoto: (Smiling) "This is certainly a much better presentation than what happened when you 'requisitioned' that positron rifle a while back."

Misato: (Bows) "I apologize, Sir. Back then we were far more pressed for time. As it was, we barely managed to complete the mission in time."

Yamamoto: "Raise your head, Major. I don't blame you. I understand you want to do everything in your power to rescue those kids, but your duty to stop the Angels and save us all has you trapped here."

Misato: "Yes, sir."

Yamamoto: "Alright, since this is a formal request for aid, and you're being exceptionally polite, I guess it won't hurt to show you what we got so far. Now what you're going to see is a highly classified prototype. So we're going to have to swear you and Kensuke to secrecy, and of course, no photos, so I'll have to hold his camera while we inspect the … vehicle."

Misato: "Much appreciated, Sir."

True to his word, the Admiral has Kensuke's camera briefly confiscated, and has the boy sign a non-disclosure agreement, where if he says anything to unauthorized personnel, he could be charged with treason.

Upon seeing the TRIDENT, Kensuke lit up like a kid getting precisely what he want for Christmas, and his birthday, combined.

Kensuke: "Oh, oh wow, and I thought the Eva were cool! Is that an M61 Vulcan on the nozzle? What kind of pressure system is being used? Hydraulic or Pneumatic? Those six intakes in the back? Are they jet turbines? Can it FLY?! That cockpit... Is it salvaged from an F-22 interceptor? How do you plan to bypass Angel A-T fields?"

Yamomoto: "Good questions, son, but you're not authorized to hear the answer, not yet."

Kensuke: "What do I have to do?"

Yamomoto: "Though I find it unlikely, you're going to have to pass the Boot Camp training regimen and then sign up to be Mana's subordinate mechanic, following the JSSDF chain of command, without question. Can you do it, son?"

Kensuke: (Glasses shining) "Sir, watch me, SIR!"

Yamamoto: "Hahaha! I love that spirit! Private first class, Mana Kirishima!"

Mana: "Yes, Sir!"

Yamomoto: "Starting right now, you are in charge of Ensign Kensuke's training regiment. Do not go easy on him! The two of you are going to live as if you share one skin from now on! You will share everything, and I do mean EVERYTHING! No questions, no objections, is that understood!"

Mana and Kensuke: (Stiff, at attention, and saluting) "Sir! YES, SIR!"

Yamamoto: "OUTSTANDING! Major, the pit crew and the TRIDENT will be shipped to the NERV hangar by the end of the day. As for Private First Class Mana and Ensign Kensuke, with a bit of luck, they'll be up to speed by the end of the week."

Misato: "Thank you, Sir. NERV really appreciates this. So do I."

Yamamoto: "Glad to be of service. Dismissed!"

Despite having her misgivings, Misato leaves Kensuke and Mana at the JSSDF base for Kensuke's requisite boot-camp deep immersion training.

Just when everything was starting to look up, Misato arrives home to find a package waiting for her, addressed to Lara Croft.

The package has Jacqueline Natla's name on it, but was shipped using an American P.O. Box as the "return" address on the label. Since it has warning stickers "Magnetic Media", "Fragile", and "Time-sensitive delivery." Misato comes to the conclusion that it's Natla's ransom video, and takes it to NERV HQ to be reviewed by herself, Ritsuko, and Commander Gendo Ikari.

As she's en route, she calls up Ritsuko to inform her of the situation.

Misato: "Rits. A package just arrived, from you-know-who."

Ritsuko: "Have you watched it yet?"

Misato: "No. I figured it would be best if you, me, and the Commander saw it together. At NERV, where we have a better chance..."

Ritsuko: "Of spotting something?"

Misato: "Correct. Besides, it's something The Commander needs to know, since the life of his son, and best pilot, may well ride on his decision(s)."

Ritsuko: "Right, I'll inform him about it, try to set up an immediate meeting!" (Click)

Upon arriving at NERV HQ, Misato is ushered to Ritsuko's observation room, where everyone watches the video. Everyone winds up horrified by what they're shown. The Commander, sitting down at the provided desk, looks furious, at first glance, but underneath his tented fingers, he's... smirking.

To be continued...


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 22:**

It doesn't take long to see how Jacqueline Natla took Gendo's announcement on her video-taped response.

Natla: "Hello, Major Misato Katsuragi, Dr. Ritsuko Akagi, and dare I presume, the illustrious Commander of NERV Tokyo-3, the great Gendo Ikari himself? Is Lara Croft around? No? Pity. Probably off searching a ruin somewhere, no doubt, or is she really foolish enough to try to take the fight to me? Doesn't matter anyway. It's a shame she can't see this."

Maya: (Covers her mouth with one hand) "HRRGHKK!"

Natla: "Oh my, could it be the Bridge Bunnies are watching too? Maya was it? You really shouldn't be working that job if you have such a weak stomach!"

Misato: "This... this is a video-tape, right? Can she be watching us, somehow?"

Ritsuko: "... This is a recording, yes."

Misato: "Then how the hell?"

Gendo: "She's toying with us, Major. Somebody fed her intel on us and she's just flaunting it to try and rattle our cage."

The video shows the pilots, and the scene could be taken right out of a slasher movie.

Shinji's face, arms and chest have the skin peeling off as if he's been exposed to second and third degree sunburn.

As for the rest, it's best to say that Ritsuko's initial assessment was only slightly off. Asuka's left arm is badly mangled, not her right, and her abdomen, while appearing more or less intact, is covered with what appear to be bites from a number of very large animals with very large and sharp teeth. Oh, and Rei will need major reconstructive surgery to look normal again.

Natla: "Well, Dr. Akagi, guess nobody's perfect, though then there would be no room to learn and grow! All I wanted was to give sweet little Shinji-kun some privacy to 'pleasure himself' so I could get what I need, but, well, _this_ happened. BWAHAHAHAHA! Now my dear Commander. If you've got it in your head to retaliate with force of arms, my associates, and yours, have another little surprise for you. They should be arriving any moment now. Toodles!" (End of Video)

Misato: "GHYAAA!"(Pounds the desk with her fist) "That BITCH!"

Gendo: "Major. Control your composure. Everyone, RED ALERT! Prepare for insurgents!"

Misato: (Eyes going wide) "Sir, Yes, Sir. Section one, seal entry shafts 1-12 and fill them with Bakelite!"

The base suddenly loses power, communications are cut, the outermost guard gets shrapnel to the back as the doors are blown open, and the Cult of Xian's troops storm in. The infiltration has begun.

Gendo: "Fuyutsuki. Can you reach the JSSDF?"

Fuyutsuki: "I just barely got the call through, sir while we were watching the video. They say they'll be here in ten to fifteen minutes."

Gendo: "Understood. Major, you know what to do."

Misato: (Draws gun and dramatically cocks the chamber, making sure it's loaded properly.) "With pleasure, Sir. I'm in the mood to kill somebody dead, and these clowns just volunteered."

The back up generators to the command center, provided by Lara Croft, kick in 30 seconds later... just in time to sound another alarm.

Ritsuko: "CODE BLUE! It's an Angel, and it's right on top of us!"

Misato: "DAMN IT! It never rains, but it pours! Thank GOD that the pilots were here doing sync tests or they'd never make it here, with the Angel and that army of terrorists out there. What's the status of the pilots and Evas we have on hand?"

Ritsuko: "All Evas are fully-functional, but the pilots..."

Misato: "What?"

Ritsuko: "Eva-00 rejects both of them, and as for their sync, Mari can sync with Eva-02 almost as well as Asuka can, but only gets a 25% with Eva-01. Kowaru... He gets whatever damn sync rating he wants with Eva-02, and can change it at will! With Eva-01... he can't board at all!"

Gendo: "We have no other option. Field the fourth pilot with Eva-01 and the Fifth with Eva-02! After that... Let's hope the JSSDF do their jobs right for once!"

Fuyutsuki : (Whispering to Gendo) "The old men..."

Gendo : (Whispers back) "Yes, the old men."

 **Meanwhile... Back at the JSSDF base...**

Yamamoto: "Ladies, Gentleman, and all you untrained piles of dog-shit! As of this moment, NERV Tokyo-3 is under heavy attack by armed insurgents, the same armed insurgents who snatched those three brats right from under our noses in Hokkaido! We can't confirm any more than that as the bastards have cut off communications between us and NERV. This is our golden opportunity to reclaim our honor and to show those pampered pansies in NERV that we're not just here for decoration!'

The soldiers cheer loudly!

Yamamoto: "Our mandate is to wipe out every last 'Cult of Xian' terrorist we find, **WITH EXTREME PREJUDICE!** No quarter, no prisoners, no surrender, no mercy. We are fielding everything we've got! MOVE OUT!"

Soldiers: "Sir, YES, SIR!"

Yamamoto: "Private first class, Mana Kirishima and Ensign Kensuke Aida. Sorry to cut your basic training short, but you are to deploy in the new TRIDENT prototype, at once, AND TAKE POINT! While we have yet to field test it against ANGELS, the TRIDENT should dominate against any and all opposition we encounter, unless the enemy has somehow acquired N2 mines, and even then, grants us the best chance of survival. MAKE US PROUD!"

While Kensuke responds with unbridled enthusiasm, Mana is not quite as eager.

Mana and Kensuke : "SIR! Yes, SIR!"

Once in the cockpit, Kensuke strives to find out why Mana is so... reluctant.

Kensuke: "Mana-san, what's wrong? Not sleep well?"

Mana: "No, it's not that..."

Kensuke: "Then why.."

Mana: "Why I'm less than enthusiastic to be here in the cockpit?"

Kensuka: "Yeah."

Mana: (Sigh) "Me, and two others, Musashi and Keita, were SOLD to the JSSDF to be the prototype pilots. Not only that, but our 'honorable' parents still demand a part of our pay 'for filial piety,' _**which is automatically deducted from our checks**_ , we can't resign, and above everything else, the Japanese government _is clearly not our ally_ , happily turning a blind eye and deaf ear to any complaints we may have."

Kensuke: "Geesh!"

Mana: "Yeah, I do my duty, but don't expect me to like it."

Kensuke: "I don't know what I can do, but just ask..."

Mana: "Even if you don't mean it, thanks. Still, Tokyo-3 should be coming into focus.. ANGEL SIGHTED!" (Picks up the radio) "King-fisher one to command, King-fisher one to command. Strategic Hostile detected on approach vector to rendezvous point! Please advise!"

Yamamoto: "STRATEGIC LEVEL?! There's an Angel present?"

Mana : "Affirmative. It looks like some sort of giant spider... and seems to be doing our job for us, in part. It's attacking the enemy with some kind of corrosive coming out of its legs, and dripping down from its belly. Doesn't seem to have noticed me, yet.."

Kensuke: "Watch out!"

The Angel launches a high-speed jet of corrosive liquid straight at the TRIDENT, and it took all Mana could muster to avoid it.

Mana: "Thanks for the warning, copilot! King-fisher one to Command. The Angel has spotted me and has me both out-ranged and outgunned! I can barely dodge the attacks at this distance!"

Yamamoto: "Understood. Is there any effective cover?"

Mana: "Negative! Whatever it's shooting blasts right through the nearby buildings! I can't get close like this!"

Yamamoto: "Understood! We'll try to draw its attention... BLAST! Incoming enemy! Sorry, pilot. We're pinned. We'll try to break through as soon as we can."

Mana: "Roger. King-fisher one, over and out!" (Puts down the radio) "Now what are we going to do? We can't fly, just some short jumps, and that's not enough to close the distance."

Kensuke: "Not by itself, no..."

Mana: "What are you thinking?"

Kensuke: "How about we use the ammunition 'gifts' these cultists brought for us?" (Points at the Cult of Xian helicopters bearing down on the JSSDF, all sporting high-yield long-range missiles.)

Mana : "Use one enemy on another... NICE! Let's go grab that high-yield ammo that the cult has so graciously provided! " (Picks up radio) "Command, this is King-fisher one, we may have a solution. Please concentrate your fire on the ground forces, and leave the airborne units to us!"

Yamamoto: "Are you sure?! But the Angel..."

Mana : "Is currently occupied. We have a … plan, or at least the rough outline of one, but we need those airborne units."

Yamamoto: "Alright, not like we have a choice. All troops! Fall back!"

Inside the combat helicopters controlled by cultists... "HA! Look at those cowardly Japs run! All that gear and they run at the slightest resistance!"

"Um, boss..."

"What? Don't spoil my moment!"

(SLAM!)

"What the..."

"BOSS!"

Everyone aboard: "YAAAAHHHH!" (CRASH!) (BOOOM!)

Yeah, Mana and Kensuke, aboard the TRIDENT have taken up the "plan" of simply catching and throwing the heavily armed helicopters at the Angel.

Yamamoto: "Hahahaha! Enlisting that boy is paying off already! 'Simplicity is the hallmark of wisdom' indeed. Everyone, be ready to mobilize the moment those brats clear the way!"

JSSDF: "Sir! Yes, SIR!"

It's not long before the cultists catch on and start surrounding the TRIDENT.

Mana: "It was a good idea while it lasted..."

Kensuke: (adjusts glasses) "That was just phase one. Now we run to the Angel."

Mana: "Run towards the Angel?! We won't be able to dodge!"

Kensuke: "We don't have to."

Mana: "... OH!"

With all their focus on the TRIDENT, the enemy helicopters never notice they're getting dangerously close to the Angel until the Angel starts spraying them with its corrosive liquid. By then, The TRIDENT is within grappling distance, and grabs the closest "legs," directing the spray at the enemy helicopters until they're all gone, frying quite a few of them as they try to fly away, and then rips those legs off, ending the threat.

Kensuke: "No A-T Field? BONUS! Now's a good time to use that Vulcan mini-gun!"

Mana: "Don't have to tell me twice!"

The heavy machine gun fires, and all shots hit, but there's no penetration.

Kensuke: "Don't tell me... to make up for a lack of an A-T field, this Angel has extra heavy-armor?"

Mana: "We have to attack from directly above! King-fisher one to Command! We need air support!"

Yamamoto: "Negative on air support, King-fisher one! It's too hot. You had a helicopter screen to get to that Angel, and it still has six legs to shoot us with!"

Mana: "Damn It!"

Kensuke: "How about we flip the Angel over?"

Mana: "No good! The Angel will just spray acid... or whatever the hell that is, while flailing around randomly until it figures a way to right itself, and THEN it'll get mad."

Angel: "SKREEE!"

To be continued...


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 23:**

Kensuke: "Then we should tear the rest of its legs off..."

Mana: "Oh, I don't think it's going to let us do that."

The Angel starts trying to step on and stab the TRIDENT with its six sharp legs, presumably giving up any attempt to use its corrosive spray, even though the corrosive from its belly continues to flow.

Eventually, the Angel does manage to completely encircle the TRIDENT with four of its remaining six legs, while the remaining two, from the Angel's rear, aim straight at the cockpit, and the Angel's belly starts drooling its corrosive liquid directly above.

Kensuke: "Oh CRAP!"

Mana: "Took the words out of my mouth. Nobody can say we didn't give it our all..."

Kensuke gently touches her shoulder. "Yeah. It may not have been long, but I'm glad I met you..."

Mari: "Now don't go giving up just yet, you two lovebirds! Help has arrived!"

Kowaru: "Indeed. Your plan to rip off its legs is sound."

Eva 01 and Eva 02 appear on the left and right, respectively, and rip off two legs each. This naturally causes the Angel to lose its balance and fall, which Mana barely avoids by jumping backwards.

Angel: "SKREE! SKRREEYYY! SKKKRRRREEEEEE! !"

Mari: "Just to make sure, Kowaru-chan!"

Kowaru: "Roger."

The two remaining legs are ripped off.

Mana: "Kingfisher one to command! The target's defenses are down! Repeat, the A-A defenses are down! Requesting air support!"

Yamamoto: "Acknowledged! Take cover! Initiating fuel-bomb drop!"

Mana: "Everyone, take cover!"

A jet drops the largest non-nuclear weapon ever designed by man right on top of the Angel, later identified as Matarael, and with a thunderous explosion, cracks right through its armor, killing it handliy.

All this time, the cult has not been idle. The troops storming NERV HQ have racked up an amazingly high body-count of NERV personnel, set up lots of booby traps and took hours to fully flush out and exterminate leaving a massive amount of JSSDF casualties in their wake. Even then, once communications are restored, thanks to the hard work of JSSDF engineers, the attack on NERV proved to be only the tip of the iceberg in the cult's assault.

NERV didn't lose power and communications because of sabotage; the Cult of Xian had attacked the nearest power plant and , killing all the workers inside, and then blew it up. Lara Croft's mansion was raided and destroyed. Only the Tokyo-3 school was spared, and then, only because the JSSDF somehow got wind of the incoming attack in time, and barely managed to fend them off.

Gendo Ikari, and the top brass of NERV meet with Admiral Yamamoto of the JSSDF, and attempt to contact Lara Croft.

Gendo: "This is both an unmitigated disaster and an act of war!"

Yamamoto: "I must agree! This can not be allowed to stand unchallenged."

Misato: "Damn! If only we knew where the rat's nest is so we could strike back!"

Ritsuko: "Hello! Lara Croft! Thank god we managed to get through! Where are you?"

Lara: "Here in Hong Kong, the local Natla corp rep tried playing dumb. When he saw that didn't work, he tried using his 'security' goons on me. After seeing that that only served to piss me off, then he, too late to save his sorry hide, tried begging for mercy and still offered little to no help finding the kids."

Misato: "I wish I could say things were better here, but well, I'd be lying. Your mansion was raided and destroyed. NERV was hit, _**hard;**_ those cultists have openly declared full-out war on the country. The local power plant was destroyed, after all the techs were slaughtered. Ditto that for the nearest communications facility."

Yamamoto: "The local high-school was targeted as well, though we did manage to stop that... by sheer luck."

Lara: "...Bloody bollocks wanker yobs, (bunch of untranslatable British expletives) is there some kind of contest going on to see who's the biggest raging Arse? … Wait, my mansion was raided and destroyed?"

Misato: "Yeah.. I'm sorry..."

Yamamoto: "Judging by their gear, they're getting support from the DPRK..."

Lara: ".. NORTH KOREA?! How the bloody hell did those wankers get the logistics to strike that hard, that far away from their base?"

Gendo: "Does anyone else have some leads? Something solid?"

Ritsuko: "Considering what Ms. Natla shared with us earlier, she must be using some kind of advanced medical equipment, medical equipment on par with a NERV facility, there's only one supplier for such tech."

Gendo's eyes open wide. "I see. Fuyutsuki. Can you pull up the logs on the purchase, delivery and acquisition of.."

Maya: "Already got it, Commander. I queried the MAGI computers and they pulled up the list."

Ritsuko: "Maya..."

Maya: "Yeah, no way I'm letting those kids go through... that any longer than I have to!"

Gendo: "Good work."

Lara: "...The blighters are headed in the direction of the DPRK at high-speeds! We have target confirmation! Heading there now!"

Gendo: "We're sending aid your way. Eva-scale! Be prepared for the arrival of Eva-00."

Misato: "Commander, but..."

Gendo: "I'm sure 'Rea' will be glad to help, once she understands.."

Misato: "Got it! Rits!"

Ritsuko: "Understood. We'll get that water-combat gear ready again."

Yamamoto: "Wait, you have another pilot already? Why didn't..."

Gendo: "Not exactly. Let's just say Eva-00 is best to field in this situation."

 **Some time later, down in the Eva labs...**

Rea: "Where is onii-chan? What is going on? I heard a lot of shouting and scary noises..."

Misato: "Shinj-kun is in trouble. Some bad, bad people have taken him away, and we need your help!"

Rea: "...Onii-chan!"

Ritsuko: "We're fitting you with the water-combat gear so you can go save him,... Rea-chan."

Rea: "... I still don't like you, obaa-san, but... thank you."

Ritsuko: "Obaa-san?!" (Vein pops out on her forehead) "Well, I suppose that's better than 'mean-old-hag'. Still, once we learn where he is, we'll send you there so you can stop the 'bad people'."

Rea: "Hee hee!"

Misato: "I don't know if I should be relieved or worried that 'Rea' is giddy at the prospect of wrecking havoc."

Ritsuko: "At least it's directed at our enemies. Be grateful for that."

 **Lara Croft is in a shady port of North Korea, having stowed away on a Chinese transport smuggling weapons there...**

Lara: "Okay, Zip. Tell me what you got."

Zip: "Satellite scan confirms what Major Misato told you. The Tokyo-3 mansion was utterly destroyed, but not before the dagger of Xian was taken. Its unique energy signature is definitely in the DPRK... In Pyongyang... Near 'The Great Leader' Kim Yung Un himself!"

Lara: "Bollocks! As if this tin-pot regime doesn't give the world enough diplomatic headaches!"

Zip: "Got a call from the Major as well. Going from the equipment Ms. Natla is using, NERV suspects one of three facilities holds The Children. You're going to have to move fast. Now that They've got the dagger..."

Lara: "Yeah, they don't need the kids anymore. That bitch could sell, rent, or violate them in all sorts of unspeakable ways... or simply grow bored and dispose of them."

Zip: "Yeah, as 'the great leader' and his 'family' have a rather sordid history."

Lara: "Screw subtlety then. Time to go on the offense!"

She blasts her way out of the dock on the motorcycle she smuggled in with her, heading to the facility closest to the Kim family castle, the most likely location.

 **At the facility in question... The following conversation takes place in Korean.**

Natla: "Per your request, Great Leader, here is the 'merchandise' you wanted to peruse."

Un: "Hmph. They do not look like much. Are these really the 'mighty Angel slayers of NERV, Tokyo-3?' They're just runts! And badly beat up at that!"

Natla: "Of course, that's what they are, outside of their almighty Eva war-machines. Sadly, the goods were a bit … damaged in the collection and extraction process, which is why we're giving you a discount."

Un: "They, and that other item, had better deliver on the promises you've made about granting me the glory and godhood that is rightfully mine that I might have righteous vengeance against all those countries who dare mock me, especially those arrogant Americans!"

Natla: "Naturally. That 'other item' should arrive any moment now."

Un: "I still find it strange to believe that stabbing a dagger into my own chest will make me unstoppable..."

Natla: "Of course, which is why I showed you the video of the last time it was used. You have to admit, it was an impressive show."

Un: "Yes, but if he was so great, why did he lose the dagger to some bimbo!"

Natla: "Because he wasn't a true warrior, like you. He was just a coward who loved to boast while his men did all the work. So when he had to fight for himself..."

Un: "He lost. I see, just like those relatives who tried to sell me out for a quick promotion!"

Natla: "Oh, yes. The ends they met were very fitting for their cowardice. Fed alive to feral dogs, gassed in a train-station with their accomplices, placed before a firing squad.. All too lenient!"

Un: "Hahahaha! Yes, YES! I will have the means that my father lacked to complete his vision! I WILL BATHE THE WORLD IN A SEA OF FIRE! DIE ALL YOU OTHER COUNTRIES JEALOUS OF KOREA'S WEALTH, AND THE COUNTRY WILL BE WHOLE AGAIN!"

Both: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAAAA!"

Un: "Very well. As agreed, here is the down-payment for the pilots. The rest will be provided once the dagger is delivered and proven effective."

Natla: (Takes the briefcase presented by Kim Yung Un's bodyguard.) "Pleasure doing business with you, Great Leader. If you'll excuse me, I am needed elsewhere by my subordinates."

Un: "I grant you leave. Go. Do not return without the dagger."

As Jacqueline Natla leaves the room.

Un: "Prepare the tools. We shall convince these brats about the 'glory' of True Korea, or they will die."

Bodyguard A: "Of course."

Bodyguard B: "The scorpions, the antidote, and everything you requested."

Un: "Good. I have a meeting with my 'advisers' that can not wait. We shall begin when I return. For the meantime, make sure they're secured, and properly prepared."

Bodyguards: "Sir. Yes, Sir!"

Once Kim Yung Un leaves the room...

Bodyguard A: "I don't think he'd mind if we had a bit of fun with them."

Bodyguard B: "No way, man. He fed his uncle to a pack of rabid dogs for going against him!"

(In Japanese)

Shinji: "What's going on?"

Rei: "We've been sold to Kim Yung Un, and they're going to 'condition' us to serve his regime."

Asuka: "Then we've got to get out of here first."

To be continued...


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 24:**

Knowing time is of the essence, Lara doesn't even bother with stealth and subtlety. She heads full bore on what passes for roads in the DPRK straight to the Kim estate, where the Dagger of Xian is held. Either she uses the dagger as leverage to secure the release of the Children, or she frees them and then deals with whoever is arrogant and foolish enough to actually use the dagger.

This is her specialty as is shown in all the video-games based on her exploits. This winds up drawing the attention of the entire DPRK army, and proves to be the right decision as she unknowingly gives The Children a fighting chance of escaping on their own, a chance they don't let slip by.

Body-guard A: "The Great Leader is calling us? But..."

Body-guard B: "No buts, unless you WANT him mad at you..."

Body-guard A: (Goes pale in terror) "Nuh-huh! No way! What about them?"

Body-guard B: "Are they tied down? Yes? They're not going anywhere. We can 'toy' with them later!"

Asuka: "They're leaving? Wha?"

Rei: "Seems they got called away elsewhere, urgently."

Shinji: "It's not like we're going anywhere..."

Rei: "On the contrary, this might be our only chance..."

Asuka: "Wondergirl, we're still tied down, my left arm and right eye are shot, Shinji-kun is one giant head-to-toe sunburn, you're not exactly in the best of shape either, and these alleged clothes..."

Rei: "... What I'm about to do next is something I was ordered not to do except under the most dire of circumstances, and will reveal to both of you some very, very classified stuff. Not to mention I have no idea what the long-term side-effects are going to be. I am sorry if this offends or terrifies you."

Shinji: "What... are you going to do?"

Rei: "This."

She closes her eyes, and projects an A-T field replica of herself. This is something she's actually done before on several occasions, but only for a fleeting moment, and then, just out of sight of whoever or whatever she wanted to look at. The first known instance was when Shinji was waiting for Misato. Shinji spots her, turns to see Misato approach, and turns back only to see she had disappeared without a trace.

This time, the projection picks up the glass case of scorpions, carries it to the door and throws it out. Almost immediately after the case shatters, the DPRK soldiers standing watch outside can be heard screaming as the scorpions sting them to death, and keep right on stinging.

Rei's projection returns to the table holding her body down, and she sets herself free before dispersing the projection, and freeing the others.

Asuka: (Whistles) "Now _**that**_ is one hell of a trump card!"

Shinji: "What... are you?"

Rei: (Gently taps his forehead with a fist.) "Your wife, silly. We don't have much time. Assuming we get out of this, I will explain everything later."

Asuka :"Well, you've certainly earned the title 'Wondergirl' Rei-chan, but how are we going to get out of here, the doorway."

Rei points upwards. "Air ducts. Sorry, dear, I know that's going to hurt, but..."

Shinji: "Crawling on hands and knees through an airduct while sporting full-body sunburn vs. being stung by scorpions and then given the antidote, for starters, to break me? I think I'll go with the crawling..."

Rei: "Nice sentiment, but..."

Rei leads them back to the doors, grabs the guards by their boots and drags them in while the scorpions scatter.

Rei: "It would probably be better if you at least wore pants."

A few minutes later, after stripping the now dead soldiers, and changing into the uniforms, Rei, Asuka, and Shinji begin making their way through the large, obsolete air-duct system being used to circulate air in the building. While it is slow going for Shinji, it is especially so for Asuka as her left arm, now in a makeshift sling, is basically useless.

Rei: "Are the two of you alright?"

Shinji: "I'll live.. I think. Asuka-chan?"

Asuka: "Don't call me 'chan' now, Third. Wondergirl and you did a damn fine job of patching me up, I'll grant you that, but... Got-damn! I HATE being useless... Those fuckers at NERV Berlin never missed an opportunity to berate me for 'slacking off', ie, being a child. Kaji was the only one even remotely nice to me, and then in the 'oh what a cute kid' sort of way."

Shinji: "...Small wonder you had a crush Asuka-san..."

Asuka: "...That's all past now. So what's the game plan, Rei-san? We can't hide in here forever, and if we move carelessly, not only will they hear us, they'll shot up the duct to get at us."

Rei: "To the roof, if we can. We need to get our bearings, get the layout of our current position, and try to grasp the patrol routes of the guards before we make a decision on our next course of action... Also..."

Shinji: "If there's helicopters up there, we can't fly them, but we can hide in one..."

Asuka: "Then when the pilot(s) show up, we can make them take us where we want to go!"

Rei: "Not much of a plan, I admit, but it's better than nothing."

 **As Rei, Asuka, and Shinji continue to go through the ducts, the Kim regime is not taking Lara's actions well...**

Kim: "What do you mean you can't stop her, she's just one woman! A bimbo grave-robber! Gah! And you call yourselves the pride of the DPRK?!" (Shoots the messenger in the head.) "Worthless idiots! Where is that Natla woman. I want that dagger, NOW!"

Natla: (Just walks in the door with the dagger in hand) "Here it is, Great Leader, as promised..."

Kim: (Points his gun at Natla) "Prove it works, _then_ you get paid..."

Natla: (Smirks like she's just thinking about the funniest joke she ever heard.) "As you wish, Rocket boy!" (Stabs Kim Yung Un in the chest.)

Kim: "Cough! Bitch! What have you done?!"

Natla kills everyone else in the room before they can even blink. "Why, just as you ordered, you fat loon! I'm demonstrating the dagger to you! I'll be helping myself then."

As Natla gathers up the briefcase full of Won, Kim Yung Un is painfully transforming into a dragon.

Kim : "GHYHAAAAHHHAAAAA! ROOOAAAAARRR!"

Natla : "Ooh, that was even faster than last time! Guess his ego's really that big!"

The room is too small and the floor can't accommodate that much weight. As such, Kim Yung Un falls through the floor, roaring dragon's breath on the way down.

She is completely unfazed.

Natla: "Oh please, you big baby! You're even worse than The Children. At least they put up a decent fight and didn't whine when they lost. Well, time to go, blowhard. Toodles!"

Jacqueline Natla begins heading towards the roof, and her private helicopter, unaware that the kids she just derided are also on the way there.

The Children, using the ducts, arrive at the roof just a little bit after Jacqueline Natla does. Considering that Shinji has skin that's painfully peeling and blistering everywhere, including the palms of his hands, and Asuka can't even use her left arm, this is an astonishing feat. What follows is the conversation, as translated by Rei, who happens to be well-versed in Korean for some reason.

Random Guard: "Who goes there?! Identify yourself!"

Natla: "It's me, your boss's primary supplier! I'm here to request a ride back to my facilities, under the orders of 'the Great Leader.'"

Guard: "Why is he not with you?"

Natla: "Oh, he decided to peruse his 'merchandise' right away. I shouldn't need to tell you what that means."

Guards: "Hahahaha! Still, we need to radio in for verification..."

Natla: "Is that really necessary? How many times have I come and gone from this place already?"

Guard: "Standing orders. You know how 'The Great Leader' is..."

Natla: (Sigh) "Of course I do..."

ROOOAAAAARR!

Guards: "What's that?!"

Natla: "THAT would be 'The Great Leader' now."

Guards: "The hell you say?! You said..."

Natla: "Ah! Guess you were thinking of the wrong 'merchandise'. He's demonstrating his shiny new Dagger of Xian now, not perusing... something, or should I say _**someone**_ else! If I were you, I'd run for the hills while the running's good. Because... well, you know how 'The Great Leader' is..."

Guards: "You betrayed us!"

Natla: (Sigh) "And here I was hoping I could get by you without violence..."

RRRRROOOOAAAAARRRR!

The building trembles from heavy impacts, as the dragon that once was "The Great Leader" attempts to smash his way out.

Natla: "Not much time, fellows. Do you _really_ want to be here when your boss breaks through the walls and starts looking for 'traitors'? Hmm?" (In Japanese) "And that goes double for you, kids. Yes, I know you're here and watching. I must say, you breaking out and heading to the roof was pretty damn impressive. It was also your best tactical option. Well done! I know you have no reason to trust me, but you can either come with me, or you can take your chances here..."

Suddenly a tank blows open the door to the complex and coming through a megaphone is a very welcome voice, in English.

Lara: "NATLA! YOU BITCH! WHERE ARE THE CHILDREN?!"

Natla: "And your guardian is here... Hmm. I suppose it would serve us all best if you go with her..."

(CRASH) RRRRROOOOAAAAARRRR! SNORT!

Natla: "And here comes 'The Great Leader' now. Honestly, what a cluster-fuck!"

The Children briefly consider getting the hell out of dodge with Jacqueline Natla on a helicopter, despite knowing how untrustworthy she is... but that option is soon taken out of their hands when the dragon flies up to the rooftop of the now seriously compromised building and breathes fire down on everyone, the kids escaping the worst of it by closing the vent cover of the duct they're in. While they can't see anything, they can still hear what's going on.

Natla; (Translated by Rei) "Now see here, you bloated backwater tin-pot tyrant! I've been dunked in lava! Did you think a little camp-fire would hurt me? All you accomplished was killing your own men, burning off my Armani suit, destroying my money, and seriously pissing me off! Despite your delusions of grandeur, you braggart, you are clearly _**NOT**_ worthy of that dagger! Since you took my money, I'm going to take your dagger!"

In a few moments, a massive thud hits the roof, destroying what little of the building's structural integrity remains, causing the whole thing to fall. A clawed hand rips through the vent, grabs the Children, and drags them out.

The children look up to see Jacqueline Natla, in her "true" form. She's got large horns atop her head, exceptionally long finger-nails, and toe-nails as sharp and daggers, not to mention bat-like wings, … and not one stitch of clothing, though the situation is far too dire to consider that particular tidbit of info.

Natla: "No time to admire the view, brats. Ah. I was hoping to avoid doing this, seeing as my faithful are now extinct, but oh well. Know that you are about to enjoy the privilege of being the first to witness my true form in thousands of years! BEHOLD THE MIGHT OF QUETZALCOATL!"

Jacqueline Natla stabs herself in the heart with the dagger and assumes the form of the infamous Aztec god, Quetzalcoatl, the winged serpent. Grasping the three of them in one mighty claw, Quetzalcoatl takes The Children off the roof of the collapsing building and lands with them right in front of Lara Croft and her commandeered tank.

Quetzalcoatl: "Know that you and your guardian shall be the first people who have earned the honor of being devoured by me! Be grateful!"

Lara tries to stop her with the tank's main weapon and the mounted machine gun, to no avail. All this does is serve to annoy Quetzalcoatl.

Quetzalcoatl: "Wait your turn! Though they are not yet fully ripened, these brats are more worthy of the honor than you!"

Quetzalcoatl flips the tank over, pinning Lara inside. Lara manages to cut her way free with Excalibur, which she somehow fit in her backpack, but all this serves to do is get herself swat aside by Quetzalcoatl's claw. As the flying serpent begins licking The Children, savoring its meal, along comes unexpected rescue!

Eva-00: "Get your hands off of Shinji-Oniichan!"

One quick sucker-punch later, and Quetzalcoatl is on the other side of the compound, the three pilots literally in good hands.

 **Now as to how Eva-00 managed to make it here, we need to go back in time a little while... Back at NERV HQ...**

Misato: "I can't just sit here doing nothing, fretting and wringing my hands waiting and hoping they're alright!"

Ritsuko: "I know. I get it. But getting this gear on is all we can do right now. We have no pilots that 'Rea' will even accept in the cockpit!"

Misato: "Damn it! I get it, but still..."

Rea: "Do you want to help Onii-san, Misato-san?"

Misato: "Of course I do!"

Rea: "... Alright! Get in!"

Ritsuko: "Are... are you sure? But..."

Misato: "Hand me a pair of those neural links, Rits."

Ritsuko: "But they're specifically tailored to each pilot! And you were already a teen at Second Impact..." 

Misato: "I was at GROUND ZERO for Second Impact!... Why didn't I think of this before?! I should have been tested for Eva compatibility if 'exposure to Second Impact causes changes to the genome' or whatever..."

Ritsuko: "... I wondered about that myself, repeatedly... Alright, try Asuka's neural interface. She's the closest in ability and mindset to you, far as I can tell."

Misato: "Thanks, Rits."

Ritsuko: "Remember, this is just a sync test. The slightest thing goes wrong, and I'm remote ejecting the entry plug!"

Misato: "Understood."

After being put through the same treatment the pilots went through during their initial cross-sync tests, ie, triple-washed, squeaky clean, and naked as jaybirds, Misato is loaded into Eva-00's entry plug.

Ritsuko: "Neural links confirmed. Crossing border-line... Sync rate... 100%!"

 **To be continued...**


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 25:**

Ritsuko: "100%! Something's wrong! Abort the..."

Eva-00: "Oh, Rits, you worry too much..." (Looks at her hands and feet) "Oh... wow! So this is what an Eva feels like?! It's so... amazing! I wonder why the kids hate it so much!"

Ritsuko: "Oh, I don't know. Massive energy beam to the chest, getting arms crushed and ripped off, massive spikes to the head through the eye... Any of that ring a bell?"

Misato (As Eva-00): "Okay, okay. I get your point. Geesh!"

Rea (As Misato over the Eva transmitter): "What are these big bouncy things on my chest? They look like fun! Boinga, Boinga!"

Misato (As Eva-00): "Don't play with those! They're … sensitive!"

Rea: "Oooh! Oh... There's a big owie here... Is that why...?"

If Eva-00 could blush, it would be a nice shade of crimson right now.

Misato: "...Yeah! So... leave them alone, okay?"

Rea: "Okay, Auntie!"

Ritsuko: "They... they've switched bodies... Just when I thought running the Eva end of NERV couldn't get any weirder. Major, can … you switch back? I'd hate to have to answer to a 'you' with the mind of a four-year-old..."

Misato: "... I'll try... Rea, sweetie? Can you give me back my body?"

Rea: "Don't wanna!"

Misato: "...Rea?"

Rea: "Don't wanna go back there! It's dark, scary, and I'm all alone!"

Misato: "We can't get you out if you're stuck in my body..."

Rea: "You... you'll get me out?!"

Misato: "Wouldn't Shinji-onii-chan be surprised and thrilled to finally meet you?"

Rea: "REALLY?!"

Misato: "Rits..."

Ritsuko: "We've been trying for years... Alright I promise that if we can figure it out, we'll get you out of there, Rea, and in the arms of your big Shinji-onii-chan!"

Rea: "YEAH!"

Eva-00 shuts down, and Misato's ejected. She barely gets her head out of the entry-plug before she collapses again.

Ritsuko: "Major! Misato! Hang in there, MISATO!"

Misato: "Stop shouting, ow! I feel almost human with a bit of a headache... okay, make that ALOT of a headache! Can I get some clothes before I step out of here?"

Ritsuko: (Sigh) "Sure thing, Major. Oh, and as for that promise, I don't know if we can deliver, but I sure as hell am going to try. We finally got Eva-00 to stop being mad at me. I don't want it to go trying to kill me again!"

Misato: "Yeah. Sounds like a plan..."

Ritsuko: "In the mean time, let's get you measured for a nice plug-suit, and some neural links tuned to you, specifically, so the feedback isn't so massive... hmm?"

Misato: "Yeah, yeah. Feels like I've been on the mother of all benders last night, except I didn't get to enjoy the buzz! Or worse, don't remember it... OW! Can I..."

Ritsuko: "Don't even bother asking, The Commander's orders still stand."

Misato: "Pooh!"

While the rest of NERV's R&D staff gets Eva-00 in the water-combat gear, Ritsuko gets Misato into her own smoking, skin-tight, cherry-red plug-suit with matching hair-clips that are the Eva interface.

Kaji: "I must say, red is certainly your color, Major Misato Katsuragi."

Misato: "Inspector Kaji! What the hell are you doing here?!"

Ritsuko: "I invited him."

Misato: "Rits..."

While Misato's distracted, Kaji moves in and gives her a nice, slow, and passionate kiss.

Kaji: "Bring those kids back safe. Not for their sake but for yours..."

Misato: (Weeping) "...Kaji... I'm so sorry. I never..."

Kaji: "I know. You just weren't ready. I'm cool with that. I still love you. If you want to pick up where we left off..."

Misato: "...Yeah! Let's get back to working on getting kids of our own!"

Kaji: "Deal!"

Ritsuko: "Is that all you two ever think about when you're together..."(Remembers how they locked themselves in Misato's apartment for a week back in college, doing nothing but the horizontal mamba the whole time.) "Don't answer that. Still, if you're thinking about cranking out kids, it would probably be a good idea to put a ring on it first... Unless you want a certain threesome to have a leg to stand on when they call you 'immature'."

Misato: "Okay, okay! IF we can get hitched, we'll make plans. Sound good?"

Maya: "Eva-00 is all set to go! The water evac system is primed for launch any time!"

Ritsuko: "That's your cue, Major. Time to get going! I'll hold you two to it!"

Misato: "Fair enough! Rea, you ready?!"

Rea: "YEAH! Let's save Onii-chan!"

After Misato boards the entry-plug, and gets inserted into Eva-00...

Maya: "Sync rate... 90% and stable! LAUNCH!"

 **Soon afterwards, Gendo's having a meeting with SEELE...**

Khil: "What is this about, Ikari? What are you thinking launching Eva-00 towards North Korea?"

SEELE US: "Yeah, as if we don't have enough diplomatic headaches with that country already."

SEELE CHINA: "Yeah, and we'd rather not have that bloated tyrant come running over to hide behind our skirts to go drive you off... again..."

Gendo: "Gentlemen, I'm doing you a favor."

SEELE EVERYONE: "HAHAHAHA! That's rich, considering you lead the JSSDF here to just outside this chamber..."

Gendo: "On that, you're mistaken. I didn't lead them here, THEY led ME!"

The SEELE chamber falls into silence at the implications.

Gendo: "Now, I acquiesced to your ridiculous DEMAND that I bring Dr. Ritsuko Akagi here and have her testify in front of you completely naked because you had me by the short hairs, as the Americans are fond of saying, but now I'm the only thing between you and the rightfully pissed off JSSDF..."

Kihl: "Rubbish, Ikari! Know your place. You have no legal standing to threaten us with military force..."

Gendo: "Now, if only NERV was attacked by the 'Cult of Xian' I might have to grit my teeth and bear it, but that is clearly not the case. This 'cult' also attacked numerous Japanese military and civilian assets. Our civilian main power plant was invaded, the personnel slaughtered, and the plant itself completely destroyed. The local high-school, in which is located the pool of prospective pilots, as you are all well aware, was also attacked, though that attack was thankfully repelled. The JSSDF were also afflicted with heavy casualties. There is also the incident in Hokkaido...While I am aware that human life means nothing against the 'merits' of Instrumentality, these actions by the cult do trigger the Mutual Defense Treaty signed by all the sovereign nations you represent, every last one of them, in both letter and spirit. Refusing the demands of the nation of Japan carelessly will give the soldiers outside more than sufficient casus belli to storm in here, guns blazing."

Kihl: "What do you want, Ikari?"

Gendo: "Want? What I **want** , 'gentlemen', and I use the term in the loosest possible interpretation, is to have my wife back, who I know you have all been threatening for years, before her 'accident', or barring that, seeing you all dead, face-down, drowned in a pool of your own blood. Since we all know _**that**_ is not going to happen, perhaps we should discuss what I need instead, hmm?"

Kihl: "...What do you need then, Mr. Ikari?"

Gendo: "Thank you, Chairman Kihl. There are several things I need from all of you. I've brought a list." (Unwraps the list he's prepared and reads it aloud.)

Immediately cease and desist all operations that directly or indirectly hamper, subvert, or outright sabotage NERV activities in Tokyo-3. Now while a certain amount of oversight is both expected and justified, what has occurred so far with the attempts at micromanaging every aspect of daily life in Tokyo-3 and "punishing disobedience" is beyond the pale, especially in regards to the Fifth Child, who we all know is not only less than 100% human, but clearly has numerous implants in his brain which defy analysis, and can not be safely removed.

Replace and compensate all the NERV personnel that were recently lost as a direct result of the attack upon NERV HQ by the Cult of Xian, who clearly got intel on our location and organization thanks to a leak of classified data, which we confirmed from their corpses. All the data found on the Cult insurgents had the markings of the Human Instrumentality Committee. Which means YOU. We prefer that the replacement personnel do not in any way attempt to engage in the activities outlined in tenet 1.), which includes attempting to smuggle out classified material.

Make a graphic, public example of whoever is responsible for said leak and leading the cult to Tokyo-3 in the first place, regardless of rank or station, so such a situation never happens again.

Switch the provision of NERV interior and Pilot security from Section 2 to the JSSDF. Not only has Section 2 clearly failed the task, but this is a demand from JSSDF personnel in direct response to recent events.

The full, unwavering support of the Instrumentality Committee regarding war materiel and supplies, like the Evangelion that have been promised, but yet to be delivered, such as Eva-03, Eva-05, and Eva-06.

The complete and utter eradication of every man, woman, and child belonging to the Cult of Xian, without exception. If that means the eradication of entire countries, so be it.

Upon the reading of point 3.), everyone at SEELE immediately turns in the direction of SEELE China, who suggested using The Cult of Xian in the first place. Gendo immediately picks up on it, but says nothing.

Gendo: "One more item not on the list, is the complete approval for a direct retaliatory strike upon the Cult's base, The DPRK strong-hold for 'The Supreme Leader'. This isn't an unprovoked nor unwarranted attack. We have hard evidence that the DPRK has given refuge and support to this terrorist group. Now does anyone here want to be known as knuckling under to terrorists?"

He looks at SEELE US who clearly doesn't want to look weak on terrorism, not after the debacle that happened in Reno with Eva-04.

SEELE CHINA is desperate to try and find some way to keep his head off the chopping block, and doesn't dare object.

Gendo: "I await your response, gentlemen."

Kihl: "Alright. We agree to your... requests, Mr. Gendo Ikari. Please inform your JSSDF 'escorts.'"

Gendo: "Thank you, Chairman Kihl Lorenz. I will deliver your message, and begin preparations. Good day, gentlemen."

Once Gendo leaves the room...

SEELE ENGLAND: "That... UPSTART! HOW DARE HE?!"

SEELE CHINA: "We can still salvage the situation, we just..."

He never finishes that sentence, as he suddenly finds himself sporting a 'Colombian neck-tie.' He winds up face-down, drowning in a pool of his own blood. His Chinese understudy takes his place.

Kihl: "You got what you want **THIS** time, Ikari, but don't think things will always go your way!"

 **On his way back to NERV HQ, Gendo has a chat with Fuyutsuki...**

Fuyutsuki: "Was that really necessary?"

Gendo: "Absolutely. I know those old men won't like it. Most people would think being granted godhood would be enough of an incentive, for anything. What most people fail to realize is that anyone who thinks he's worthy of being a god is someone who thinks he's automatically superior to everyone else, on everything, without exception, especially in matters he doesn't understand. Those fossils needed this 'object lesson' to keep their heads on straight."

Fuyutsuki: "They will retaliate, you know."

Gendo: "Of course they will. I'm counting on it."

 **To Be Continued...**


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter 26:**

 **Back in the present...**

Eva-00 hands the kids over to Lara, who takes them to a nearby shelter, such as it is.

Misato: "Get those children out of here! I'll deal with... THAT!"

Lara: "You'll need this!"

Lara Croft throws Excalibur to Eva-00.

Misato: "That's nice, what am I supposed to do with..." (Excalibur grows to fit inside Eva-00's hand) "WHOAH! What IS this?"

Lara: "It's the enchanted sword, Excalibur, _**the dragon slayer!**_ "

Misato: "Thanks, though they don't exactly cover dragon-slaying in Basic Training..."

Lara: "But they did in Arthur's court, let the blade guide you."

Quetzalcoatl: "Enough with the small-talk already, I'm HUNGRY!"

Quetzalcoatl hurls a lightning bolt breath-weapon at Eva-00, but Misato reflexively blocks it with an A-T field shaped like a kite shield.

Misato: "Oh... SWEET! Hey, you scaly bitch! Let's see how you fight someone that's A.) your own size and B.) hasn't been blindsided by a bunch of your goons while she was taking a bath!"

Quetzalcoatl: "Oh... you have just moved to the top of the menu. Bravery, recklessness, or simple ignorance, it doesn't matter. It has been eons since someone was willing to challenge me directly, in my true form! I shall grant you the honor of savoring every mouth-watering bite of your flesh and screams!"

Misato goes and shield-bashes Quetzalcoatl in the face. "Now what was that about idle chatter?"

Quetzalcoatl: "Bwahaha! Oh this will be fun!"

Trying to get the kids out of the danger zone, Lara Croft looks for a vehicle, any vehicle, that she can use, before settling on a nearby and relatively undamaged Humvee.

Lara Croft: "Oh, quick, climb aboard. Got to admire your resourcefulness. Seeing you in the DPRK uniforms means you had some limited success trying to break out, I take it."

Asuka: "Yeah, until the scaly bitch Misato's fighting with went and grabbed us..."

Lara: "More boarding, less talking, move!"

Everyone gets on board the vehicle and Lara shifts into high-gear, trying to get away.

Quetzalcoatl: "GET BACK HERE!"

Misato: "Oh, don't you dare turn your back on me!" (Slams Quetzalcoatl down and slashes her with the Eva-sized Excalibur Katana.)

Quetzalcoatl: "Yaarg! You're letting my main course escape! You will BEG me for death!"

Quetzalcoatl begins breathing fire at Eva-00, which Misato just barely blocks.

Misato: "Rea. You okay?"

Rea: "YEAH! Let's beat up the mean-old-hag who hurt Shinji-oniichan!"

Quetzalcoatl: "I may be mean, and I'm certainly centuries old, but **I AM NOT A HAG!"**

Rea: "Old Hag, Old Hag, OLD HAG!"

Quetzalcoatl: "RWAAARRGGHHH!"

Eva-00 dodges and grabs Quetzalcoatl by the tail, slamming around the giant lizard like a crude flail.

Rea: "Bam!" (Slam) "Bam!" (Slam) "Bam!" (Slam) "BAM! BAM! BAM!" (Drops Quetzalcoatl to the ground.) "Hehe! Wanted to do that since I saw 'The Flintstones.' Hahaha!"

Quetzalcoatl: "Are you a CHILD?!"

Inside the Humvee, Lara Croft gives the children her backpack so they can take back their confiscated NERV gear.

Lara: "Hurry up and put them on, blokes. We might have to abandon this vehicle and run, 'cause the roads here are shit!"

The Neural links go on just fine, and Asuka is thrilled to have hers put on by Rei and Shinji, but when it comes time to put on the collars...

Everyone: "OUCH! What the... they shocked us!"

Lara: "Bollocks. They're not working? Well that's some fine mess we're in..."

Quetzalcoatl recovers from the beat-down quickly, and takes to the sky, to hunt for Lara Croft and the children.

Quetzalcoatl: "You are certainly powerful, but you have a glaring weakness. I think it's time to show you!"

Quetzalcoatl flies to the retreating Humvee, firing lighting and fire at it, trying to corral or destroy it.

Misato: "YOU COWARD!"

It doesn't take long for Quetzalcoatl to catch up to the vehicle and grab it.

Quetzalcoatl: "Now see, you should have just surrendered quietly. I would have made it quick, but now... I'm pissed off! I'm going to make you watch me take my time.."

Lara: "Damn it! I can't get to the dagger! If we could just rip it out, that bitch wouldn't stand a chance against an Eva!"

Quetzalcoatl doesn't even try to rip the vehicle open. She slowly and methodically starts to crush it in her claws.

Speaking through the neural interface, Shinji tells Misato what she needs to know.

Shinji: "Misato-san. Don't worry about us. Throw the sword at Quetzalcoatl! Do it quick! Please!"

Misato: "Shinji-kun... Are you sure?!"

Shinji: "Hurry! She's going to crush us to death and then eat us, and the collars don't work so we can't jump out..."

Misato: "Kid, you've been around me too long! Here goes nothing!"

Misato throws Excalibur at Quetzalcoatl, missing by a hair, but the distraction does cause the giant reptile to momentarily lose its grip...

Shinji: "Asuka-san, NOW!"

Asuka: "You got it, Shinji-kun, you crazed genius!"

With a snap shot, Asuka fires Lara Croft's grappling-hook pistol that she uses for climbing and it snags the dagger in Quetzalcoatl's chest. The weight of the falling vehicle yanks it free.

Quetzalcoatl: "NOOOO!"

Most of the flying snake's frame disintegrates to dust, leaving one Jacqueline Natla, naked and curled up on the ground, in fetal position.

Natla: "I don't believe it. Beaten by a child... But not for long..."

The Humvee crashes to the ground. True, it was a significant fall, somewhere between one and two stories, but the Humvee is a very sturdy vehicle, and this one is military issue, designed to handle driving over IEDs (Improvised Explosive Devices) with far more force than a simple fall. The suspension takes the brunt of the damage. The passengers are shaken, but unharmed, and although Jacqueline Natla is running to the dagger, Lara Croft gets there first and punches the sadistic "mean old hag" right across the jaw, rendering the weakened self-proclaimed goddess out cold.

Lara: "THAT was for going after my wards, repeatedly, Bitch!" (Getting her backpack back from Rei and the others, Lara croft proceeds to tie Jacqueline Natla up, for transport and questioning back at NERV.

Misato has Eva-00 lie down, almost horizontally so she can eject and come greet her subordinates and wards.

Misato: (Crying) "I was so, so worried about you," (Hugs each of the kids in turn) "all of you. Thank God you're alright." (Looks around) "Well, maybe not alright, but alive! I'm sure Rits can fix you up in those LCL tanks of hers. I've seen her regrow Rei's arm, so..."

Shinji: "Our collars don't work anymore..."

Misato: "...Oh good grief! Well, thank Rea too. We would have never been able to save you guys without her!"

Misato leads the kids over and everyone hugs Eva-00, as much as a human can reach around a cyborg cyclops the size of a skyscraper... That's when things get really weird. **...**

Eva-00's core shatters the armor over it, and out pops a little girl that looks like a four-year-old child.

Rea: "...Shinji-oniichan! Rei-Oneesan! Auntie Asuka! I'm... out... I'm really out! Thank you, Nana Misato! Thank you, thank you!"

Ritsuko speaks over the neural devices. "Major, pilots! We just got a sync reading of over 1000%! What's going on over there?!"

Misato: "Rits... Are you sitting down? You are not going to believe this. What looks like a four-year-old version of Rei just popped out of Eva-00, and she's hugging her Shinji-oniichan, Rei-oneesan, and Auntie Asuka!"

Ritsuko: "Are... Are you serious?! Are you really serious?! How the heck did that happen?!"

Misato: "I wish I knew."

Gendo took this surprising news with, for him, exceptional calm.

Gendo: "How... How did those brats pull that off? I must know. Dr. Akagi. Bring me _**everything**_ you know, think you know, speculate, or have data on concerning this... phenomenon, the moment The Piots, including Major Misato Katsuragi, return to NERV and have undergone a complete debriefing."

Ritsuko: "Yes, sir. Should I lead the debriefing myself?"

Gendo: "Yes, Doctor. I know they won't hide things from you. From me... Things can probably be a bit too... intense."

Ritsuko: "Understood, Sir."

Gendo: "...You can bet those old men won't sit still. Don't let this interfere with their combat readiness. That remains the top priority."

Ristuko: "As you say, Sir."

Gendo: "Good. If you need anything, I'll be in my office... waiting with bated breath."

Ritsuko's skin begins to crawl at the subtle implication of what he's really saying. "I'll keep that in mind, Sir."

Gendo: "That is all."

After seeing Gendo head to his office, and making sure she can't be heard, Ritsuko openly expresses her sentiments.

Ritsuko: "I doubt I'm going to 'need anything' for a good, long while, 'Sir'...That cheating bastard! Why... Why does that 'doll' get a better lover than me? She even gets a _girlfriend as a birthday present_!"(Sigh) "Oh well. Back to work. Got a great deal of analysis to do before they get back, after all."

 **On the flight back to Tokyo-3 aboard one of the fleet of UN helicopters, several of which are carrying Eva-00, Misato, Lara, Shinji, Rei, and Asuka have a little chat with their P.O.W., one Jacqueline Natla...**

Natla: "I must applaud you for being the first to beat me in open combat, as my true self. Here is your reward, Shinji Ikari, the strategist who made it happen, and Asuka Langley-Soryu, who delivered the 'fatal' blow."

A green, yellow, and white glow surrounds the two of them, cascading over their A-T fields before fading into mist and blowing away.

Misato pulls her gun. "What did you just do?!"

Natla: "I granted them a boon. They should be able to move freely for about a half-hour a day, without worrying about their... restrictions. Or they could 'become one', once a day. Whichever they wish. Were I at my prime, the reward would have been greater but..."

Lara: "I'm sure you'll say we wouldn't stand a chance, governor."

Natla: "Well... I won't say 'no chance', but it would have been much harder for you. After all, I haven't had a decent sacrifice to sustain me in centuries. Immortal I may be, but I still hunger."

Asuka: "So you feed on people to grow stronger?"

Natla: "You herd and raise cows for food, do you not? It was the same for my people, The Aztecs. They would hold _**TOURNAMENTS**_ for the unparalleled honor to feed both my upper and lower mouth."

Asuka is about to ask what "lower mouth" means, but is suitably squicked when she has the answer whispered to her.

Natla: "It wasn't all for free though. In return, I taught them astronomy, crop cultivation, animal husbandry, architecture to rival that of your 'ancient Egypt', and gave them protection from their enemies, both mundane and supernatural."

Misato: "But that begs the question.."

Natla: "Of why they were ultimately defeated by the Spanish Conquistadors?"

Misato: "Yeah..."

Natla: "The answer is simple. Your friend, Lara Croft, holds the key."

Lara: "You mean the dagger of Xian?"

Natla: (Sigh) "Correct. Though that is not it's true name. That was my sacred ritual dagger! At least until a fleet of Chinese Junks came the land to the south as traders and explorers. They built their base in what you call The Falkland Islands, and eventually stumbled upon our people."

Lara: "Fascinating, so you're saying they stole the dagger?"

Natla: "Of course they did, after my foolish high-priests were lured by the promise of a 'city of gold' and showed it to them. Those greedy idiots. This left them easy pickings for the Conquistadors under Ponce De Leon, who decided to genocide my followers, but not before taking one of the most beautiful, my handmaiden, as his own bride. The hypocrite."

Lara: "Then why..?"

Natla: "Is there no lore of this expedition in Chinese official history? The Emperor of China went full bore xenophobic and decreed that all history of exploration outside the official borders 'never existed,' destroying all records of such. In part, to hide the sins of his countrymen, in part as a misguided attempt at patriotic fervor. Hehehe! Left them woefully unprepared a bit later when his countrymen clashed with the equally xenophobic Japanese people of the time... Of course, since none of the Emperors were 'me'..."

Lara: "They couldn't use it without ultimately losing their lives."

Natla: "Exactly. Now you know why I think 'humanity' has reached a dead end. They just keep repeating the same mistakes over and over, never learning anything, and killing anyone who does... just like your bosses."

Misato: "What do you know about our bosses?"

Natla: "That they believe themselves worthy of being gods? That they launched a plan killing billions, 'Second Impact' was it, and gambling the lives of everyone that remains against an enemy that only has to win once, for the chance to make it happen? That they're willing to kill anyone and everyone that they believe has even the remotest chance to stop them? Ha! Idiots, arrogant deluded fools! MADMEN! I have lost count over the centuries of how many men fall prey to this! Heck, the first lie in existence was the _**promise of godhood**_ , and men still fall for it! Oh, if only those bumbling oafs truly knew the burdens of godhood... then again, they probably do, but think it doesn't apply to them!"

To Be continued...


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 27:**

 **In Gendo's office...**

Gendo grows tired of waiting for Ritsuko to "need something" and goes back to his machinations, part of which involves trying to utterly break Shinji, while making it appear that he's genuinely trying to help and make amends with the boy. Part and parcel of that is hiring an inept, but not too inept, therapist to address the trauma that Shinji, Rei, and Asuka went through, thanks to the Cult of Xian.

Fuyutsuki: "What are you up to, old friend?"

Gendo: "Ah, professor Fuyutsuki. I'm going over the list of available therapists. The Children are going to need one, one we can control, after what they experienced."

Fuyutsuki: "Oh? This level of concern for their well being is new..."

Gendo: "Their well being? Hardly. I'm doing this only because both Ritsuko and Misato have been bothering me for a while on this. Loathe as I am to admit it, they do have a point."

Fuyutsuki: "Oh? Then who shall we recruit for the task?"

Gendo scrolls through a list of resumes on his laptop until he spots someone he considers "promising."

Gendo: "This fellow, a Fraiser Crane, looks promising."

Fuyutsuki: "Why him? He's a talk-show therapist, down on his luck, I might add, and living in the Boston Warzone, of all things. Why he doesn't even speak a word of Japanese and will need an interpreter during the sessions..."

Gendo openly smiles at this assessment. "That's what makes him perfect! He must be desperate to get himself and his family out of there, and we can use his need for an interpreter to monitor everything he says or does where it concerns The Children and his sessions. Plus, he's not dangerously overqualified, if you get my meaning. I mean, a talk-show therapist? How skilled can he be?!"

Fuyutsuki: "I understand. I'll begin making arrangements immediately."

Gendo: "Very good."

 **Boston:**

As the result of numerous "left-leaning" judges being lenient on gun-crimes, and other criminals, street gangs have basically taken over the city. The after-math of Second Impact has not helped. The area is basically a military dictatorship under the control of three prominent gangs. The Cryps, The Bloods, and M-13, all vying for supremacy. The citizens are trapped inside, unless they can somehow acquire a travel visa, and that's basically the same as an Act of God. It is in this environment where Dr. Frasier Crane tries to run his talk-show. One wrong word or phrase could easily get him or his relatives killed, and he's had quite a few close-calls already. So when he receives the official invite from NERV to be the therapist of a handful of children, with an attached exit Visa, he has great difficulty restraining himself...

Fraiser: "Dad, Niles! We can finally get out of this hell-hole!"

Martin: "What the hell you talking about? No way in hell any of the three ruling 'parties' is going to give us a Visa, not with all the flak you give them on your show..."

Fraiser shows his father, Martin Crane, the invitation letter from NERV, the attached Visa for Fraiser himself and extended family, and the contract for psychiatric services with the five, now six, Eva pilots and the pilots of the TRIDENT.

Niles: "A ticket out of here, in exchange for therapy sessions with a handful or two of teenagers? That seems way, way too good to be true. There must be some catch..."

Fraiser: "WHO CARES! Still, I don't suppose it would be a bad idea to have a lawyer look it over..."

Martin: "You mean... That woman?"

Fraiser: "Who else? I'll fax the contract over to her now..."

Niles: "Please tell me she's not coming over..."

Fraiser: "Of course not! Why would she come back into this hell-hole of a city? Even if she clears the check-point..."

The phone rings, and Fraiser is quick to answer it, on speaker-phone, so everyone hears it.

Lillith: "And what have you got yourself into this time, Fraiser?!"

Fraiser: "A way out of here... Did you get the fax?"

Lillith: "Fraiser, did you ever wonder why I got exclusive custody of our son?"

Fraiser: "A massive gender bias in the child welfare system?"

Lillith: "... I'm not going to dispute that. The real reason is that you tend to leap first and look later, maybe... when you're bleeding from your forehead because you hit that thick skull of yours on something! This contract is legally sound, but it's full of gotchas!"

Fraiser: "Like what?"

Lillith: "There are several phrases that jump out at me, just on a cursory reading. 1.) Once you accept the terms of this contract, you can not resign, retire, or withdraw without our express written consent. 2.) Due to the sensitive nature of your work environment, your movements and actions, and those of any people in your party, will be closely monitored at all times. 3.) You and your party will reside in the accommodations we provide and no other. 4.) Attempting access to restricted areas without proper authorization can result in severe disciplinary consequences up to and including the immediate termination of all offenders, with extreme prejudice... The last one is the most alarming. It means if you go anywhere that NERV doesn't like, or even try, they can kill you! Don't forget that Tokyo-3 is an active war zone! On a regular basis, they're under attack by beings of light the size of skyscrapers that even a nuke can't barely scratch, on a good day. Are you certain you want to do this?"

Suddenly a tank rolls by the building where Fraiser's penthouse apartment, which he shares with his father Martin, his brother Niles, and Daphne, the wife of Niles, and then RPG and anti-tank rifles go off in the background.

Fraiser: "Looks like I'm going to have to! This place isn't even remotely safe! Besides, the job is therapy for one, maybe two handful, of teens. How hard could it be?"

Lillith: "That's another thing that bothers me. This contract doesn't specify the teens' problem(s) that you're supposed to treat! You could very quickly find yourself over your head! I must strongly advise against taking this job... but if you must go, toe the line and be on your best behavior at all times. No more of your notorious 'I'm the smartest man in the room' nonsense. I'm sure you won't get a fist to the face, as usual. You might, just might, get a gun to the face instead!"

Fraiser:"... Better a gun than an anti-tank missile... INCOMING!"

Fraiser, Niles, and Martin dive to the ground as an RPG flies through one window and out the other.

Martin: "I don't care how rotten this NERV job is! We're out of here, NOW! Niles, get Daphne and pack-up for the next flight out of here. Fraiser, call your producer, Ross, and get her to meet us at the airport. We sure as hell are not leaving her here!"

Fraiser: "Lillith, if you want to meet me at Tokyo-3, even if it's for no other reason than to laugh at me, feel free to come, but we no longer have a choice, an RPG just flew through our apartment. I'm taking the NERV job..."

Lillith: "Fine. I hope I'm wrong about this.."

Fraiser: "Of course, and thanks."

Lillith: "Don't mention it. I mean it."

 **Back at NERV HQ, in Ritsuko's lab...**

Ritusuko is giving Misato, Rei, Shinji, and Asuka a full physical and debriefing them concerning what happened in North Korea... as the news plays showing the country being stormed by armies from every country on the planet, _including China_ , which has apparently had enough, the last straw being the DPRK's involvement with the Cult of Xian, responsible for destruction of parts of the Great Wall of China, one of the seven wonders of the world.

The DPRK's actions and history makes it disgustingly easy to blame, and frame, the Kim regime for any and all atrocities committed in the process. In fact, the after-math makes the Khmer Rouge of Cambodia look like choir boys by comparison.

Jacqueline Natla is being incarcerated and interrogated elsewhere.

Ritsuko: "Well, I have good news and bad news. Which would you like first?"

Misato: "The bad news, please. Let's get it over with."

Ritsuko: "Okay. Pilots. The collars no longer work. I'm sure you're all aware of this."

Everyone nods.

Ritsuko: "Shinji-kun. We can heal you up in the LCL tank, but your skin, and … everything normally covered by a swimsuit is going to be exceptionally sensitive for the foreseeable future. Take extra care going outdoors in the daytime, or doing anything and everything 'intimate.'"

Shinji: "(Sigh) Yes, ma'am."

Ritsuko: "Asuka-kun. Fortunately, we can fix your arm, by 'pickling you like a beet' in an LCL tank. Unfortunately, your right eye is gone, forever. There's nothing there to regenerate."

Asuka: "...SHIT! At least my guts aren't hanging out... especially as I'm one giant cramp right now."

Ritsuko: "That time of your cycle?"

Asuka: "Yeah, Herr Doktor."

Ritsuko: "Okay, I can give you a little something to help."

Asuka: "Thanks."

Ritsuko: "Rei-san... There's no genteel way to say this. Even reconstructive surgery won't help you. Your left breast is... gone, so is the underlying muscle and cartilage. Your ribs are okay... barely, but your skin would never allow nor recover from the surgery required to place a silicone implant. Even if we could... "

Rei: "I would wind up looking weird, wouldn't I?"

Ritsuko: "I'm sorry. As for those hand-shaped gouges heading towards your abdomen... It's amazing you can still breathe! The damage is extensive! Even the LCL tank wouldn't allow them to regenerate as it's pure scar tissue. The risk reward ratio for the surgery required to fix that just doesn't justify the attempt."

Shinji looks down at his right hand, and just cries... like a little boy whose favorite toy was taken away.

Asuka: "Good grief! Why are boys such perverts?"

Rei: "Asuka-chan..."

Asuka: "I know, I know. I'm sure there's some kind of sappy sentimental story here, but..."

Rei: "His right hand wound up on my left-breast the first night we started living together. Purely by accident, of course. He took the fact that I didn't.. to put in your terms, 'slap the living shit out of him' in response as the first sign of affection he's experienced in years. So yeah, there is 'some kind of sappy sentimental story' involved. And now..."

Asuka: "The touchstone of that affection is gone, forever."

Rei: "Yes..."

Asuka: "Oh geez! Now I feel bad. Oi, Shinji-chan! Tell you what. Next time we're in the bath, I'll let you play with mine."

Everyone: "Eh?!"

Asuka: "What? Just so you know, this is the first time I've made such an offer, so be grateful!"

Rei: (Smiles sweetly) "Yes. Thank you, Asuka-chan!"

Shinji: "Are...you..."

Asuka: "Don't make me regret it, Third!"

Shinji: (Sniff) "Thank... THANK YOU!"

Shinji breaks down crying on her shoulder.

Rei breaks down crying on her other shoulder.

Asuka: "Oh, good grief..." (And breaks into an oh-so subtle smile.)

Misato: (Facepalm) "... "

Ritsuko: "That was as subtle as a neutron bomb, Asuka-kun." (Sigh) "Okay. Now for the good news. Whatever Natla-san has done seems to have greatly stabilized all three of your A-T fields. She seems to be telling the truth, from what I can tell. It might, and I stress _**might**_ be safe to go further than a good grope or two, **OR** being separated without restriction for about a half-hour, but not both in a 24-hour period. In my capacity as the official doctor here at NERV, should the three of you decide to 'experiment', and something does go wrong, call me _**immediately!**_ I won't judge, trust me. I'll just do what I can to make sure you stay alive and well."

Everyone: "Yes, ma'am!"

Ritsuko: "Now... about this little girl here..."

Rea just sits happily on Misato's lap, munching on some Pocky candy that Misato gave her.

Rea: "Hello, Ritsuko-Obasan!"

Ritsuko: "...Obasan?!"

Misato: "Sweetie, that's rude. Call her Ritsuko-Sensei, okay?"

Rea: "Really? Sorry, Ritsuko-Sensei!"

Ritsuko: "... Thank you, Rea-tan!"

Rea: "Hehehe! You're nicer than I thought!"

Misato: (Ruffles Rea's head) "Good job, sweetie!"

Rea: "Hehehehe! Munch, Munch, Munch!"

Ritsuko: "Such a sweet and well-behaved child. That's a surprise. Oh well, do you have any idea how she came out of Eva-00? Any speculation is welcome."

Misato: "Not a clue. I had already disembarked from the entry-plug at that point. All that happened is that I asked Shinji-kun, Rei-kun, and Asuka-kun to hug Eva-00, as a thank you for coming to the rescue and 'pop' there she is!"

Ritsuko writes in her notebook. "Interesting. Rea-tan, what do you remember?"

Rea: "Hmmm. I was in a dark, scary place, alone, until suddenly, there was a light and I heard Shinji-oniichan, Rei-oneesan, and Asuka-san. I followed their voices into the light, and here I am! Can I have more, Misato-san?"

Misato: "Sorry, all out, sweetie. Rits, you got anything?"

Ritsuko: "No sweets, sorry, but I do have some fresh coffee..."

Misato: "Coffee? For a four-year-old?"

Rea: "I want to try it!"

Misato: "It's going to be hot!"

Rea: "Please!" (Puppy-dog eyes)

Misato: "Alright, but be careful!"

Rea: "Yay!"

Ritsuko takes a coffee-cup but doesn't fill it all the way, just a tiny amount, and Rea tries it.. when Misato instructs her to dip her finger in it and lick her finger.

Rea: "... Hot... more please!"

Misato: "She likes your coffee, Rits!"

Ritsuko: "Unbelievable..."

The rest of the interview gives Ritsuko all details observed by those on the scene of the battle and the phenomenon that caused Rea to find her way out of the Eva's core, but none of it really serves to give her a definitive means of replicating the process...

To be continued.


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 28:**

 **The next day, in Gendo's office...**

Ritsuko is there, as officially summoned, to report her findings regarding the 1000% sync phenomenon where Rea emerged from Eva-00.

Ritsuko: "Sir, after carefully analyzing all the available data, including interviews with all the people present, this is the hypothesis I've come to."

Gendo: "Proceed, Doctor."

Ritsuko: "Yes, sir. It seems that for just the tiniest of moments, there was a quintuple sync event, leading to an unprecedented 1000% sync rate."

Gendo: "Quintuple sync?! But..."

Ritsuko: "There were four pilots? Correct, sir. The fifth participant was the soul inside Eva-00, affectionately dubbed 'Rea' by Pilot Shinji Ikari. All five of them simultaneously wanted her out of the core, and the Eva complied. It is yet unknown if the 'Excalibur' lent to Major Misato, or the unique abilities of 'Quetzalcoatl' had any bearing on the result. I would strongly advise against attempting to recreate the battle or the event..."

Gendo: "As Ms. Natla can not be trusted. Still, the fact that 'Excalibur' can somehow not only become a weapon that can be wielded by an Eva, but also take the form of a weapon that the pilot is most comfortable with is something that can not be ignored in the fight with the Angels. We must make efforts to secure this tool. How are the pilots?"

Ritsuko: "In my professional opinion, they are clearly not fit for piloting Eva at the moment, let alone battle. The injuries they sustained while in Ms. Natla's 'care' are horrifying, disfiguring, and mostly irreparable. We currently have them in LCL tanks to treat Pilot Soryu's left arm, and Pilot Ikari's skin, but the rest..."

Gendo: "I see. How are their mental states?"

Ritsuko: "Fragile. Very fragile. The slightest bit of stress and they can break down completely."

Gendo smirks beneath tented fingers.

Gendo: "Fortunately, we managed to secure the services of a competent therapist to aid with that, a Fraiser Crane, from the Boston Warzone. He and his extended family should be arriving within the next two days. About the only drawback I can see is that he'll need an interpreter present while he's in session with the pilots."

Ritsuko: "That just leaves the matter of 'Rea.' Who can we place her with? How are we going to explain her sudden appearance? She's not going to go back into Eva-00. She's violently opposed to the idea, and I do mean _**VIOLENT**_. We don't dare try to force her as her A-T field readings are off the scale, and she knows how to use it. She may have the appearance and mentality of a four-year-old, but she's a strategic weapon, and she knows it."

Gendo: "In that case, our only option is to leave her with people she knows and trusts, not to mention fully aware of the situation."

Ritsuko: "You can't mean... THE PILOTS?! Did you not hear me when I said the tiniest amount of stress could cause them to break down? Child rearing is VERY stressful, no matter how well-behaved the child is, and 'Rea' is _exemplary_ in that regard."

Gendo: "... I may have not had much contact with my own child while he was growing up, but I am aware of the truth of your statement. Still, what alternatives do you propose? We can't just dump her in an orphanage. I, for one, do not want Tokyo-3 to become the next Elfen Lied!"

Ritsuko: "...Damn it!"

Gendo: "If it will allay your fears, the pilots will not have sole custody. 'Rea' will also be supervised by Major Misato Katsuragi and Lara Croft, both of whom were present on the scene and know exactly where she came from. I've also prepared a list of cover-stories to explain her sudden appearance to the world... as the daughter of Shinji and Rei Ikari."

Ritsuko: "Adopted daughter, I take it? It's going to be hard to pass off a four-year-old as the daughter of two fourteen-year-old children..."

Gendo: "That is one of the cover-stories, yes."

Ritsuko: (Begins massaging her temple as a migraine starts coming on) "Alright, sir. I'll run this by Ms. Croft and the Major. Anything else?"

Gendo: "For now, that will be all. I'll inform you when our new therapist arrives. Dismissed"

Ritsuko: "Yes, sir."

Once Ritsuko leaves the room, Gendo turns to Fuyutsuki.

Gendo: "Do you think she's been avoiding me?"

Fuyutsuki: "Now why would you think that, old friend? It's not like you're treating her as a flesh-light with a PHD, or anything like that, right?"

Gendo: "Well. Whatever, it's not like this is the first time. She'll come back on her hands and knees, wearing that fetching 'bitch' outfit soon enough."

Fuyutsuki: "If you say so."

Gendo: "Still. What she has to say about the phenomenon is rather disturbing."

Fuyutsuki: "How so?"

Gendo: "If the Doctor's theory is accurate, then not only must the soul inside the Eva desperately want out, but even then, it must be 'awakened' by the pilot having a sync rate of 75% or higher with the Eva... THAT BOY CAN NOT BE THE ONE TO 'AWAKEN' HER!"

 **As Ritsuko is waiting for Misato and Lara Croft in her lab...**

Maya: "Senpai, what's wrong?"

Ritsuko: "What makes you think something's wrong, Maya?"

Maya: "You've not only been back and forth to the coffee-pot, but you haven't actually drank any." (Points to the multiple cups of coffee that Ritusko's gotten and placed on the table.)

Ritsuko: (Laughs angrily and bitterly) "Hahahaha. To be expected of a woman who is not only a competent technician, but has a crush on me..."

Maya: "Senpai?"

Ritsuko: "Did you think I hadn't noticed? Maya, you sweet, innocent girl. You deserve better than a 'mean-old-hag' like me!"

Maya: "You're not mean, old, or a hag! You're the smart, sophisticated, cool and calm Senpai..."

Ritsuko: "Stop. Stop right there... If you knew the truth about me and what I've both done and seen, you'd run away in disgust! I know you have a bit of... a weak stomach..."

Maya: (Blushes furiously) "Are you talking about my reaction to the video that...Natla made of the pilots? Who wouldn't be sick on seeing that?!"

Ritsuko: (Sigh) "Someone who's already had a hand in the deaths of billions, and risking everyone that's left..."

Maya: "...SENPAI!"

Ritsuko: "Sit down, Maya. I've already secured this lab. Noone's going to hear us, and those that do, aren't going to do anything about it because they don't think we can stop them..."

Maya: "... Are you talking about Second Impact? The Human Instrumentality Committee? The war with the Angels?"

Ritsuko: "... Now we really need to sit down and talk. How much do you know, and when did you know it?"

Maya: "...Have you forgotten that you had me help you with the Magi super-computer, and I saw all those post-it notes?"

Ritsuko slaps her forehead, realizing that her mother, Naoko, was fully complicit with Gendo and knew all about it, leaving behind evidence where nobody was likely to find it, unless they knew where to look, and Ritsuko herself showed her where to look.

Ritsuko: "So you've pretty much got it figured out? Do you? And you still want me, who's got blood on her hands up to her elbows?"

Maya: "I'm sure you have a damn good reason, Senpai. Would you like to tell me about it?"

Ritsuko: "Fine... But once you hear what I have to say, I don't think you'll still respect me in the morning."

Ritsuko spends the next fifteen, maybe thirty, minutes revealing to Maya all the nastiness she's done and witnessed as Gendo's bed-partner, and how NERV's behaved since Second Impact. Maya doesn't judge, object, or react in any way, only listening attentively until it's all over.

Maya: "So you didn't have anything to do with Second Impact, but you knew that it wasn't a natural disaster. Instead, it was the work of some... arrogant old men, leaders of a cabal that's been around for centuries, that, more or less, gave the Katsuragi Expedition lit torches and led them into a cave full of ancient nitroglycerin, and then stood back laughing when it all blew. What's worse is that you kept quiet because everyone you knew to whom you could report were complicit, and they'd see nothing wrong in 'silencing' you if you spoke up too loudly. Is that right?"

Ritsuko: "If only it was that! At least then I could still be forgiven for being helpless! But... I've actually had a hand helping them! You know Rei, that blue-haired, red-eyed girl? She's a clone of The Commander's dead wife! Not only that... She's made of Angel Flesh! Thanks to me, she's lived her life so doped up that she was little more than a wind up doll, AND I'M ENVIOUS OF HER!"

Maya: "Envious?"

Ritsuko: "The Commander actually smiles at her... worse, he pawns her off to his son, orders her to sexually entrap him, and while that fails... the boy rather quickly asks for her hand in marriage, she agrees, and those two make each other insanely happy! In fact, that boy loves her so much, he lets her have a girlfriend... AS A BIRTHDAY GIFT! Meanwhile, the guy I'm with just sees me as a flesh-light with a PHD... no matter what I do. I know he'll never love me, only pining away for his 'dead' wife, but no matter how badly he treats me, or how much his antics disgust me, I can't help going back for more!"

Maya: "So... I take it he's just that good in bed?"

Ritsuko: "...That's the problem! He's a fucking roller-coaster! Up! Down! Left! Right! Round and Round! … And after drilling me like an oil-rig in the Gulf of Mexico, he leaves me panting, sweating, and wanting to go again with a burst of pleasure."

Maya: "Wow..."

Ritsuko: "Oh, it gets worse!"

Maya: "Worse?"

Ritsuko: "Yeah. Rei's lover makes mine look like a rank amateur! Rei compares him to lying on the beach, as the tide rolls in. He takes his time working his way up from her feet until before she realizes it, he's got her completely embraced, tingling from head to toe... no rush, no demands, just relaxing in each other's arms, enjoying each other's company... all night long! Not knowing when they fall asleep, just waking up in the morning to fresh breakfast in bed!"

Maya: "Daaayummm! So how..."

Ritsuko: "Did I find out? I tricked her into telling me under the pretense of a medically necessary physical exam, hoping to laugh at her virgin lover's inexperience in my head, at her expense... I really, really regret that now. Especially now that their A-T fields are still... recovering."

Maya: "So which do you prefer? The roller-coaster, or beach-side as the tide rolls in?"

Ritsuko: "I've never had the 'beach-side' experience..."

Misato and Lara walk in at just that point...

Misato: "Oh? Planning an outing? About time! You spend too much time cooped up here!"

Maya: "Yeah, trying to decide where we'd go on that most mythical of fantasies, our next day off! The roller-coaster at Disneyland, China, or down to Okinawa's beach, where we can just let the tide roll in on us, starting by lapping up our toes and working its way upwards until we can just enjoy that oh so gentle rocking motion, back and forth, back and forth, until we're all tingly from head-to-toe, and then waking up in the villa, having breakfast in bed..."

Ritsuko: (blushing furiously)"...Damn it, MAYA! That ...choice of words could not possibly have been accidental!"

Maya grabs a random cup of coffee, smirking, and starts to slip slowly, but deliberately. "Senpai, I have no idea what could possibly be upsetting you so much..."

Ristuko: "GRAAAGGHH! Enough! Stop! Just stop!" (Pant, pant) "Eh-hem. Major, Croft-San. I called you here because we have important business to discuss."

Maya: "... Could this be about Rea?"

Ritsuko: "Yes, it is. Note that what I'm about to say next comes after extreme misgivings, but for the life of me I can't come up with a better alternative."

Misato: "And what's that?"

Ritsuko: "The Commander has decided that Rea will be officially recognized as the daughter of Pilots Shinji and Rei Ikari, with full custody granted to them, Asuka being something of a maternal aunt, and both of you, Major Misato Katsuragi, and Lara Croft-san as ... to use a 'western' term, the 'godparents' of the child."

Misato: "Wait... WHAT?! He's granting custody of a four-year-old to two fourteen-year-olds who go into life or death battles all the time, and have _**just**_ come back from captivity, where they underwent unspeakable horrors?!"

Ritsuko: "Yes, despite my reservations, I can only think of this as our **best** course of action."

To be continued...


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter 29:**

Misato: "Our best option? What are you..."

Ritsuko: "She won't go back into Eva-00, and I'm not going to try to force her. She's a sweet child, and... it just wouldn't be right, no matter how desperate things get in the fight with the Angels."

Lara Croft: "You're right about that, though I suspect there's more of an ulterior reason why you'd be … hesitant."

Ritsuko eyes Lara Croft suspiciously for a moment but gets back to her lecture.

Ritsuko: "It's not a good idea to offer her up to an orphanage, hoping some loving family comes along and adopts her, even in the best of times. These are clearly not the best of times."

Lara Croft: "..."

Ritsuko: "What's more, the rather... unusual manner by which she came into the world will raise all sorts of questions we don't want to answer..."

Lara Croft: "And there's the rub, governor."

Ritsuko: "Right. Her... exposure to the Eva core has given her an immensely powerful A-T field, that she can manipulate pretty much however she wishes. No way an anywhere near normal family could handle that..."

Misato: "And how are WE supposed to? … Wait, are you saying she's an Angel?!"

Ritsuko: "...Not exactly. She's not a giant being of light, and she's clearly not mankind's enemy... unless we make her. That's why The Commander wants her in Shinji and Rei's custody... She's bonded to and quite fond of the boy. If anyone can wrangle her..."

Misato: "It's him! Oh boy! Is it The Commander's plan to just keep piling more and more duties and responsibilities on Shinji-kun until he breaks?"

Ritsuko: "...I won't say that's out of character for him, but still, as much as you might think it sucks, this is our one and only valid option. Right now, we have to agree on the proper cover-story for Rea's sudden appearance in the world."

Misato: "Alright, Rits. Lay it on me. What 'genius' proposals have you and The Commander come up with?"

Ritsuko: "One. Rea is a DPRK refugee that was rescued by the pilots from the depravity of the DPRK and The Cult of Xian."

Lara: "Rejected. How would she know Japanese, not Korean, not to mention looking very, very much like Rei?"

Ritsuko: "Two. Rea is a child found abandoned on NERV's doorstep after the combined attacks of the Cult of Xian and the last Angel. Parents and their whereabouts unknown."

Lara: "A bit more plausible, but still, people are going to ask why she looks so much like Rei... and then wonder if the two aren't related somehow. We might even see lawsuits flying around, demanding a genetic test to see if Rei and Rea aren't blood relatives. The paparazzi are always looking for that hot, salacious scandal, after all."

Ritsuko: "Three. Rea is Rei's twin sister, who's been in a coma for ten odd years..."

Lara: "Stop. Stop right there. Now that's clearly not going to work. Comas don't freeze your body in place developmentally. If she was in a coma for ten years, she'd look like a very, very frail fourteen-year-old, with the mentality of a four-year-old. Now if the cover-story was that she was somehow in suspended-animation for ten years, that would be better... but then people are going to wonder where and how she was kept that way, and how she was brought back..."

Ritsuko: "Indeed. I didn't think those options were very good. The last option is that she is Rei and Shinji's biological child, from an ectopic pregnancy, that was surgically removed and grown in vitro, with accelerated growth, and artificially educated until ..."

Misato: "We got what we see... HOW THE HECK ARE YOU GOING TO EXPLAIN THAT?!"

Ritsuko: "That's actually the easiest to explain. We've got the technology right here."

Ritsuko opens her arms and points out the various tools and devices in the lab.

Lara: "So you're going to advertise that you can 'farm' kids, like one would farm rice and potatoes?"

Ritsuko: "It provides the fewest embarrassing questions, and if ever there's a genetic test done..."

Misato: "The margin of error in the sample can explain away any inconsistencies... Unless you can think of something better, Ms. Lara Croft, I guess we'll have to go with that explanation."

Lara: "Hmph. I don't like it, but I see your point. Now how are we going to explain and prepare both Shinji and Rei for the fact that they're now the proud parents of a happy, healthy, and highly-energetic four-year-old girl?"

Nobody in the room says a word, staring into their coffee-cups, trying to come up with an answer.

 **Meanwhile, in the brig of NERV Tokyo-3...**

Gendo is questioning one Jacqueline Natla, hoping for a better answer to the Eva-01 dilemma than the "quintuple sync" theory.

Natla: (Voice dripping with sarcasm)"Well, well, well. If it isn't the illustrious Commander of NERV, Gendo Ikari, come to visit. And what brings you down here today? Surely you have better manners than these fellows?"

All around her cell, are numerous men, face down in their own blood... with their pants unzipped, and various rather fearsome looking tools, all soaked in blood, but not a scratch on Jacqueline Natla herself.

Gendo: "Amateurs. I have questions I need answered, and I was hoping you could provide them."

Natla: "Hahaha! These wimps all said the same thing, and look what happened to them!"

Gendo: "... I am not so foolish as to step in there with you, nor do I bring a weapon. I know your code is to win at all costs, but only if you feel challenged first, or have something to prove, am I correct?"

Natla: "Oh? You did your homework, didn't you? Unlike **YOUR** people, as an Aztec, we know what honor really means! We don't call ourselves honorable just because we inherited a title from our ancestors that we can then use as an excuse to go kicking around everyone 'beneath' us and then get all pissy when the people we were bullying have enough and start to fight back... And we sure as hell didn't genocide or kidnap and experiment in producing bio-weapons on our enemies if we fought them and lost... Well, if we won, it was 'winner take all', so yeah, we did 'consume' the people who fought us bravely, but lost, ... and eliminated the cowards who tried to run away without a fight."

Gendo: "I am not here to try and debate you on the merits, or lack thereof, of our relative cultures, or their white-washed versions. I am here to ask what you know..."

Natla: "About extracting the soul from an Eva? Your 'dead' wife, perhaps?"

Gendo grasps the bars of her cell angrily.

Gendo: "What do you know about my wife?!"

Natla: "BINGO! And here I thought we weren't going to get anywhere. Your bosses, SEELE, have made it an open secret that you're fixated on either getting her out, or going in there after her, no matter what it takes, even if that means turning the world into TANG. Heck, you've tried to sync with her 'coffin' Eva-01 for some time, always getting a reading of ZERO! Hahaha! How that must hurt! Oh, and you lied earlier. There is something clearly growing in your right hand. Something that makes the Eva look like children's toys... What are you planning to do with that?"

Gendo: "None of your business.. Now tell me what you know!"

Natla: "Don't want to. I granted your son and his wife's girlfriend a boon because they earned it, by defeating me in open combat, and without treachery. We Aztecs always reward those who beat us at our own game, especially if they do so honestly. You have yet to earn such a favor."

Gendo: (Sigh) "I see. I was hoping to not have to resort to this..."

As Gendo presses a button, numerous stun darts hurl out from holes in the cell walls, paralyzing Jacqueline Natla but leaving her conscious.

Gendo: "You want to be a god? Well, just so happens we have an opening. Let's see how a 'noble' Aztec deals with the Contact Experiment."

Natla's eyes go round with surprise and terror. "You wouldn't DARE!"

Gendo: "Now, Ms. Natla. Didn't you say just now that I would indeed dare anything for Yui?"

Gendo has the conscious but incapacitated Jacqueline Natla dragged to Eva-00... And there can be heard a lot of terrified screaming through the corridors...

 **Meanwhile, in the temporary headquarters assigned to Kensuke Aida and Mara Kirishima...**

As they're getting their room ready, trying to make the forced co-habitation somewhat comfortable...

Kensuke: "So, Mana-san. Would you have approached me if you weren't ordered to?"

Mana: "Kensuke-san. What makes you think I was ordered to approach you?"

Kensuke does his best Yamamoto impersonation, "You are to share everything, and I do mean **everything!** "

Mana: "... As to be expected of a shutter-bug, you certainly have an eye for detail. Well, to be honest, probably not. Your reputation with the girls is kinda bad."

Kensuke: "Because I take public photos and sell them to make ends meet?"

Mana: "...That's probably it. I mean, you're no more horny or desperate than the average. A bit more rowdy, sure, but nothing a good girlfriend couldn't coax you out of... why do you ask?"

Kensuke: "...Because I now have to thank Admiral Yamamoto for the fact that I live and sleep beside a cute, sexy girl who actively enjoys coming out of the bath to do a rather energetic belly-dance, wearing nothing but a towel, and lets me take photos!"

Mana: (Blink, Blink) "Pfft.. He, He, Bwahaha! You charmer, you! Your bad rep is clearly ill-deserved! You certainly know how to flatter a girl! Maybe being your 'girlfriend' isn't such a bad gig!"

Kensuke: "I know being your boyfriend certainly isn't!"

Mana: "Flattery won't get you that far, you know! We're still at the 'look, don't touch' phase, alright? You're really going to have to earn it if you want to get physical!"

Kensuke: "In that case, I'm going to be as passionate about you as I am about military gear..."

Mana: "Now that's the wrong thing to say, I'm not a machine..."

Kensuke: "No, I mean I'm going to treasure and adore every last bit of you!"

Mana: "Better, but as pick-up lines go.. that leaves a little bit to be desired!"

Kensuke: "Sorry, you're my first and only girlfriend. I'll be in your care from now on..."

Mana: "Likewise, my darling otaku cameraman! Now let's finish setting up where we're sleeping and go to bed... top or bottom?"

Kensuke: "...Bottom."

Mana: (Squinting) "Why?"

Kensuke: "Because it's look, don't touch, so if I'm in the bottom bunk..."

Mana: "And who said anything about bunk-beds?"

Kensuke: "Erm... um what?"

Mana: (Hands on chest) "Top!" (Turns and shakes her hips) "Bottom!"

Kensuke: "Bwah-uh-uh-wha!"

Mana: "Hahahaha! Gotcha!" (Leans over and kisses Kensuke on the cheek) "You've earned that."

Kensuke: "You're going to tease me mercilessly from now on, aren't you?"

Mana: "Yep!"

Kensuke: (Sigh) "Futons it is then."

Mana: "Yep, futons it is!"

 **The very next day...**

Misato: "What is that sphere hovering over Tokyo-3?"

Gendo: "Blue or Orange?"

Ritsuko: "I'm not getting a reading, any reading at all!"

Misato: "Damn! And our three primary pilots are still recovering!"

Gendo: "Guess it's time for the TRIDENT to see use again..."

Mikoba: "Commander, we're getting a transmission... It's from the UN! They want to know if we're willing to accept Eva-05 and Eva-06!"

Gendo: "It's about time... but how the heck do they expect us to accept them now? We're under possible Angel attack..."

Mikoba: "... They're flying in..."

Gendo: "Well, I know they're going to bring them on a bomber.."

Mikoba: "No, sir, the Evas themselves are flying!"

Gendo: "... What are those old men thinking?! Major, put them on-screen!"

To be continued...


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter 30:**

Misato: "So they are flying..."

Gendo: "The dummy plug system... Those old men are flaunting the dummy plug system..."

Misato: "Dummy plug system?"

Gendo: "An AI that we've been developing internally... Looks like the Instrumentality Committee developed their own branch... Must not be ready for practical use, or they'd show off, beating the Angel for us..."

Misato: "And I trust our version isn't ready for practical use as well?"

Gendo: "Indeed, Major. We need far more combat data, for starters, before the AI is capable of doing anything but acting like berserk, feral animal, or so the simulations show..."

Misato: "... So they're flaunting completely untested technology, just to show off?!"

Gendo: "Certainly looks that way... Have our two able pilots ready to sortie at the nearest lift entrance, and have the TRIDENT as backup on standby."

Misato: "Yes, sir!" (grabs microphone) "Pilots Nagisa and Makinami, report to the nearest lift at once! Private First Class Kirishima and Ensign Kensuke, prepare for deployment in the TRIDENT!"

They all respond over the intercom.

Nagisa: "Roger, Major."

Mari: "Tally-ho! The Game's afoot!"

Mana and Kensuke: "Yes, Ma'am, right away, Ma'am."

 **Mana and Kensuke are in their quarters getting into their gear...**

Mana: "Zip me up, snap to it!"

Kensuke: (Admiring Mana's back) "Gulp" (With trembling fingers...) "ZIIIIPPPP! Done!"

Mana: "Good, turn around! It's my turn!" (Smoothly and without hesitation) "ZIIIIPPPP! There! You're going to have to be a bit less nervous when we're getting into combat gear... unless there's something else... distracting you.. is that the case?"

Kensuke: "Ma'am! YES, Ma'am! Sorry, Ma'am!"

Mana: "Don't be so stiff! You _**do**_ **have** my permission to peek, but you'd better not get too 'excited,' or else one of us could get killed!"

Kensuke: "Yes, ma'am... How do you..."

Mana: "Normally do this? Previously, a female superior would get me into, and out of, my high-G gear. As my pilot and 'boyfriend', the privilege falls to you. Don't do anything either of us will regret!"

Kensuke: "Understood!"

Mana: "Good! Nice physique, by the way. You're more toned than I expected."

Kensuke: "Well, yeah, my other best friend _**IS**_ a jock, and I do have to train with him occasionally... HEY! Were you checking me out?!"

Mana: "Turnabout is fair-play, 'boyfriend.'"

Kensuke blushes furiously.

Mana: "Hahaha! That's a totally cute reaction! Just remember, don't try to go anywhere with me that you're not comfortable me going with you, and we'll get along just fine!"

Kensuke: "So... um..."

Mana: "Did I like what I saw? "

Kensuke: "...Yeah..."

Mana: "That's... a secret! Maybe I'll tell you after this is over."

Kensuke: (BEAMS) "Okay! Let's do this!"

Mana: "Good! Let's go!"

 **After everyone's on the surface in their respective vehicles...**

Misato: "Pilots, proceed with caution. We're not getting any readings at all from that sphere. It's possible that the A-T field is so strong that it's blocking our sensors..."

Kensuke: "Major, that shadow.. it's wrong!"

Misato: "Wrong? How? Explain, Ensign."

Kensuke: "With a sphere that size, we should be seeing a noticeable penumbra. The center should be considerably darker than the outer edges, not to mention showing a clear angle of descent to match the light being blocked, in this case, sunlight. That's not happening! The shadow is not only completely uniform in darkness, but completely, perfectly circular. There's something seriously strange about all this!"

Misato: "I see. Maya, Makoto, scan that shadow! Give me any information on it, stat!"

Maya: "On it... MAJOR! CODE BLUE!"

Makoto: "That's odd. We're reading a psionic emission coming from … not the shadow itself, but from its general area... Our scanners can't pinpoint the source.. Is it possible the Angel is both trying to communicate with us and is extra-dimensional?"

Misato: "...Damn IT! Pilots, everyone, don't make any sudden moves. Eva-05 and Eva-06, be prepared to turn your A-T fields to maximum at any moment. TRIDENT pilots... be ready to hit it with everything you've got the moment I give the word!"

Everyone: "Roger!"

Makoto: "The transmission... It's not headed to any of us here, not to the pilots, the Eva, or the TRIDENT... It's heading towards Ritusko's lab!"

Misato: (Gasps) "Rei-kun, Shinji-kun, Asuka-kun! Get me Dr. Ritsuko Akagi on the line, NOW!"

Aoba: "On it, Major!"

Ritsuko: (On speaker phone.) "Major. What's going on? Why are you..."

Misato: "An Angel is hovering over Tokyo-3..."

Ritsuko: "I said it before, and I'll say it again, these three kids are not combat ready..."

Misato: "They're under attack! We're detecting a psionic energy beam being directed at them by the Angel!"

Ristuko: "What?!" (Hastily checks their readings) "That's... odd. They don't appear to be in any distress. In fact, I'm reading vitals all normal, neural activity normal, and … hmmm. This is strange."

Misato: "What? What's going on?"

Ritsuko: "They're emitting Delta waves as if they're in a deep slumber. A perfectly restful full REM sleep."

Misato: "Wake them. Wake them now!"

Ritsuko: "Major. Calm down. Sudden waking through external stimuli and drugs is hazardous under normal conditions. Now, when they're being probed, possibly by an Angel?"

Misato: "...Damn IT! Dr. Ritsuko Akagi... If their vitals turn for the worse, for any reason, take the risk. That's an order."

Ritsuko: (Blinks rapidly a few times in shock, as Misato never calls her by her full name and title.) "Yes, Major. I will monitor them very, very carefully..."

Misato: "Understood, keep me abreast. Command out." (Disconnects from Ritsuko's lab) "Everyone else... Prepare to take that Angel down with extreme prejudice the moment it so much as twitches the wrong way!"

Everyone: "Yes, Ma'am!"

 **Meanwhile... In the "dreams" of Rei, Shinji, and Asuka... The three are subjected to random images, visions, and disjointed memories...**

Aoba: " The psionic energy emission just ended, but high-energy reaction detected from the 'sphere' like with Ramiel!"

Misato: "Oh, you have got to be kidding me! Pilots! Scatter!"

After a few seconds' buildup, the "sphere" pulses with a brief flash of intense light and heat. While the "shadow", and everything beneath it is completely unaffected, Eva-05 and Eva-06 are flash fried, like stir-fry vegetables in a skillet. The result is not pretty.

Mari: "GYAAAAHHHH!"

Kowaru: "GWAAAARRGGHHHH!"

The nearby buildings get shadows burned on them, like what happened during the Atomic bomb attacks at Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

Only Kensuke and Mana's TRIDENT was spared, due to taking shelter behind the launcher they came out of.

Kensuke: "What the holy hell? A plasma pulse? Just how much energy does that thing have to spare..."

Mana: "Don't know. Don't care. We kill it. NOW! Hey, ANGEL! Taste molten lead!"

Mana fires her Vulcan mini-gun at the "sphere" and... the sphere vanishes then re-appears, completely unharmed.

Mana: (Blink, blink) "What the..."

Kensuke: "That's not possible, that's just not possible."

Alarm bells go off in the cockpit of the Trident as the two Eva rush madly at the "sphere" trying to engage in close quarters combat.

Mana: "Get out of there, you idiots! It's going to blast again! Major! Requesting permission to retreat underground until we can come up with a counter-measure!"

Misato pounds the desk in futility. "Permission granted! Get out of there! You two jet jockeys! RETREAT! That's an order!"

Sadly, the order comes just a second too late. The Angel's "sphere" hits them with energy beams at pin-point accuracy. The Evas lose their ability to fly and fall right into the "shadow" wherein they instantly sink, lost from sight.

Mari: "No! NO! NOOO! SHRIEK! KYAAA! LET ME GO! LET! ME! GO!" (End transmission)

Kowaru: "Unable to comply, Major. Eva incapacitated. Sinking rapidly into... unknown substance and material destination... goodbye." (End transmission)

Misato: "Damn it! Damn it! DAMN IT! Those fancy new Evas and 'Dummy plug' toys are useless in the face of this thing! Thank God Mana made the right decision and asked to retreat or this would have been a total loss! Can somebody tell me where those Eva went?"

Maya: "I'm getting a reading similar to the reports in the failed activation test for Eva-04. Those Eva aren't in this world anymore."

Misato: "They've been utterly destroyed?!"

Ritsuko: "No, Major. I've been watching the battle carefully. The Evas have been pulled into a 'Sea of Dirac.' a place outside three-dimensional space. They could very well be completely intact there, but we have no way to contact them."

Misato: "So they're... adrift in a place with no beacons, no landmarks, nothing?"

Ritsuko: "That's pretty much it. I've also analyzed the readings on the 'shadow'. The 'shadow' most certainly is … not. It's actually several millimeters thick. Why it's content to simply flow along the ground and not simply 'eat' its way down to Terminal Dogma is anybody's guess at this point."

Misato: "SHIT! We need information, and options, PRONTO! We can't shoot it, and we can't stab it, and if we fly over and drop bombs on it, FLASH! We get served up as stir-fry!"

Ristuko: "I wish I had answers, Major. I really do! My entire staff and I are running every possible scenario through the Magi super-computer as we speak."

Miasto: "And what do the Magi say?"

Risuko: "Melchior says attack it from below, maybe it can't 'eat' what's beneath it!"

Misato: "Hmm, interesting. The others?"

Ritsuko: "Casper says, eat, sleep, and make merry because any way you look at it, we're screwed. So might as well get screwed by a loved one too... The hell is this!"

Misato: "We'll all keep that one in mind, and Balthazar?"

Ristuko: "Ah yes, that one... 'Tell your kids you love them and kiss them goodbye...' Ah, hell, that's not reassuring. Seems the 'scientist' is trying to find a solution, while the 'mother' and 'woman' have pretty much given up!"

Misato: "Thanks, Rits. In the future, when designing a super-computer AI, it might be a good idea not to break down the psyche of a living person and set the aspects of that person against each other..."

To be continued...


	33. Chapter 33

**Chapter 31:**

 **Mana and Kensuke are being lowered by the lift into NERV...**

Mana: "Damn it! I was totally useless out there! What's worse is that my 'comrades' in the JSSDF are going to think me a coward..."

Kensuke: "No, they won't. You retreated only under official orders, and there was nothing you could have done..."

Mana: "Doesn't matter. I 'fled before the enemy.' That's all those yahoos need to treat me with disdain, at best."

Kensuke: (Puts his hand on her shoulder, reaching across the co-pilot seat behind her) "So? They don't exactly treat you with respect in the first place. We both know that you're actually very brave, and if you had a way to attack that Angel, you would have used it."

Mana: (Holding his hand on her shoulder, accepting the touch and comfort) "Thanks... boyfriend..." (starts crying, and laughs bitterly) "Hahaha! Now _**I**_ have to thank Admiral Yamamoto for 'hooking me up' with a guy who either really, really cares, or is DAMN good at faking it... and I have serious doubts as to the latter."

The sweet tender moment is broken up when the radio clicks on and Misato calls to them.

Misato: "Congratulations on getting out of there alive, soldiers. Mana-kun, can your TRIDENT burrow through the ground? We have a plan that might, _might_ be able to turn the tide of battle."

Mana: "Negative, Major. My unit has no such ability."

Misato: "...Damn it! Can you think of any way we can attack from below?"

Mana: "... If only the Angel was over water. The TRIDENT can swim..."

Kensuke slaps his forehead.

Kensuke: "Of course! The Angel attacks with light! Water, especially seawater, reflects and refracts light! We can still turn this battle around! Major, do we have any way to lure it into the bay?"

Misato: "...We might... Sorry, Asuka-kun."

After discussing the plan with Ritsuko...

Ritsuko: "Melchior gives us the affirmative, Casper and Balthazar give us a qualified affirmative... Major, this has got to be the craziest plan you've come up with to date."

Asuka, Shinji, and Rei are all crammed into Eva-02's cockpit. It's a tight fit, but they can manage.

Asuka: "You have got to be bullshitting me! This is the **third time** I've played the role of 'bait' in one of your schemes, Major. This had better be the last!"

Rei: "Well, can you blame her? Apparently you're so sexy, even the Angels want you..."

Asuka: "Not helping, Wondergirl!"

Shinji: "Well, either want you, or are insanely jealous and want to eliminate the 'competition.'"

Asuka: "...Not sure if I should be flattered or totally fucking creep-ed out at that, Third! You HAVE taken a good look at the Angels so far, right?"

Shinji: "Well, I can't comment on what the Angels want, but Rei and I certainly find you sexy!"

Rei: "..."

Asuka: (Blushing fiercely) "Oh, shut it, you!"

Misato: "Enough with the flirting and small-talk, Pilots! We're on the clock here! What's the plan?"

Asuka: (Sigh) "Fine. Shinji, Rei, and I will sit at the bottom of the Tokyo bay, both to lure the Angel over the water's surface and to use Eva-02's A-T field to corrode the Angel's A-T field so Mana and Kensuke can attack it from below, and hack away at its body, hopefully rescuing our two … inexperienced pilots, Nagisa Kowaru-Kun and Mari Makinami-kun, who were … incapacitated earlier."

Misato: "Correct! Is everyone ready?"

Everyone: "Yes, Major!"

Misato: "SORTIE!"

Eva-02 winds up at the bottom of Tokyo bay, thanks to the emergency egress lift installed for the purpose during NERV Tokyo-3's construction. Even before Eva-02 activates, the Angel begins moving over the water, floating along the surface.

Misato: "So the Angel **is** focused on one or more of those three pilots for some reason... Pilots Shinji, Rei, and Asuka. Don't move. The Angel is creeping along on the surface of the water, coming right over your heads! Aside from weakening the Angel's A-T field so Mana and Kensuke can take it down, you are to do nothing, understood? It's the only way I could get medical clearance to even have you sortie in the first place!"

Ritsuko: "Pilots, I'll say this once again. I am extremely reluctant to field you now because your wounds could re-open and that may well be fatal. I only agreed with this... plan because we don't have any viable alternative than to simply sit back and wait for that Angel to get bored and start marching into Terminal Dogma..."

Asuka: "Yeah, yeah. I get ya. Once again, I'll play the obedient little bait and let someone else get the Angel kill. I get it. Don't expect me to like it!"

Mana: "We're in position, awaiting the word to charge into the lake.."

Misato: "Roger. Launching mock-ups now to test the firing interval of the Angel's light weapon and providing distractions!"

The angel seems to have a cool-down of about 10 to 15 seconds between firing times, and when it finds itself outnumbered, resorts to its omni-directional "Flash" attack which requires a 30 second cool-down time.

Misato: "Phew! That's one fast cool-down! Did you manage to make it to the lake?"

Mana: "Just one more dash would have done it, Major. We're currently behind the skyscraper closest to lake's edge!"

Misato: (Tapping her pencil against the podium, trying to weigh the risk vs reward of the situation, knowing they don't exactly have another chance...) "If only we had just one more distraction... Rits, what's my sync rate with Eva-01?"

Ritsuko: "Major?! That hasn't been tested..."

Gendo: "Major, that is unnecessary at this time. The 'Over the Rainbow' is still at the Okinawa dock. We could have them fire some missiles over the horizion..."

Misato: "Thus very effectively distracting the Angel...Understood, sir!"

Even if it only serves as a distraction, the JSSDF is clearly thrilled to hear that their fire is in any way effective against an Angel. They launch the missiles... which result in the Angel using its "flash" attack to eliminate them all.

Misato: "NOW!"

The TRIDENT rushes into the lake, and the Angel barely has time to fire one or two lasers in its general direction, missing because the TRIDENT is already underwater by the time the cool-down ends.

Misato: "YES! Well done, soldiers! Now go harass that Angel and give it a death of a thousand cuts!"

Mana and Kensuke: "With pleasure, Ma'am!"

The TRIDENT proceeds to do just that. By churning up the seawater, with short, swift, and unpredictable movements, the Angel's structural integrity is seriously compromised, and the Angel clearly does not like it. It's frustration, pain, and rage can be heard and felt in its cries and desperate attacks, which all miss, albeit narrowly, because the water is both opaque and refracting its shots, not to mention making the TRIDENT look like it's a few feet away from where it actually is.

Mana: "You once asked if the cockpit was modeled after an F-22 interceptor."

Kensuke: "Yes?"

Mana : "It's actually modeled after a Mako Shark... This is the environment where the TRIDENT is the strongest! We may just win this!"

Kensuke: "YEAH! But let's not get cocky! It only needs to hit us once!"

Almost as if the Angel heard him, it gets a lucky shot, crippling one of the two rear turbines...

Mana: "KYAAAAHH!"

TRIDENT: "SHRIEK!"

Kensuke: "DAMN IT!... WE WERE WINNING!"

The Trident floats up to the surface, crippled, and the Angel begins charging for a full-powered, point blank shot!

Misato: "Damn it! I don't care anymore! I'm going out there! Get Eva-01 ready!"

Kensuke: "We can still win this, Major!"

Misato: "Ensign?!"

Mana: "What are you talking about?!"

Kensuke: "We make a whirlpool! Go! GO!"

Mana: "... Not like we have much of a choice!"

With only one turbine, the TRIDENT can't swim in a straight line, but for making a whirlpool, it's ideal! As the Angel is dragged down to the sea-floor, it's crushed upon itself and its own extra-dimensional portal works against it, both crumpling it like a sheet of paper, and shredding it, as if it was being put into a massive blender and set to "frappe."

As it dies, the "sphere" breaks open, blood flying everywhere, and out pops Eva-05 and Eva-06, crashing into the bay, seriously worse for the wear.

 **After the battle and the cleanup is all over...**

Misato: "Mana Kirishima and Kensuke Aida, great job, both of you! If I had the ability, I would give you both a commendation! Sure, the TRIDENT got a bit banged up, but otherwise your performance is exemplary!"

Yamamoto: "Indeed. You both make us at the JSSDF proud!" (Hands a slip of paper to Mana) "Here. You've earned it! This is your copy. Musashi and Keida have received theirs."

Mana looks at the form, and it's an official tansfer order. Her TRIDENT vehicle is officially hers, and hers alone.

Mana: "Does this mean..."

Yamamoto: "Yes, young lady. You're now an Agent of NERV. Your two friends are free agents. They gave up their TRIDENT in exchange for their freedom. They did get the full pension, and an honorable discharge. They're free to go … wherever they like, and pretty much live their lives however they wish! None of you will have to pay your parents anything, if you don't want to!"

Mana: "Thank... THANK YOU, SIR!"

Yamamoto: "Dismissed!" "Oh, one more thing.. This is also yours."

Mana is handed the first ever Japanese Angel War Medal, along with the Pillars of State medal.

Kensuke: "An all new medal of honor?!"

Yamamoto: "Indeed. The Prime Minister himself had it commissioned in accordance with her exceptional accomplishments. Young lady has done the impossible, twice in a row! She's more than earned it. As for you, Ensign..."

Kensuke: "Sir?"

Yamamoto: "Your standing orders are to be her bodyguard, co-pilot, and now mechanic thanks to that battle damage. That has not changed. Your calm under fire has earned you a field promotion, Private First Class! Congratulations!"

Everyone in the room starts clapping.

Yamamoto: "She couldn't have won without you." (Pins the new emblem on Kensuke's uniform) "As for the rest of you brats.."

Asuka, Shinji, and Rei are brought boxes of medals.

Yamamoto: "You may not be directly under my chain of command, but The Prime Minister insisted you get these!"

All three pilots open their boxes and find several medals.

Shinji: "The purple heart, the medal of valor, auspicious clouds medal, and a few others... Sir?"

Yamamoto: "You've earned them! Don't be shy!"

Shinji: (Crying happily) "Thank...YOU, SIR!"

Yamamoto: "Along with the purple heart, and auspicious clouds medal, you have the Imperial Red Cross and golden kite medals, for your courage and dedication to duty! Wielding that rocket booster kite shield to protect your fellow soldier takes unprecedented guts! Treasure those medals with pride!"

Rei: "Thank you, sir!"

Yamamoto: "Asuka-kun. Along with the purple heart and medal of honor, you also get the submarine qualification badge and the Pillar of State medals. Risking your life fighting an Angel in a pocket of magma is an unprecedented task! You've more than earned it!"

Asuka: (Salutes) "SIR, YES SIR!"

Yamamoto: "HMPH! Well done, pilots, one and all! Some of those medals you should have gotten sooner... I leave these pilots now in your care, Major."

Misato: "...Sir, Yes, Sir!"

Yamamoto: "Oh, almost forgot. One for you, Major."

Misato gets the Great East Asia War Medal.

Yamamoto: "For your distinguished service in stopping the 'Artificial Angel' in North Korea, even though it was supposed to only be a rescue mission for your three lost pilots."

Misato: "THANK YOU, SIR!"

Yamamoto looks at Kowaru and Mari. "As for the two of you... That was pathetic! Sure, you gave Private First Class Mana a hand with her first Angel, but this time, you ignored a retreat order and charged blindly at the enemy... YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN KILLED! Brats or not, the two of you are an embarrassment! If I had my say and we weren't desperate for personnel, I'd see you both in the brig or gone!"

Mari and Nagisa lower their heads in apology and shame.

Yamamoto: "That is all, dismissed! Anything else, Major?"

Misato: "Commander?"

Gendo: "No, that will be all, Admiral, Thank you, you have leave to depart."

Admiral Yamamoto turns and leaves the NERV command center, heading back to base.

Misato turns to Shinji, Rei and Asuka.

Misato: "Oh, and there's one more surprise for you kids."

Rea suddenly appears, clinging to Shinji. "PAPA!"

Misato: "Shinji, Rei. Congratulations. You are now the parents of the four-year-old Rea."

Rea points at Rei, "MAMA!"

Rei gets weak in the knees, brings her hands up to her face and begins blubbering. "I'm... I'm going to be a mother! I... I'm so, so happy! Thank you! THANK YOU!" Shinji's reaction is far less enthusiastic...

To be continued...


	34. Chapter 34

**Chapter 32:**

Rei: "Shinji-kun? What's wrong?"

Rea: "Papa?"

Asuka: "Shinji-chan? What? Are you not happy about getting this sweetheart as your daughter? Do I have to start calling you 'Baka' again?"

Shinji: "I'm … happy? Yeah? But... I'm... I'm scared!"

Gendo: "Excuse me, everyone. I have urgent business elsewhere. Fuyutsuki, will you accompany me?"

Fuyutsuki: "Of course, old friend."

 **Just outside the room...**

Fuyutsuki: "Old friend?"

Gendo: "That brat makes me physically ill! I couldn't keep up appearances one second longer!"

Fuyutsuki: "I understand."

Gendo: "Oh, and Professor, do send Dr. Akagi to my quarters. I have an urgent need to 'hold a debriefing', if you know what I mean..."

Fuyutsuki: "Naturally."

Gendo heads off to his private quarters to await "debriefing" Ritsuko.

Fuyutsuki: (Sigh) "This isn't going to last long, old friend. Sooner or later she _**will**_ get tired of you..."

Fuyutsuki heads back into the party to catch Shinji explain _why_ he's scared.

Shinji: "I have only three role-models to be a dad: one guy who sees nothing wrong with abandoning his four-year-old son in a crowded train terminal, and that's what he does when there are witnesses, a 'Sensei' who did everything humanly possible to pretend I didn't exist while calling me a 'cursed child' precisely because my parents either died or abandoned me, and Kaji, whose 'parental efforts' basically boil down to 'this is how you raise watermelons.' Can anyone tell me why I _**shouldn't be scared**_ of what kind of father I'll be?!"

Fuyutsuki: "Well. There may be little to no hope for the father, but there's certainly plenty of hope for the son."

Shinji: "Huh?"

Fuyutsuki: "Your concerns are perfectly normal, even if you had a happy, healthy childhood, which you clearly did not. The fact that you're actually worried about it is a good sign. Besides, you're not alone. You have Rei-kun, Asuka-kun, Major Misato, and Lara Croft-Sensei to help you. If that's not enough, feel free to come to me." (Writes on a scrap of paper) "Here's my number, you can call me anytime. I promise, I won't tell The Commander about it."

Shinji: "Thank you, Sir."

Fuyutsuki: "Don't mention it. I'm serious. Don't beat yourself up too much about it. Most grown men have months to prepare mentally, if nothing else. You had maybe... a few seconds? And you're a brat ontop of that. A bit of angst is warranted. Now go home, and start getting used to your new family."

Misato: "Um... Sir. They.. can't do that right now. Lara Croft's mansion was..."

Fuyutsuki: "Oh, that's right! I'll see where they can sleep... You do still have your old quarters, right Major?"

Misato: "Yeah, but they're a bit small for myself, and four children.. I mean, even if Asuka, Shinji, and Rei fit in the same room, there would be no room for any of their stuff! Not to mention little Rea!"

Fuyutsuki: "Hmm. Don't worry, I'll work something out. Dr. Akagi, The Commander needs your for an 'urgent debriefing' at the usual location."

Ritsuko: "... Tell The Commander that I have my hands full dealing with the repairs to the new Eva, and our recently acquired TRIDENT, and that I might not be going to see him for a 'debriefing' or anything else for quite some time."

Fuyutsuki: "I understand, but are you sure that's the message you want me to deliver?"

Ritsuko: "Yes. If he's that desperate for a 'debriefing' he can 'debrief' himself all he wants."

Fuyutsuki: "Very good. Well, then. I must be off. I have a great deal to handle at the moment, not the least of which is finding quarters for … everyone."

Ritsuko: "Maya, I'd like to 'go to the beach' with you. When we're done here, shall we stop by your place for the swimsuits or mine?"

Maya: (Eyes shining) "SEMPAI! Erm..."

Ritsuko: (Raises an eyebrow) "Oh? Afraid I'll find something embarrassing at your place?"

Maya: "SEMPAI!" (Blushes furiously) "It's all so sudden, my heart's not ready..."

Ritsuko: (Smirking) "Your place it is then. Be sure to lead the way!"

Maya: "Yes... Sempai!"

Ritsuko: "But before then, while we're waiting on Professor Fuyutsuki to iron out everyone's sleeping arrangements, let's go appraise this engagement's aftermath."

Maya: "Yes, Sempai!"

After everyone is given a hard-hat, Ristuko leads them all to the Eva bay, where the TRIDENT and Evas are being worked on.

Ritsuko: "Well, this TRIDENT, whatever that acronym means, is one sturdy piece of equipment. The kind of blow it took had Eva-01 completely out of commission for hours, and required getting Eva-00 an entire new set of armor. Despite that, it's still mostly functional, as long as you don't need its turbines... which we can easily replace in their entirety if need be. In fact, we can re-purpose some of our replacement air circulation fans in storage, and have this beauty fully operational in a few hours. Say what you will about the JSSDF, they sure are economical and efficient in their design."

Maya: "Impressive."

Ritsuko: "Indeed. As for the new Eva... I wish I could be as kind. The first attack was mostly cosmetic. A few new armor plates and maybe we could have restored full functionality, but that second attack..."

Mari and Kowaru start fidgeting nervously.

Ritsuko: "Made them all but useless. They have absolutely zero mobility without their VTOL capability, which was totally fried."

Kensuke: "Are those Harrier Jump Jet engines?"

Ritsuko: "Indeed. Aside from their sheer cost, they're going to be damn hard for us to replace. It will take at least a week just to build one of them... These units are going to require **FOUR** to be returned to active service. As it stands now, they're only useful as siege engines, at best."

Kensuke: "Wow... Sounds like the old debate between the US F-16 and the Soviet Mig. The first is very high performance, even higher maintenance. The second is … average in all respects, but durable as heck, and could take off from pretty much any runway..."

Ritsuko: "Indeed. Sad thing is, Eva aren't machines you can just swap out one kind of part for another either. They're artificial humanoid cyborgs. A good deal of their makeup is … organic, for lack of a better term. Eva-05 and Eva-06 are like quadriplegics who got their arms and legs replaced with a jump pack. True, it does sound rather useful, and makes for a fun ride, but then the drawbacks kick in..."

Kensuke: "And you're hosed."

Ritsuko: "Exactly!"

 **Meanwhile, in Gendo's office...**

Gendo: "Is that what she _really_ said, Professor?"

Fuyutsuki: "Yes, old friend. Perhaps she's still rather upset about how she was ordered to march into SEELE'S chamber completely nude."

Gendo: "You did tell her that SEELE made that demand, and I had no choice in the matter?"

Fuyutsuki: "Of course I did. But you must consider the fact that you sent a messenger to tell her instead of going yourself, and haven't done anything to alleviate her discomfort in any way, not even a simple apology, makes the credibility of your assertion rather dubious."

Gendo: "Apologize? Why should I apologize? It was the fault of those old men who wanted a peep show, not me. I've done nothing wrong!"

Fuyutsuki: (Sigh) "And that, old friend, is why she's avoiding you. You may think that women are highly irrational creatures, and there are few who would even try to counter that assertion, but even the most logical, well-functioning, and well-built machines require maintenance every now and then. You should at least consider getting, if not making, a gift for her so that she doesn't feel neglected. Perhaps then she might be more willing to let you 'debrief' her."

Gendo: "...This is why Yui's the only woman I'll ever love, and why I'm more than willing to torch the world to cinder to get her back. She's _**perfectly logical**_ in everything. I never have to give her a gift to make her feel important, and she never blames me for the crimes of others. Hell, she even had perfectly logical reasons for bearing my child... Professor. I think I just came to understand the perfect 'gift' Ritsuko needs. She's always wanted to convince herself that she 'needs' me and that I 'need' her... Yes... She'll get the most wonderful present a woman could ever have!"

Professor: "Old friend?"

Gendo: "Relax, Professor. This will take some time, and a bit of luck, but I'll make Dr. Akagi very, very 'happy' whether she wants it or not. She'll never feel 'neglected' again...Hehehehe HAHAHA! BWAHAHAHAHA!" (Clears throat) "Ahem! Now about Eva-00. Is it now operational since we placed that 'volunteer' into the core?"

Professor: "We have yet to find a compatible pilot. The Marduk Institute..."

Gendo: "Professor. You and I both know there's no Marduk Institute. And the only ones listening would be in on the secret too."

Fuyutsuki: "Very well. The neurograph analysis indicates that not even our highest syncing pilots would get anything over a 2%. Some readings are actually **negative.** In fact, the only thing that gets enough of a sync rating is the Dummy Plug system, and we have absolutely no control over what it does then."

Gendo: "I see..."

The phone rings, from the Tokyo-3 international airport. A notice was put out that Gendo was to be called and informed the moment Dr. Fraser Crane arrived. That moment is now.

Gendo: "Well. We have some good news, at least. The renowned Dr. Crane has arrived in Tokyo-3 and is being escorted here, along with his extended family, as we speak. Once he's settled in, we can begin getting him acquainted with the Pilots, all the pilots."

Fuyutsuki: "Very well, old friend."

Gendo: "On second thought, bring him to my office right away, he can settle in later. After all, Humanity has no time left."

Fuyutsuki: "As you wish, old friend."

Gendo: "Oh, before I forget. How is the Third handling his new 'gift?'"

Fuyutsuki: "He's a nervous wreck."

Gendo: "Excellent. Just as planned. Hopefully, the boy will have time to get comfortable with the child, grow in confidence, and feel at ease..."

Fuyutsuki: "And that's when a 'tragedy' will happen?"

Gendo: "You know me well, Professor."

Fuyutsuki: "Very, very well indeed, old friend."

 **The Pilots, including Mana and Kensuke are in the shopping district, looking to replace what they can, now that the Croft Mansion has been destroyed...**

Asuka: "By the way, what were those visions that Angel pumped into our heads? I don't recognize a single image!"

Rei and Shinji look at each other for a moment.

Rei: "I do not know why the Angel chose those particular memories, but they coincide with a popular 'soft' Sci-fi kid's show from the Eighties that Shinji and I were watching. Depending on the translation, the title is either 'War Planets,' like the Hasbro toy-line upon which the series is based, or 'Shadow Raiders' as the studio could not have the term 'war' in its title due to Canadian regulations. Should we find replacement copies, we'd be more than happy to share it with you."

Shinji: "I'm sure you'll like it, Asuka-san. The cast come from four worlds at war with each other, until a massive common threat descends upon them, and they have to cast aside _centuries_ of mutual hatred, learn to work together, and face their common foe as one in order to have a chance at survival."

Asuka: "...And this is a KID'S show?"

Shinji: "Yep! Amazingly! You won't believe the crap the show squeaks past the censors!"

Asuka: "Shinji-kun... Did you just cuss?"

Shinji: (Winking) "In this case, I'm speaking in literal terms."

Rei: "Hang on, everyone. What's this?"

Rei, Shinji, Asuka, Kensuke, Mana, and of course little Rea, come across a small Shinto shrine, the Misaki family temple, and in front is a creature that's part rabbit, part cat, part little girl, standing on two legs, munching carrots from a basket, and meowing at them all...

To be continued...


	35. Chapter 35

**Chapter 33:**

Rea: "Kitty!"

The curious and energetic little girl immediately wants to play with the creature.

Asuka: "Now, now, Rea! We gotta get permission first."

Rea: "Poo!"

Shinji: "How about we knock on the door and ask if anyone's home?"

Suddenly a woman with green hair, yellowish eyes, a cat tail, and a dress that shows off her very shapely legs appears, mid-air, out of nowhere.

Ryoko: "There you are, Ryo-ohki. We've been looking everywhere for you..."

Ryo-ohki: "NYAHN!" (Pointing at Shinji's party.)

Ryoko: "Oh? We have visitors! HOW RARE! Come on now, Sasami's waiting for those carrots."

The unusual creature walks into the house while Ryoko literally disappears. When the door opens, she's inside and invites everyone in.

Ryoko: "Don't just stand there staring! Do come in!"

Shinji: "Um... Should we?"

Rei: "Well, it is a shrine, perhaps they can help us with a certain... matter?"

Asuka: "You mean your proposal, Wondergirl? Sure, why not, wouldn't hurt to ask the head priest, right?"

Kensuke: "What... are you talking about?"

Mana: "..."

Mari: "Why, their impending wedding, of course!"

Kensuke: "I see... wait. WHAT!? Aren't Shinji and Rei married to each other?!"

Mari: "Come on! Come on! Let's discuss this with the priest inside!"

Mana: "Okay! Now my curiosity is piqued. Come on, 'boyfriend!' Let's see what this is about!"

Mana proceeds to half-lead, half-drag Kensuke into the shrine as everyone else walks inside...

 **Meanwhile, back at NERV HQ, Gendo, through an interpreter, is speaking with Dr Frasier Crane in his office...**

Frasier: "What can you tell me about my job, and the patients?"

Gendo: "Your job, Doctor, will be to examine and maintain the mental fitness of six Evangelion pilots, five of which are children, age 14, and the two pilots of the newly acquired TRIDENT unit, also 14-years-old. The fate of Humanity may well rest on your efforts."

Fraser: "Right, no pressure. Now what can you tell me about the children, and the lone adult?"

Gendo: "I've prepared a full dossier on each and every one of them, which I will give you once this interview is over. For now, I will state that the adult, Major Misato Katsuragi, pretty much sees herself as the children's adoptive mother. Considering she's more or less their legal guardian, this is not something we've discouraged here at NERV."

Fraser: "I see. And for the children?"

Gendo: "They are my son, Shinji Ikari, his wife, Rei Ikari, her girlfriend, Asuka Langley Soryu, who all share joint custody of one four-year-old girl, Rea, the biological daughter of Shinji and Rei, Mari Makinami, the half-sister of Asuka Soryu, and one Kowaru Nagisa. The last one is the most troubling as he's repeatedly stated that he sees nothing wrong with harming small animals."

Frasier: "...Now, give me just a second to digest this...At fourteen, your son and this Rei girl are married with a four-year-old child? How long have they been married?! Do they both suffer from precocious puberty? How... how have they been supporting themselves?!"

Gendo: "Calm down, Doctor. Shinji and Rei have been married for a few months, and the child was weaned through artificial means. She's biologically four-years-old, but chronologically, she's a newborn, and she's very, very attached to her parents. Further, before you suggest what passes for Child Protective Services here, I strongly recommend you investigate the orphanage system. As much as teenagers raising a child might offend your 'Western' sensibilities, should you see what happens to orphans in this day and age of Angel attacks, I'm sure you'd consider our decision to have that child in its parents' hands to be the far more humane option."

Frasier: "... (Expletive deleted). As for the Kowaru kid? When did he start manifesting an interest in hurting animals?"

Gendo: "Unknown. It is known that a few days ago, the subject of encountering stray kittens came up in casual conversation, and Kowaru Nagisa specifically mentioned that the best way to care for them was to break their necks. To this date, he refuses to understand how this is a bad thing."

Frasier: "Any more bombshells you care to drop on me before I get started?"

Gendo: "Kowaru Nagisa has been diagnosed with end-stage, inoperable brain cancer. We are doing our utmost to keep it from spreading. Everything else, I suggest you read their dossiers at length, and with great care."

Frasier: "End stage cancer?!" (Sigh) "Any words on friends, associates, or colleagues that I should be aware of?"

Gendo: "Excellent question. I have not prepared dossiers on those; however, if it will help in your task, I shall do so with utmost haste. All you have to do is ask. "

Fraser: "Thank you, when should I begin?"

Gendo: "Straight away when the Pilots return from their shopping. You should have a few hours to get adjusted to your new quarters, set up in your new office, and maybe shake off that jet-lag."

Fraser: "Much obliged. Good day."

Gendo: "Good day, Doctor. The JSSDF here will escort you to your office, and once your initial interviews are complete, your home. These are dangerous times, Doctor. We've already been attacked by terrorists once. We shall not take chances again."

Frasier: "...I have got to read these dossiers!"

Gendo: "Farewell."

After Fraser leaves the room...

Gendo: "Hmm... A bit emotional, but more competent than I expected... This could be a .. problem."

Suddenly, the phone rings, it's SEELE...

Gendo: "Ah, Chairman Kihl... Yes, we did receive them. Sadly, their performance was rather disappointing. They're slated to be out of service for at least a month, unless you happen to have four harrier jump-jet engines just lying around... You do? They're already en route?!... I see, you anticipated... difficulties. Very well, I will inform the staff to prepare for their arrival... Oh, Eva-03 is set up in a testing facility, and you want me to engage in an activation test with Rei Ayanami, correction, Rei Ikari?... Very well. Orders received."

Fuyutsuki: "That was convenient."

Gendo: "Too convenient... This could well be the 'retaliation' you mentioned. I suspect Eva-03 is booby trapped, as is the 'replacement' engines."

Fuyutsuki: "That's bad news..."

Gendo: "Not at all. Everything's going exactly as planned..." (Smirking.)

 **Meanwhile, the pilots got to meet the Temple priest, a Tenchi Masaki...**

Tenchi: "So let me get this straight, the three of you, Rei-san, Shinji-san, and Asuka-san, are looking for a Shinto shrine that will bless your union, spiritually, if not legally, is that correct?"

Rei, Shinji, and Asuka: "Yes."

Tenchi: "And it's not a simple polygamous union either, as in one guy with more than one wife, but rather, a married man who's letting his wife marry her girlfriend, which he also gave her as a birthday gift... is that correct so far?"

Rei, Shinji, and Asuka: "Yes."

Tenchi: "And lastly, even though Rei-san and Shinji-san have this wonderful little girl,"(Points at Rea who is happily playing with Ryo-ohki) "as the result of an ectopic pregnancy that was artificially aged in vitro, everyone still wants to go through with it because Asuka-san wants to be the 'comfort wife' and bear the family's future children?"

Rei, Shinji, and Asuka: "Yes."

Tenchi: "And I thought **MY** life was complicated, even putting aside my seven... no eight wives, one of whom is currently in a self-inflicted coma, under rather … unusual circumstances, and my cousin Seina's nine, all politically arranged, and the fact that two of my daughters wound up marrying one of his sons..."

Kensuke: "Um, not to pry or anything, but … what's the story behind Ryo-ohki?"

Ryoko: "Oh, that's Tenchi and my love child! Before we got married, he and I..."

Ayeka and Tenchi both smack Ryoko upside the head.

Ayeka: "That joke got old a long, long time ago. Truth is, that sweet little girl is... for lack of a better term, Ryoko's and Sasami's pet and the family mascot. Her species is officially registered under the name 'cabbit', and Seina's also married to one going by the name 'Fuku.' Like our husband, Tenchi, said, it's complicated."

Tenchi: "Anyway, it's fortunate for all of us that you happened to stumble upon this place."

Shinji: "What do you mean by that?"

Tenchi: "Well, we were planning to put this place on the market, seeing as all my wives and I have been called away to my ancestral land of Jurai for urgent business, expected to take years, if not decades, and it's rather obvious that you need a place to stay. The Cult of Xian's attack on the mansion you were living in was all over the news, after all."

Rei: "So you're asking us to take on the role of care-taking the place for you?"

Tenchi: "Not just this place, but the rather family large mansion in the countryside. So yes."

Asuka: "And what, precisely, does that entail?"

Washu: "Well, there's a dimensional portal connecting this shrine to the house and vise-versa, which I built myself."

Rei: "Highly improbable. The amount of energy required to maintain such a device..."

Washu: "Have a look..."

Washu opens the door and everyone steps through, into a majestic scene with a large "island" floatin in the sky with a nice waterfall to a lake below. Clouds of steam can occasionally be seen coming from the island itself. All the teens look upon the scene with wonder. "Whoa!"

Washu: "Oh, it's too early to be amazed. This is just our bathtub! It's a hot-springs designed to be just the right temperature to be warm and toasty but not painfully hot."

Shinji: "This whole area is a bathtub?!"

Washu: "Ah HAHAHAHA! No, not really. The bath is on that island. The rest of this place is just for the sake of regulating the amount of water, the temperature, and the quality. Should you decide to take over the upkeep, I'll show you both how to get there and how this all works, and yes, it is quite a bit of work."

Washu opens a door on the other side and everyone finds themselves at the Masaki main home, the Jurai diplomatic center on Earth where Amane has parked her academy instructor space-ship in the lake.

Rei: "A space-ship? Does that mean.."

Washu: "Tenchi and Seina were born on Earth. The wives were not born on Earth... Well, not most of them."

Rei: "Space aliens? But..."

Washu: "But we live here? Well, yeah. If you're going to ask why we haven't interfered in this Angel War... Well, there's this massive galactic organization called the Galaxy Police, of which Seina's entire harem are members, actively enforce non-interference in local matters on under-developed worlds. With very good reason I might add. If you could conclusively prove that 1.) Second Impact was not a natural disaster, and 2.) was of extra-terrestrial origin explicitly to bring the Angels here, we might, and I stress _**might**_ be able to intervene. As it stands now..."

Asuka: "Your hands are tied... SHIT!"

Shinji: "So... What exactly are you offering, and asking in return?"

Washu: "Ah, the heart of the matter! Well, NERV's research into A-T fields, Eva, and the JSSDF's TRIDENT mecha are very, very interesting. In exchange for that, we'd offer a rather large host of benefits, starting with your unusual marriage request, the rights to this property, citizenship in Jurai, and curing your … condition, for starters. How does that sound?"

Shinji: "...Sounds great but..."

Washu: "Ah, yes. You don't have the authority to make such an arrangement. That's okay. We can reach out to your Doctor Ritsuko Akagi, and see what she says about all this."

Washu opens another door in the air and knocks. Ritsuko answers from the other side.

To be continued...


	36. Chapter 36

**Chapter 34:**

Ritsuko: "Who's there? We're in the middle of something here..."

Shinji: "Ritsuko-sensei, there's someone here who wants to meet with you."

Ritsuko: "Pilot Shinji? That was fast. Done with your shopping already?"

Rei: "It might be quicker if you open the door and see for yourself, Doctor Akagi."

Ritsuko: "Honestly what could be so important as to..." (She opens the door, looks out and stops mid-sentence, jaw hanging open.)

Maya: "Senpai? What's going on... Washu! Is that Washu Masaki of the Tenchi Muyo Universe?" (Briefly looks around) "So you're real! You're really, really here! Can, can I have an autograph?!"

Ritsuko: "MAYA! Get a hold of yourself!"

Maya: "Sorry, Senpai!"

Washu: "Hahaha! Looks like my genius is even known among the people of NERV!" (Hands over a hastily scribbled signature "Washu-chan" with a caricature of herself, tongue playfully hanging out, to Maya, who is tickled pink at the gesture.) "That being said, I am here on official business. I have a proposal in which your organization should be heavily vested."

Ritsuko: "Oh? And what is in this proposal?"

After Washu goes into the proposal in more detail, Ritsuko declares a challenge.

Ritsuko: "Oh, in that case, you don't mind if I test your credentials, right? We can't have just anybody getting a hold of NERV's tech..."

Washu: "Hahaha! Are you sure you can keep up, little girl?"

Ritsuko: "Little girl? Look who's talking, Washu-tan!"

Maya: "SENPAI!"

Washu: "Ohhh! Now you've done it... This is going to be FUN!"

The two of them proceed to debate in a very, very high level technobabble for the better part of a half-hour before taking a break for tea, biscuits and coffee.

Washu: "Not bad, whipper-snapper. As to be expected from the lead scientist of NERV."

Ritsuko: "I'm very, very impressed. I didn't expect such high-level knowledge from someone so young..."

Maya: "Senpai... She may look like a kid, but she's been a high-ranking scientist for _**centuries.**_ She's so advanced, her tech is often confused for magic."

Ritsuko: (Blink, blink) "Centuries?"

Washu suddenly dons her more "adult" form.

Washu: "That's right, Akagi-tan. I only look like a brat because I want to. Still, for you to hold up against me this long, I'm genuinely impressed! I'll put in a word to Tenchi to get these kids hooked up, free of charge, but as for the rest..."

(A seemingly magical scroll appears in the air)

Washu: "Take this contract to your Commander. I'm sure he'd be quite interested in the details, and I hope we can do business."

Ritsuko: "Well, if anyone is worthy of NERV's Eva tech, it's certainly you... Washu-Sensei!"

Washu: (Changes back to her kid form) "Sensei? Oh, that's a bit much. Just call me Washu-chan!"

Ritsuko: "Washu...chan?"

Washu: (Reaches out to shake hands) "Yep! Absolutely. I look forward to the good news!"

Ritsuko: "My pleasure." (Shakes hands with Washu and takes the contract) "I'll bring this forward to The Commander. Hopefully, he'll agree."

As Ritsuko is about to step through the door...

Ritsuko: "Maya, you coming? We still have work to do..."

Maya: "Senpai? Aren't we going to see the wedding?"

Ritsuko: "..."

Washu: "Oh, that? It will just be the pilots exchanging vows. It won't take that long. If you want, I'll provide you a video copy later. As for what happens afterwards... that's private."

Ritsuko blushes up a storm. "I... see. Well, The Commander is going to be less accommodating to this contract if I don't get back to work. Maya, you can watch the ceremony if you wish, but get back to the lab ASAP!"

Maya: "Yes, Senpai! Thank you, Senpai!"

 **As Rei, Asuka, and Shinji begin preparing for their rather unusual wedding, Gendo is being presented with Washu's offer by Ritsuko...**

Gendo: "This is quite interesting, Doctor. How did you come by this?"

Ritsuko: "The pilots had it hand-delivered to my lab. I was just as shocked as you upon receiving it, and I can verify that this 'Washu' is clearly certified to comprehend and work on the underlying theories and equipment."

Fuyutsuki: "I see no legal issues with this proposal, but as to the motives behind it..."

Gendo: "That's fine. I happen to be familiar with this Washu person, and I know she's a bona-fide mad scientist who does research and experiments purely for the joy of it, and wouldn't hesitate to blow up a planet, including the one we're on, when she gets mad. So as long as there's no legal downside, I'm all for the idea of a collaboration... Besides, the less we have to rely on those old men, the better."

Ritsuko begins to squirm as she's reminded of their last demand concerning herself.

Gendo: "Doctor, it has come to my attention that you're feeling … undervalued and overworked. Rest assured, that is the furthest thing from the truth. You are precious to the organization, and irreplaceable to me, personally. I've also heard that you and Maya are planning an outing, trying to decide between going to the beach or an amusement park with a roller-coaster? Personally, I don't care. Starting the moment you deliver this signed contract to Washu, by hand, you and Maya are to take the day off, that's an order. I don't care how you spend your time, but I sincerely hope the two of you enjoy yourselves. Provided we don't find ourselves under Angel attack before then, we can wait until Eva-05 and Eva-06 have their spare parts delivered and installed before doing that Eva-03 activation test we've been ordered to undertake."

Ritsuko briefly considers questioning Gendo's sudden, and unexplained benevolence, but thinks better of it. The truth is that she has been unappreciated and overworked, and she knows it, so despite being suspicious about his motives, she decides it's best to simply appreciate the gesture, and worry about the price-tag later, whenever "later" comes.

Ritsuko: "Yes, sir. Thank you, sir. I'll deliver this contract right away. Oh. Before I forget, Pilots Asuka and Rei have found a Shinto shrine willing to marry them, and are in preparation for the event. Would you be willing to attend?"

Gendo briefly raises his eyebrows, but maintains his stoic demeanor.

Gendo: "And when is this joyous event?"

Ritsuko: "... Today, within the next few hours, I believe. They've decided on this long ago, and are not keen on 'wasting time.'"

Gendo: "Had I more notice, perhaps I could have attended, but as it is..."

Ritsuko: "I understand. I'll relay the message."

Gendo: "Thank you, Doctor. If there is nothing else, you are dismissed."

Ritsuko: "Yes, sir."

Ritsuko turns and leaves the room with an extra little spring in her step.

Fuyutsiki turns to Gendo and questions his decision.

Fuyutsuki: "Old friend? Are you sure? Letting her have a girlfriend..."

Gendo: "Is not like me? Thinking I'm some kind of jealous control freak? …. Well, you're right. But why dispose of a perfectly good hostage?" (Pulls up a picture of Maya) "Yumm.. Such a tasty side-dish. I wouldn't mind sampling her myself.. but no. With a bit of luck, perhaps Ritsuko will think I really do care about her, but I'm just terrible at showing it."

Fuyutuski: "There is that, yes."

Gendo: "If not... well, I wouldn't be opposed to putting Maya in 'protective custody' and restricting access based on Ritsuko's 'good behavior' if it comes to that. We _**are**_ living in very dangerous times, after all. So, I don't mind swallowing my 'jealousy' for a bit, and letting the two of them have their fun for a while. The closer they get, the better it will be for me later."

Fuyutsuki: "Now there's the Gendo I know, old friend."

Gendo: "Exactly... when the time comes, Ritsuko will come _**begging**_ for a 'debriefing', that I'll be only too happy give her... and then the fun will really start."

 **A short time later, at the Masaki shrine...**

The wedding is on the way. In attendance are Lara Croft, all the other pilots, Ritsuko, Maya, who is desperately struggling to hold back tears of joy... and failing, Misato and Kaji, who is giving away the bride, Asuka. Little Rea is the flower-girl. Toji is brought in as the best man on short notice, with Hikari in the audience as well. Kensuke, being the photo expert, was tasked with recording the event.

Tenchi: "So we're going with a 'Western' theme, in honor of the virgin bride?"

Rei: "Yes."

Shinji's in a tuxedo, the same one he used for his marriage with Rei, an outfit he will forever treasure. Rei's in a sparkling lace and rhinestone dress whipped out of thin-air by Ryoko's magic. The center of attention, though, is Asuka, who is wearing a very elegant, classy, but extremely flashy and heavily decorated gown with faux-ruby trims, a red sapphire gem at the low point of the neckline, and daffodil colored lace elbow-length gloves. She is gently marched up the aisle to the altar by Kaji, and then he steps aside as the ceremony begins.

Tenchi: "Dear thee beloved, and honored guests. We are gathered here today to celebrate and formalize the union of Asuka Langley Soryu and Rei Ikari, with the full and formal blessing of the husband Shinji Ikari."

On cue, Shinji brings Rei to the altar and steps aside, on the other side of the altar, opposite Kaji.

Tenchi: "If anyone present has any just cause why these two should not be joined, speak now, or forever hold your peace."

After a few moments of silence, Tenchi continues.

Tenchi: "Do you, Rei Ikari, take Asuka Langley Soryu to be your wedded wife, in sickness and in health, in good times and bad, for richer or poorer, forsaking all others, save your husband Shinji, until the death parts you, to cherish, honor, and adore?"

Rei: "I do."

Tenchi: "Asuka. Do you take Rei to be your wedded wife, in good times and bad, sickness and health, rich or poor, until death parts you, to cherish, honor, and adore?"

Asuka: "I do!"

Tenchi: "The rings, please."

Toji hands Rei and Asuka their respective ring boxes so that the rings may be exchanged.

Tenchi: "Rei, place the ring you have chosen upon Asuka's finger and say 'with this ring, I thee wed.'"

Rei opens her box, pulls out a classy, subdued white-gold ring with a small ruby, placing it on the ring-finger of Asuka's right hand. "With this ring, I thee wed."

Tenchi: "Asuka, place the ring you have chosen upon Rei's finger and say 'with this ring, I thee wed.'"

Asuka opens her box, pulls out a classy white-gold ring with a small star-sapphire, places it on the ring-finger of Rei's right hand and says "with this ring, I thee wed."

Tenchi: "By the power vested in me as the priest of this shrine and the country of Jurai, I now declare you married. You may kiss the bride."

Asuka and Rei lift their respective veils and proceed to kiss long, deep, and hard. After a few minutes, they have to stop for a breath of air, though it's clear that would have kept on going, if they could.

Tenchi: "Let not that which has been forged by the gods and the spirits of our ancestors be torn asunder by the hand of man. The ceremony is over. You may go in peace."

The audience bursts into applause. As the wedding procession files out of the shrine, Asuka, per the tradition, takes the bouquet and throws it behind her. To her surprise, Mana winds up catching it. Hikari can only glare at her in envy.

Shinji: "That was awesome!"

Asuka: "Indeed. Granted, we have to share, but a house in the countryside as a wedding gift? You can't beat that! Now if only we could take our time 'inspecting' each and every room..."

Rei: "There is no need for that. Our hosts have provided a place for us where we can consummate everything. I've gone without for too long, and I suspect Shinji-kun feels the same..."

With a mischievous smirk, Askuka and Rei proceed to drag Shinji to the room in question.

To be continued...


	37. Chapter 37

**Chapter 35**

Misato: "Croft-san, aren't you going to stop them?"

Lara: "Not my place. One, this is an important part of the wedding ritual, and I'm not going to meddle in that. Two, **MY** house got destroyed, so I don't have the right to make the rules. That being said, I am fully planning on holding those kids to task on the consequences of their actions One thing I'll grant them is that they have good heads on their shoulders. They do think their stuff through. I'm beginning to suspect that they're going to make this work, regardless of the setbacks and sacrifices. Frankly, I fully intend to support them from now on. Besides, they've bloody earned it! For now, I don't mind baby-sitting this adorable little girl for a few hours, especially as we're all going to be quite busy trying to replace the essentials, like school uniforms, casual clothes, etc."

Misato: (Sigh) "I get it. Does anyone know their sizes..."

Lara: "I've got a list." (Pulls a list out of her jeans.)

Misato: "How..."

Lara: "When you explore ruins with deadly booby-traps, you have to have an eye for detail. Besides, the kids provided me with this list some time back as we were returning from Korea and they were headed to NERV medical for a checkup and treatment."

Misato: "Wow..."

Lara: "Okay, Rea, where would you like to go first?"

Rea: "..,Hmm? ICE CREAM!"

Lara: "Hahaha! Just like a typical four-year-old! Okay, love, we'll get you some ice-cream, and then it's off to do some playing dress up!"

Rea: "YAAY!"

 **As the rest are doing the shopping, Asuka, Shinji and Rei find themselves in Washu's lab...**

Asuka: "Man, that was FUN! I'm not one giant cramp anymore, although I'm still hurting, but in a good way, tingling from head to toe. Don't get me wrong, snuggling 'seaside' is nice and all, but I'm a roller-coaster kind of girl!"

Rei: "That's not an exaggeration. Nine times?"

Shinji: "I... I don't think I can take anymore.."

Asuka: "Wonderwuss! You need more meat in your diet! Grow those pecs and biceps!"

Rei: "I do not like meat..."

Washu: "Hahaha! Oh your lives are not going to be dull, that's for sure."

Washu has them in these metal containers allowing only their heads to be visible. It's impossible to tell if they're wearing anything underneath, but knowing Washu, and the fact that the only clothes to their name at the moment are their wedding garb... That and the fact that Washu is closely examining 3-D wire-mesh maps of their anatomy on a monitor...

Washu: "Alright, I've reviewed your condition, and the news... well. It's not reassuring. While 'Angel' A-T fields are mighty weapons of war, which is what makes them so interesting, human A-T fields, like yours, are like sticks of bubble-gum. By themselves, you really can't do anything with them, but when the proper conditions are applied..."

Washu proceeds to pull out three paper-mache figures to represent Rei, Asuka, and Shinji, then takes a wad of chewed-up bubble-gum and sticks them together.

Washu: "As you can see, the figurines are perfectly unharmed as long as they stay together, but when one of them tries to pull away..."

Washu, tries to pull one of the three figurines while holding the others in place. It's not long before they rip apart, while the gum remains pretty much unchanged.

Washu: "The Angel called Ireul by your people has chewed up and then spit-out your A-T fields and left you stuck together. Normally, there are only two ways to deal with chewing gum sticking to things.

Cut off the gum, by surgically removing a bit of the material that the gum is stuck to.

Negate the gum's stickiness by drying it out and letting it flake off.

"Now neither of these is a viable option because the 'gum' is not an external item. It's constantly being produced by the person being affected, in this case, Rei-san."

Everyone: "WHAT?!"

Washu: "Rei-san was the first to be affected, yes?"

Rei: "My arm fell off for no reason, yes, but I've always been sickly.."

Washu: "I'm sure you believe that, girl, but that's a lie."

Rei: "..."

Washu: "I've checked your records and done a discreet blood test. Not a single one of the drugs on your regiment is in your body, yet here you are, perfectly healthy. Care to explain that?"

Rei: "I... do not trust Dr. Ritsuko Akagi. She is … irrationally hostile towards me, so I stopped taking my meds when Shinji-kun moved in with me... I, slowly but surely, felt better. My head cleared, many of my aches and pains … stopped, it was easier for me to be happy, and Shinji-kun's touch felt.. good."

Washu: "I see..."

Shinji: "SO that explains..."

Rei: "Why I was more attentive, engaged, and participatory in class?"

Shinji: (Dejected) "Yeah.."

Rei: (Sigh) "Shinji-kun. Take heart. It still would not have happened without you being there and nice to me."

Washu: "And Dr. Akagi never caught on?"

Rei: "As long as I played the 'obedient little doll' in her lab? She was content to just give me my 'medicine' and send me on my way without another word...Especially after Shinji-kun and I were wed... Now that I think about it, seems she was almost giddy to 'foist me off' on someone else..."

Washu: (Slaps her forehead) "Rei-san... Did you notice any times she was more hostile to you than others?"

Rei: "I... am not sure. I was on many drugs at the time, thinking my life depended on them. It is hard for me to remember clearly."

Washu: "Let me ask this another way. Were you and the good doctor always in the lab alone?"

Rei: "No. The Commander would often drop in and sometimes smile at me..."

Washu: "I THOUGHT SO! Rei-san. I blame the drugs, and maybe the fact that you spent pretty much your entire life in a test-tube, but Dr. Akagi was _**jealous**_ and saw you as a romantic rival!"

Rei: "That is impossible. I first met The Commader as a four-year-old child..."

Washu: "Love isn't always rational, Rei-san, and weren't you completely nude in that test-tube?"

Rei: "I... fail to see why everyone's obsessive over my body. I have one. I am neither proud nor ashamed of it..."

Washu slaps both her hands to cover her face. "IS SHE ALWAYS LIKE THIS?!"

Shinji: "Yes. Yes, she is."

Rei: "Ikari-kun. I do not believe she was expecting a response."

Shinji: "I'm sorry!"

Washu: "...Now I see why the two of you got married. The doormat and the doll... But why did you..."

Asuka: "Oh me? Well, there's the comedy value..."

Shinji and Rei: "HEY!"

Asuka: "Then there's the fact that Shinji-chan is the best damn chef born on the planet."

Washu: "Oh... Well, Sasami might take offense to that... Except she's not on the planet at the moment, nor was she born on it. Go on."

Asuka: "Lastly, I can _**TRUST**_ them. I haven't been able to trust anybody, not completely, since I was four, and Momma went and confused a doll with me, and me with my half-sis, then hung herself, and the mother-fucking doll! Papa, of course, was too busy banging his mistress _**right in the next room where we could both hear it!**_ The kicker is that when my 'new mom' couldn't just medicate my problems away, he dumped me in NERV Berlin to be an Eva pilot, and nothing I did, not even **GRADUATING COLLEGE** before age 14 impressed him! I'd call him pond-scum, but that would be an insult to pond-scum everywhere."

Washu: "Holy fucking shit! I thought I had issues with **MY** previous marriage."

Shinji: "You had a previous marriage, Washu-san?"

Washu: "Washu-chan, dear boy! And yeah. We were happy, we were in love, we had a son. Then his parents found out. Didn't take kindly to their boy marrying 'commoner trash' so they ripped him and my baby boy away to parts unknown. Never got to see them again. That's bad enough, but then they tried to wipe me out with their private army, and by 'private army', I mean 'every single fucking soldier on the planet they live on.' It's the first planet I blew up. Those aristocratic 'noble' bastards have to deal with the fact that they're responsible for 'planet killer' Washu, the maddest mad scientist in the galaxy! BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Nobody calls me 'commoner trash' anymore!"

Asuka: "Washu-chan..."

Washu: "Oh, yes. We got off topic didn't we? Well, I'm afraid you only have two options. Either live with this the rest of your lives, which isn't going to be very long, or get reincarnated in cloned bodies..."

Rei: "No... Not now. NOT AGAIN! PLEASE, NOT AGAIN!"

Shinji and Asuka: "Rei? REI!"

Washu: "Hmm, I trust you have experience with this Rei-san?"

Rei: "The four-year-old who was strangled to death ten years ago was me... and not me... I don't want to change, again. I don't want a new me that doesn't love and isn't loved by Shinji-kun and Asuka-chan. Please... don't take that away from me!"

Washu: "This isn't my first time dealing with cloned bodies and reincarnation, Rei-san. Ryoko, Ryo-ohki, and Mayuka, Tenchi's first daughter...Don't ask. It's complicated. And none of them had such a massive personality shift as you describe... You don't suppose they did something weird at NERV do you?"

Shinji: "..."

Asuka: "...I've always wondered why little Rea looks like you, Rei. Now that you mention you're the four-year-old that was strangled..."

Washu: "Wait.. What? Are you saying they did what I think you're saying they did?"

Rei: "I do not know. I really do not know."

Washu: "I may be a mad scientist with a history of blowing up planets when I'm pissed. I may be willing to happily perform rather dubious experiments on my friends and loved ones, just for the thrill of research. But I AM NOT someone who condones fucking around with souls! If my suspicions are corroborated, there will be a reckoning! Mark my words!"

 **Meanwhile, back at NERV HQ...**

The spare jump jet engines arrive by air and are carefully lowered down into the bowels of the Geofront through the Eva lifts, the only entrances big enough to accommodate the vehicles carrying them.

Certainly the UN are bringing technicians that can install the engines in Eva-05 and Eva-06. They're also bringing loaders that can carry such heavy equipment. That's a given. That's not all they're bringing. They're also bringing soldiers with concealed weapons, and the loaders double as attack drones, tanks, and heavy ordinance. While their "public" mission is to assist and aid NERV in the fight, their black-ops orders are to seize control of NERV Tokyo, so that SEELE can run the fight _**their**_ way, not Gendo's.

Many, if not all, of the technicians and other lab personnel sent in advance, at Gendo's request, to replace the manpower lost to the attack from the cult of Xian are completely complicit. There are several "sleeper cells" mixed into the crowd. They're simply quietly doing their jobs, no outgoing messages, no incoming messages, just biding their time doing their NERV appointed tasks until the order is given to turn on their compatriots and steal all the work and research on SEELE'S behalf.

 **At SEELE'S conference room...**

Kihl: "Is everything in place?"

SEELE US: "The PMC we've mixed among the technicians bringing the jump-jet engines to NERV Tokyo-3 report no suspicions on the part of Gendo's team."

Kihl: "Good, and our 'sleeper' agents?"

SEELE England: "While we have no direct contact, we're certain they're in position, and it's come to our attention that Drs. Ritsuko and Maya have been given a holiday today. The lab we want is ready for the pickings. A worm has been put into the system so we can destroy 'that' with just a touch of a button."

Kihl: "All that remains is the mongrel spawn of Gendo's toy and son. We can not afford any chances, Gendo's Scenario must not come to pass."

Everyone: "FOR INSTRUMENTALITY!"

To be continued...


	38. Chapter 38

**Chapter 36**

 **The next day. Deep in the bowels of NERV Tokyo-3...**

Ritsuko: "Don't know why Washu-chan wants these, but The Commander signed the contract to be fully cooperative with her... Probably because even he is terrified of pissing off someone who could blow up the planet we're standing on."

Maya: "These are..."

Ritsuko: "Rei?" (laughs bitterly) "Hahaha! More like spare bodies for that... doll..."

Maya: "SENPAI!"

Ritsuko: "Right, right. I mean 'our esteemed pilot' Rei Ikari... better in Shinji's hands than mine. Never did like her. I know it's not her fault my mother died, even if she kept saying 'old hag' over and over...and … it's irrational, but I can't help hating who I hate. The fact that... my 'boyfriend' would smile at her but not at me..."

Maya: "Senpai. Stop. Please."

Ritsuko: "Yeah. Wouldn't help anyone if I work myself up to a frenzy now... If it were up to me I'd send Washu-san all of these, and be done with it. They sicken me, especially with those creepy grins and joyless laughs... Give me goosebumps."

Maya: "Does Rei-kun know?"

Ritsuko: "That she's a clone? Yes. Who she's a clone of? No, and I'm not going to tell her. I'm not going to be the one who screws up her married life, no matter how much I resent her. If nothing else, it does keep her out of my hair."

Maya: "...How would knowing..."

Ritsuko: "If she found out she's cloned from a close relative of her husband? Or Shinji-kun does?"

Maya: "(Gasp) Senpai!"

Ristuko: "I may be elbow-length deep in blood, but this is a sin I had nothing to do with. The Commander showed up with her in tow, as a four-year-old child, long before I became NERV's top researcher, and even my mother, who _**was**_ in charge at the time, didn't know where she came from."

Maya: "Then how do you know?"

Ritsuko: "My 'boyfriend' let it slip when we were... in bed together, and he called out the wrong name!"

Maya: "And even after that..."

Ritsuko: "Yeah. Maya, you're great. 'Going to the beach' with you was truly phenomenal, but even so... There's this certain itch..."

Maya: "I'm trying very, very hard not to think about that right now..."

Ritsuko: "So am I..."

A knock comes from "empty air."

Ritsuko: "Enter."

A dimensional door opens and Washu steps through with Ryoko and a couple of drones in tow.

Washu: "Pardon the intrusion."

Ritsuko: "As promised. Here's what you asked for."

Ryoko: "Mo-om! You're working with clones... AGAIN?!"

Washu: "I know, I know. It's a sore topic for you, and my past attempts haven't gone well, but this is something Rei-San needs right now."

Ryoko: "I got it. I got it. Just so you know, every time you start experimenting with this 'branch of research', it never goes well."

Washu: "Yeah, yeah. This time the research is purely passive and non-intrusive. I'm going to keep them sleeping..."

Ryoko: "I've heard THAT before. Still, I don't suppose I can stop you from taking them to your lab, right?

Washu: "Of course, not. Rei-san could well die without them, and so could Asuka-san and Shinji-san."

Ryoko: "Just don't come back to me whining when it goes wrong, AGAIN!"

The half-dozen or so individually packaged drones are carried back to Ryoko's lab.

Washu: "Wish I had the space for the rest..."

Ritsuko: "That makes two of us, Washu—chan!"

Washu: "You're learning..."

Ryoko leaves the room before her.

Washu: "You and I have to talk. Once I finish helping Rei-san... Well, just keep your neck clean."

Washu leaves through the doorway which shuts behind her.

Maya: "What was that about?"

Ritsuko: "I don't know. I genuinely don't know." (Looks down at her watch) "It's time."

Maya: "Yeah, we've got to perform an activation test on Eva-03, but why Rei-san? Why not one of the new pilots? They haven't exactly been very good with Eva-05 or Eva-06."

Ritsuko: "Orders are orders, Maya."

Maya: "About your 'boyfriend', is he who I think he is?"

Ritsuko: "Here's a hint. He's the only one who was 'cool as a cucumber', as you put it, when we were all sweltering during the blackout..."

Maya: "Ah! Now it makes sense. A cool and collected Senpai should be attracted to a cool and collected man!"

Ritsuko: "Remember to keep your speculations to yourself."

Maya: (Smiles sweetly) "Of course, Senpai!... Odd. What's this program running in the background?"

Ritsuko: "Eh?" (Looks at the screen that Maya's pointing out) "Oh. So THAT'S what's going on."

Maya: "Senpai?"

Ritsuko: "Maya, pretend you didn't see anything. I mean it. Your life could be in danger."

Maya: "Senpai! Yes, Senpai!"

Ritsuko: (Pats her on the head) "Good girl."

Maya: "Hehe! Senpai is petting me!"

Ritsuko: "Honestly, what am I going to do with you? I need to get to the testing grounds, and you need to head to the bridge. Now remember, don't tell _**anyone about anything**_ you saw in here, not even on the computer, got it?"

Maya: "Got it, Senpai!"

Ritsuko: "Now, let's secure this lab and go. We're losing daylight here."

 **Some time later, at the testing site far outside Tokyo-3...**

Misato and Ritsuko are overseeing Rei in Eva-03, and they have to hurry as the 30 minute timer is counting down. If they fail to either get Eva-03 active, or Rei, Shinji, and Asuka back together again before then, the consequences are grim.

Shinji in Eva-01 and Asuka in Eva-02 are nearby outside the facility, so that offers them some temporary protection, but Rei would be in trouble.

Asuka: "I don't like this! Why Rei?!"

Shinji: "Me either! I may not be a brilliant general or tactician, but this is dumb! Using up our 'once a day' privilege on some activation test?! What if an Angel attacks later today?"

Asuka: "You're just upset that we're not going to be 'tip-toeing through the tulips' today!"

Shinji: (Blushing furiously) "Yeah, that too..."

Asuka: "Pervert... Still, you're right. This is dumb. Not only that, our positions are stupidly suicidal! We don't have any visual contact with each other or the facility! If something comes at us from the outside, you'll get hit first, and it's not likely I can get there in time to help..."

Shinji: "And if something happens at the facility, it's likely we'll both be too late!"

Misato: "I can hear you, pilots! We have to presume The Commander knows things we don't, and orders are orders... Besides, when have any of you known the Angels to display common sense? How many times have they split themselves into pieces, blasted you with high-powered energy weapons, or done something truly bizarre?"

Shinji and Asuka: "(Sigh) Yes, Misato-san!"

Misato: "Good. Get ready, the activation test is beginning."

Ritsuko: "Rei? What's your status?"

Rei: "Something feels strange here. The Eva feels... sick, like a head-cold. This is... unpleasant."

The staff looks around shrugs, and goes back to their terminals.

Ritsuko: "Odd, nothing looks strange about the readings. Anyone get me a field reading?"

"The readings are blank!"

Ritsuko: "Ok, Rei, let's do it gently then. Minimum power test... and go."

Rei: "The monitors are all activating! There's some kind of weird images. I'm seeing a picture of me, but looking as surreal as the standard Picasso painting!"

Voices: "Hehehe! Hahaha! Hohohoho! Hehehe!"

Misato: "Rei! What's going on in there?! REI!"

Eva-03 begins to move.

Misato: "Shut it down! SHUT IT DOWN, NOW!"

Ritsuko smashes the glass case to the emergency power shutdown, and the umbilical ejects but Eva-03 continues to move unhindered.

Ritsuko: "Massive energy buildup detected! CODE BLUE! EVERYONE! TAKE COVER!"

A massive energy blast looking like a crucifix of light utterly destroys the facility. Although Ritsuko and Misato manage to avoid the vast majority of the destruction, they do not escape unscathed. Misato is left with a broken arm, buried under some girters. Ritsuko is far worse off, with a concussion, several badly bruised ribs, a dislocated hip, and she has to be extracted from a human-shaped impression in a concrete wall, into which she went face first as she tried to run away... yet she miraculously survived.

Still, that's not the end of the horror in the situation. Eva-03 is moving, and it's only because Misato is under rubble and Ritsuko's shoved into the wall like a sick parody of a "loony tunes" cartoon, where such a thing would be amusing not horrific, is the only reason why Eva-03 doesn't literally squash them like bugs, as it proceeds to do to all the other survivors of the explosion.

Once it thinks it has completed this gruesome task, it begins marching towards Tokyo-3, with Eva-02 and Eva-01 in its way.

When word reaches NERV Tokyo-3 about this incident, every bit of sabotage orchestrated by SEELE is put into action. The "sleeper agents" among the research staff broadcast every bit of research and development they've been privy to. The software worm installed to sabotage the most secret of secret in Ritsuko's assortment of labs is activated. Every last one of Rei's clones in the tank is summarily destroyed. Only those that were secured by Washu earlier for her own research were spared.

The staff among those installing the new jump jets in Eva-05 and Eva-06 stop their work and bring out their weapons, capture pilots Mari Makinami and Nagisa Kowaru, who both go along without resistance... fully expecting this coup!

Mana and Kensuke, however, were neither caught off guard, nor captured. Gendo had ordered them on standby in the TRIDENT, and it proved the right call. They respond to the attack upon their position by smashing the assault drones and crushing any troops the TRIDENT can get its claws or feet on.

Kensuke: "I thought these UN 'peacekeepers' were here to help us repair the broken Eva! Why are they firing on us?"

Mana: "Hah! Aside from you, there is no active soldier that I trust! I suspect that 'helping' is just the excuse they used to get in the door! The bastards!"

Armed with an A-T field, though not to the extent of the Angels or Eva, nothing the armed insurgents can do will threaten Mana or Kensuke, but unless they can find a way to end this decisively, and quickly, their refuge won't last.

Kensuke: "What do we do for power..."

Mana: "Oh, we have all sorts of options. The TRIDENT can go on indefinitely, with ease. We can't. We don't have any food, water, or … facilities. Unless we find a way to end this, and quick. It's just a matter of time."

Kensuke: "Well, we're not going to make this easy or cheap for them. That's for sure!"

To be continued...


	39. Chapter 39

**Chapter 37**

Admiral Yamamoto is speaking on his cell-phone with someone, seemingly the Prime Minister of Japan.

Yamamoto: "The NERV facility is under attack by people impersonating UN peacekeepers and you're ordering us to _**stand down and stay out of the way?!...**_ Wait! You're saying that they really are UN Peacekeepers and the attack is sanctioned not just by the UN but by the Diet?! What the hell are you politicians thinking, endangering the very people keeping us safe from the Angels?!... So let me get this straight. Thanks to reports and pictures from dubious sources, you've firmly bought into a story where NERV is actually responsible for the Angels and is trying to destroy the world?!..."

Suddenly, a transmission comes in from Mana. "Mayday, Mayday! We are under heavy attack. Pilots Mari and Nagisa have been captured, and Eva-03's activation test has gone wrong! Eva-03 is now attacking Eva-01 and Eva-02! Repeat, we are in need of immediate assistance to prevent Third Impact!"

Yamamoto: "You heard that, Prime Minister. We should... Wait! You're STILL ordering us to stand down in the face of NERV being taken over while we're facing Angel attack?! I don't know why anyone would vote for you!" (CLICK)

Yamamoto ends the call and smashes his phone against the wall, shattering it into a million little pieces.

Yamamoto: "Okay, men. What I'm about to do is have you all disobey official orders, but our pride and honor and soldiers, not to mention the fate of the world, is at stake. We obeyed orders that caused us to fail our duty when the Cult of Xian attacked Hokkaido, and look what happened. Countless civilian lives were lost, and those brats went through a hell none of us can imagine. Despite that, those brats are willing to fight, bleed, and even die for us, FOR US who have shown them nothing but resentment and contempt! Our ancestors would be deeply ashamed if we don't return that sentiment and come to their aid in their hour of need. Is everyone with me?!"

Soldiers: (Saluting) "HAI!"

Yamamoto: "Alright! Let's show these despicable, backstabbing, honor-less cowards the true strength and fighting spirit of the JSSDF!"

Soldiers: "SIR, YES, SIR!"

 **At the NERV hangar...**

Mana: "I don't think much will come of it, but you're right, Kensuke. We had to give it a shot. Sending out a distress call will keep our conscience clear when we greet our ancestors."

Kensuke: "Yeah, I know. Those bastards have moved themselves and their heavy weapons out of reach in the corridors, and we can't stay in here forever..."

Mana: "Yeah, and if we retreat, as is tactically advised, the innocent NERV personnel would pay the price... Though 'innocent' might be a bit of a stretch..."

Kensuke: "'Non-combatant' would be more appropriate, I'd think."

Mana: "Hahaha! True, very true."

Over their radio...

(Static) "This is Admiral Yamamoto! We have heard your distress call, Private First Class Kensuke and NCO Mana! Help is on the way! What are we up against?!"

Mana: "There must be a god because this is a MIRACLE! Sir! Here's what we know about the enemy!"

Mana proceeds to list off the enemy's numbers, weapons, tools, and equipment, at least those she and Kensuke personally witnessed.

Yamamoto: "Good work! Head out to assist Eva-01 and Eva-02! You're the only ones who can!"

Mana: "Negative, sir! Without us, there's noone who can deal with the enemy's heavy weapons.."

Lara: "Don't be too sure about that, Governor!"

Kensuke: "Croft Sensei!"

Lara: "I've faced worse odds, alone and on foot! Go help the Eva pilots!"

Kensuke and Mana: "Yes, Ma'am!"

Mana and Kensuke attempt to use the lift to go to the surface and help, but find that its outgoing functions have been disabled by the intruders.

Kensuke: "Unable to comply with orders! The outgoing functions of the Eva-lift have been disabled! The TRIDENT can not climb the distance from here to the surface... at least not in time for our impact to be of any assistance."

Yamamoto: "Understood! In that case, hold the line! Let no more intruders enter, even if it costs you your lives!"

Mana and Kensuke: "Sir! YES! SIR!"

In the bowels of NERV Tokyo-3, the firefight is intense! The "peacekeepers" are going room to room, killing anything that moves, including their collaborators, and with extreme prejudice. Automatic weapons, grenades, and even flame-throwers are being used with abandon. Then to make sure nobody's hiding, the drones are sent in to destroy anything organic they encounter, not even leaving ashes behind.

The JSSDF is having a hard fight of it as well. While their weapons are effective on the human agents, nothing they've got can pierce the heavy-armor of the "loaders" brought in...

Meanwhile, in the outskirts of Tokyo-3, the more despicable members of the JSSDF use their official orders to capture and detain Mana's former TRIDENT companions as an excuse to literally hunt down and sadistically execute them like wild animals. The kids never had a chance...

 **At the outskirts of what once was a NERV R &D facility...**

Shinji: "Rei! Talk to me, Rei!"

Asuka: "Say something, Wondergirl!"

Voices: "Hehehe! Hohoho! I want to become one with you! Please become one with ME!"

Eva-03: "Grrr! ROOOOAAAAARRRRR!"

The entry plug attempts to eject but is caught by some kind of webbing that looks almost fungal in composition.

Asuka: "What...WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!"

Shinji: (Slams his fist down on the arm-rest) "DAMN IT! DAMN IT! AN ANGEL HAS TAKEN EVA-03!"

Asuka: "You're shitting me..."

Shinji: "Asuka! We have to get Rei out of there! Abandon your position and lure it here!"

Asuka: "Hey! What are you..."

Shinji: "Aren't you the one who played hopscotch with your Eva on the decks of naval destroyers?"

Asuka: "... Hehehe! You're right!"

Gendo: "Pilot Soryu! Belay that order! HOLD YOUR POSITION! Destroy the enemy with extreme prejudice!"

Shinji: "The hell, Commander?! Very well, Asuka! If you can't move, I'm coming to you!"

Gendo (almost whispering) "No" (At full volume) "YOU WILL NOT ENDANGER EVA-01! DO NOT MOVE, PILOT IKARI!"

Shinji: "... Are you serious?! If the Angel gets past Eva-02, and this is likely, Eva-01 is going to be next! If I don't go to Asuka now, I'll wind up fighting it alone, and THAT'S putting Eva-01 in danger. With all due respect, Commander, now either help us or stay out of our way!"

Gendo begins grinding his molars in rage because he both knows that Shinji's right and there's nothing he can do to stop the pilot from "endangering" Yui. The dilemma is answered for him as part of the armed force breaks into the control room.

"Stand down the Eva! Stand them down NOW!"

Having the excuse of having guns aimed at his head and the heads of all the subordinates present, Gendo pretends to comply.

Gendo: "Maya, Aoba, everyone. Do it! Use the 'Dummy-plug' protocol."

Maya: "But sir.."

(Shot fired by the intruder) "DO IT!"

Maya: "EEP! Sir! Right away, Sir!"

In a panic, Maya activates the "Dummy Plug System", seizing control away from the Eva pilots, and all hell breaks loose...

 **Elsewhere in NERV headquarters...**

Yamamoto: "Damn! We're pinned down by these attack drones. The only thing we have that can deal with them is the TRIDENT and it won't fit in these narrow corridors!"

Random soldier: (Coughing up blood) "Can't (Cough) Say (Cough) We (Cough) Didn't TRY!" (DIES)

Yamamoto: (Closes his eyes) "Your ancestors would be proud, soldier" (Takes the dog-tags) "I'll see your living relatives are notified at your funeral..."

(FWOOMP) A guided grenade hits the metal blockade of attack drones. (BOOM!) The drones are reduced to flying shrapnel.

Lara: "Sorry I'm late, governor. Had a little girl to secure away. What's the situation?"

Yamamoto: "Lara Croft? THE Lara Croft? We might just have chance after all..."

After being briefed on the situation, Lara Croft heads to the command center while what remains of the JSSDF continues to fight its way towards Mana and Kensuke who sent the distress call, so that the TRIDENT might, just might, have a chance to offer some aid in the situation where Evas 01 and 02 are forced to fight Eva-03.

 **As the fight rages...**

Since the Dummy plugs are in control, the fight is especially brutal. Eva-02 shrugs off several attempts of contamination by Eva-03, eventually slamming the compromised Eva through the mountain into the path of a berserk Eva which then proceeds to rip it apart piece by piece.

When Lara Croft reaches the command center, shooting the gunman who has Gendo's head in his sights, and Gendo shoots the one over Maya "accidentally" bouncing a bullet off Maya's head in the process, which would later send her to the hospital in critical condition, it's just in time to see Eva-01 and Eva-02 both take one end each of the entry plug with Rei inside, and ripping it apart like the scene in Jurassic World where two T-Rex rip a guy apart between them like a wish bone.

Rei falls out and does not survive the impact with the ground. Both Shinji and Asuka can be heard screaming in helpless impotence the whole time, begging Gendo to stop.

The Dummy-plugs do shut down, and the Eva notice what's going on. They stop, collapse to their knees and start wailing in despair, overcome by what they've done.

Eva-01: "WHOOAAAAAALLLLL!"

Eva-02: "SKRRREEEEEIIIIAAAAAAHHHHH!"

The combination UN and Japanese fleet in the Tokyo-3 sea does not hesitate to exploit what they see as an opportunity and open fire on both Eva with cruise missiles that hit them right in the face. This proves to possibly be the dumbest idea in human history as both distraught Eva are shaken out of their mourning and into an uncontrollable rage.

Eva-01 and Eva-02: "ROOOOAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!"

Gendo: "Oh those idiots! They have no idea what they've done..."

 **Meanwhile in the former Masaki mansion...**

Rei's soul is noticed by Ryoko heading into one of the clones brought into Washu's lab.

Ryoko: "MOM! We've got incoming!"

The clone is ejected from its case upon gaining consciousness. This new Rei is so wildly traumatized by the ordeal that she can only scream and wildly flail about.

Rei: "KYAAAAHHH! NOO! STAY BACK! STAY BACK! GET AWAY FROM ME! NOOO!"

When she calms down, she curls up in the corner in fetal position, dark wings composed entirely of A-T field covering her. All around her is the aftermath of her freak out, broken glass and shattered equipment everywhere."

Washu: "Man, oh man. What a glorious mess."

Ryoko: "So this is why you wanted those clones..."

Washu: "Partly. I know cloning research is illegal on this backwater planet, and some self-righteous pinhead would go after hers eventually. I wanted to examine them before it. I never thought she'd need one of them so soon, NERV still had plenty of copies... Oh no. They must be under attack!"

Ryoko: "Don't worry. I've got the little girl here safely in the living room watching some episodes of her mom's favorite kid's show."

Washu: "I hear NERV's got themselves a psychiatrist. We'd better go get him. While we can."

Ryoko and Washu open a dimensional door to Dr. Fraser's office, not realizing little Rea was watching and decided to tag along, to get back at those who hurt mommy.

To be continued...


	40. Chapter 40

**Chapter 38**

Ryoko enters Dr. Crane's office to find he has barricaded the outer door, and he's hiding behind a desk, knowing the door won't hold, but having no viable escape routes.

Fraser: "Who are you? How'd you get in here?"

Ryoko: "I take it you're Dr. Fraser Crane? We're here to rescue you for the sake of one Rei Ikari. What's the situation?"

Fraser: "There are soldiers just outside the door. They've been going down the corridor going into every room and killing anything that moves! They haven't noticed me yet, but they will, and I know that barricade's not going to hold..."

An explosion blows the door off its hinges and right through the barricade like it was made of Styrofoam.

Washu: "Rules of engagement: If they fire on you, you can defend yourself, otherwise do not intervene aside from humanitarian aid."

Ryoko: "In other words, they have to shoot first."

A squad of soldiers swarms in through the now useless door. "Well Dr. Crane. You're out of luck. I don't think the pilots will be requiring your services any longer. Neither will that little girl."

Everyone turns to see Rea standing right behind them.

Ryoko: "When did she...?"

Washu: "You know, most parents would swear their four-year-olds can teleport. She's the first that could possibly really do it."

Rea: "Who hurt Mommy?"

The soldier who is apparently the squad leader walks right up to Rea, puts a gun to her head and goes "what if we did, little girl? Just following orders. Don't hate me, okay? Hey, how about a nice little game of hide and seek?"

The rest of the squad snickers as if they've been told the funniest joke in the world, but are under orders not to laugh.

Rea: "No thanks, Oji-san. How about a nice game of Tag?"

The soldier shoots at Rea, gun to her forehead... and the gun explodes when the ammo hits Rea's A-T field, ripping the sadistic soldier's hand to shreds. As the soldier flails around screaming in agony...

Rea: "Tag, you're it"

Rea touches his leg and he turns into LCL.

Everyone in the room is briefly stunned as nobody expected that sweet, adorable little child to have either powers or the ability to act so cruelly.

Rea: "Who wants to play next? Hehehe!"

Soldiers: "EEEEYYYYYAAAAAHHHH! MONSTER! MONSTER!"

Rea: "Now why would the oji-sans talk about themselves?"

Visions of the soldiers' victims start pouring into the room, in various states of disfigurement and distress. They all point accusatory fingers at their killers.

A collaborator: "We worked for you and this is how you reward us?

A child: "Why did you kill us? All we wanted was some food because we were hungry..."

A NERV scientist: "What did we do wrong? I don't understand..."

Japanese Citizen: "I paid my taxes. I trusted you to serve and protect, and instead you stormed into my house, took everything I own, raped and murdered my wives and daughters, forcing me to watch as you laughed, and then hunted me down like an animal... YOU MONSTERS!"

Soldiers: "No! Stay away! STAY AWAY!"

They fire their weapons at the phantoms, to no effect. As each and every one of their accusers get close enough to touch them, one by one, the soldiers go "TANG" and turn into LCL.

The last soldier's morale breaks completely, and he tries to run, but doesn't get far. Phantoms come out of the walls, floor and ceiling surround him like a zombie apocalypse until one of them touches him, and it's all over.

Dr. Crane: "This is NOT what I signed on for!"

Washu: "Doctor. I think you'd better come with us if you want to live."

One of the soldier's communicators chirps to life. "Omega squad, come in! Come in, Omega squad! Did you get the doctor? Was the priority target there? Report!"

Rea picks up the communicator and speaks through it. "Mr. Oji-san wanted to play hide and seek! I felt like playing Tag instead! Do you want to play Oji-san? Hehehehe!"

"What did you do to them?!"

Rea: "You are a really big dummy! I played 'tag' with all of them. They had so much fun, they melted into little puddles! Hehehe Yahahaha! Do you want to play? I! KNOW! WHERE! YOU! ARE! I won't forgive those who hurt Mommy!"

"What are you talking about?"

Rea disappears in a flicker, and in moments, nothing but screams of terror can be heard over the communicator, then static, and silence.

Washu: "Coming with us, doctor?"

Dr. Crane: "Yes, ma'am. Right away, ma'am."

Ryoko: "I hope for your sake that you make your best possible effort to help that little girl's Mommy because... well I shouldn't have to say anymore, right?"

Dr. Crane goes through the portal, nearly wetting his pants in fear.

 **Meanwhile in NERV's command center...**

Gendo: "Provide whatever first-aid you can to Maya. I would send her to the infirmary, but with these enemy soldiers around, we can't be sure she'd survive the trip, or the stay."

Lara: "Of course."

Gendo: "Aoba. What's the situation with the Eva?"

Aoba: "We have absolutely no control of the situation! The eject and shut-down commands are not working! Even the command to eject the power umbilical is being rejected!"

Gendo: "Of course they are. The Eva are locked into a bitter rage which has fused with their survival instincts. Nothing we do is going to change that. We either have to sever the umbilicals or shut down power at the source, and we can't do either due to the danger these invading idiots have put us in."

As the staff is forced to watch the ensuing chaotic battle, completely unable to do anything, Gendo grinds his molars while whispering "I have to helplessly watch, again. She's struggling and there's nothing I can do, again. It's that brat's fault AGAIN!"

Gendo: "The moment those brats get back, separate and put them in isolation!"

Mitsukado: "Sir?"

Gendo: "They're going to be too unstable to reason with! Do as I say!"

Everyone: "Sir, yes, Sir!"

Gendo: "Any word from the Major, Dr. Akagi or Dr. Crane?"

Aoba: "Negative. Nothing from the Major or Dr. Akagi. The JSSDF on site say Dr. Crane is missing, the office ransacked, and the invaders... it's a real mess. Some severed body-parts lying around, including one guy's shredded hand, uniforms, weapons, and equipment intact, and puddles of some orange liquid that looks suspiciously like LCL, but no sign of the invaders or the good doctor."

Gendo: "So he didn't go down without a fight... As to be expected of a refugee from the Boston Warzone. Wish I could be as kind to those two 'pilots' that got brought in by the Instrumentality Committee. They just gave up and went along, smiling!"

Mitsukaodo: "But sir..."

Gendo: "Even if they would have lost, they should have fought, run, something! Even that … brat, the THIRD, went down swinging! But not those two, no. Either they're cowards, spies, or wholly complicit, and can not be forgiven lightly. They will be thoroughly questioned and closely watched from now on when this is over!"

Mistukada: "Yes... Sir."

Gendo: "For now, we have no choice but to keep watching, hoping that the chance to do something comes, and seize it! WE CAN NOT MISS THE TIMING!"

Silently, they watch on. Eva-01 and Eva-02 pull no punches. The fleet send everything they've got at the two Eva, missiles, helicopters, gunboats. Nothing works. Finally, they launch N2 tipped missiles... which proves to be their biggest blunder yet, as the Eva grab the missiles, rip off the warheads and _**throw them back**_. Naturally, there are no survivors.

The umbilical power cords finally break from the strain. The timer starts to countdown. This is only the light at the end of the tunnel.. and it's an oncoming train!

With the warfleet gone, the Eva turn their sights on NERV HQ, specifically the pyramid where Gendo's office is and charge at it. Not caring about who they run over in their way.

Random UN soldiers cry out in despair at their helplessness before getting stepped on and flattened.

One even says into his camera calling the Eva devils before graphically dying on screen.

When the Eva reach the pyramid, they climb atop and begin punching, kicking, and biting at the place where Gendo's office is, tearing the place apart, but the destruction doesn't end with the office.

No, the Eva split the pyramid apart down the middle, tunneling their way through the pyramid until they reach the control center.

Eva-01 grabs a clearly terrified Gendo.

Gendo: "I'm sorry, Yui. All I've ever done is hurt Shinji..."

Eva-01 prepares to bite Gendo in half... and stops right as Gendo is staring down its throat. The battery died. Both Eva shut down.

Gendo: "...SOMEBODY GET ME DOWN AND ARREST THESE TWO BRATS. NOW!"

As expected, cleaning up the aftermath is a logistics nightmare. The command center's ceiling is covered with a re-bar-reinforced tarp while the pyramid above is either made sound or demolished, whichever is more practical. The R&D facility is slowly, and carefully cleared of debris allowing for the search for survivors which finds Misato and Ristuko badly injured, but alive.

The Eva are somehow wrangled back to their "cage" and stand like statues, waiting to be activated again. What few techs survived the UN's rampage are clearly terrified of them.

Not all the UN soldiers found themselves being turned into pools of LCL by little Rea. A couple did manage to find their way into the arms of the JSSDF, with Rea playing the role of a lost and scared child, who pointed at the "mean old men who scared her." The JSSDF may be "right bastards" as Lara Croft puts it, but it's common knowledge that even the most hardened criminal in the most hardened prison sees guys who traumatize little children the same way as tigers see raw meat. It's only because Gendo and Yamamoto wanted these wild-eyed lunatics for questioning that they lived to see another sunrise.

After they've sung like canaries, and every last bit of intel they have to offer is noted, recorded, and verified, they get the quick "bullet to the brain" execution that they ask for, as neither Gendo nor Yamamoto have it in them to seek a court trial for the invaders, especially when the invaders could very easily get free pass on an insanity defense for describing what Rea put them through.

Gendo: "(Sigh) So those old men are dumber, more arrogant, and more impatient than I could have imagined!"

Yamamoto: "Old men?"

Gendo: "The heads of the Instrumentality Committee, of course."

Yamamoto: "I see. Any idea on why they're so desperate to boot you out of office that they're willing to endanger the whole world?"

Gendo: "I have some suspicions, but they're just that, suspicions. I don't dare voice them without hard evidence. This" (waves at all the destruction around them) "is nothing compared to what they're capable of if they think they're being treated with 'disrespect.' Personally, I'd love to give them a taste of their own medicine, but lack the means."

Yamamoto: "I see."

A soldier runs up to Yamamoto with a report, which the admiral reads.

Yamamoto: "Oh NCO Mana is clearly not going to be happy about this. Do you suppose those 'old men' are behind this too?"

Gendo is shown the report. Musashi and Keita are found dead. Several JSSDF officers are implicated as the ammunition found in their bodies matches the weapons they checked out that day.

Gendo: "It wouldn't be out of character for them. The TRIDENT are a competing technology after all, and the Jet Alone project did encounter some 'unfortunate complications' during its debut..."

Yamamoto: "Yeah. I see. I suppose I'm going to have to deal with those louts obeying illegal orders. The Prime Minister had better be keeping his neck clean, because he's got a lot to answer for."

To be continued...


	41. Chapter 41

**Chapter 39**

 **At The Diet Building, the government office of Japan...**

Kaji: "Prime Minister, members of The Diet. I warned you not to take those documents at face value..."

Prime Minister: "But the threat of international sanctions, the trade Tariffs!"

Diet Members can be heard rumbling agreement in the background.

Kaji: "I suppose that's true. Still, did any of you consider what would happen if those documents were false, forged, or photoshopped? As is apparently the case here?"

A random diet member jumps up and shouts "They were engaged in illegal cloning experiments! They had to be shut down!"

Kaji: "Oh? Really? And your evidence is?"

Diet Member: "Umm well, we have live feed of the lab that the UN peacekeepers were raiding..."

Kaji: "Which was summarily destroyed by said peacekeepers. And it's already been established that you acted on altered documents and testimony of dubious veracity."

Another Diet Member jumps up and shouts "THOSE BRATS ARE A MENACE AND HAD TO BE STOPPED! Just look at what they did to the fleet!"

Kaji: "They're a menace because they were shot at and fought back? I guess that makes you a menace because you walk around with an armed security detail everywhere you go."

Diet Member: "That's not the same thing and you know it! Stop using isomorphs to defend your flimsy arguments!"

Kaji: "I don't know what these 'isomorphs' are, and I don't care. The only difference between you and your detail, and those Eva pilots, is that nobody's shot at you yet, but it's likely they might, especially now that it's well known your orders endangered a sweet, helpless, four-year-old, little girl. As the body-cam of one UN squad leader shows."

Rea: "Did you hurt Mommy?"

(Film of the UN soldier's gun placed against Rea's head begins playing on a monitor.)"So what if we did, little girl? Just following orders. Don't hate me, okay? Why don't we play 'hide and seek? (Off-screen laughter)"

The Diet Members all gasp in horror at the video shown.

Kaji: "Well, I don't know how NERV and the JSSDF pulled it off, but thankfully, the little girl is safe and sound. NO THANKS TO ANY OF YOU! She's not the only non-combatant child who was threatened that day. There's a couple of loyal former JSSDF who weren't so lucky."

Pictures of Musashi and Keita are shown on the monitor. Their corpses are not pretty.

The soldiers responsible brag about their "accomplishment" in a video-recorded interview.

"We were ordered to secure and capture those brats at any cost, as a danger to National Security. We were told to kill them if they 'resisted.' Of course, they 'resisted' by running the moment they saw us and our guns! Oh, it was FUN hunting them down like the little rats they are! Why did they get an Honorable Discharge?! They just drove those TRIDENT around for a bit! They didn't accomplish anything! So we showed them a bit of what war is REALLY like, and since it's official, duly notarized, and legal orders, you can't do anything! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!"

All rumbling stops and the Diet turns to the Prime Minister in stunned silence.

Prime Minister: "How was I supposed to know they were going to interpret their orders that way?! They were ordered to detain those brats, not hunt them down like animals!"

Kaji: "Oh, it would have served you well to do your due diligence, Prime Minister. Here's a list of abuses AND CRIMES those brats endured as 'TRIDENT pilots' in the JSSDF!"

Everyone in The Diet is handed a memo documenting the list of abuses endured by the victims, how they were sold by their parents into the TRIDENT program, having no choice of participation, how they were forced to give a part of their paycheck to said parents despite being abandoned, how they were brutally beaten for the slightest offense, or no offense at all, and how they were now hunted like animals for the "crime" of being discharged from the service when their duties were completed, thanks to the Prime Minister's ill-thought-out executive orders.

Every last member of The Diet, without exception, even those in the Prime Minister's faction, glare at him with unbridled hatred. The one who called the Eva pilots a threat is thoroughly chagrined into silence, approaches Kaji and bows a full 90 degrees. "I am ashamed of my reckless words. None of those brats deserve any censure. There is a great deal rotten in our country. It must be found and purged!" (Glares at the Prime Minister) "STARTING WITH HIM!"

Prime Minister: "I did nothing wrong! I! DID! NOTHING! WRONG!"

Kaji: "Keep saying that, Prime Minister. Someday, you might actually believe it. Your political career is dead. Your actual life could easily be over as well if you're not very, very careful."

The Prime Minister turns to the Japanese equivalent of the Secret Service, and they all turn their backs on him, meaning none of them is willing to take a bullet for him anymore.

Prime Minister: "What would you have me do?! The UN's sanctions and tariffs would have starved us all to death!"

Kaji: "And what makes you think they won't apply them anyway, now that they've got footage of Japan's own soldiers hunting down children, and are broadcasting it internationally?"

The Prime Minister stares off into nothing, jaw wide open as he attempts to process just how badly screwed he is.

Kaji: "This is just my friendly advice, but I strongly, STRONGLY recommend you leave the country, mail in your resignation, and find a nice hole to hide in, and in that order, if you want to live through the storm to come. Though it may already be too late for you."

The Prime Minster briefly looks around to see nobody willing to support him. He panics and runs out the door to his always fully fueled limo, desperate to be somewhere, anywhere but there. He doesn't get far. A car bomb blows him and the car to smithereens once it gets far enough away from the building as to not be a threat.

Kaji: "That was such a shame..."

Diet Members: "HAHAHAHA! Indeed. A waste of such a splendid vehicle!"

 **Meanwhile, back at NERV HQ...**

Asuka and Shinji are locked in separate cells. If there's any silver lining to the situation, it's that apparently, Washu's words were true and Rei's "death" has indeed freed them from the tangled A-T field dilemma they were facing, or they'd be dead by now as they've been separated for hours with no end in sight, and the feedback would have killed them.

Neither of them is in a state of mind to enjoy such news.

Asuka: "(Stream of consciousness German expletives)"

Like a bobcat caught in a chicken cage, Asuka mindlessly pounds at the door, the walls, the bars on the window, anything and everything.

Shinji: "Asuka-chan, calm down. You're only wasting your strength."

Asuka: "BAKA! DUMPKOPF! I was married one day. ONE FUCKING DAY! Why the hell am I more pissed off than you?! You, who was married to that girl for a good week before I came along, and we've been together for..."

Shinji: "Liebchen, do not mistake my calm for disinterest. I have learned through ten long years of being treated as _**non-existent**_ that flailing around like that only serves to make you tired and bloody. We sit, we wait, we play the meek, obedient little boy who wants his father's love, and then... when the bastard's guard is down, BLAM!"

Asuka: "Shit, Third... Have you been pissed off for ten fucking years?!"

Shinji: "Yeah, and it's damned depressing! Even though you and I are going through the same damn thing right now, and have pretty much gone through the same damn thing in the past, losing our mothers, being abandoned by our fathers, and having our wife literally fall through our fingers... I don't think either of us truly understands what the other's feeling. Without her, I... I was just waiting to die. You... you lost the anchor that keeps you safe, secure, and rooted, physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually."

Rea: "Papa! Auntie Asuka! I found you!"

Shinji: "Rea? How? Why are you here?"

Asuka: "How did you find us?"

Rea: "Auntie Asuka, that's a secret! Papa, I came to find you and Auntie Asuka so we could all go home!"

Asuka: "We can't, sweetie! We want to. We really do but.."

Rea: "But?"

Shinji: "We're sick! We have to stay here so you don't get sick too!"

Rea: "Huh?"

Shinji: "Remember how we're always telling you not to go play with sick animals or kids so you don't get sick too?"

Rea: "OH! Okay, Papa! Get well soon! Let's go be together with Mommy!"

Shinji and Asuka don't have the heart to tell little Rea that "Mommy's dead" and aren't aware that Rei's alive even if she's not well. So they start crying.

Asuka: "Of course, sweetie. We'll go see Mommy soon!"

Rea: "Bye, BYE!"

Rea then simply disappears right before their eyes.

Asuka: "The fuck?"

Shinji: (Bitter laughter) "Hahahehehe! So we're going to be stuck with a four-year-old that can actually disappear right before our eyes. As if the ordinary kind wasn't hard enough to deal with."

Asuka: "... Can't argue with you there, Third. No matter how much I might want to."

 **At the abandoned and decrepit building known as "The Marduk Institute"...**

Yamamoto: "Ladies, Gentlemen, assorted scoundrels. It has come to my attention that some of you sided with the so-called 'peacekeeping' mission put forth by the UN recently. In the unlikely event any of those present is unaware, this so-called mission was a bunch of honor-less brutes launching a raid on NERV HQ while NERV personnel were under attack by an ANGEL that had hijacked an Eva undergoing an activation test. Even our 'honorable' Prime Minister was complicit, by outright ordering us to turn a blind eye to it. We have a country right now only because I ignored those unethical, possibly illegal, orders. I've been informed that the gods have delivered judgment on him already. Those in the Navy who sided with the UN... can take solace from having died in honorable battle for their mistake. As for the rest of you, you went below and beneath 'simply following orders' when you hunted down two of our own like animals. I have the actual orders here with me!"

Yamamoto opens a scroll and reads it aloud.

Yamamoto: "Former TRIDENT pilots Musashi and Keita are to be apprehended and turned over to the UN for questioning in regards to their role in the TRIDENT program. **WE WANT THEM ALIVE!** The use of force, especially lethal force, is to be treated as an absolute last resort."

Yamamoto slams the order scroll on his podium and turns his full attention to the dozen or so men bound, gagged, and forced to kneel by their restraints before him.

Yamamoto: "What part of those orders did you louts NOT understand? Even if those orders were legal and ethical, and I have my doubts, nowhere did it give any of you clearance to hunt them down like animals, beat and abuse them, in every way humanly imaginable, and shoot them like fish in a barrel! For the worst offenders, I leave the punishment to the one most aggrieved, NCO Mana Kirishima, last survivor of the TRIDENT training program."

Mana: "Thank you, sir."

Mana receives a gun from the Admiral, checks that it's loaded, and after briefly considering turning it on the admiral himself, instead goes to the nearest soldier, removing his gag, and quietly asks him if he has any last words.

Soldier: "Hah! As if a brat like you who's sitting in that pretty cockpit that's never seen combat with live humans can pull the trigger! Why don't you go back to your mother and teach her to suck eggs?!"

Mana: "She's dead, and now so are you!" (BANG)

The same is done for the second soldier, and third, and so on.

Soldier: "I was trying to do them a favor! You don't know what UN 'questioning' is like..."

(BANG) "Favor returned."

Soldier: "I was told the orders were 'kill on sight' I WAS JUST DOING MY DUTY!"

(BANG) "So am I!" 

Mana works her way down the line until she reaches the squad's leader. The guy most responsible for her suffering.

Mana: "Nobody and nothing left for you to hide behind, Sir. Not even the chain of command. I'm going to only ask this once. WHY did you do everything in your power to brutalize us and sabotage the TRIDENT project?"

Squad Commander: "Suck it, bitch! I don't answer to brats like you!" (Gets the gun shoved into his mouth.)

Mana: "No. YOU SUCK IT!" (BANG)

To be continued..


	42. Chapter 42

**Chapter 40**

Yamamoto: "Anyone else resent the TRIDENT pilots for 'sitting pretty in a cockpit and not knowing what real war is like?' Anyone? Come forward now!"

The JSSDF division that wasn't with Yamanoto, and therefore either aided or turned a blind eye to the murder of Keita and Musashi, all glare at Mana but say nothing.

Yamamoto: "Nobody? That's too bad. I would have given you a fair hearing. Since you refuse to explain yourselves, I've designed a little live-fire exercise to show you, through first hand experience, what Mana and Kensuke, 'those spoiled little brats' go through _**every single time they're deployed**_. If you survive, I'll let you decide if you still think they're 'sitting pretty, wasting the taxpayer's dollars.' The rules are really quite simple. You have a head-start of however long it takes for Mana and Kensuke to get in that TRIDENT... Yeah, I bet you were all wondering why we brought it along. Once Mana and Kensuke get inside, **they will hunt you down like the rabid dogs you are!** It will be up to you to try to find some way to take it down before it either kills you all, or reaches the objective, which we've decided beforehand... but which I'm not going to inform you of, at least not until the TRIDENT makes contact, at which point, those of us who are actual soldiers and not cowardly murderous thugs in uniform will storm this place and kill you all. One last rule. If you leave the engagement zone for any reason, you will be shot to death as a deserter. The exercise begins... NOW!"

 **Some time later, in NERV's medical bay...**

Misato, Ritsuko, and Maya are watching the news while they recover from their injuries.

"This is Wanda Chronkite here at CNN. The Japanese Diet universally condemns the UN's actions taken today as 'peacekeepers' stormed NERV Tokyo-3, without just cause or provocation, killing countless civilian personnel and causing major casualties among the JSSDF stationed there to provide security in the wake of the earlier attack from the terrorist organization known as 'The Cult of Xian.' We warn our viewers that the following content is disturbing and graphic. Young children, the elderly, and those with conditions that render them sensitive are advised to turn off the TV or be turned away for the next five to ten minutes."

The next five to ten minutes is a gory parade of mutilated, burned, or horribly disfigured corpses and people on their last breaths. When the parade ends, the news agency brings up its trump card, Rea being confronted, antagonized, and threatened by the 'peacekeepers.'

"Yes, ladies and gentlemen of the viewing public. What you're seeing is body-cam footage from one of the UN in person, threatening a four-year-old little girl with a gun for the 'crime' of asking about her MOMMY, and daring her to run and hide so they could hunt her down! Fortunately, the little girl is reported alive and well, thanks to the immense bravery shown by the JSSDF and a psychiatrist going by the name of Dr. Fraser Crane, formerly of the Boston Warzone, who took on the job of keeping the Eva pilots in NERV alive, well, and mentally sound. Well, Doctor, you've definitely done your job, and then some!"

The reporter listens for a few moments on her earpiece before speaking again.

"Ladies and gentlemen, this just in. We have breaking news. The JSSDF and the pilots of the new TRIDENT anti-Angel vehicle are in a firefight with Japanese collaborators who were helping this... atrocity committed by the UN! We're going to the scene live at... THE MARDUK INSTITUTE! That's the company charged with finding new Eva pilots! We're turning the story over to our reporter on the scene, Hyundai Kawasaki!"

(Playing with English subtitles)

Kawasaki: "Yes, we're speaking live with Admiral Yamamoto, normally in charge of the naval aspects of the JSSDF and chosen liaison to NERV. Admiral, what can you tell us about what's going on?"

Yamamoto: "Kawasaki-san. We tracked down the … misguided, at best, soldiers here who followed the Prime Minister's standing orders regarding full, unflinching cooperation with the UN. We have tried to convince them of the highly illegal, unethical, and immoral nature of the UN's actions, without success. Their response to our peaceful entreaties is to attack the Marduk Institute building you see behind me, presumably killing everyone inside to make it their base before launching additional attacks on NERV HQ. We can not allow that to stand. With the permission of NERV's local branch, run by Gendo Ikari, we are using the TRIDENT Anti-Angel vehicle as our primary method of pacifying them."

Kawasaki: "And what was the nature of the entreaties to get them to stand down?"

Yamamoto: "I personally contacted them in good faith, promising them a fair hearing if they stood down and surrendered. I was rebuffed."

Kawasaki: "Any particular reason that the TRIDENT is being used to 'pacify' these rogue soldiers?"

Yamamoto: "Several. First, this eliminates the risk of friendly fire and greatly minimizes collateral damage."

Kawasaki: "Sound reasons. Go on."

Yamamoto: "Second, the pilot, Mana Kirishima, has a personal stake in this. Her friends and former co-pilots were hunted down like animals because some of these men chose to interpret the UN's orders in the cruelest and most depraved manner possible. They... have been dealt with."

Kawasaki: "I see. What are your thoughts about the loss of the marine fleet..."

Yamamoto: "A senseless and needless loss of life which was completely avoidable. Just from past experience, if the war-fleet had not fired on those two berserk Eva, the Eva would have ignored them completely..."

Kawasaki: "Are you sure? The very first time an Eva went berserk..."

Yamamoto: "A young girl was injured? Yes. I've read the report. Tragic, but purely accidental. The Eva was slammed around by that Angel at the time. The pilot was clearly not at fault."

Kawasaki: "And the way those two Eva rampaged on NERV..."

Yamamoto: "Still under investigation. The two pilots are currently in custody, awaiting a psych evaluation, and then trial."

Kawasaki: "Trial?"

Yamamoto: "Yes. Those kids are facing some serious charges. Now while it's a clear and cut case of self-defense against the joint UN-JSSDF fleet, what happened afterwards... Willful endangerment, malicious use of a military asset, destruction of NERV property, attempted murder of one Gendo Ikari... Yeah, those kids are going to need a damn good JAG officer."

Kawasaki: "Do you believe they're guilty?"

Yamamoto: "... I have my doubts on that. Eva have been known to act on their own, and without power, especially in grave situations, like what just happened. Were those kids in control? We'll have to wait until the trial to find out."

Kawasaki: "Wait... You're telling me that the fate of humanity is not just in the hands of children, but children forced to pilot vehicles that they could lose control of at any moment?!"

Yamamoto: "Yes, and I'm just as terrified at the prospect as you are. Which is why we at the JSSDF began pursuit of our own TRIDENT technology, and I must say our pilot Mana makes us proud. Still, even with her impressive skill, and the aid of our newest recruit, Kensuke Aida, we still can't face off against an Angel without Eva based assistance."

Kawasaki: "Terrifying indeed. Back to you, Wanda-san."

(Click) The TV gets turned off by Misato, half-seated on the bed next to Ritsuko.

Misato: "So NERV is already in CYA mode. That poor Mana, and those kids. Shinji, Asuka, and dear god, REI IS DEAD! The commander played back the footage..."

Ritsuko: "Don't be too sure. You know how Rei's always saying she's replaceable. Well, she's a ..."

Gendo walks into the room followed by the nurse.

Nurse: "Sorry to interrupt. I just need a few readings and then I'll leave you all alone."

Gendo: "Thank you, Nurse Pam. How are the patients?"

Nurse Pam: "Commander, it's poor etiquette, and unethical, to speak about a patient's condition in front of the patient unless speaking to the patient directly."

Gendo: "I understand. I'll wait until they're informed. I need to know if they're in danger, and we have a critical man-power shortage at the moment."

Nurse Pam scowls a bit but understands this is an emergency situation. "Understood, Commander." The nurse turns to Misato. "You have a broken arm. We've set it in a splint for you, and your head is bandaged due to numerous bumps and shallow cuts. Nothing life threatening. Unless you have access to some miracle healing serum, you won't have use of that arm for at least three months. Here's a guide to what you'll need to maintain it. You are free to go at any time."

Misato: (Scowling) "Thank you, Nurse Pam."

The nurse turns towards Ritsuko. "To be honest, it's a minor miracle you're still alive. An explosion that buried you, face first, into a wall of solid concrete for at least a third of a meter should have crushed and ruptured all your internal organs, but amazingly, whatever deity is watching over you decided it wasn't your day to die. You have one hell of a concussion, a dislocated hip, which we wrenched back into place while you were unconscious, your rib cage is one step away from shrapnel inside your body, and just about every bone in your face is fractured. You can thank whatever deity you believe in that your limbs and spine are still intact or you'd never walk out of here. We strongly recommend you stay here overnight for observation, at the minimum. Is that alright, Commander?"

Gendo: "That is acceptable, Nurse Pam. With the list of injuries you mentioned, we don't want to take any chances."(Turns and smiles at Ritsuko) "Dr. Akagi is irreplaceable. Do anything and everything to get her well, as best you can, no rush."

Nurse Pam: "But you said..."

Gendo: "That we have a major manpower shortage? That is true, but we don't want to lose our best scientist and technician because she pushed herself too fast, too hard, and I don't want to lose someone precious to me again, especially because of something I did."

Ritsuko blushes something fierce.

Misato looks back and forth between Ritsuko and Gendo a few times until it hits her.

Misato: "Rits. When you get out of here, we need to talk... about many things. I need to be seeing some kids and getting back to work."

Gendo: "Indeed, Major. Don't push yourself too hard either. I doubt this is the last time things will go... wrong."

Misato: "Yes, SIR!"

Gendo also asks Nurse Pam for some privacy, which the nurse is all too willing to give.

Gendo gets real close to Ritsuko's bed. "The Major was correct. Rei is … gone. It wasn't just an Angel attack. The UN stormed NERV and destroyed your lab, all of your lab. The Rei clones were destroyed. Rei is no more.

Ritsuko is shocked and horrified by the revelation, and how calmly Gendo is delivering it. She knows how important Rei is to his "scenario" as the link to his "dead" wife. Ritsuko is also deeply conflicted. On the one hand, this is what she always dreamed of, nobody between her and Gendo, nobody. On the other, she's overcome with incredible guilt for getting what she wanted, at the cost of the love and happiness of Shinji, Asuka, and Rei.

Ritsuko: "Sir, I'm sorry..."

Gendo: "Not your fault, Doctor. I'm the one who ordered you and Maya to take an outing together, and the saboteurs made good on your absence."

Ritsuko: "Then what about..."

Gendo: "The Scenario? Don't worry about it. That doll was just that, a doll, a tool, nothing important. You're the one I shared my bed with, nobody else, remember?"

Ritsuko begins crying, and the tears just won't stop.

Gendo comforts her (or pretends to) by rubbing one of the few places of her body that isn't compromised, her hand, and kisses her on the ear because all the bones in her face are fractured.

When Ritsuko closes her eyes, Gendo takes two syringes out from his pocket and injects both their contents into Ritsuko's IV bag.

Gendo: "I've got to go. YOU focus on getting well above everything else, understood?"

Ritsuko: "Sir! YES SIR!"

Gendo: "At ease."

Gendo then kisses her hand, gently, oh so gently, watching her get goosebumps and the hair on her arms stand completely on end, with her moaning in pleasure. He smiles to himself and walks out of the room leaving her wanting for more...

Gendo: "Nurse Pam, what's the status of the researcher we brought in, patient Maya?"

Nurse Pam: "Fortunately the bullet you mentioned bounced off her skull. Unfortunately, the impact shoved her face into her computer monitor. She was electrocuted, and this simulated a grand-mal seizure. We also have to surgically remove glass shards from her eyes, ears, mouth, tongue and throat. Nothing life-threatening, now, but she's going to need at least three days worth of work just to be able to heal properly."

Gendo: "I see. Make sure to keep me and patient Ritsuko Akagi abreast of her condition."

Nurse Pam: "Commander?"

Gendo: "The two of them are... close. Do notify me the instant she regains consciousness."

Nurse Pam: "With pleasure."

Nurse Pam truly believes that Gendo actually cares deeply about Ritsuko and Maya, personally.

 **When Misato reaches NERV,** …

She's informed that Shinji and Asuka have been imprisoned, and why. She rushes to the brig to find two very, very angry and bitter teens who want Gendo dead, with good reason.

Misato: "Oh what a mess The Commander's left me to deal with."

To be continued...


	43. Chapter 43

**Chapter 41**

Misato had the foresight to bring Lara Croft with her when she stopped to visit her two favorite Pilots, Shinji and Asuka. She had not forgotten her promise that if Gendo's actions caused any incident to center on Shinji and Rei, she'd use the full weight of military justice against him.

Such an incident has indeed occurred. Rei's corpse, perfectly preserved in LCL, was presented to Misato, and Misato saw the news coverage concerning the battle with the Angel, Bardiel. She's here to hear the Pilot's side of the story.

Misato: "Shinji-kun, Asuka-san. I've come to visit, and you're both facing some serious charges. I'd like to hear your side of the story, and I've brought Lara Croft-san so she can act as your legal counsel."

Shinji: "Charges? What charges? We weren't told anything. Only thrown down here for 'quarantine' because of possible Angel contamination..."

Asuka: "So what bullshit is NERV charging us with?"

Lara Croft: "Ahem. Let's see. NERV is ruling out the fight with the UN and JSSDF joint warfleet as they clearly attacked you first, and with what they thought was deadly force at that, and concludes justified self-defense. After that though? You're both being charged with willful endangerment, malicious use of lethal military assets, and attempted murder of one Gendo Ikari when Eva-01 and Eva-02 tore through the pyramid housing his office, and Eva-01 nearly bit the Commander in half, leaving him staring down its throat before the battery died and it shut down."

Asuka: "...HeheeheheHAHAHHAHAHA! Oh, oh that is RICH! The son of a bitch seizes control of our Eva from us, forces us to helplessly watch and feel REI being torn apart by our own hands and then wants to slap in in prison the rest of our lives for it! I wish Eva-01 DID bite him in half... No, that would be too quick for the bastard. He deserves to be chewed up nice and proper and THEN eaten!"

Misato and Lara look at each other for a moment before simultaneously going "WHAT?!"

Shinji: "Yeah. Seems 'dear old dad' didn't like either of the two battle plans I proposed, and so activated something called a 'dummy plug system' to steal away our control of the Eva to do things HIS way, and yeah we saw and FELT every last bit of it..."

Lara: "So you're saying you had no control of the situation whatsoever?"

Asuka and Shinji: "NONE!"

Misato: "Well. SHIT!"

Shinji: "No matter how we screamed or begged, Commander Ikari.."

Asuka: "Commander Asshole!"

Shinji: "Right, Commander Asshole to stop, he ignored us until Rei's entry plug was torn apart and we saw her fall to the ground, dead, and that's the last thing we saw before we wound up... here."

Lara: "Did you lose consciousness?"

Asuka: "Yeah, when Commander Asshole and the Gestapo with JSSDF uniforms pried us out of the entry plugs and tasered us!"

Shjini: "Before then? The screens just went blank and although we could hear what was going on, we couldn't see anything and the Eva were acting out on their own, beyond our control."

Lara: "Pilots, I'm going to need you both to sign an affidavit testifying to all this, in the event you won't get a chance to testify in court. Major, I'm going to need you to bring me the full recording of the battle and incident, and I DO MEAN FULL. I'm not talking about what's available to the public; I'm talking about every reading, every recording, visual and audio, and every piece of technical data you can get your hands on, and I don't fucking care how classified it is! I'm also going to need the testimony of everybody in that control center, ASAP!"

Misato: "You've got my affidavit, right?"

Lara: "Yes. I'm also going to need the affidavit of your fellow survivor, Dr. Ritsuko Akagi."

Misato: "Yes, ma'am, right away, ma'am!"

Lara: "Get going! Time is not on our side here!"

 **At the SEELE chambers...**

Kihl: "This was less than optimal. I had hoped we'd have full control of NERV now, but most of the primary objectives were achieved. The doll is dead and broken, Ikari now has to do things **our** way; his Scenario is no longer viable... unless he can somehow use that child... Damn it, how hard was it for grown soldiers to kill one four-year-old brat! They couldn't even get past a fucking _**psychiatrist**_ fighting alone and unarmed!"

SEELE US: "We will have other chances. Ikari is still useful. He's put the two most dangerous pilots behind bars and wiped out those among the JSSDF who could potentially testify against us, especially should they have learned that we never intended to pay them for betraying their TRIDENT program..."

Kihl: "You're right, old friend. Even though we don't have much time left, we mustn't let the fact that our goal is so close we can almost taste it blind us to the pitfalls ahead."

Everyone: "FOR INSTRUMENTALITY!"

 **In Lara Croft's makeshift study...**

Lara Croft is trying to put together a comprehensive defense to clear Shinji and Asuka of the grievous charges filed against them with the evidence at hand, and is struggling with the sheer volume of evidence and testimony she has to go through...

Rea: "What ya doing, Auntie Lara?"

Lara: "Your Papa is in big trouble, sweetie. So is Auntie Asuka."

Rea: "Papa's in trouble?"

Lara: "Yeah, some people say he and Asuka did some very, very bad things, and I have to prove they didn't."

Rea: "Oh... But isn't Papa sick?"

Lara: "Who told you that, sweetie?"

Rea: "Papa did, when I went to pick him and Auntie Asuka up. Said they were both sick and didn't want me too close, so I came back."

Lara ruffles Rea's hair "That was very smart of him. You have such a good Papa!"

Rea: "YUP! Hehehe!"

Lara Croft wonders how could Rea be so happy... unless nobody's told her Rei's dead yet...

Rea: "Come see Mommy!"

Lara Croft: "Wait... Mommy's here?"

Rea: "No, silly. In the basement with Washu-chan and Crane-Sensei! She has an owie in her head and Crane-Sensei thinks it's a good idea if she has people she knows see her!"

Lara Croft: "... You don't say..."

Rea: "...No, it will take too long. Here, let me."

Rea disappears and reappears with Rei in tow.

Rea: "Mommy! Here's Lara-Sensei!"

Rei: "Hello. I am Rei Ayanami. Have we met?"

Lara: "BWAH!"

Lara Croft falls out of her chair in shock. Rei somehow survived such a disastrous fall, and aside from a bit of amnesia is physically fine? Not to mention that Rea has the ability to teleport around and take people with her?

Rei: "Are you injured? Do you need help?"

Lara: "Just... surprised is all."

Rea: "HEHE! You grown ups are so silly!"

Lara: "Rea, sweetie, not everyone can teleport like that."

Rea: "They can't? But Ryoko-san and Washu-chan do it all the time..."

Lara: "They're … special, and so are you." (Rubs Rea's head)

Rea: "Hehehe!"

Rei: "Such an adorable child. Where is she from?"

Lara: "She's your daughter."

Rei: "My... daughter? I have a daughter?!"

Rea: "Yeah, Mommy!"

Rei begins weeping, picks up Rea and holds her tight.

Rei: "I... always wanted to be a mother, but I couldn't have children... how?"

Lara: "That is a long, long story. Tell me, what's your last happy memory."

Rei: "I... I was at NERV, getting my usual 'pickled beet' treatment... Where did that phrase come from? I don't remember saying stuff like that..."

Lara: "That's alright. It will come to you eventually. You were saying?"

Rei: "Ah, yes. Dr. Ritsuko was there, doing her usual stuff, but then she said to me, 'go be with your guy, I don't care anymore. You're going to be out of my hair and someone else's problem... DAMN IT! Why can't I have a lover who actually cares and smiles at me like you! GAH! Well, with you out of the way, maybe, just maybe, the Commander will actually pay attention to me and smile at ME for a change. GO!' For some reason, that made me really happy... wait. When did that happen? I remember having to be with two others, a boy and girl, at all times..."

Rei grabs her chest. "Oh, it was a dream, a nightmare? I.. I don't understand."

Dr. Crane walks into the room. "Oh so there you are!... Lara Croft?! You're famous! I … didn't think you were real! Your exploits in those video-games..."

Lara: "Are exaggerated, yes, surprisingly not by much. I don't really have infinite ammo, and heal from all but the most grievous wounds with nothing more than a med-kit."

Fraser: "... Rei. I was worried, you disappeared from our session..."

Lara: "She's terribly confused. She doesn't know what memories were real and what were dreams...or the proper sequence of events."

Fraser: "That's actually very good news. It means she's beginning to recover from... what she went through."

Lara: "I see. What exactly DID she go through?"

Fraser: "Even I don't fully understand it, and I've been privy to the full story. I think she's not quite ready to hear it herself... Oh, you've got the video …. yeah. That happened. That's all I' m comfortable saying right now."

Lara: "I see, thank you, Dr. Crane. You're quite a celebrity yourself."

Fraser: "Oh, that. I didn't do anything, not a thing at all. I'm guessing NERV's giving me the credit to avoid exposing some seriously unbelievable secrets. Helpful hint, don't make that little girl angry. You wouldn't like it when she's angry."

Lara: "Thank you for the advice, Dr. Crane. Is there anything you really needed from me?"

Frasier: "Not right now. I see you're busy. Perhaps we should discuss things more later."

Lara: "Yes, perhaps."

Fraser, Rei and Rea leave the room, through the doorway.

Lara writes off Rei as a witness. She's too psychologically damaged to provide solid testimony. In any event, Lara thinks the kids have a solid case; she even prepared some counter-charges to level against Gendo: gross negligence, abusing subordinates, reckless endangerment, providing aid and comfort to the enemy, twice, and perhaps sexual exploitation of one Ritsuko Akagi, though that one's going to be much harder to prove, especially without Ritsuko's testimony, that she's not likely to provide.

Lara: "(Sigh) I wonder how those kids are going to react to finding out their beloved's actually alive, but doesn't actually remember them. I'm going to have to be careful how I tell them, considering the fact that it's possible people tried to kill her."

 **As Rei and Dr. Crane walk back to the make-shift psychiatrist office...**

Rei: "So I am married?"

Fraser: "According to the official records, yes. You have a husband, Shinji Ikari, and a wife, Asuka Langley Soryu. Why she kept her maiden name, I don't understand."

Rei: "I see, and Rea is my daughter with Shinji-kun?"

Frasier: "Yes... as complicated as it sounds, she's both adopted and your biological daughter... I can't tell you any more than is in your official file, unfortunately, as I have neither met nor interviewed them yet."

Rei: "I see. In that case I will have to posit my questions to them directly."

Rei proceeds to unfurl her wings, and guided by Rea, disappears, leaving a pile of clothes behind... until a little hand scoops them up with the voice "Silly Mommy! You'll need these!"

To be continued...


	44. Chapter 44

**Chapter 42**

Rei and Rea appear directly in Shinji's cell. He's no less surprised than Lara Croft was.

Shini: "Rea? R...REI?! You..."

Rei: "You're Shinji-kun, I take it? Rea, sweetheart, please wait outside. We're going to be saying 'adult' stuff."

Rea: "Okay, Mommy!"

When Rei turns to face Rea, Shinji notices something that "Rei" shouldn't have...

Shinji: "Wait... Who are you? You can't be Rei! She's been hurt badly in her chest..."

Rei: "There's the eye for detail I remember. Now how can I convince you... Ah!"

Rei grabs Shinji, lifts him up and slams him against the wall.

Rei: "If there was a bath here, I'd drag you inside."

Shinji, realizing there's only one person who'd know that, well maybe two since he's aware Asuka's been reading his diary and she's locked up like he is, he comes to the conclusion that this is indeed Rei he's speaking with, and starts to cry.

Shinji: "Rei... REI! I'm so... sorry!"

When Rei puts Shinji down, he grabs and embraces her, hard.

Rei: "Shinji-kun. Please let me go."

Shinji: "Rei?"

Shini reluctantly and grudgingly lets her go.

Rei: "I'm trying to reorganize my memories and my journal is gone. Please answer my questions, and help me."

Shinji wipes his tears, but they just keep flowing.

Shinji: "I... thought you died..."

Rei: "I did. This is a clone body, and my memories are a mess. I... need your help."

Shinji: "You always were, weren't you?"

Rei: "Smart boy. Yes. I have always lived in a cloned body. Who I'm a clone of? I suspect only The Commander knows. I don't. Now please answer my questions."

Rei grills Shinji relentlessly, trying to sort out fact from fiction in her mind and the proper sequence of events.

Rei: "I see. So you proposed to me in a highly emotional moment, and I accepted... All because you were kind to me. So my memories of that are true. I'm glad. You are also so fond of my smile that you're willing to give me a girlfriend for a birthday gift." (Rei begins crying) "I know I should love you more than life itself, and I want to..."

Shinji: "Rei?"

Rei: "(Sniff) I really, really want to! … I! CAN'T! I'm sorry, Shinji-kun."

Rei gently kisses Shinji on the forehead before preparing to leave.

Rei: "Don't throw your life away fighting The Commander. He's not worth it. Not even if you're fighting to avenge me."

Rei then simply walks up to the cell door and walks out, locking it behind her. "Wait for me."

Shinji breaks down sobbing, a broken wreck. His hatred, burning desire for revenge burned out of him, but one thing is certain. The Commander's taken Rei's smile from him, and that is unforgiveable.

Rei then walks into Asuka's cell, and Asuka's just as shocked.

Asuka: "Wondergirl? … WONDERGIRL! How can you possibly be alive?!"

Rei: "Hello, Asuka-san. You are Asuka-san, correct?"

Asuka: "Anta-baka?! Wondergirl? What are you taking about? Did you sit picking like a beet too long or something?"

Rei: "So that is where I picked up the phrase. It is good to see you're still alive and well, all things considered."

Asuka: (Weeping) "Wondergirl... YOU MADE ME WORRY! Have you..."

Rei: "Sorry to make you worry."

Asuka runs over and cries into Rei's bosom... and notices.

Asuka: "Wondergirl?" (Grope, grope) "What... the... hell? I thought you lost your left breast, forever! What's going on?!"

Rei: "I see you're a bit slower than Shinji-kun. That's okay. Even I know encountering a clone with the consciousness of your lover is something nobody ever considers."

Asuka: "Wait. You're saying the Rei we loved is dead, and now you're here to take her place?!"

Rei: "That is one interpretation, yes."

Asuka: "...(Breaks into rage fueled string of expletives in various languages.)"

Rei: "I am sorry it had to be this way. It is not the first time this has happened. How did you think Rea wound up in Eva-00?"

Asuka: "... I am pissed, Wondergirl. I'd slap you if I didn't think you'd break my arm in retaliation."

Rei: "So that did happen. I am sorry, Asuka. That was disproportionate."

Asuka: "... And now you're a fucking wind-up doll! GHHHHYYYYAAAAARGGHHHH! GENDO MUST DIE A BILLION DEATHS!"

Rei: "Please do not throw your life away going after him. If there's any virtue in Gendo at all, is that he's very, very patient and methodical. He's got a hundred counters, lethal counters, for anything and everything you might even think of doing. He's also more than willing to wait decades to carry it out. What's worse is that there's nothing, yes nothing, that he cares about enough to use as leverage, save one thing..."

Asuka: "Eva-01!"

Rei: "Very good, and then only because of the soul inside..."

Asuka: "Yui Ikari."

Rei: "How..."

Asuka: "You're not the only one with secrets, Wondergirl."

Rei: (Blinks rapidly for a few seconds.) "I see why Shinji-kun chose you to be my birthday gift..."

Asuka: "No, Wondergirl. YOU chose me. The Third just had enough sense to stand aside when you grabbed my face and took my first kiss!"

Rei: "Now I remember, and you melted into a puddle when you shouted out that you wanted Shinji-kun to have it instead."

Asuka suddenly turns meek and squirms like a shy school-girl.

Asuka: "Um.. Yeah."

Rei kisses her on the forehead.

Rei: "You are so cute when you're honest." (Begins crying heavily) "You deserve to be loved up one side and down the other, and I really, really wish I could do that right now, in all sorts of inventive ways..."

Asuka: "But you can't do it, right?"

Rei: "Yeah. I'm sorry.."

Asuka: "STOP APOLOGIZING! You're starting to sound like Baka!"

Rei punches a hole in the cell wall.

Rei: "You're right, Asuka-san. The two of you are perfect for each other... provided you don't try to strangle each other to death... (sigh). Yeah. I... need time. Please wait for me."

Asuka: "Okay, Wondergirl. Get well, okay?"

Rei: "Thanks."

Asuka: "You spoken to..."

Rei: "Shinji-kun? Yeah! I still want to love you both! I SHOULD LOVE YOU BOTH! I... just.. can't right now. I've got only two modes right now, numb or agony."

Asuka: "Hahaha! Oh, Wondergirl, you're describing my life before I met you!"

Rei kisses Asuka gently on the cheek. "Okay then, goodbye. Hope to see you soon."

Rei leaves the cell quietly and asks Rea to take her home.

Asuka curls up on her bed and begins weeping, quietly. This is something she hasn't been able to do since her mother died, not without ridicule. The only time she was allowed to cry was when she was experiencing a surge of rage in battle. She's grateful to Rei for letting her cry without fear of ridicule. She will never, ever forgive Gendo for making her strike down her wife with her own hands.

The military tribunal for the trial of Shinji Ikari and Asuka Langley Soryu continues its preparation, unconcerned, and unaware.

For NERV Berlin, a child soldier, the projected pilot for Eva-03, Lt. Col Tanya Degurechaff arrives with her adjutant Viktoria.

For NERV Us, a grizzled veteran going only by the name of "Snake."

For Tokyo-3, it's Admiral Yamamoto.

Witnesses are subpoenaed.

Evidence is gathered, organized, and collated.

The courtroom is chosen, prepared, and the media fully sets up to televise the event, considering the seriousness of the charges, and the gravity of the situation.

During this week, Gendo visits Ritsuko's bedside daily, slipping something "a little extra" into her IV on every visit, without her knowledge... until she gives in to her urges, and outright begs for a "debriefing." Gendo, as planned, lets her "push him down" and do as she wishes...

The very next day, Maya, fully recovered, visits her to escort her to a specially prepared LCL tank to complete her healing.

Maya: "You had fun without me last night didn't you, Senpai?"

Ritsuko: "Oh God, yes, Maya. I'm sorry. I know he's bad news, but... just the tiniest show of something that even _**looks**_ like kindness, and my clothes fall off..."

Maya: "Um-hmm. It's The Commander isn't it?"

Ritsuko: "You knew?"

Maya: "Who else could it be? The two of you thought you were being so subtle and so smooth... Seriously. Even the densest Harem Protagonist could see it."

Ritsuko: (Holding her head in her hands) "Oh God!"

Maya: "He does have a certain... charm, when he wants to. You're right though. He _**is**_ bad news, and refuses to move on..."

Ritsuko: "I know, I know! You really love to rub the salt in the wound..."

Maya: "No, Senpai. I want you happy, and what's best for you. Always have, ever since I first saw you in that elegant one-piece swimsuit coming out of LCL... RAWR!"

Ritsuko: "MAYA!"

Maya: "Hehehe! Well, you've got an appointment with an LCL tank, and I've been carefully studying the protocols when you've been treating Rei, and the other pilots..."

Ritsuko: "Oh, oh no." (Blushes furiously)

Maya: "That's right, Senpai. I now have orders, and the perfect excuse, to closely examine each and every centimeter of your glorious nude body in an LCL tank!"

Ritsuko: "Maya, I don't know how right now, but I will get you back for this!"

Maya: "I'm looking forward to it, Senpai! I've got all sorts of toys back home!"

Ritsuko: "... What have I gotten myself into?!"

Maya: "A genuine loving relationship, Senpai?"

Nobody realizes that the Angels are still coming, and one of the worst menaces NERV will ever face alone is now knocking on Heaven's Door.

To be continued...


	45. Chapter 45

**Chapter 43**

 **Back at the former Masaki mansion...**

Lara: "You did what?! I can understand you wanting to visit your loved ones, but you should have cleared it with us first! All evidence to date says that people were trying to kill you. The primary reason you're alive right now is that nobody knows you've survived..."

Rei: "I suspected as much, Croft-sensei. I made sure NERV's security cameras did not see me when I went to visit the others. Not only did I need to see them to sort out my memories, I did not wish to see them recklessly throw their lives away going after The Commander in righteous vengeance."

Lara: "So you told them to ignore him?"

Rei: "Not at all. I merely informed them that they don't stand a chance, and that their attempts wouldn't bother him in the slightest."

Lara: "I see. Well, I'd strongly appreciate it if you cleared it with us first before you undertake any more outings. I'm sure this place is well-defended, but I'd rather not have an army, or two, trying to bang down the door to get at you."

Rei: "I understand."

Lara: "(Sigh) Do you, really? Well. You do what you have to. I've got to head to court. The military tribunal for your lovers is about to start, and I've got a _**lot**_ of evidence to present."

Rei: "I wish I could be there."

Lara: (Rubs the top of Rei's head gently.) "So do I, and I'm sure they would love it too. For now, just focus on getting better, and keeping little Rea happy."

Rea: "What's a 'tribunal'?"

Lara: "It's where three judges try to separate the good people from the bad people, and punish the bad ones."

Rea: "Oh... OKAY! Save Papa and Auntie Asuka!"

Lara: "I'm going to do my best, love!"

Lara Croft steps through the dimensional door Washu prepared into NERV HQ, specifically the door to the "waiting room" of Ritsuko's lab so she can head to the tribunal for Shinji and Asuka.

On the other side, Lara encounters Maya.

Maya: "Do you need Senpai? She's currently indisposed, trying to recover from her injuries.."

Lara: "No, thank you. We've decided it's best if I use the dimensional door to come here so as to keep the kid's home a secret, and because it's a shorter trip to the tribunal."

Maya: "Okay, Croft-san. Good luck!"

Lara: "Thanks. I'm sure going to need it."

 **Meanwhile, at the command center...**

Aoba: "Did you find the reason why we lost camera feed last night in the Brig?"

Mistukado: "Yeah, some mice were found chewing on the camera cables. We've called in an exterminator."

Gendo: "I see. Well. I must be off. I have a trial to attend."

As Gendo is leaving for the tribunal, he allows himself a small smirk, when he thinks nobody can see it. Not only is he looking forward to seeing Shinji suffer, but he's almost salivating at the prospect of Ritsuko confronting him when she learns of the consequences of "pushing him down"... while under the effects of the aphrodisiacs he'd been slipping into her IV, along with ovulation drugs, so she'd be as fertile as possible.

Gendo also relishes savoring her impotence in trying to file charges against him because her stint in the LCL tank is likely to rapidly metabolize all traces of the drugs out of her system, and artificially age the fetus so it looks like the product of a time when the coitus was entirely consensual, even if Ritsuko was somehow able to prove his use of drugs.

What's making him smirk most, is the sadistic choice he's planning on presenting Ritsuko with when she finds out...

 **After everyone arrives at the tribunal site...**

Viktoria not only acts as Tanya's adjutant, but as the bailif.

Viktoria: "All rise!"

Yamamoto: "Be seated."

Everyone sits down. Asuka and Shinji are in chains, still wearing their LCL smeared jumpsuits, as they were not even allowed a change of clothes during the week that they've been in the brig.

Yamamoto: "We are gathered here to determine the guilt or innocence of the defendants Shinji Ikari and Asuka Langley Soryu. The charges are quite grave, willful endangerment, malicious use of lethal military equipment, and attempted murder. Not to mention the massive property damage. Prosecutor, Defense. You may make your arguments."

Fuyutsuki: "Thank you, sir. Much as it pains me to speak ill of the pilots who time and again have gone up against incredible odds to save humanity from the Angel menace, what occurred in the battle against Bardiel is inexcusable. The defendants, on their own volition, turned their war-machines on their benefactors, trampled everything in their way, and did massive damage while trying to kill their commander. This can not be overlooked, and the punishment must be grave! May justice be served."

Yamomoto: "The prosecutor shall be seated. Defense!"

Lara: "Thank you, Sir. The defense postulates that not only would the battle not have taken place had NERV, especially the commander Gendo, taken appropriate measures and safeguards, instead of rushing through with an activation test that placed one Rei Ikari in imminent danger, but that the pilots had their control over the titular Eva wrenched away from them while they were forced to helplessly watch in their cockpits. As such, they should bear no culpability whatsoever, and we officially file counter-charges against Gendo, personally. Gross Negligence, abusing subordinates, reckless endangerment, and providing aid and comfort to the enemy, twice, once in the Ireul incident, and again during the incident with Bardiel. On both occasions, Gendo signed documents allowing Angel compromised equipment and materiel onto NERV grounds. If anyone is culpable, it's Gendo Ikari himself. That is all."

Yamamoto: "An interesting defense tactic, Ms. Lara Croft. Very interesting indeed. You might just make legal precedent. The prosecution may proceed."

Fuyutsuki: "Thank you, Sir. The prosecution calls Major Misato Katsuragi."

Misato walks up to the stand, raises her right hand and swears upon the bible to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

Fuyutsuki: "Major. What is your impression of the pilots?"

Misato: "They're spirited, energetic, and surprisingly responsible young teens."

Fuyutsuki: "So they're not prone to discipline problems?"

Misato: "PRONE to discipline problems? No."

Fuyutsuki: "But there have been issues in the past, yes?"

Misato: "Reluctantly, yes. Their initial adjustment to NERV has been less than ideal."

Fuyutsuki: "Less than ideal? That's putting it mildly. Pilot Ikari does have a history of insubordination, does he not?"

Tanya is visibly chewing her thumbnail as she does not tolerate insubordination lightly.

Misato: "Only once, and not only did he have sound tactical reasoning, he was proven right, saving the lives of the then civilian Kensuke Aida and Toji Suzuhara."

Fuyutsuki: "I see. As for pilot Soryu, she is rather prone to violence and has a short fuse, doesn't she?"

Shinji is holding Asuka's shoulder to keep her from rising to the bait, but it's obvious she is clearly vexed, and if it wasn't for the chains, she'd be throttling Fuyutsuki right now.

Misato: "Asuka tends to be... hot blooded, yes."

Fuyutsuki: "It's more than merely 'hotblooded'. She is on record slapping Toji Suzuhara 'as a viewing fee' when the wash of a helicopter lifted up the skirt of her dress while on the deck of 'The Over the Rainbow' and she had to be physically restrained while riding the helicopter to the Croft estate to keep her from physically assaulting Lara Croft herself and her fellow pilots. Isn't that correct?"

Misato: "Regrettably, yes. That is so."

Fuyutsuki: "No further questions at this time."

Yamamoto: "Cross-examine."

Lara: "Thank you, Sir. Major. As to Pilot Ikari's act of insubordination, how did you handle it?"

Misato: "I put him through a physically demeaning punishment."

Lara: "You mean this? Sirs. I submit these photos as exhibit A and exhibit B. Clearly marked 'before' and 'after' photos."

The court sees the disaster that was Misato's living quarters before and after Shinji cleaned it up.

Lara: "I also submit this bento as exhibit C. Is this an accurate representation of what pilot Ikari was given to eat after this 'punishment'?"

Misato: "That's my lunch! And yes, I did serve him such a meal after he was done... cleaning."

One bite and every one of the three judges turn blue, are shocked when they see the results of Pen^2 being fed the same, and are truly impressed when Misato eats it, completely oblivious to their distaste.

Tanya: "We will stipulate that pilot Ikari was indeed given adequate.. no excessive punishment for his transgression. How was his behavior from that point on, Major?"

Misato: "A model soldier, Ma'am. He keeps his head 'in the game', follows his orders proactively, and submits solutions to his tactical and strategic problems for approval before carrying them out."

Tanya: "Impressive. Does not sound like someone who, when in control, would attack his home base."

Misato: "Thank you, Ma'am."

Lara: "There's been mention that Asuka's prone to violence. Aside from her first day at NERV, is this true?"

Misato: "No. While her speech is peppered with profanity, she's shown considerable restraint. She would have been justified being violent in the immediate aftermath of the Ireul incident; she did enter quarantine without incident."

Lara: "And how would she have been justified?"

Misato: "Well..." Misato goes on to explain the rough and unethical treatment she received from Section 2 personnel while being forced to share a room with both Rei and Shinji...

"Snake": "I think we've heard enough on that score. Any other questions Croft-san?"

Lara: "Just two. Major. What can you tell us about the Bardiel incident?"

Misato: "While I was unable to witness the battle, I was present at the activation test. Despite pilot Rei Ikari voicing concerns regarding Eva-03, The Commander ordered its activation anyway, albeit at minimal power. Once active, Eva-03 went berserk and attacked the facility, killing everyone but Dr. Ritsuko Akagi and myself."

Lara: "Are the Eva prone to going berserk?"

Misato: "...Yes. On at least two previous occasions, Eva-01 has activated and moved on its own, despite having no power, and has been documented acting despite having no pilot."

Lara: "That is all."

Yamamoto: "Rebuttal?"

Fuyutsuki: "Yes. Major. At the time, Eva-01 was moving to protect pilot Ikari, correct?"

Misato: "That is correct."

Fuyutsuki: "And how could Eva-01's actions in the Bardiel incident be considered 'protective?'"

Misato: "I was not present. I have no way of knowing."

Fuyutsuki: "Thank you, that is all."

Tanya: "Next witness!"

Fuyutsuki: "Unfortunately, our next witness, Dr. Ristuko Akagi, is currently undergoing medical treatment that cannot be interrupted to recover from her injuries in the incident. We've prepared a sworn affidavit on her behalf."

Yamamoto: "I see. Present it to the court. Would you like to examine it, Croft-san?"

Lara: "Of course. We, in the defense, also have a sworn affidavit from the good doctor."

The affidavits are exchanged, studied, and turned over to the court.

Yamamoto: "This is fascinating. So there was indeed a 'dummy plug system' being developed for implementation into the Eva. Further, the doctor's sworn testimony indicates that the pilots were not aware of this... The defense's stipulation just gained a lot more weight."

Suddenly, a thundering boom is heard, along with an all too familiar Klaxon. An Angel attack is bearing down on Tokyo-3.

To be continued...


	46. Chapter 46

**Chapter 44**

This Angel is the biggest and meanest yet. Despite getting hit in the face with three ICBMS simultaneously, it doesn't even flinch. It just vaporizes everything on the horizon in a 360 degree arc.

It takes its sweet time because it wants to, not because anything NERV or the JSSDF does can slow it down. Once it gets over Tokyo-3, it eliminates all 22 levels of armor over the Geofront in a single blast and then begins levitating down the now open pit ever so slowly, as if it's somehow admiring the sights on its way down.

The scene in the courtroom is pure chaos. The reporters panic and trip over each other trying to evacuate. The spectators make a bee-line for the door. There is much shouting, screaming, and running.

Of those in attendance, only the NERV personnel and the judges remain calm.

Yamamoto: "I move we adjourn until this situation is resolved."

"Snake": "Agreed."

Viktoria: (Curled up on the ground) "Ohmygod, Ohmygod, Ohmygod, Ohmygod!"

Tanya: "Get ahold of yourself! Viktoria! You're embarrassing us! Where's the proud warrior that helped me during the Second Impact War?!"

Viktoria: "Hai! Ma'am! Yes!"

Tanya: "Better. Look, pilots! I know you're not particularly inclined to help us at the moment, but if you get in your Eva and deal with this, we can dismiss the charges, without prejudice."

Shinji: "What does that mean?"

Lara: "It means they'll let you go, but they can charge you again later, at any time."

Asuka: "Well isn't that just F-" (notices Shinji staring at her) "fantastic! And how do we know that we won't have our Eva remote-controlled against us?!"

"Snake": "We're watching the proceeds very, very carefully. If there's a 'dummy plug' system, and Commander Gendo dares to use it without a damn good reason, not only will we completely dismiss all charges against you, but we're going to come down on him so hard, he's going to think he's being smitten by the wrath of god!"

Shinji and Asuka look at each other for a moment.

Shinji: "I suppose that's the best we can ask for."

Asuka: "Someone mind getting these chains off?! I wish we had time for a … bath!"

Shinji: "Yeah!"

Tanya: "While there's no bath here, there **is** a public shower... yeah, just wash all that crap off."

Granted, the "shower" isn't anything more than one might find at a public beach, or the emergency shower one might find in a lab somewhere, and the water coming out is ice-cold, but it beats riding the smell and … stickiness of continuing to marinade in LCL.

Asuka: "That was unpleasant, and we couldn't even take these suits off!"

Shinji: "Yeah, but at least we don't have to marinade in that old LCL anymore!"

Asuka: "... Of course, we're going to be marinading in NEW LCL!"

Shinji: "You would have to go and say that, Asuka-san!"

Suddenly Shinji finds Asuka holding his hand, tight, and he holds hers right back.

Asuka: "Shinji-kun. Let's make Rei proud! No matter what happens after."

Shinji: "Yeah!" (Shinji pulls Asuka close, so close their cheeks rub) "And then maybe, just maybe, we can get a proper bath. Just the two of us."

Asuka: "... You would want that."

Shinji: "..."

Asuka: "Shinji-chan, that's okay. I'd love it too. Just taking it all easy, nice and slow, in a warm pool of water, with nothing to disturb us. Just.. enjoying each other... I don't think Rei would mind..."

Shinji: "Mind? I think she'd be tickled pink..."

Asuka: "If she was here? Yeah. Say no more."

 **As Asuka and Shinji attempt to make their way to the Eva Hangar...**

Gendo: "Activate the 'dummy plug system. Do it NOW!"

Aoba: "We're trying sir. The Eva keep rejecting the command..."

Eva-01 and Eva-02 turn to the camera lift up one hand each and then make "the one finger salute."

Gendo: "Who the hell is screwing around?! This isn't a time for puerile, infantile humor!"

Mitsukado: "Eva-05 and Eva-06 are fully operational! The pilots are ready for takeoff!"

Gendo: "Finally, something is going right! Sortie them at once... Tell them that if they screw up this time, they'd better wish the Angel got them! I am in no mood for their usual incompetence!"

Mitsukado: "Sir, yes sir!"

Mari and Kowaru launch and begin harassing the Angel by launching spears at it.

Despite the fact that the spears pass right through its A-T field like its not even there, it just looks down as if it wants to say "Stop. That tickles."

Nagisa: "This is most disappointing. I can pierce the A-T field but it just laughs off my attack."

Mari gets a strange glow in her eyes, her teeth become strangely sharp, and her facial expression twists into that of a feral animal.

Mari: "MODE CHANGE! THE BEAST!"

Eva-06 begins to warp, bend, mutate, with protrusions like cooling rods emerging from its body.

Mari: "RESIST IT, EVA-06! MORE! MORE! YES, JUST A BIT MORE!"

The Angel looks on, doing nothing to interrupt, seemingly amused by the transformation sequence.

Nagisa: "It is unwise to ignore me."

Nagisa fires more spears at the Angel, at which point it unwraps these massive tin-foil looking arms, grabs Eva-05 out of the sky and slams it to the ground, pinning it there, almost as if it was saying "Oh, do shut up."

Nagisa: "I'm not even worth notice, eh? I'm beginning to understand the human emotions of 'annoyance' and 'frustration.'"

Eva-06: "HWWARRRGGGHHH!"

Mari: "Almost there! ALMOST!"

Eva-06's mouth opens, revealing razor sharp teeth.

Mari: "Now!"

The Angel rushes forward as if saying "FINALLY"

Eva-06 launches itself at the Angel, and the Angel... just stands there, almost disappointed. As if it wants to say "Oh? Is that all?"

The Angel then proceeds to literally rip Eva-06 apart, as if it's just too bored to care. The destruction is so complete that all the kings horses and all the kings men can't put it back together again.

Kowaru: "There doesn't seem to be anything 'Illustrious' about Mari.."

Mari: "SHUT UP! YOU KITTEN STRANGLING FREAK!"

Nagisa: "Now, now. No need to be rude."

The Angel never released Eva-05 while facing Eva-06. Almost as an afterthought, the Angel crushes it so it can't fly anymore and then shoves it into the ground, head first.

Gendo: "GRAGH! They're worthless! Why?! JUST WHY DID NERV BERLIN AND NERV ENGLAND SHIP THOSE TWO HERE?!"

The Angel looks at the ruins of Gendo's pyramid and vaporizes it.

Gendo: "... I... don't believe it. The ANGEL is more useful than those two fools! At least the Angel cleared away the debris of the building above..." (Gendo's eyes open wide) "SHIT! It's going to come through here! EVERYONE OUT! NOW!"

Mitsukado: "Sir! We can still activate Eva-00 with the Dummy Plug!"

Gendo: "Fine. Do it. Then get the hell out of here!"

Eva-00 is launched to intercept and then the dummy plug is activated.

One can almost hear the Angel sigh "Now what?" as it sees what Gendo believes is NERV's final line of defense.

Eva-00 goes totally berserk charging the Angel throwing Eva-06 debris and then Eva-05 at it.

The Angel dodges the debris non-nonchalantly and catches Eva-05, throwing it back only for Eva-00 to tear it in half as part of a manic charge, stumbling upon one of the scattered N2 missiles that were earlier launched against Eva-01 and Eva-02 but failed to explode.

When Eva-00 gets close enough to bash the Angel, it bangs its head against the A-T field for a second or two then pushes its own A-T field to maximum, shoving the N2 into the core on its stomach. The Angel slams an armored cover over its core almost as if it's saying "Oops! Can't let that pass."

The N2 bomb explodes, temporarily blinding NERV's sensors. When the video is restored, the Angel is completely unharmed, while Eva-00 is cooked medium rare.

The Angel looks on for a second, as if saying "Umm, something smells good" then opens its mouth, and swallows Eva-00 whole! The entire staff of NERV is frozen in terror. It would be bad enough if the nightmare ended there, but it doesn't. The Angel begins to twist, convulse, scream in pain, skin bubbling like so much boiling water. It begins turning fiery red with a clear reptilian sheen. The transformation ends with a humongous Jacqueline Natla with a visage like a devil, and scales covering all her body, making her effectively nude but without any obvious "private parts."

Natla: "Oh yes. Now this, THIS IS POWER! Commander Gendo. Did you _**really**_ think you could lock me up in an Eva core indefinitely? Especially when you planned to send the Eva into battle with Angels? Oh? What's this? This body is homing in on another source of power that will allow me to reformat humanity in my image? BWAHAHAHAHA!"

Everyone in the NERV command center flees with abandon at that statement, including Gendo, but they don't make it, not before Jacqueline Natla rips through the ceiling looking around.

Natla: "Ah. There you are, Commander! Now I understand what you've been hiding in your hand! Hmm. This opening's too small, just a moment..."

Gendo: "RRRRUUUUNNNNNN!"

The steel doors are torn off the hinges by the mob of fleeing personnel. With a mighty rumbling sound, the roof completely gives way, debris crushing most of the computers.

Natla: "Sorry for the wait. Oh, dear. Everyone's left. How rude! Well, no matter, Commander. I can home in on you wherever you go! You can run, but you can't hide!"

Gendo runs straight to the Eva cage where Eva-01 and Eva-02 reside. What he hopes to accomplish with this is a mystery, even to himself. He runs right into Misato, Shinji, Asuka, and the full judicial tribunal who are there to fight the Angel, ironically coming to his rescue.

Gendo: "Why are they here? Aren't they on trial..."

Misato: "THEY are here to do their job, Commander..."

Natla: "Ollie Ollie Oxen Free!"

Misato: (Recognizing the voice) "GET IN THE EVA, NOW!"

Natla: "Oh, Major! So you're here too?"

Shinji and Asuka just barely get into their entry plugs before Jacqueline Natla breaks through the wall.

Natla: "My, my most of my favorite people are here! Commander, Major, two of the three brats... Where is the blue haired one?"

Shinji: "Dead! And it's HIS fault!" (Pointing at Gendo)

Natla: "Tsk! Tsk! Is this another display of your people's 'honor'? Not fighting me this time, Major?" (Sees Misato's broken arm) "Oh? Forfeit due to injury? Pity. Too bad. I presume that it won't affect how tasty you are!"

Eva-01 and Eva-02 punch her in the face.

Natla: "HOW DARE YOU!"

Jacqueline Natla blasts Eva-01's arm off with eye beams, but not before getting grabbed by Eva-02.

Asuka: "Now, Major!"

Misato: "Activate the launchers, NOW!"

Asuka and Shinji drag Jacqueline Natla to the surface, pushing her face up against the rails on the way.

To be continued...


	47. Chapter 47

**Chapter 45**

Natla: "YYYYYYAAAAAAAAAA!"

When the launcher reaches the surface, Natla/Zeruel gets thrown clear of the launcher and into the surrounding hillside.

Natla: "You annoying brats! Do you really want to protect that bastard?!"

Shinji: "Hell no! We just happen to hate **you** more!"

Asuka: "Though it's a close call!"

Natla: "What foolishness! How could you hate me more than that honorless brute, even by your own standards..."

Asuka and Shinji charge Natla, taking her down. Asuka gouges out her eye while Shinji grabs the scales starting around her left breast and yanks, hard, as if he's trying to peel her like a sardine can... from left breast diagonally downward to the abdomen.

Asuka: "Maybe you need a reminder of our grudge, BITCH!"

Natla: "GHYAAAA!"

At the worst possible time, the batteries of Eva-01 and Eva-02 die, causing both Eva to shut down.

Natla: "Oh what terrible luck! Personally, I would have ignored you while settling my grudge with your Commander, and snacking on that sweet, sweet Major you're fond of, but you brats have just rocketed to the top of my shit list!"

Natla/Zeruel proceeds to rip off the abdominal armor of both Eva, seeing the entry plugs.

Natla: "Now let's see how I should to this... Normally, I'd take my time making an example of you... Like this!"

One of Eva-02's arms is ripped off.

Asuka: "KYAAAAHHH!"

Natla: "But no telling what surprises your Commander has in store, so I'll have to settle for amusing myself later."

Natla begins clawing at the Eva cores.

Shinji: "Move it!Move it!Move it!Move it!Move it!Move it!Move it!Move it!Move it!Move it!Move it!Move it!Move it!Move it!Move it! Come on, I'm sick of this already! MOVE! PLEASE!"

Asuka: "I'm sorry. Please, Please! HELP ME! HELP ME! HELP! ME! MOMMA!"

Eva -01: "I hear you."

Eva-02: "My child (My child)! My sweet child (My daughter)!"

Eva- 01 and Eva-02 : "We'll take it from here!"

Both Eva activate, grab Natla's arms and rip them off. Assimilating them and forming new arms in place of the ones Natla blasted or ripped off.

Natla: "You brats! You miserable brats!"

Natla tries to fly away and attack from the air, but the Eva turn their A-T Fields into nets, grounding her and destroying her reptilian devil wings.

Natla: "GHHYYYAAAAA!"

 **In Ritsuko's lab...**

Maya is watching the battle with immense interest.

Maya: "So _**that's**_ Jacqueline Natla?! Good. Go Shinji! Go Asuka! Punch her, Kick her! TEAR HER APART!"

Ritsuko in her LCL tank is shocked.

Ritsuko: "Maya?"

Maya: "That Natla bitch hurt the Major, hurt those kids, and mocked you, Senpai! SHE DESERVES NO MERCY!"

Ritsuko is shaken by Maya's uncharacteristic cruelty and wonders what the hell Maya would do if she ever got mad at Gendo, which is likely considering that Maya knows how Gendo treats her beloved "Senpai."

For a while, Eva-01 and Eva-02 play badminton with Natla, using Natla as the "birdie", but they soon grow bored of that, and the fact that both Yui and Kyoko had doctorates in medicine becomes obvious, as they start doing things to Natla that shows they know how to make it **HURT**. All the while the sync ratios between both Eva resonates and continues to climb. At _**4000%**_ , it's too much for the sensors, and Maya has to shut the readings down. At this point, both Eva sport halos and Natla's given up resisting, a whimpering wreck on the ground.

Natla: "(Whimper) Myu, Myu, Myiiiuuuu!"

The list of injuries and trauma suffered by Natla is far too graphic to mention, but what she went through easily took over an hour.

The Eva are not done. Once they see Natla is no longer capable of resisting, they proceed to eat her alive. Everyone at NERV is visibly sickened by this, including Gendo. The only one who watches on with a grim, unflinching dedication is... MAYA of all people.

Eva-01 and Eva-02: "RRRWWWOOOOOAAAARRRRR!"

Maya: "You wanted me to have a stronger stomach, Natla! Well, you got your wish!"

Maya prepares an USB drive copying some of the data she's just recorded and prepares to head off.

Ritsuko: "Maya, what are you doing?"

Maya: "Giving some much needed evidence to Lara Croft. The Commander accused those kids falsely, and this will help prove their innocence."

After Maya leaves the room, Ritsuko sighs to herself. "Oh Maya, I don't deserve a sweet, idealistic woman like you!" If she wasn't in LCL, she'd be visibly crying.

 **Meanwhile...**

Yamomoto: "Commander Ikari, you are under arrest!"

Gendo: "On what charge?!"

Yamomoto: "Gross Negligence, Reckless Endangerment, Giving Aid and Comfort to the Enemy, two counts, and Contempt of Court, for blithely ignoring several summons, and if it turns out the charges against these brave pilots were false, Malicious Persecution could be added to the list."

Gendo is slapped in cuffs and taken to the local jail... which is in even worse shape than the brig the kids were put in.

 **Shortly...**

Maya arrives just in time to see Gendo taken away, but she doesn't care one whit about that. She's here on a mission, and she's going to carry it out.

Yamomoto: "Get those pilots out of there and take them home, Major. They've done their job, admirably..."

Maya: "We can't!"

Misato: "Maya? What do you mean we can't?"

Maya: "They... are not in the cockpit."

Everyone: "WHAT?!"

Maya: "It's best if I show you..."

Maya proceeds to use the laptop she carried with her to show everyone the view recorded by the cockpit cameras placed there by NERV staff under the supervision of the tribunal. At the point where the batteries die and the pilots start pleading with the Eva to move, the cameras record the pilots being absorbed by the Eva core.

Yamamoto: "You mean that carnage at the end; that was the Eva moving on their own?"

Maya: "Yes, sir."

Tanya, who has a history of being strapped to a machine that can seize her will at any time, by an entity known as "Being X," is not amused by the implications. "Being X! So you're at work here too?!"

Misato: "Maya! Get those kids out of there, NOW!"

Maya: "I...I can't, Major! I wouldn't know where to start! Only Dr. Akagi has enough expertise to try, and she's in the LCL tank... recovering. If we try to remove her forcefully, she could die from her injuries!"

Misato punches the wall in frustration. "DAMN IT!"

Snake: "Unless The Commander can provide solid proof that those kids were in control of their Eva, I move for dismissing all charges!"

Yamomoto: "Agreed... Congratulations, Ms. Croft. You have indeed set legal precedent today. This is the first time in my memory where a criminal trial underway had to change the identity of the defendant(s) and the charges filed. I am aware of precedent where the defendant(s) changed in a civil trial, but never a criminal one."

Tanya: "So, Admiral, you're saying that we're juxtaposing the two trials?"

Yamomoto: "That's the only way I can see this continuing. The innocence of one group all but mandates the culpability of another."

Misato: "And... you're going through with this when the most crucial of witnesses, those Eva pilots, can't even be informed, never mind actually attend?!"

Yamamoto: "You've seen their affidavit, do you see anything that they might need to add?"

Misato: "No, but anything can happen in a trial, and 'discovery' is a very real … possibility."

Snake: "She does have a point, Sir. What are we going to do if something comes up where we need their testimony to continue?"

Yamamoto: "We'll cross that chasm when we get there. Alright, everyone. I move we adjourn court for a couple of days until Dr. Ritsuko Akagi is well enough to join us, as she is a key witness..."

The vote is unanimous in favor of adjourning. Commander Gendo Ikari is incarcerated without bail, considering the fact that he has a penchant for ignoring court summons, and if he's let out, can and will retreat into NERV HQ, treating it and the JSSDF there as his own private fiefdom, marking him as a serious flight risk.

 **The next day...**

Ritsuko is finally discharged from the LCL tank, diagnosed as fully healed, and nauseous as hell.

Maya is in the lab as well, the bags under her eyes are a clear sign that she's spent most, if not all, the night studying all the Eva lore she could get her hands on, trying to figure out how to get the pilots back out of the Eva cores.

Maya: (Yawn) "Morning, Senpai! How do you feel?"

Ritsuko: "Hrk! My stomach is doing... HMPGH! Somersaults! Did you follow my protocols correctly?"

Maya: "Yes, Senpai. I followed your notes precisely! All the proportions, times, buoyancy factor, everything, down to the tenth decimal."

Ristuko: (Gwargl) "Then why am I so damn sick! The LCL is specially screened to prevent the fomenting of illness! If it wasn't..." (Runs over to the emergency eye-wash station and vomits just off camera) "Blargh! I wouldn't have swam in that stuff otherwise."

Maya: "... I don't know, Senpai, but there are some tests we can run to find out..."

A package arrives, delivered by Fuyutsuki, from Commander Gendo.

Fuyutsuki: "Feeling unwell, Doctor?"

Ritsuko: "Lousy! I can barely talk without retching."

Fuyutsuki: "I see. Perhaps this can help you understand."

Fuyutsuki leaves a package containing what looks like a CD in a jewel case, and an SDAT player with a cassette.

Curious, Maya puts the CD into her laptop's drive and a video of Gendo begins to play.

Gendo: "Dr. Ritsuko Akagi. If you're receiving this, it means I am dead or otherwise unable to see you in person, and against my will. I hope you're enjoying the gift I gave you. You should have also received an SDAT player, with a cassette, that makes it perfectly and legally clear how much you wanted it. Feel free to pause this video and play the SDAT player to confirm what I'm telling you... Is Maya Ibuki with you? Perhaps you wish to share this video, and the audio with her as well, since what follows next is of serious interest to her too."

Looking confused, Maya pauses the video playback and hands the SDAT player to Ritsuko, who after hearing a few moments, turns white as a sheet and has to run to the sink and throw up again.

Maya proceeds to listen to the cassette. What she hears turns her green with rage. Gendo is voicing token resistance while Ritsuko is screaming for … satisfaction, followed by various lewd sounds. It becomes obvious what Gendo's "gift" is.

To be continued...


	48. Chapter 48

**Chapter 46**

 **Inside Eva-01...**

Shinji awakens to find himself at the table of an elegant tea ceremony. Across from him is a brunette wearing the epitome of the Yamato Nadeshiko style dress. She looks suspiciously very, very similar to Rei, aside from the fact that she's taller, older, and has both brown hair and black eyes.

? : "Konichiwa, Shinji-kun. At last we get to meet and have a little chat."

Shinji: "Who are you?"

? : "?... So you've forgotten who I am? That hurts me deeply. Did you not receive the notes, letters, videos and instructions I left behind?... Oh, that's right, you didn't. Furthermore, the last time you saw me was when you were four years old, and that … man... destroyed everything that had anything even remotely resembling my visage, save for one notable exception."

Shinji: "?...! So you're the soul in Eva-01's core? The same woman Asuka-san met?"

? : "That's a cold way of putting it! Still, you are correct. I am your mother, Yui Ikari."

Shinji: "That's impossible! My mother is dead! I've been visiting her grave with my father once a year, every year! It's the only time I spend any time with him!"

? : "I see. Since you don't believe me, perhaps I can bring in someone who can persuade you."

In the real world, Eva-01 and Eva-02 have broken their restraints and are holding hands. The techs are suitably terrified.

Asuka and some truly disturbed and tangled soul enters view. The soul is so surreal that's it's basically what a scrambled Rubik's cube would look like if Picasso used it as a model for a painting and then used _**that**_ painting as a model for the final product.

Asuka runs up to Shinji and glomps him, horrified.

(Tangled Soul) : "My child (my daughter). Live with me (die with me)." (Both voices) "STAY WITH ME FOREVER!"

Asuka: "KYAAAHH! WHERE THE HELL ARE WE?!"

Shinji: "We seem to be in the Eva's core..."

Asuka: "Don't bullshit me..." (Sees the woman in the Yamato Nadeshiko dress) "Yui?! YUI IKARI! Mein Gott! We ARE in the Eva's core!"

Shinji: "... Is that what she told you?"

Asuka: "Uh-huh! Yeah, and I believe her."

Shinji: "Asuka-san. I'll trust your judgment."

He pats her on the head and then turns to the woman.

Shinji: "If you really are my mother, I have a lot of questions to ask you."

Yui: "Is that the way you speak to your mother? Perhaps you'd like to see what I've had to endure for the last 10 years!"

With a snap of her fingers, Yui simply erases the table, tea setting, everything in the room except the four souls present, and everybody looks like a naked Ken or Barbie doll, except the tangled soul that came with Asuka, which looks even _**more**_ broken, twisted, jumbled, and just plain wrong. It's as if an autistic child got his hands on a jig-saw puzzle way, way above his skill, shoved the pieces together without reason or rhyme, and Picasso made a painting of **that!**

As horrifying as that all sounds, that's nothing compared to what the environment looks like. The geometry is … off. There are ominous shadows everywhere. Tentacles slither in the background, and there are red, glowing eyes looking at them in every direction as if they were ravenous beasts looking at prey.

Shnji: "Okasa! I'm sorry!"

Yui: "That's better. Now we can talk."

Yui snaps her fingers again, and everything returns to the way it was.

Yui: "Anyone care for some tea? Don't worry, not even our bodies are really 'here' so we can eat, drink, or whatever, without a care in the world."

Shinji: "Okasa, is that why you never came out?"

Yui: "Now that is an excellent question, Shinji-kun. Please sit down, I have much to say to answer that..."

(Tangled Soul) : "You never warned me (warned me). I thought it was an accident (accident). WHY?!"

Yui: "We've been over this! Kyoko-san, I had sent you instructions and warnings regarding the Contact Experiment. If you want to be mad at someone, blame your husband who acknowledged receiving the certified mail I sent you with his signature, but apparently never told you anything. I can't speculate as to the why."

Asuka: "That's MOMMA?!"

Yui: "Yes, sweetheart. Through a combination of her well-meaning 'safety measure', and the fact that NERV Berlin didn't know what the heck they were doing, your mother wound up like … this. I'm sorry, I wish I had a safe and easy way to fix this, but even as the builder of the Eva, I don't have a clue on how to put her soul together again properly."

Asuka: (Crying) "Momma!"

Yui: "As to your question, Shinji-kun, that's a long, long story. Come sit. I'll tell the both of you... everything."

 **At Gendo's cell...**

Gendo: "Ah, Professor. Like old times, eh?"

Fuyutsuki: "Indeed, although I won't be able to bail you out this time."

Gendo: "I expected as much. Was the package delivered?"

Fuyutsuki: "And the doctor appears to have gotten your 'gift' as well, old friend."

Gendo: "Excellent! Just as planned! There was always the unavoidably small chance of failure, but I did my best to eliminate all variables, including the good doctor coming back later and claiming lack of informed consent. The video and audio recordings I had you send her were just copies after all."

Fuyutsuki: "What is the point of all this, old friend? How does this help the Scenario?"

Gendo: "Control! We're so close now that we don't dare let any unexpected variables or actions hinder us! I've given her only got two really viable options if she doesn't want the logic bomb I've placed in the MAGI super-computer, thanks to the secret back door her mother made for me before her 'tragic accident,' blast the originals on every news service, destroying her private and professional lives! This was mentioned in the video."

Fuyutsuki: "And what are these options?"

Gendo: "Option one: Marry me, in a monogamous relationship, breaking off all romantic prospects with anyone else, and that includes Maya Ibuki. Once she's under my roof, I have … ways... to make sure she never strays. If she still finds a way... well, the adultery laws are quite harsh, and the public won't be on her side when I bring the tape into court."

Fuyutsuki: "I see. That's rather bold. Option two?"

Gendo: "Option two: If she _**really**_ wants to share a bed with Maya Ibuki, and I'm aware how much Ritsutko likes the experience, then Ritsuko's going to have to share. One of them will be my 'comfort wife', and either Ritsuko has to take orders from Maya, who will take orders from me, or Ritsuko _**will be made to watch**_ as I enjoy that tasty little side-dish over and over again. BWAHAHA! Either way, her jealousy and pride will turn her against her lover, and she'll do anything, _**anything**_ to get in my favor, and 'earn my love' just like she's been doing for the last 10 years when she put herself into a non-existent rivalry against Rei Ayanami!"

Fuyutsuki: "That's … I can only marvel at your inflexible will, still there are some downsides..."

Gendo: "Yes. The tape's enforce-ability does hinge on the existence of the child which can be proven to be genetically mine, and she could either terminate it or pass it off to adoption, correct?"

Fuyutsuki: "Among other things..."

Gendo: "Like finding the right time and place to make it look like I somehow 'accidentally' shot myself in the back of the neck?"

Fuyutsuki: "Yes."

Gendo: "For the last part, that's not her expertise. There is always the possibility that she'll come at me in a heated moment, but she doesn't think that kind of stuff through, and it tends to jump up and bite her. She's done it before."

Fuyutsuki: "And to the former?"

Gendo: "Well, if she does decide to abort, she'll be so guilt ridden about becoming exactly like her mother, a hysterical woman that kills a helpless, innocent child, that she'll be unable to resist anything I tell her. As for adoption, for lack of a better way to express it, the market is saturated. There are far, far more children looking for parents than parents who both want and can take them in. It could be years, presuming we have that long, which we don't, before she can get the grubby thing off her hands, even through black-market channels, and by then her sins will have been made public, and the people will demand she pay the piper!"

Fuyutsuki: "I see. So you have thought this all through. I truly envy your unshakable, single-minded resolve."

 **Bac** **k at NERV HQ...**

Misato goes to visit Ritsuko's lab, hoping to have some news about getting the kids out of the Eva, to see Maya cradling Ritsuko's head in her lap, while Ritsuko is clearly crying her eyes out, a broken mess.

Misato: "Rits? Maya? What's going on?"

Maya: "Senpai is pregnant. I checked."

Kaji: "Shouldn't that be good news?"

Maya lifts her head to look at Kaji, and everyone can see she's wearing a mask of barely suppressed rage.

Maya: "Not this time. The Commander gave Senpai 'a gift,' and that" (points with her chin at her laptop and the SDAT player) "is merely the gift-wrapping. If you're going to watch and listen to that, I'd prefer if you didn't wreck it. It's all just a copy, and you'd only succeed in costing me a laptop."

Misato starts to watch the video Gendo had delivered, and has to be physically restrained to stop her from breaking the laptop in a rage several times. After reaching the end, and learning that Gendo not only recorded all the times he's been 'intimate' with Ritsuko without her consent, but spliced together a video to make it look like Ritsuko sexually extorted, if not outright raped _**him**_ by threatening Rei's well-being in the lab, Misato calms down just enough to turn to her friend and ask just one question.

Misato: "Why, Rits? Why did you do it? What possibly possessed you to not only sleep with The Commander, but put Rei through that?"

Ritsuko: "I was lonely, jealous of a guy's ex-wife, and the little girl who reminds him of her, due to being a clone of her, horny, so damned horny, but most of all, stupid, stupid, stupid! I followed right in my mother's footsteps who did the same damn thing! And you know how that ended, Misato! I'm a sick, evil, wretched bitch, and I deserve to be a sex-slave!"

Misato picks up the intercom, and calls for Dr. Fraser Crane.

Kaji: "Misato, what are you doing?"

Misato: "Inspector. Dr. Ritsuko Akagi is having a breakdown right now when we can ill afford it. I'm getting her the help she desperately needs so she can do the job we all need her to do."

Kaji: "Can you speak English?"

Misato: "... DAMN!"

Kaji takes the phone. "Don't worry, I'll handle it."

 **In Dr. Crane's office, or what's serving as such...**

Fraser: "You're kidding me. The Commander did WHAT?! This has to be the worst case of domestic abuse I've ever run across in my years of practice... No, sad to say her behavior is the norm in this situation... Yeah, it's called 'battered spouse syndrome,' a special type of Stockholm Syndrome where the woman, or men in rare cases, in question genuinely believes (s)he deserves to be abused and will actively resist any and all attempts at rescue from such a toxic environment, and will do anything, and I do mean _**anything and everything**_ she believes will make her abuser happy, even going so far as to eagerly offer up her children for his... or her... pleasure...No! Under no circumstances should she accept his demands for marriage... We'll jump off that legal bridge when we get there. What matters now is getting her well... Hard to believe the three pilots I'm supposed to be treating are, or were, the _**most**_ stable relationship I've come across, despite how far outside the norm it is... Speaking of, when am I going to get an appointment? … Oh that figures! One is dead, and the other two are in comas?... Wait, you're telling me they watched her die, _**and Gendo locked them up for it?! Is he stark raving mad?!**_ All three of them were already suicidal in different ways; the relationship was the only thing they had to live for!...Fine. I'm on my way. I'll be there shortly." (Click) "Sorry, Rei, Rea. Guess we have to cut this session short."

Rei: "I understand, Doctor. I await our next session with bated breath."

Rea: "Can I take this book home, Mister?" (Holds up a copy of The working of the human mind, Beginner's Psychiatry.)

Fraser: "Sure, sweetie, just bring it back intact next time, and I'll let you read something else when you're done."

Rea: "YAY!"

To be continued...


	49. Chapter 49

**Chapter 47**

 **Ins** **ide the Eva core...**

An unexpected visitor joins the trapped souls, Jaqueline Natla, but since her body's not there either, she has no more power than the others.

Yui: "Well, Ms. Natla. You have come before us with a proposal?"

Natla: "Indeed. As a god, I know more about souls than you … fine people at NERV do, and I'd be willing to lend my hand in aiding you get this poor being back into proper condition... for a price."

Yui: "Naturally. Be advised that we don't trust you, and in fact, these youngsters have quite a bit of justified hatred coming your way, so choose your words and acts very, very carefully. You haven't forgotten who's in charge here, right?"

Natla: (Looking a bit scared at that) "Yes, Ma'am. Now, at a minimum, I'm going to need the energy of one soul to restore another. I could have you offer Gendo..."

Asuka and Shinji: "YOU CAN HAVE HIM!"

Yui: "... Much as I want to object, I did marry him, and quite happily at that, I can't bring myself to do so. I wouldn't have minded if he had simply moved on after my 'death,' doing his best to make one or both of the Akagi women happy. Hell, I could even forgive him if he was simply looking for a sexual outlet with a willing partner, and was willing to face his responsibilities afterwards. Neither happened. He used sex as a weapon to control, exploit and actively _**destroy**_ both women. If you want his soul, Ms. Natla, you can have it, for all eternity. He deserves no better."

Natla: "... That went way better than I expected. Now as to the process itself, which I'm going to perform in advance, in good faith, is going to take at least a month, and you're going to have to help me every step of the way."

Shinji: "A month? We'll miss your birthday, Asuka-san! Rea must be worried sick! And then there's Rei... and the Angels? How are we going to fight the Angels?..."

Yui: "Fufufu! Asuka-san, you and Rei-san sure married well. He hears that he's going to be trapped here for a month, and his first thought is about your birthday! Shinji-kun, even though I can't take credit, you do make me proud, and you're taking exceptionally good care of the women pushed onto you."

Shinji: "Pushed onto me? But..."

Yui: "You were forced by an Angel to live, sleep, and bathe together, correct?"

Shinji: "Ah, yes..."

Yui: "In the cockpit, your thoughts are a billboard to me. Just remember that."

Shinji: "...!..."

Shinji turns a bright shade of crimson.

Yui: "I don't mind you having those kinds of thoughts. That's how you _**should**_ see your lovers, and you are a healthy teen, after all. How you handle those thoughts though... THAT'S what's important. You haven't disappointed me yet, and I strongly suggest you don't start."

Shinji: "Mo—om!"

Yui: "I didn't get to see you grow up and embarrass you in front of your girlfriend, so I'm going to make up for lost time!"

Shinji: "Asuka-san! HELP ME!"

Asuka: "Nuh-uh. You had fun making me blush, and … fantasizing, and now it's my turn!"

Shinji: "Asuka-san... just you wait. When we get out of here..."

Asuka: "You're welcome to try, boy-o!"

Natla: "Ah-hem. Your flirting is quite amusing, but we should get started..."

Everyone: "RIGHT!"

 **The trial continues in the courtroom...**

Yamato: "The court calls Shigeru Aoba!"

Fuyutuski: "Thank you for coming. State your name for the record, please."

Aoba: "Shigeru Aoba, Sir."

Fuyutsuki: "How did the pilots respond to their orders on the day of the Bardiel incident?"

Makoto: "They specifically called their orders and positions 'stupid.' When the battle began, Pilot Ikari openly rebuffed both his orders and pilot Soryu's."

Fuyutsuki: "Can you mention why this is so?"

Lara: "Objection, speculation!"

Yamamato: "Sustained. Professor, stick to the facts, please."

Fuyutsuki: "Of course, Sir. Aoba-san, how did the Commander react to the pilots bristling under his orders?"

Aoba: "He repeated his orders in a higher volume, and refused to give ground to the pilots' demands, as is the norm in military organizations."

Fuyutsuki: "I see, and what happened next?"

Aoba: "As the pilots were fighting the infected Eva-03, the UN 'peacekeepers' blasted their way into the command room and openly ordered us to stand down the Eva, at gunpoint."

Fuytusuki: "And how did The Commander respond?"

Aoba: "The Commander ordered us to use the 'Dummy Plug' protocol, pretending to comply."

Fuyutsuki: "No further questions."

Yamamoto: "Your witness, Croft-san."

Lara: "Thank you, Sir. Aoba-san, what is this 'Dummy Plug' protocol?"

Aoba: "I don't fully know the specifics, but it's some kind of remote-control device that presumably control the Eva if the pilot is compromised."

Lara: "And was such a system activated?"

Aoba: "Yes, when one of the UN attackers shot in Maya's direction, she activated the device."

Lara: "How did the Eva react to this system?"

Aoba: "Both Eva went into a berserk state, the pilots screaming and begging for the rampage to stop."

Lara: "So the pilots had no control at all?"

Aoba: "It doesn't seem they did."

Lara: "What makes you say that?"

Aoba: "The Eva tore Eva-03/Bardiel apart and ripped pilot Rei Ikari's entry plug open, causing pilot Rei to fall a distance no human has ever survived. Neither pilot has ever expressed that level of hostility towards Rei-san, as far as I'm aware."

Lara: "Thank you, Aoba-san."

Makoto Hyuga is questioned and confirms Aoba's testimony.

When Maya Ibuki is called, it's clear to the court that's she's doing everything possible to not look in Gendo's direction, and on those instances when she can't avoid doing so, her eyes flash with unbridled hatred. Upon being sworn in, and being questioned, Maya goes into more detail regarding her testimony.

Maya: "According to Dr. Ritsuko Akagi's notes, the 'dummy plug' system was intentionally designed to seize control of the Eva, pilot or not. The notes also say that the system was not in any way ready for field use, even in testing, as the AI patterns were nothing more than feral combat instincts, incapable of following any instructions, no matter how simple."

Lara: "Were the pilots in any way aware of this?"

Maya: "No."

Lara: "You sound awfully certain of that. How can you be so sure?"

Maya: "The Commander ordered us not to reveal its existence to anyone, including the pilots, without his express permission. None of us in the command center were given such permission. Even Major Misato was not informed."

Lara: "I see. No further questions at this time."

Yamamoto: "Redirect?"

Fuyutsuki: "Thank you, Sir. Maya-san. How can you be so sure that none in the Command Center were given permission to speak to the pilots?"

Maya: "I have a comprehensive schedule of everyone's location during the time between the installation of the system and the time the pilots had it activated on them. At no time did the pilots meet anyone that normally operates in the command center, except myself, Dr. Akagi, with me present, and Major Misato."

Lara: "I present a copy of the schedule as Exhibit C."

Fuyutsuki: "Do you have some kind of grudge with The Commander, Maya-san?"

Lara: "Objection! Relevance! Counsel is leading the witness!"

Fuyutsuki: "She has access to the schedule, your honor. A person with a grudge could and would be sorely tempted to alter the records..."

Lara: "OBJECTION!"

Yamamoto: "SUSTAINED! Professor! You are dangerously close to contempt of court. Choose a different line of questioning or dismiss the witness."

Fuyutsuki: "Understood, Sir. No further questions."

Yamamoto: "Next witness!"

Lara: "We call Ritsuko Akagi."

Maya: "Senpai, just tell the truth, and you'll be fine."

Ritsuko: "I... hope so..."

After Ritsuko takes the stand...

Lara: "You designed the 'dummy plug' system, correct?"

Ritsuko: "Yes."

Lara: "What can you tell us about it?"

Ritsuko: "The Dummy Plug system was specifically designed to allow us to field the Eva without a pilot. The reason for this should be quite clear."

Lara: "Thank you. Can you elaborate on how the system works?"

Ritsuko: "Yes. Due to lacking the equipment, expertise, or technology to build a compatible AI from scratch, we at NERV Tokyo-3 would, on a routine basis, upload, copy, and update the neural data from an active pilot, in this case Rei Ayanami, now known as Rei Ikari. This was done as part of her routine medical check-up, and without her knowledge, to avoid contaminating the result."

Lara: "I see. Did the system undergo any operational tests?"

Ritsuko: "No. All the data we have on its operation was based entirely on virtual simulations we put it through, connected to an interface with the MAGI super-computer."

Lara: "And the result of these simulations?"

Ritsuko: "The system was found to be inadequate for any kind of field test or operation. It could only provoke the most feral and instinctive responses from the Eva. The only method we had to correct for this deficiency is to either have Rei gather more combat and piloting experience, or to broaden the sample size and include more pilots. Yes, I'm aware of the irony of having children fight to build a system to take their place."

Lara: "Did you ever advocate installing this system into the Eva?"

Ritsuko: "No. As I said, the system was not ready. Still, The Commander insisted on it, claiming that controlled laboratory trials were the unavoidable next phase of the development process, and might help us find a way to get better control."

Lara: "Were the pilots notified of this?"

Ritsuko: "No. The Commander ruled that they did not need to know."

Lara: "If this system is activated while a pilot is in the cockpit, does the pilot have any kind of control or override mechanism?"

Ritsuko: "No. The pilot would be completely at the whims of the Eva under the control of the dummy plug system, but the neural link would still be active, unless the neural link is severed at the command center."

Lara: "No more questions."

To be continued...


	50. Chapter 50

**Chapter 48**

 **The trial continues...**

Fuyutsuki: "Dr. Akagi. For the record, your testimony is based purely on your professional opinion, not based on any personal feelings, correct?"

Ristuko: "Yes."

Fuyutsuki: "And you are fully healed?"

Ristuko: "To the full extent of available medical science, yes."

Lara: "Objection! Relevance..."

Fuyutsuki: "I am merely confirming that the doctor's injuries have not compromised her memories or her testimony."

Yamamoto: "Overruled, but proceed with caution, Professor."

Fuyutsuki: "Thank you, Sir. Dr. Akagi, have Eva gone berserk during activation tests before?"

Ritsuko: "Yes. Eva-00 has attacked the observation center more than once."

Fuyutsuki: "And none of those incidents involved Angel influence, correct?"

Ritsuko: "Yes."

Fuyutsuki: "I see. And you're certain because the Eva were scanned?"

Ritsuko: "They were not scanned prior to activation."

Fuyutsuki: "That's shocking. How then can you be sure there was no Angel involvement."

Ritsuko: "I am reasonably certain because the shut down procedure worked as intended. Unlike the Bardiel incident."

Fuyutsuki: "And what's different about the Bardiel Incident?"

Ritsuko: "Not only was there a massive explosion of energy, but none of the shut-down protocols worked properly, and there was a positive Angel reading immediately after activation."

Fuyutsuki: "Was there any scan made prior to activation?"

Ritsuko: "Yes. At Major Katsuragi's orders, a full scan of Eva-03 was made, and no Angel readings were noted. The reason for this result remains unknown."

Fuyutsuki: "I see. What prompted this scan?"

Ritsuko: "The pilot, Rei, was experiencing unusual conditions in the Eva's entry plug."

Fuyutsuki: "Unusual? How?"

Ritsuko: "She mentioned the Eva feeling strange, in her words she likened it to the Eva suffering from a head-cold."

Fuyutsuki: "And she never mentioned this kind of sensation before?"

Ritsuko: "No."

Fuyutsuki: "Was The Commander involved in any of this?"

Ritsuko: "No."

Fuyutsuki: "No further questions."

Fuyutsuki returns to Gendo's side.

Gendo: "Professor..."

Fuyutsuki: "Not the right time to bring that up, old friend."

Lara: "We recall Major Misato Katsuragi."

Misato once again takes the stand.

Lara: "Major. The pilots' comments have come into question. What is your assessment of this conversation?"

Lara Croft plays back the recorded conversation between pilots Asuka and Shinji.

Misato: "Simple pre-mission jitters and idle chatter. You will note that both pilots were complaining about their situation, not any specific individual. Besides, it was a valid, and tragically, perfectly correct tactical assessment."

Lara: "I see. And what do you think about this conversation?"

Lara Croft plays back the conversation between Gendo, Shinji, and Asuka.

Misato: "...The hell? Shinji-kun proposed not one but _**two**_ sound and perfectly viable plans of action, and The Commander's response was to simply shout him down without offering any alternatives?... And basically ordered Asuka-kun to simply stand there and let herself be killed?! If he wasn't my superior officer, I'd have Gendo tied to a post and flayed alive for such recklessness."

Lara: "So you're saying there's nothing wrong with Shinji-kun's words and actions?"

Misato: "Let's make one thing perfectly clear. While Shinji-kun may behave like the ideal soldier, he is clearly not. Prior to being blackmailed into becoming an Eva pilot, he has received absolutely _**zero**_ military training, that plus the sheer frequency and unpredictability of Angel attacks has made teaching him the entire minutia of military and speech protocols an impossibility. There are several things wrong with how he spoke to The Commander, but his grasp of the situation was flawless! If he was my subordinate and an actual soldier, I would have promoted him!"

Lara: "I see. Can you tell us about the activation test?"

Misato: "If I could do it over again, I would have never agreed with Dr. Akagi's decision to activate at minimal power. I mean, I understand we both need and flat out asked for the additional war potential of more Eva, but when your local ace, who's been doing it for ten years, smells a problem, you take heed or you're flirting with disaster. That poor girl paid the price for my... short-shortsightedness."

Lara: "Thank you. What I meant was what was your impression of the equipment, location, environment, and orders to activate?"

Misato: "Oh, that. I'm no expert on NERV equipment. I don't know how half the stuff operates, and the other-half... I maybe, maybe know how to turn it on and off. When Dr. Akagi mentioned getting no readings on Eva-03 after scanning it for irregularities, I took her word for it. As for The Commander's orders to activate in the first place? He received orders from his superiors to both perform the activation test and use Rei as the pilot. More than that, I couldn't tell you."

Lara: "Thank you, Major. No further questions at this time."

Yamamoto: "Cross-examine."

Fuyutsuki: "Thank you, Sir. Major. It is your assertion that pilot Shinji Ikari was not in any way insubordinate to Commander Gendo?"

Misato: "Absolutely. Shinji-kun may have failed to ask for permission to speak freely, but his behavior fits perfectly within the codes of military discipline. He _**tried**_ to uphold the primary mission of the Eva charter, 'Defeat the Angels with teamwork and come back alive' _**despite**_ The Commander's orders. He might have even succeeded, if not for the dummy plug..."

Fuyutsuki: "Let's stick with the facts please, Major. Were you aware of the dummy plug system before the incident?"

Major: "No. Nobody saw fit to tell me that some untested, and I'm now learning, buggy as hell equipment was put into the Evas and activated on the pilots because they refused to comply with suicidal, ridiculously stupid orders."

Fuyutsuki: "Sir, I request declaring the witness as hostile."

Yamomoto: "Granted."

Fuyutsuki: "Now Major, you have to admit, having a remote control that allows us to field the Eva without endangering the pilots' lives is a noble goal, yes?"

Misato: "On paper? Sounds like a great idea. In practice? I hear the Eva didn't like it and flipped you guys off. Even if the Eva did like it, it's not a good idea to booby trap the equipment your subordinates have to use and then use the traps against them when they're doing their jobs!"

Yamamoto bangs a gavel on his desk. "Major, that's enough!"

Misato: "Sorry, Sir. The irresponsible method by which these 'dummy plugs' were introduced has greatly angered me. I apologize and will comply with court decorum."

Yamamoto: "Acknowledged. Proceed Professor."

Fuyutsuki: "Have you always been this hostile towards The Commander?"

Misato: "Not always. No."

Fuyutsuki: "But you have been hostile before, yes?"

Misato: "Yes, when he gave irresponsible orders."

Fuyutsuki: "Like?"

Misato: "Like ordering two teens of opposite genders to live together in a one bedroom apartment so small they don't even have room for all their clothes. And without adult supervision. AND said apartment being so run down the locks don't work, AND the apartment being in a 'bad' neighborhood... Should I go on?"

Fuyutsuki: "I'm beginning to get the picture. Are you sure it had nothing to do with The Commander's orders to clean up your own private life, both figuratively and literally?"

Misato: "...The timing of his orders in that regard is highly suspicious. He only orders me to 'clean up my life', as you put it, **AFTER** I complain about Rei-kun's living conditions, and the fact that Shinji-kun was ordered to live there as well."

Fuyutsuki: "I see. And who was it that was charged with teaching Shinji-kun about military protocol and behavior?"

Misato: "I was... What are you implying, Professor?"

Fuyutsuki: "Were you aware, Major, that it's possible, even subconsciously, that your hostility might adversely influence Shinji-kun's behavior?"

Misato: "If you're suggesting Shinji-kun became hostile to The Commander because of me, The Commander didn't need my help. He's already done plenty to alienate Shinji-kun. His behavior during the Bardiel Incident clearly hasn't helped."

Fuyutsuki: "No further questions."

Misato steps down, clearly fuming.

Lara: "Sir. I present pictures of the apartment in question. I've marked the whole group, Exhibit D."

Yamamoto: "Thank you, Croft-san"

The judges spend a few minutes examining the photos, growing angrier with each passing moment.

Tanya: "The court has a question for the Major."

Misato: "Yes, Ma'am."

Tanya: "These are photos of the apartment and neighborhood in question?"

Misato: "Yes, Ma'am."

Tanya: "And the pilot Rei-kun lived there alone?"

Misato: "Yes, Ma'am. While under a drug regiment that made her little more than a wind-up doll."

Tanya begins gnawing on her thumbnail, a clear sign that she's enraged beyond reason.

Tanya: "And a teenage boy was ordered to live there with her, UNSUPERVISED?!"

Misato: "Yes, Ma'am."

Tanya: "Your hostility is warranted, Major. There are so, so many ways this could have gone terribly wrong. That is all."

Misato: "Thank you, Ma'am."

Misato sits down in the audience pews.

Lara: "For our last witness, we call Commander Gendo Ikari. We stipulate the witness is hostile."

All three judges "APPROVED!"

Gendo is sworn in, but for religious reasons, or so he claims, refuses to place his right hand on any religious text as he's sworn in.

Lara: "For the record, identify yourself, please."

Gendo: "Commander Gendo Ikari, in charge of NERV Tokyo-3."

Lara: "Did you notify the pilots that you had put dummy plugs in their Eva?"

Gendo: "No. They were highly classified and the pilots did not need to be informed at the time."

Lara: "Even though they could be activated at any time and strip away control of the Eva?"

Gendo: "Correct."

To be continued...


	51. Chapter 51

**Chapter 49**

Lara: "Considering the fact that Eva have a habit of going out of control on their own, didn't you stop to consider that inserting a device _**specifically designed to strip the control away from the pilots**_ could go badly? Especially if the pilots board their Eva completely unaware?"

Gendo: "It is precisely because the Eva have a habit of going out of control that the 'dummy plug' was installed."

Lara: "So the prospect of a malfunction, or accidental activation, never crossed your mind?"

Gendo: "We have implemented every possible safeguard..."

Lara: "Safeguards like those that allowed a piece of pipe infested with an Angel bio-weapon to be installed in critical NERV facilities?"

Gendo: "What are you talking about?"

Lara: "We present this report as Exhibit E."

Lara hands over the details of the Ireul incident.

Lara: "We have to thank Misato's quick thinking, and the price the three pilots, Rei, Asuka, and Shinji paid for the fact that we're all here to talk about it. If Rei's arm didn't fall off 'for no reason' and the three pilots didn't have their A-T fields entangled, the Angel could, and would, have easily killed us all!"

Gendo: "I had no knowledge or involvement with the installation of that pipe. That was done by contractors hired by the Human Instrumentality Committee over my orders."

Lara: "I see, and Eva-03 was also shipped by this Instrumentality Committee, correct?"

Gendo: "As were Eva-05 and Eva-06, at a time they were desperately needed. I fail to see where you are going with this."

Lara: "Did it not occur to you that an organization which shipped you one 'poisoned apple' could slip in another?"

Gendo: "Eva-03 was carefully scanned. There was no proof of Angel infection until we tried to activate it, on the orders of the Committee, who are my superior officers."

Lara: "So you're saying your superior officers are trying to sabotage you and doom us all?"

Gendo: "It doesn't make sense to me either, but that seems to be the case."

Lara: (Gets right up in Gendo's face) "Considering the facts that Eva can go berserk at will, you've installed and activated _**a completely untested device designed to seize control from the pilots,**_ and you've completely refused to either inform or warn them about it, can you say beyond a reasonable doubt that the pilots were in control of the Eva during the post-battle rampage?"

Gendo: "Yes."

Lara: "On what merit?"

Gendo: "The Dummy plug was shut down..."

Lara: "At which point, the video recording shows the Eva going berserk, and being attacked by a combined UN and rogue JSSDF fleet."

Lara presents the video of the final moments of the Bardiel incident, just before the Eva decide to go after the NERV pyramid.

Lara: "I ask you, have the Eva ever acted like this when the pilots were in control? And I remind you, you are under oath."

Gendo: "No."

Lara: "Thank you. No further questions."

Yamamoto: "Cross examine?"

Fuyutsuki:"Thank you, Sir. Commander. Much ado has been made about pilot Rei's living accommodations, and their condition, not to mention the fact that pilot Shinji was ordered to live there as well. Can you tell the court what your response to the situation was?"

Gendo: "Yes. I have tried, on numerous occasions, to requisition alternative accommodations, or at least repairs to her apartment and was given nothing but a bureaucratic run-around with a lot of foot-dragging, delays, and rebuffs."

Fuyutsuki: "We present a packet of requisitions, invoices, and requests submitted by The Commander, as Exhibit 1."

Fuyutuski delivers the neatly packed papers to the bench.

Fuyutsuki: "Commander, can you explain to the court why you found it necessary to order pilot Shinji to share living quarters with pilot Rei?"

Gendo: "Certainly. Arrangements were made to have pilot Ikari, Shinji-kun live in his own private quarters, but the Major would not have it. She physically dragged the boy and was in the process of driving him to her quarters and forcing him to live there. The court has already seen the conditions in the Major's apartment."

Fuyutsuki: "I draw the court's attention to Exhibit A, the 'before' picture."

The judges look at Misato with raised eyebrows.

Gendo: "Since the Major was adamant that the boy not be left alone, I had no choice but to put the two pilots together, and there were no other available places, at least not any better than where they were."

Fuyutsuki: "Why did you not have the boy live with you?"

Gendo: "That was not an option. Aside from the fact that the situation was … awkward between us, my superiors on the Committee were already accusing me of nepotism in regards to making him a pilot. There's no way they would have tolerated us living under the same roof."

Fuyutsuki: "I see. As to the battle of the Bardiel Incident, can you explain why you positioned the Eva the way you did, and reacted so strongly to pilot Shinji's battle plans?"

Gendo: "Without going into highly classified material, I can say that Eva-01 has certain... features not available in any other Eva and is irreplaceable. I was looking to keep it out of danger as much as possible."

Fuyutsuki: "I see. One last question. Under the conditions you were facing, would you have activated the dummy plug if the UN 'peacekeepers' didn't storm the command center?"

Gendo: "I'm not going to answer questions based on hypotheticals."

Fuyutsuki: "I'll ask another way. Did you activate the 'dummy plug' only because you had a gun pointed at your head?"

Gendo: "Yes."

Fuyutsuki: "No further questions."

Yamamoto: "Redirect!"

Lara: "Thank you, Sir. Commander, if you were aware of the Major's … unsafe living conditions, why did you ignore it?"

Gendo: "The Major is a grown woman, Croft-san. As long as it doesn't affect her work or competence, we at NERV were content to leave her private life alone. Once she tried to physically drag pilot Shinji there, we could not ignore the situation any longer."

Lara: "I see. Is it really true that there was nowhere else that Pilots Rei and Shinji could live aside from that cramped and squalid one bedroom efficiency?"

Gendo: "There were other places, but they were just as bad, if not worse."

Fuyutsuki: "I present Exhibit 2. The layout of all the other units available at the time."

The folder is handed over to the bench.

Lara: "I see. So you're stipulating that you did everything possible to make sure they were safe and had their needs met?"

Gendo: "Yes. Once the Major cleaned up her act, I allowed the two pilots to move in with her into a larger and better equipped apartment. Not bad as far as wedding gifts go."

Lara: "You mentioned their marriage, Commander. Is it standard operating procedure in NERV to keep official marriage forms ready for your subordinates?"

Gendo: "Not really, but the pilots are fairly attractive teenagers forced into life and death battles on a regular basis. It would be strange if they didn't start developing feelings for one another..."

Lara: "And that's the situation under which they were forced to live together."

Gendo: "..."

Lara: "No further questions."

Yamamoto: "Any more witnesses?"

Lara: "No, Sir."

Fuyutsuki: "No, Sir."

Yamamoto: "Closing arguments."

Fuyutuski: "The Commander did everything possible to keep The Children safe and sound. He even happily allowed them to marry and gave his blessing. How do they thank him? They back-talk his orders, rampage and destroy his office and lots of NERV property, and try to kill him! This unforgivable lack of respect and gratitude deserves nothing more than the heavy hand of justice delivered upon them! They must be made an example of!"

Lara: "We've been shown that The Commander views his staff as nothing more than tools, on a good day. Their cares, wants, needs, and concerns are, at best, merely a distraction. He has neglected dangerous conditions for both Rei Ayanami and Misato Katsuragi until they came to a point that he could use them to score an advantage for himself. He placed two, by his own admission, desperately lonely teens of opposite genders in the same living space so cramped that the two of them had no choice but to sleep, bathe, and do everything together when their lives are under constant threat, and kept marriage forms in his office for when the 'inevitable' happened. He has further placed dangerous, untested devices designed specifically to strip away control of the pilots' Eva inside those Eva without informing them, when the Eva are already prone to going berserk, but gave the pilots no way to stop or override the process, leaving them helplessly watching, and feeling, everything the Eva do, including the killing of their spouse! And now he dares to criminally accuse those children of the acts that the Eva carried out in their berserk state when the pilots had absolutely no control and imprison them? Ladies and Gentlemen. Gendo Ikari is a monstrous individual that deserves no pity, no sympathy, no mercy. He must be harshly punished, and locked away for all our sake. We can not let a madman decide the fate of our war with the Angels. That is all."

Yamamoto: "Professor Fuyutsuki, Lara Croft-san. Thank you for your impassioned statements. The court will adjourn while we ponder the evidence. Until then, The Commander will remain in custody, and under heavy guard, for his own safety. That is all. Dismissed." (Bangs Gavel).

After the courtroom clears out, the three judges are left to review the evidence, and they are not happy.

Yamamoto: "My gods, what a messed up group of people..."

Snake: "You're in no position to comment. Your little organization is no flock of saints."

Tanya: "True, still, that Commander. Even if you do see your people as nothing more than tools, you should fucking maintain them properly!"

Viktoria: "Lt. Colonel!"

Tanya: "What, Visha?! I'm pissed at that guy. I don't care how 'special' that Eva-01 is. To make its pilot a prisoner in his own body, forced to helplessly watch and feel himself doing unspeakable things is both inexcusable and unforgivable!"

Snake: "Well, the Professor's team completely failed to prove the kids were in control in any way during the rampage. I say they're not guilty or culpable in any way."

Everyone: "AGREED!"

Snake: "Now for The Commander... There's considerable evidence to substantiate the Gross Negligence charge. I mean, just going by these requisition documents, Pilot Rei's been left to her own devices in that apartment for months, if not years. It's amazing her raped and mutilated corpse didn't show up in the police morgue, especially considering that drug regiment she was on."

Tanya: "This is alone worse than the worst I've seen in the entire German theater of the post Second Impact wars. Unfortunately, it gets worse."

Snake: "Indeed. Abandons his own son in a crowded train terminal, for his aide, his AIDE to shuffle off to a 'Sensei' that goes out of his way to pretend the boy doesn't exist, only seeing the boy a few minutes a year, at his mother's grave..."

Yamamoto: "Then there's the arrival of not one but **two** Angel compromised materiel, which he signed off on. Either he blindly rubber-stamps stuff that comes from the committee, or he's deliberately bringing Angels into NERV HQ... I don't know which is worse."

Tanya: "That's the 'aid and comfort to the enemy' charges. I don't think Lara's cleared the bar proving he knowingly and willingly orchestrated it, but this does nail shut the coffin on the Gross Negligence charge."

Everyone: "Agreed!"

Snake: "He pretty much confessed on the stand to the Reckless Endangerment charge by admitting he installed the Dummy Plug System on the Eva over Dr. Akagi's concerns, and without telling the pilots."

Tanya: "As for abusing subordinates, quarantine or not, you don't go frog-marching your pilots nude through corridors under threat of 'bathing' them by using a high-powered hose! Even if there's a massive power failure! It's amazing that NERV hasn't faced a full-blown mutiny!"

To be continued...


	52. Chapter 52

**Chapter 50**

Wanda: "This is Wanda Cronkite at CNN. The tribunal's been deliberating for a full week. All they've asked for in the meantime were legal books and local cuisine. This must be a tough case... Oh here they come. Let's watch with our cameraman on the scene, Kawasaki Honda!"

 **In the courtroom...**

Viktoria: "All rise."

Everyone stands at attention.

Yamamoto: "Be seated."

Everyone sits down, listening to every word.

Yamamoto: "After very careful deliberation, and consulting every relevant legal text we could find for precedent, we found that both pilots, Shinji-kun and Asuka-kun, are clearly not guilty of all charges!"

(The streamer at the bottom reads "Acquittal! The shocking verdict is in!"

Gendo, attending in handcuffs, begins gnashing his teeth.

Yamamoto: "We've found that under the war-powers act, military tribunals can also make summary judgments based on evidence presented without having to convene an entirely new trial in times of war. We are currently at war with the Angels. As such, based on the evidence at hand, we've come to the conclusion that Commander Gendo Ikari is guilty of several grievous charges.

"One. A near consistent pattern of Gross Negligence in the handling of personnel, equipment, and day to day operations. The housing facilities pilots and some personnel were forced to live in is astonishing and horrific! It took the introduction of an external agency, Lara Croft's company, to rectify the situation!

"Two. Abusing Subordinates. Notably pilots Shinji-kun, Rei-kun, and Asuka-kun. Especially during the Ireul incident.

"Three. Reckless Endangerment. By placing dangerous and completely untested equipment designed to seize control away from the pilots who are already having great difficulty controlling the Eva in the first place, and without informing or warning them in any way first!"

Tanya: "Those are the three most glaring charges. We may add more charges depending on what we discover during our investigation into NERV's operating procedures and practices. Until our investigation is complete, Gendo Ikari will be stripped of all rank and privileges in NERV, kept incarcerated with all movements, conversations, and activities strictly monitored, all his personal assets seized and carefully analyzed, and lastly, we, the tribunal, will take full control of NERV Tokyo-3 command and operations until someone competent, skilled, and trustworthy can be found to take his place..."

Gendo: "NO! YOU! IDIOTS! YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE DOING!"

Gendo breaks his handcuffs, picks up and throws the desk behind which he's sitting at the judges.

Viktoria: (Draws rifle) "Stand down, Ikari-san. STAND DOWN NOW!"

Gendo picks up the chair he was sitting on and throws it in Viktoria's direction. Now while Gendo's a well known schemer, always looking at the long-con, he also has a long, long history of getting into bar brawls, frequently having to be bailed out by Professor Kozo Fuyutsuki. Now whether he had anger management issues, or was simply using this as a ploy to get closer to Yui, the world will never know. What is certain, is that he's quite adept at maneuvering in such a chaotic environment, which is what he's hoping to generate here.

Viktoria, having faced live combat, and Tanya's training regiment, _**which is worse**_ , does not flinch from Gendo's attack, but instead takes careful aim and shoots, trying to subdue the rampaging man... to find her bullet deflected by an A-T field.

Gendo: "You petty, know it all, bureaucratic fools won't stop me! I! WILL! HAVE! MY! SCENARIO! No matter what it takes!"

Gendo graps Fuyutsuki from behind, wrapping his left arm around the professor's throat in a choke-hold, to use as a human shield, while keeping his right hand free to use Adam's A-T field to deflect any incoming fire.

Fuyutsuki: "This is the wrong approach, old friend..."

Before he can even finish talking, Fuyutsuki is taken down by a taser from Tanya's orb.

Tanya: "Let's see how my Elenium 95 orb works against A-T fields, Commander"(As she chants, her spooky blue eyes take on a radiant golden hue.) " _Our Lord who art in Heaven, lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil, AMEN!"_

Tanya fires an energy blast at Gendo, who tries to block it with Adam's A-T field. The resulting clash of metaphysical energies sends both of them flying backwards and acts like a massive flash-bang grenade to everyone else in the room. Misato, who is accustomed to dealing with flash-bang grenades, and other forms of ordinance, recovers first with Gendo a close second. She uses the opportunity to pin Gendo down, and hit him with a commandeered taser.

Brzzt! Tik, Tik, Tik, Tik!

Gendo: "AAAARRRGGGHHHH!"

Gendo glares at Misato like he's planning to kill her.

Misato: "PLEASE keep resisting, you sick son-of-a-bitch! I'd love to have an excuse to taser you to death after what you did to Rits. Oh, yes. I know about the little 'extras' you've been putting into her IV, and God knows what you did before that!"

Gendo tries to get up anyway, but before Misato can do anything, she gets tasered from behind with enough voltage to not only render her unconscious, but cause total bladder failure.

Kaji: "Sorry, lover. I'll make this up to you, later. This is all **much** bigger than you can imagine."

Gendo: "Thank you, Inspector. As for you, you overgrown child in a woman's body..." (Kicks Misato in the stomach) "there are things I'd love to do to teach you your place, but business before pleasure..."

Kaji: "Commander, we must go."

Gendo: "One moment, Inspector."

Gendo goes over and grabs Visha's gun, then puts it square in the center of Kaji's back.

Gendo: "This keeps you 'innocent' so you can help me later."

Gendo marches Kaji out of the courtroom at gunpoint for all the world to see, forces Kaji to open his vehicle and boards with him, along the way, Gendo not only throws Kaji out of the still moving vehicle, into traffic, but takes the wheel and goes off to parts unknown.

Fortunately, by sheer stroke of luck, Kaji survives, in the hospital, with serious head trauma after being run over by a car. Though alive, he is clearly not well, his life hangs by a thread. Misato, herself beat up after Gendo's brutal kicks to her stomach area, still comes to visit him.

Misato: "WHY?! Why would you help that bastard escape?! WHHHYYYY?!"

Tanya: "Obviously at gunpoint, Major..."

Misato: "No, before that. Somebody tasered me in the back, and Honda-san's recorded audio implies it was him."

Snake: "We'll find that out, Major, soon. Don't worry."

Misato: "Yeah, well, he'd better have a damn, DAMN good reason, otherwise, I might just have to shoot him myself."

Yamamoto: "And we'll let you, Major. As it stands, Gendo is now a full-blown traitor, and Inspector Kaji will have to answer to charges of aiding and abetting, unless the UN pulls some strings on his behalf, which is unlikely."

Misato: "So whose quarters are we going to search first, and what hole do you think that sick son-of-a-bitch is hiding in?"

Yamamoto: "We've already frozen his accounts, or tried, those damn Swiss bankers, and either seized or destroyed all his assets, save his quarters in the Geofront, which we're still searching."

Rits: "I've already gone into the Magi, disabled all his access points to NERV, as well as a rather nasty surprise he had in store for me and Maya if I didn't 'play ball,' though he can still brute-force his way in, and he knows those air-ducts almost as well as Rei did... I'm so sorry, Major. She deserved a better life... and death... than that..."

Misato: "I owe you an apology too, Rits. Maya brought me your medical chart, the analysis of the stuff that was in your IV, ovulation drugs and civet musk, and talked me through it. The latter is a powerful, yet relatively odorless and colorless aphrodisiac. In fact, civet dung is sold as (an expensive as hell) coffee substitute. There were also traces of long-term metabolized residue of the musk in your system. He's been drugging you for a long, long time."

Ritsuko: "Oh! My! GOD! Did he do that to my mother too?"

Misato: "No way to know, Rits. She's been dead and buried too long. If there's any solace I can give you, it's that you're not entirely responsible for your behavior. Your judgment was deliberately clouded without your knowledge or consent."

Ritsuko: "I'll kill him! I SWEAR TO GOD I'LL KILL HIM!"

Misato: "The line starts with Shinji-kun and Asuka-kun. Their trauma is the most raw."

Ritsuko: "...If those kids have the power and the will to do it, I'm going to cheer them on!"

Misato: "That's the Rits I know and love... OUCH! I could use a dip in that LCL right now... that coward, kicking me in the gut..."

Ritsuko: "He could have done worse... He wanted to, going by that audio."

Misato: "I shudder when I hear the term 'business before pleasure' in that... Was he planning to flat-out rape me or something?!"

Ritsuko: "I no longer put any depth of depravity past that bastard."

 **In the former Misaki estate...**

Rei is watching the news for the local weather, planning to work in the garden later, along with little Rea who is really reading the psychology book she borrowed from Dr. Crane's office, along with a dictionary to look up words she doesn't understand. Just like her mother, she loves to read any book she gets her hands on. They both stop everything they're doing when news of the trial comes on...

Wanda: "Our own brave reporter on the scene, Kawasaki Honda, and his cameraman were casualties on the chaos that ensued as the verdict was read, but the decision was unanimous." (Images of Asuka and Shinji appear on the monitor behind Wanda with the word "Acquitted" written over them) "The pilots Shinji Ikari-san and Asuka Soryu-san were found not-guilty on all charges! The trial also broke ground on new legal precedent. The evidence presented in the trial rebounded on their accuser, Gendo Ikari."

A picture of Gendo Ikari replaces the pictures of the pilots with the word "Wanted" pasted in red, bold letters across it.

"The former commander of NERV is now wanted for several grievous crimes, Gross Negligence, Abusing Subordinates, Reckless Endangerment, but the newest and most grievous comes about from his actions in the courtroom as the summary judgment was being read. **TREASON** against not just Japan, but all of Humanity. Gendo Ikari is considered armed and extremely dangerous. If you encounter him, _**do not approach.**_ Citizens are advised to avoid him at all costs, and contact local law-enforcement through 119. I repeat, do not approach or attempt to apprehend Gendo Ikari. The former Commander is far, far more dangerous than almost anyone can understand. Law enforcement and we here at CNN will assume no liability in the case these instructions are ignored. Our prayers go out to all his victims, especially pilots Rei Ikari, Shinji Ikari, and Asuka Soryu, wishing for their quick recovery. Yes, those kids need a miracle."

 **At an undisclosed location, among the former Gehrin labs...**

Gendo is in a holographic meeting with SEELE.

Gendo: "As you're all well aware, I am currently on the run, and in hiding, thanks in no small part to you and your patsies, so I'm going to make this brief... _**I QUIT! YOU CAN ALL KISS YOUR DELUSIONS OF GODHOOD GOODBYE!**_ "

Kihl: " **IKARI! REMEMBER YOUR PLACE...** "

Gendo: "Mommy! The mean old man won't give me the candy I want! Get it for me!"

SEELE FRANCE: "Are you making light of all the francs we spent on this project..."

SEELE ENGLAND: "The time and equipment..."

SEELE RUSSIA: "The personnel.."

SEELE MEXICO: "The Labor..."

Gendo: "BWAH! BWAH! BWAH! BWAAAAAHHHHH! You are all just a bunch of spoiled two-year-olds stuck in grown men's bodies! SHUT UP and let the adult speak!"

All the old men of SEELE are stunned into silence by Gendo's outburst.

Gendo: "I know none of what you mentioned matters to any of you louts as your last 'peacekeeping' mission completely trashed everything and everyone you just mentioned."

SEELE US: "Now see here, Ikari. That is no way to talk to us..."

Gendo: "Oh get over yourself. You fail basic math and plate tectonics! Not only did the documents you sent my team get the dimensions of the Reno crater wrong, but you screwed up the miles to kilometers conversion! It's a 64 km radius along the surface! Fortunately, it wasn't a perfect sphere, meaning they must have somehow launched Eva-04 into the sky, or the resulting super-volcano would have killed us all, as the Earth's crust isn't 64 km deep anywhere in the continental US!... With that track record, I'm damn sure none of you even begin to understand the research you stole from NERV Tokyo-3... My scenario was your best chance of becoming the gods you clearly don't deserve to be, and you have screwed that over, irrevocably. You'll wish I simply hunted you down and killed you by the time I'm done. Good bye and good riddance."

Gendo breaks off the transmission and breaks out his disguise, the appearance of a Hawaiian tourist.

To be continued...


	53. Chapter 53

**Chapter 51**

 **That night, in the shared quarters belonging to Tanya and Viktoria...**

Tanya is sleeping, or trying to, with little success. She tosses and turns fitfully as the memory of how she returned to **a** modern Earth, though not the one she's originally from. On _**that**_ Earth, she was a male salary man, in his 40s, working the HR department in some company whose name she no longer remembers, spending the last night of his life with the unfortunate task of having to fire an irredeemable employee who abused drugs and refused numerous company offered rehab programs, was habitually tardy, or simply absent with no notice, approval, or valid reason, and when he _**was**_ at work, would deliberately perform poorly, just to spite his fellow workers and the customers. Despite all this, the doomed former employee had the gall to plead for his job, as if he was some kind of innocent victim, when he had burned every bridge and turned down every single offer for assistance.

The male HR manager, who Tanya used to be, on his way home, waiting at the train station, was shoved by the terminated employee, in a fit of rage, off the waiting platform and into the path of the oncoming train which had no time to stop before a fatal impact.

Upon being killed by the collision, the man finds himself being greeted by a being identifying itself as "God." This "god" then proceeds to force him into a theological debate regarding faith and prayer, a debate the former salary man actually wins. In a fit of pique, this entity, which will forever be known as "Being X" from that point on, deliberately misinterprets the salary man's arguments.

One: "Rational people will not believe in any god without conclusive proof" became "people will believe in God if there's plenty of magic and miracles around."

Two: "People will generally not offer anything, including prayer, if they have nothing to gain by doing so" became "people will not pray if they are content, but will pray if they are in distress."

As such, "Being X" dumped the soul of this salary man into a five-year-old little girl... in an Earth on the brink of WWI as a German citizen, and with a massive amount of magical potential, so she could not avoid military service.

After many setbacks, struggles, and life-or death battles, some of which were a very close thing, she was "blessed" with the Elenium-95 orb, which forces Tanya to pray to "Being X" before every use, or it might explode with the force of a nuclear bomb, but that's not enough, no.

Since "Being X" wants Tanya to worship it, completely, unreservedly, mind, body, and soul, to be its "holy messenger," it has made Tanya's life a living hell, with the threat of complete oblivion and being forgotten as if she never existed if she dies hanging over her head, while putting her life in near constant jeopardy, and doesn't seem to understand why this only serves to piss her off...

Eventually, after all Tanya's efforts to find a peaceful life backfire, spectacularly, thanks to "Being X" directly manipulating Tanya's life, the many, many, enemies created by its machinations, calling Tanya "THE DEVIL OF THE RHINE," for having the gall to actually defend herself from their aggression, launch an attack of such overwhelming ferocity against her and her battalion of mages, that she might as well be facing an oncoming nuclear holocaust.

Just as one of the missiles is right in Tanya's face, Being X stops time and offers a "choice." Either Tanya follow it to NERV Berlin to "instruct the faithless" of its existence, and "awaken their faith" or simply do nothing as the missiles tipped with unstable Elenium-95 cores detonate, scattering her atoms to the four corners of the planet, along with her battalion.

Having just a split second to decide, she naturally takes the "offer," grabs her closest underling, Viktoria, and flees through the portal created, unable to save her men from the onslaught...knowing that they were atomized, and helpless to stop it. Even though she viewed her men as shields, she was quite fond of them. The guilt of being only able to save her adjutant, crushes her deeply and fills her with an unquenchable desire to see Being X, not only "fired" from the position of "god" but killed in the most horrific way possible. Passing by a church, any church, unnerves Tanya so much, she has to repress the urge to atomize the building, leaving not one molecule intact.

She was really looking forward to being the pilot of Eva-03 because she'd get to kill "Angels." But... as we all know, this wasn't to be.

Viktoria hears her commander's tossing and turning, and addresses Tanya.

Viktoria: "Still having those nightmares, Lt. Colonel?"

Tanya turns to see Viktoria in the simple, yet elegant, baby-doll outfit which is the first thing she purchased for herself upon coming to NERV Berlin.

Tanya: "Yes... That BEING X! ..."

Viktoria, a full-grown adult woman, takes the barely teen Tanya, and hugs her to her breast, petting her on the head. This is something she'd **NEVER** do in public, not only because Tanya's her superior officer, but because of the massive age difference between them.

Viktoria: "It's okay to be angry, and sad. We lost all our friends and team-mates we cared about so much. If you want to hate this 'Being X' for not saving them too, that's fine. Still, I'm glad."

Tanya: "Eh?! What are you talking about?!"

Viktoria: "Of all the people you could have chosen to rescue, you chose me!"

Tanya: "You know you're just a shield to me, right?!"

Viktoria: "Of course you say that, Lt. Col. You always have. Still. I know you better!"

Tanya: "And what do you know?!"

Viktoria: "You don't like to show it, for whatever reason, and I won't pry, but you have actually been very kind to me since the day we met. You treated me, me, a lowly conscript, with genuine respect and admiration, while berating the two cocky volunteer recruits, for being cocky and entitled. In every other unit I found myself, I was berated for being a conscript, while the cocky volunteers got treated with respect and dignity. You trusted me with your darkest secrets and let me see the real you, good, bad, or ugly, when you had no reason to trust me."

Tanya's face goes a bit pale at that. She could have been courts-martial-ed and killed for admitting to deliberately placing those glory-hound hot-heads in a bunker, knowing they'd be targeted by artillery and killed, and then admitting it.

Viktoria: "You may say different, but I know you give orders that make sure we get home safely, and if we disobey, we have every right to die, and we deserve it. During the 'training' exercise that made us all elites, when an avalanche broke my leg, you may have berated me in public, but I know that I'm alive because of you. I'm sure you berated me not only for the sake of the rest of the recruits, but so I wouldn't be bogged down by guilt for holding them back later in a real firefight."

Tanya's eyes widen at that statement, as that's clearly not what she intended. She wanted them all to drop out so she wouldn't be saddled with suicide missions as the head of a mobile battalion, but it's still a perfectly rational deduction. Tanya didn't believe she could fall in love, being a person with "a rotten personality and every complex known to man," but here she is, falling, and hard, for her adjutant, naive or not, for being the perfectly rational person, she wishes she could deal with, as opposed to the morally myopic bastards she's had to deal with ever since Being X came into her life.

Tanya: "Visha... If it were not for the fact that I'm your superior officer, female, and the serious age difference between us, I'd marry you right here and now. Right or wrong, you're the most rational person I've ever met, and you chose me, despite my rotten personality, for sound, logical reasons! I don't know if I can even feel love, but if I can, you're the only one for me..."

Viktoria: (Weeping tears of joy) "Lt. Col! Thank you! THANK YOU SO MUCH!"

From that night onward, the two of them stopped sleeping in bunk-beds and shared the same mattress...with all that implies.

 **The next morning at Tokyo-3's hospital...**

Misato is napping at Kaji's bedside, to not miss the time he wakes up, both because she cares about him, and to get answers...

Contrary to all expectations, Kaji wakes up, he barely has time to get his bearings before Misato's gun suddenly appears in his face.

Misato: (Although her tone is even, her rage is palpable) "Inspector. Because you were thrown into traffic, and you're currently in a hospital bed, you're being given this one chance. If I had found you alive and well by Gendo's side, I would have shot you dead after the stunt you pulled. Taser me from behind so that sick bastard can kick me in the gut and that's before mentioning that it's 'business before pleasure' and promising worse when he's a provable rapist? And is now wanted for **TREASON** among other grievous charges, for the rest of which he was convicted? I'm going to ask you once, and only once, why you felt it necessary to help that bastard, and it had better be good, DAMN, DAMN GOOD, or I will shoot you to death right here, and I have the tribunal's permission. Well, what's your excuse?"

Kaji: "SEELE."

Misato: "SEELE?! What do they..."

Kaji: "N2 Mines, several, in Geo-front."

Misato: "... The Eva would survive, we won't."

Kaji: "Yes."

Misato: "So your ploy was to lure him into a trap and let SEELE deal with him?"

Kaji: "Yes."

Misato: "And you're aware that SEELE's been trying to kill us, yes?"

Kaji: "...Yes."

Misato: (Sigh) "Well, I'll grant you that it was a damn good reason for you to act the way you did. STUPID, but understandable. Do you have any ideas where these N2 mines are?"

Kaji: "No."

Misato: "Oh good grief. As if I didn't have enough to worry about with the Angels, terroristic death cults, and having two of our best pilots trapped in their Eva, with the third presumed dead... Eesh. Can you at least tell us where Former Commander Asshole might go?"

Kaji: "GEHRIN."

Misato: "Well, it's not much, but it's a start. YOU stay put, and get well." (Points at Kaji's hand-cuff to the hospital bed.) "It's not much, I know, but Yamamoto and the rest of the tribunal have placed some very, very competent guards at the door, and this place is being constantly watched. I've got work to do, and thank you for giving me a reason to not shoot you." (Kisses Kaji on the forehead) "See you soon, lover, and don't forget your promise to make it up to me."

Misato leaves the room.

Kaji: "..." (Sigh)

 **Meanwhile, in the Eva core...**

Kyoko looks much better. She's certainly a long, long way from being completely healed, she at least looks like a scrambled Rubik's cube as opposed to a Picasso painting of one.

Natla: "Whew. I … need a break."

Yui: "Impressive, Natla-san. Though it's only been a week, there's clearly much more to be done."

Natla: "Goddess or not, I can't do it all at once. This all I can do now. Go ahead and have a chat Soyu-kun. Let's see how she's holding up."

Asuka: "Alright, alright, geez. Momma? Can you hear me?"

Kyoko: "My daughter (My daughter). How you've grown... Oh, and you brought a boy home (a boy home). You been treating my girl (my girl) right, young man?"

Asuka: (Crying happily) "Yes, Momma! He cooks, cleans, loves me up one side and down the other. Him and his wife!"

Kyoko: "I see... Wait... HIS WIFE?! (His wife?) Are you the other woman?!"

Asuka: "MOMMA! We're married! I'm her wife!"

Kyoko: "(Her) Her Wife (Wife)... HER?!"

Asuka: "Yeah. We've exchanged vows. I'm sorry you missed the ceremony..."

Kyoko: "I.. do not understand."

Asuka: "It's a complicated Japanese thing. Just... I love them, Momma, and they love me."

Kyoko: "Are you happy? (Happy?)"

Asuka: (Sniff) "Yeah. I'm happy."

Kyoko: "Then I'm glad (glad). All I want is to see you happy. So when can I see the kids? (Kids)"

Asuka: " _ **MOMMA!**_ It's still too soon for us. We have to beat the Angels first."

Kyoko: "Angels (Angels)?...!... How long (long) have I been here? (Here)"

Yui: "Ten odd years, dear."

Kyoko: "My god (god) I've missed so much of your life (life), Asuka-chan. I'm so, so sorry."

Asuka: "Momma! It's okay. I love you, it's good to have you back..."

Kyoko suddenly remembers something...

Kyoko: "What have I done (done)? I... MISTOOK A DOLL FOR YOU!"

Asuka: (Crying) "Momma..."

Kyoko: "AND I HUNG THE BOTH OF US!" 

Asuka: "MOMMA!"

Kyoko: "OHGODOHGODOHGODOHGODOHGODOHGOD!"

Natla: "Sleep."

With just a touch, Natla puts Kyoko to rest again.

To be continued...


	54. Chapter 54

**Chapter 52**

Natla: "Sorry, about that. Seems she wasn't quite as ready as I thought."

Asuka collapses to her knees, clearly traumatized.

Shinji: "Asuka, ASUKA!"

Shinji hugs Asuka from behind, cuddles her, and then glares at Natla.

Yui: "Now, now, Shinji-kun. I'm sure Ms. Natla is doing her very best, right, Natla-san?"

Natla: "Ye—Yes, Yui-san. This is the first time I've seen a soul this badly damaged. What happened to her?"

Asuka: "Momma... She... She …"

Yui: "She came into contact with the Eva core, using what she thought was a safe-guard to keep from getting sucked in... and it worked... sort-of. Her body wasn't sucked in, but part of her soul was..."

Asuka: "Then she went slowly crazy! Mistook a stupid doll for me. Then I found her hung corpse, with the doll hung too!"

Natla: "...So part of her soul gets sucked out of her body, but instead of trying to repair the damage right away, GEHRIN decides the best way to proceed is to let the rest fester and then blend the whole thing back together again like they're making a sorbet. EESH! It's amazing we made as much progress as we did..."

 **Meanwhile, in the remains of a small town known as Negima,**

Gendo arrives by bus under the guise of "Principal Kuno," a disguise he's used successfully for decades. He married into the Kuno family, sired two children, Tatewaki and Kodachi Kuno, and inherited the estate when their mother met … "an unfortunate accident."

This estate is the reason he's here now, as there's something he vitally needs from there.

Principal Kuno: (In English/Hawaiian) "Yeah, baby! I am back!"

Upon seeing him, the population, especially the teenagers, all flee in terror.

Principal Kuno: "Hahaha! That never gets old."

The news soon spreads to Ranma and Akane, now married near a decade, childless, though not for lack of trying, at the Tendo Dojo.

Ranma: "What?! That son-of-a-bitch survived the complete destruction of Hawaii?"

Akane: "Those Kunos have the devil's own luck! Not only does the patriarch survive Second Impact, but Nabiki and Kodachi are cranking out kids like they're going out of style, while we... "

Ranma: "Yeah. We've checked with Dr. Tofu. My little guys swim just fine, and your... equipment is in perfect order, but..."

Akane: "Don't say it! I know your junk and mine have been getting to know each other very, very closely, especially recently, but..."

Ranma: "Yeah. It ain't working, and nobody knows why. The Doc says jest take it easy and don't rush..."

Akane: "But it still hurts... Well, the little ones Nabiki pawned off on us aren't taking after their parents yet..."

Ranma: "Yeah, they're turning eight now, and they're sweet, sensitive, adorable little b..."

Akane: "RRRAAAAANNNNMMMAAAA!"

Ranma: "BADASS martial artists!"

Akane: "... That's true. They're grateful we took 'em in, and they're hard workers, household chores or training, doesn't matter. Couldn't ask for better kids."

Ranma: "Yeah, I ain't gonna treat em like my old man or ma treated me. Not gonna drag em across the world or make em swim ta China to dunk em in some cursed spring."

Akane: "And not sell them off as fiances for a bowl of rice and a couple of pickles?"

Ranma: (Shudders) "ESPECIALLY NOT THAT!"

 **Principal Kuno would have his own share of surprises when he got to the Kuno estate...**

Tatewaki: "Ora, Ora, Ora. Hundred Sword technique!"

Principal Kuno: "Pathetic as always, son!"

Principal Kuno whittles the bamboo sword to wooden shavings with a pair of hair shears.

Principal Kuno: "You haven't improved at all, how disappointing. And what's up with this?!"

He stares at a very, very pregnant Kodachi Kuno.

Kodachi: "It's my husband Ranma's child! The latest of several! Oh I just can't get enough!"

Tatewaki: "He may be an in-law, but don't mention that blackguard in front of me!"

Kodachi: "Oh shut it! You always going off about Akane and 'Pig tailed girl'! They may be your concubines, but they still grate me for being near my Ranny-wanny!"

Principal Kuno: (In English/Hawaiian) "OH MY GOD!"

A very, very pregnant Nabiki enters the room and gets Principal Kuno's attention.

Nabiki: "Come with me please, Principal. You and I have much business to discuss, and I'll happily fill you in, as a professional courtesy."

Almost immediately after they step into the office, they can hear strange sounds from outside in the hallway.

Tatewaki: "Akane! Pig-tailed girl!"

Kodachi: "Ranma-sama!"

This is quickly followed by some moaning and grunting...

Nabiki: "Oh for the love of..." (shouting) "USE THE BEDROOM! IT'S SAFER AND CLEANER!"

When the hallway gets quiet again...

Nabiki: "And that's where the camera and audio equipment is, idiots. Now Prinicpal Kuno, please have a seat."

Kuno: "So what is actually going on?"

Nabiki: (Sigh) "As usual, your son and daughter are wrapped up in their own make-believe world, completely delusional. Tatewaki is firmly convinced that he's married to, and having sex on a frequent, regular basis with, both Akane and 'Pig-tailed girl' while Kodachi is firmly of the mindset that she's doing the same with Ranma-sama... This is all wrong, of course. Tatewaki is legally married _to me_ and is using his own sister as a concubine while she's deluded herself into thinking her brother is actually Ranma every time she jumps into the sack, like right now..."

Kuno: "..." (English/Hawaiian) "WHAT! THE! FUCK?!"

Nabiki: "You can quit the act now. You're nowhere near as shocked or emotional as you're pretending."

Kuno takes the classic "Gendo Pose."

Kuno: "Indeed, very observant Nabiki-san. It's so refreshing to drop that act and negotiate with someone seriously. So what are you getting out of this... arrangement?"

Nabiki: "Oh, I have a couple of very lucrative businesses going here."

Nabiki points at the cabinet behind her showcasing numerous VHS tapes and compact disks.

Nabiki: "You won't believe how insanely popular Kuno porn is. Any combination of Tatewaki, Kodachi, and myself sells really well, though if I'm starring in it, I do tend to price it a bit more. Nobody seems to mind."

Kuno: "And the other business?"

Nabiki: "As for that, Kuno offspring are even more highly prized for some reason. Frankly, I don't care what that reason is, good or bad, as long as I get paid a nice 'finder's fee,' auctioned to the highest bidder. Although if the child comes out of _**MY WOMB**_ , you can bet your sorry backside that I'm doing the research to make sure the 'highest bidder' is going to give the child a good home. I do have a certain pride in being a surrogate mother, after all."

Kuno: "I see, and the others are okay with this arrangement?"

Nabiki: "Hahahaha! They've deluded themselves about that as with everything else! They think those brats are going to some fancy-pants boarding school to make them into fitting Kuno heirs... There's only one pair that gets a technical pass on that. The pair being raised by my sister Akane and her husband Ranma. They got the first born, mine and Kodachi's, both because Ranma's sterile, though Dr. Tofu doesn't have the heart to tell him, and I'm not going to, as Ranma and Akane giving up on trying to make their own would ultimately come back to bite me, but because the two of them did me some special 'favors' that help me set this all up. Which brings us to the question of why, after the better part of a decade, you came here, Principal Kuno?"

Kuno: "DAUGHTER! You may be an in-law, but you're a true Kuno heir through and through, unlike those two … disappointments. As to your question, there is an item that I need to collect from here, and I also need a place to stay for a while after certain... setbacks have made life rather difficult and screwed up my investments."

Nabiki: "I see. Well, I have no reason to refuse as long as you don't mess with my business and don't expect me to shield you should the authorities come knocking... Oh yeah. I'm a woman who has a history of routinely selling out her birth-sister for cash, so don't expect any special favors for an in-law."

Kuno: "Of course."

Nabiki: "That just leaves the issue of living expenses. How are you planning to cover your stay with us? I don't accept IOU's."

Kuno: "... This _**IS**_ my house. All utilities were paid for, in advance, as was the routine delivery of groceries and other essentials. Surely you noticed that when you moved in?"

Nabiki: "Until you were declared legally dead, yes. You have been 'missing' for the better part of ten years, and of course there was that nastiness in Hawaii known as 'Second Impact.'..."

Kuno: (Sigh) "You are aware that with Furinkan High now a pile of rubble, and with my recent 'setbacks' that I don't have a reliable source of income or legitimate employment, right?"

Nabiki: "Oh, I don't know. I hear you're a mean hand at using those barber's shears. Ever consider being a stylist? I could certainly use one for my 'business venture.'"

Kuno: "Are you sure you want that? I could wind up shaving them both bald..."

Nabiki: "THAT would be perfect, but not on their heads, if you get my drift. It would save me a lot of post-production editing since I wouldn't have to throw in a bunch of mosaics..."

Kuno: (Smirks under tented hands) "Dear girl, I hear what sounds like an agreement."

Nabiki: "Splendid. In exchange for your styling services, you will receive full room and board, but that only covers eating normal meals, breakfast, lunch, and dinner, together as a family in the dining room. Snacks and so forth will cost extra."

Kuno: "Then dear girl, we have a deal."

 **Meanwhile, at the Ikari estate...**

Dr. Fraser Crane has scheduled a group session for Dr. Ritsuko Akagi, Major Misato Katsuragi, and to the surprise of the former two...

Misato: "I get that it's all well and good for the two of us to be in therapy together, but why here?"

Ritsuko: "The scenery?... Or is there another reason?"

Frasier: " Well, there are a couple of people I'd like the two of you to meet..."

Taking that as their cue, in rushes little Rea, who is greeted warmly, and then..

Rei: "Hello, Doctor. Major. I've been expecting you."

Misato: (Blinks rapidly) "Rei?... REI! You're alive! How... HOW DID YOU SURVIVE?!"

Misato grabs Rei in a bear hug and then starts rubbing the bluenette's hair, Trying to certify that she's not hallucinating.

Rei: "I am physically here, Major. This is not a dream or hallucination."

Misato: "Then how?..."

Ritsuko: "I can explain that, Major. The Rei you see here is and is not the Rei we know."

Misato: "And what does THAT mean?!"

Rei: "I am a clone, Major. One of many. Doctor Akagi, perhaps I should hate you with every fiber of my being for what you put me through, not the least of which is stealing away my childhood and drugging me into some kind of doll, a state shared by the remaining clones in Washu's lab, but take heart, I don't. Your actions gave me the best husband and wife a girl could ask for. Where are they?"

Misato: "Trapped in the cores of their respective Eva."

Ritsuko: (Weeping bitterly) "I'm sorry, so, so sorry!"

 **From the other side of the moon, the next Angel threat approaches...**

To be continued...


	55. Chapter 55

**Chapter 53**

What Gendo, aka Principal Kuno, was looking for in the Kuno house was a scroll he secreted away long, long ago, something his father had bought from Indy's archaeological competition, a scroll nobody could identify with a language nobody understood, a parchment written by the First Ancestral Race, the ones who seeded Earth with life.

It was found in the ancient pyramids of Eqypt in the tomb of Ramses II, the Pharoah who foolishly pursued the Israelites into the Red Sea in a fit of wroth for the death of his first born son due to plague, and was drowned alongside his army for it, or so the story goes.

Gendo had gone to many scholars far and wide trying to get it translated, but none could, until he met Professor Fuyutsuki and got access to the "Dead Sea Scrolls" with the translation guide.

Now he's looking at what could possibly be the way to control a progenitor directly, without a medium, which was Rei's role.

Principal Kuno: "Those bastards think they've stopped me?! HA! I'll make them pay, I'll make them ALL pay... Turn the world to LCL so they can 'become gods' to mold and shape it as they see fit? Hehe, oh, they'll get that alright, except someone else will be the 'tuner' and 'creator,' and they're going to see how it feels to have some outside power control them, day and night... FOR ETERNITY! As for that brat... I haven't forgotten about him, no. Once I'm through, I'll see to it that he is allowed to just barely grasp his wants and needs, only to have them yanked away over and over again... Just like in Re: Zero! HAHAHAHAHAHA! They may have stolen Rei away from me, but little Rea will soon be in my grasp, and I've already decoded the trick to shut off her powers. Wait for me, little girl. Just a bit more..."

Aside from meals, calls of nature, and his duties as the Kuno "stylist," Principal Kuno does not leave his assigned quarters at all for the next week or so as he carefully studies the Egyptian "Dead Sea Scroll" in his possession, and tries to deduce the location of the former Misaki estate that was handed over to Rei, Shinji, and Asuka as a "wedding gift" by Tenchi Masaki.

 **Meanwhile, at Tokyo-3,...**

Life goes on, everyone completely unaware of the threat(s) hanging over them. Misato does her best to find and disarm the N2 "mines" smuggled away by SEELE within the Geofront.

Kaji, under heavy guard and constant watch, does his best to recover from having his head almost squashed like a watermelon under some poor sap's tires when Gendo threw him out into traffic.

Vice Commander Fuyutsuki, also under careful watch, continues to guide Misato on the workings of NERV, trying to get her up to speed with the many, many "black box" projects Gendo was working on, or had Ritsuko Akagi working on under him, or both.

Dr. Ritsuko Akagi, knowing it's just a matter of time before the next Angel attack, is desperately trying to make some use of the mangled Eva remains left behind by Zeruel/Natla's rampage and the inept piloting of Mari "Illustrious" Makinamy and Kowaru Nagisa.

Inspired by the American movie "Pacific Rim," she eventually settles on meshing together the remains of Eva-05 and Eva-06 into a dual-core, dual-pilot Frankenstein's monster construct. To be honest, it's the only viable option as neither Eva is anywhere near intact enough to ever be whole again on its own.

Misato: "So this.. thing is going to require both Mari and Nagisa to operate?"

Ritsuko: "Yes. It's the only viable option we have."

Misato: "Great. I've got to put pilots through sync training again."

Ritsuko: "I could try to re-tune it for Mana and Kensuke..."

Misato: "Much as Kensuke would love the idea of piloting this Eva, no. I'm now very well aware of what actually makes them tick, and I don't think it would be a good idea to try and hunt down someone that close to Kensuke and Mana... which reminds me, Rits. How are you doing, and what's your decision?"

Ritsuko: "Are you asking as my commanding officer, or my friend?"

Misato: "Both."

Ritsuko: (Sigh) "I'm keeping the baby. After considerable counseling by Dr. Crane, and double checking the statistics he provided to me, I've come to the conclusion that an abortion would not only make my psychological condition worse, but would be exactly what that bastard wants as it would give him yet another lever he could use to manipulate me, and he's got too many of those already. Besides, even if it wasn't for all that, I've got too much innocent blood on my hands already, I don't need to add any more."

Misato: "Are you sure, Rits? Adoption is..."

Ritsuko: "Not viable. I've checked. There's just too damn many orphans around, thanks in large part to Second Impact and the ensuing wars. Maya's agreed to help me..." (Starts weeping) "God! I don't deserve that woman, but her love is a gift freely given, and I really, really need her right now."

Misato: "I'm always here for you too, Rits. Don't ever forget it."

Ritsuko: "Thanks, Major... Kitty-Kat!"

Misato: "I told you not to call me that!..."

Both: "Bwahahahahaha!"

Misato: "Well, I'm off to go whip those two disappointments into shape. Just let me know if you need anything."

Ritsuko: "Will do. How's … the inspector?"

Misato: "Recovering. Gendo really did a number on him, throwing him head-first under the wheels of an innocent motorist. The fact that he's alive right now is a miracle."

Ritsuko: "Alright. We'll talk later, Major. We both have a lot of work to do."

Despite being the most viable option, the sync training goes slowly and poorly for Mari and Nagisa, as they have absolutely no romantic interest in each other, which is the variable that gave Asuka, Shinji, and Rei the motivation to act as if they shared one skin. It's not that they're making no progress, it's that whatever progress they do make tends to be drowned out by near-constant bickering, back-biting, and mutual blaming.

Mari: "Why don't you ever take this seriously, Nagisa-san?"

Nagisa: (Sarcastically)"As if this lowly me can ever keep up with the 'Illustrious' Makinami-san..."

Mari: "GHAH! You silver-haired freak! Who the hell told you it was okay to rifle through my h-doujin, and use it as source material? Small wonder Rei-san and Shinji-san don't like you..."

Nagisa: "That is wildly inappropriate, especially coming from you, you four-eyed pervert glasses, trying even harder than me to get into Shinji-kun's pants..."

Both: "MAJOR, YOU CAN'T FORCE US TO WORK TOGETHER! THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE!"

Misato: "You know. We really don't have time for this nonsense from the two of you. Since the 'gentle' approach is not working, I'm going to have to go with the more 'direct' approach."

Misato summons NERV techs who then forcefully slap Mari and Kowaru into a harness deliberately designed to mimic the restrictions under which Rei, Shinji, and Asuka had to live under as a result of Ireul.

Misato: "No more Ms. Nice Major. You two are going to do everything together, and I mean everything. You _**will**_ learn to live as if you literally have only one skin, or die trying, and right now, nobody here at NERV, including me, has the luxury or patience to care which outcome results. I've already tasked Dr. Akagi with finding a way of handing the job of piloting the Eva-chimera over to Kensuke and Mana if the two of you don't find a way to get your act together. The reason we're in this mess is that the _**BOTH**_ of you have been nothing but a liability since Eva-05 and Eva-06 arrived. You showed promise when you got Eva-02 and Eva-01 to help Mana and Kensuke fend off Matariel, but since then your piloting has been a disgrace! THAT ENDS NOW!

Mana and Kensuke look like they're going to object, but a withering glare from Misato shuts them down.

Misato: "Forget about 'personal space,' privacy, or modesty. Until I deem it otherwise, you are going to be living like Shinji, Rei, and Asuka had to for the past few months. That means not separating more than a meter apart. So same bed, same bath, same bathroom, you name it! You try to remove or disable that harness before then, and you will be punished with a nice taser level shock! You try to separate more than a meter apart, and the harness will make you feel like it's ripping your skin off! I'm through with the both of you trying to find excuses and blaming each other for failure! YOU WILL ADMIT YOUR SHORTCOMINGS AND OVERCOME THEM! IS THAT CLEAR?!"

Mana and Nagisa: "Ma'am! YES, Ma'am!"

Misato: "Good. Now let's get this sync training on the road, for real this time!"

With the threat of gruesome, painful, and gory death hanging over them, the two begin taking their sync training far more seriously...

 **Back at the Ikari estate...**

Rei and Rea are having their standard session with Dr. Fraser Crane.

Rea: "Mommy! I wanna go see Pappa!"

Rei: "We can't, Sweetie. He's trapped in the Eva core, remember?"

Rea: "Oh... I'll get him out!"

Rei: "Wait!"

POOF! Rea vanishes.

Rei: "Oh great... I worry when she gets to be a teen and wants to go see her boyfriend."

Fraser: "I don't blame you."

 **Inside the Eva core...**

Natla, Asuka, Shinji, and Yui have managed to get Kyoko to at least somewhat resemble a human being again.

Kyoko: "Ah, Asuka, Yui-san... Shinji-kun was it?"

Shinji: "Yes, Soryu-san."

Kyoko: "Oh, good. What were we talking about again?"

Shinji: "Asuka?"

Asuka: "We were talking about me being married, Momma."

Kyoko: "To this fine young man?"

Asuka: "...Sort of..."

Kyoko: "Sort of... oh! That's right, you married his wife! … Is that some kind of Japanese custom?..."

Yui: "Yes, Kyoko-san. Asuka-san here has agreed to be the 'comfort wife.' Trust me when I say she's being loved up one side and down the other."

Kyoko: "I.. don't get it, but as long as she's happy..."

Rea: "Hey-ey-ey! What-cha doing?"

Shinji: "REA?! How did you get here?!"

Rea: "Silly Pappa!"

Kyoko: "Pappa?! Asuka... Explain this real quick..."

Asuka: "She's his and Rei's daughter..."

Kyoko: "...Daughter?! I DID NOT RAISE MY CHILD TO BE A HOMEWRECKER!"

Asuka: "Momma! She's adopted! Rei-chan can't have children!"

Kyoko: "Shinji-kun, young man, is this true?"

Shinji: "Yes, Soryu-san. It's why Rei wants Asuka to be the comfort wife..."

Kyoko: "...So Asuka is to be the surrogate mother?"

Yui: "That's the closest 'Western' equivalent, yes."

Kyoko: "... I wish I could faint right now."

Yui: "Natla-san. I must congratulate you. This is far, far better than last time..."

Natla: "Yes, there's been considerable improvement, but we're still far from done."

Kyoko: "Umm... Who are you again?"

Natla: "Jacqueline Natla, at your service." (Bows) "I am... a specialist who was hired to help you recover."

Kyoko: "Ah, thank you, Natla-san. I don't remember much, but it is good to finally wake from that … nightmare, and at least see my daughter as a person again. Even if I can't bring myself to understand the nature of the relationship she now finds herself in."

Natla: "I'm honored."

Rea: "Pappa! Let's go home! Mommy is worried!"

Shinji: "Rea, Sweetie. I want to, Asuka-san wants to go too, but we can't." (Whispering) "When we get out it will be Asuka-san's birthday. Can you ask Mommy to have a party ready for her?"

Rea: "Oooh! Okay, Pappa! I'll tell her!"

Rea suddenly disappears from the core.

To be continued...


	56. Chapter 56

**Chapter 54**

Ranma simply can't sit still knowing Principal Kuno's returned. So he decides to do a bit of scouting at the Kuno estate.

Now while Ranma did promise his abusive father, Genma, never to use the Umisenken technique unless faced by someone using its opposite, the Yamasenken, in the "Anything Goes School of Martial Arts," promises are just bargaining chips to vie for position, especially when dealing with Genma, who only considers the term "honor" when he's berating others for breaking _**their**_ word, but it never applies to himself, and frequently dodged responsibility for his misdeeds by claiming others were avoiding responsibility for theirs.

So Ranma resolves to use it to spy on the Kuno estate, to see what the wily rascal is up to. Unfortunately, Akane, while always second place to Ranma or any of his fiances and rivals, knows Ranma well enough to always reliably predict his actions, and is the only one who can track him in the Umisenken state.

Akane: "RRRAAAANNNMMMAAAA! What do you think you're doing trying to sneak into the Kuno estate?"

Ranma: "Will you shut it, you tomboy?! Principal Kuno is too dangerous to ignore! Have you forgotten how much grief he gave us? How he's always riling up his family and everyone with his often deadly 'pranks?' How he goes out of his way to antagonize both you and me? Do you think our kids would be safe if we leave him alone in the Kuno estate?!"

Akane: "It's because of our kids, adopted or otherwise, that I don't want you to go! Do you think he won't target them to spite you?!"

Ranma: "And that is precisely why I need to go! We need to see what he's planning, and if need be stop it!"

Akane: "Fine... I know I can't stop you when you get riled up like this, but if anything happens to you, or us because of you, I'll never, ever forgive you."

Ranma: (Sigh) "You're right."

Akane: "...You feeling unwell?"

Ranma, uncharacteristically, hugs Akane close, her head to his chest.

Ranma: "Akane. take the kids out of the dojo, to Shampoo and Cologne's place. Tell them it's a holiday."

Akane: "What are you..."

Ranma: "I don't intend to fight him. I'll be careful, but even with Nabiki there, the Kunos have been getting crazier and crazier lately. They've always been capable of anything, like hiding a tiger in their basement to scare me..."

Akane gasps at the memory, and realizes that if he's telling her to take the kids to Cologne, _**COLOGNE,**_ whom he hates with every fiber of his being for her Amazon antics, then things are serious indeed.

Ranma: "But now... This is on a whole other scale. I don't know what they're up to, but my every instinct is screaming at me to find out... before it's too late. There is something seriously, seriously wrong here."

Akane: "I... understand. I don't know if Cologne will cooperate, but we'll go..."

Ranma: "Oh, she'll cooperate, it's in her tribe's interests to find talented warriors, and those kids are the most talented I've ever seen. Even more than me..."

Akane: "Stay safe, Ranma."

Ranma: "You too, Akane."

Ranma takes off, to gather as much intel on the Kunos as he can.

 **When Akane gets to Cologne's place...**

Shampoo: "Hmph. Shampoo no like tomboy girl who steal Ranma..."

Cologne: "Granddaughter, be silent."

Shampoo: "Yes, honorable grandmother."

Cologne: "What brings you and the kids here, Akane-kun?"

Akane: "Ranma sent me here. Told me to give the kids a holiday..."

Cologne: (Smokes from her kiseru) "I see. Granddaughter, take the kids in the back, have Mousse-san show them magic tricks or something. Akane-san and I have important things to discuss."

Shampoo: "Yes, grandmother!"

Shampoo takes the two little kids into the back.

Cologne: "Now, child. What is really going on?"

Akane: "Ranma's gone to spy on the Kuno estate..."

Cologne: "So he felt it too, huh. As expected of the former grandson-in-law. That pervert, Happosai, has gone to ground. The Kuno siblings have been nuts forever, but recently.."

Akane: "Yes."

Cologne: "Ukyo, Ryoga, all the half-hearted martial artists have fled for the hills, and now Princicpal Kuno returns... It's too much of a coincidence. That hot-head's right. The Kunos definitely need investigating, and it must be serious if he's asking for my protection over you because he knows I'm going to demand a steep price for it. Ara ara, what are the Kunos up to that gives off such a vibe?"

Akane: "I'm sure we'll find out. Ranma may not want a fight, but I know they always come looking for him..."

Cologne: "So true, so true..."

 **Upon entering the Kuno estate...**

Ranma gets to work. He sneaks in by climbing a tree, and then uses normal stealth until he gets into position on the roof. That's when he activates the Umisenken technique so he can find Principal Kuno's room and then infiltrate it unnoticed.

Once he determines which room is the principal's, he stalks his way there, climbing off the roof and along the wall next to the window like a gecko, settling into a comfortable, yet expedient, place to wait until Principal Kuno leaves, goes to sleep, or is otherwise so completely engrossed in what he's doing that he won't notice Ranma's presence in the room.

He does not have to wait long. Principal Kuno leaves the room, closing the door behind himself.

Ranma does not waste this opportunity. The still relatively young (in his mid to late twenties) martial artist has plenty of experience sneaking into places through windows, even if locked, and leaving no trace. On those occasions where he has been caught, the vast majority of the time, it has been due to the fact that his target has awareness far beyond the norm. While Principal Kuno does indeed have some skill with those shears, able to whittle a bamboo sword wielded by Tatewaki to wood shavings by parrying it, Ranma has never noticed him having such super-awareness, and has successfully infiltrated the very public, closely watched, and guarded principal's office repeatedly, without the use of the Umisenken technique, especially designed by his abusive father, Genma Saotome, for the express purpose of burglary through stealth. The opposite technique, the Yamasenken, was also designed by Genma for theft, through violence and intimidation.

Still, as notorious as Ranma is for being cocky and overconfident, which even he is aware of, Ranma dares not take any risk he doesn't have to this time around. First, because the Kunos have been known to strike at him by proxy, attacking his friends and loved ones in his stead, and second, because something seems seriously off about Principal Kuno lately. The answer soon hits him in the face.

On the desk where Principal Kuno was working is a scroll with writing Ranma does not recognize, a translation key, some quickly scribbled notes, and an ID badge with a magnetic strip with the name and face of one Gendo Ikari, Commander of NERV.

Not daring to take anything from that desk, Ramna quickly grabs two blank sheets of paper, makes copies of the scroll, and sends one though the sky, as he has often done before, in the direction of the Tendo Dojo. The other, he hides on his body, somewhere not likely to be noticed, and prepares to leave, but Gendo returns unexpectedly. In the time it takes for Gendo to unlock and open the door, Ranma leaves the window open, but hides within the shadows of the room, waiting for a better chance to flee... to no avail.

Gendo: "Well, well. I thought I heard rats and mice scurrying about, and here I stumble on a big one that simply couldn't resist nibbling at the bait."

Gendo disguised as Principal Kuno points a Super-Soaker in what looks to be Ranma's general direction. Needless to say, Ranma doesn't make it to the open window before getting soaked... and collapsing in a heap.

Ranma: "What was in that stuff..."

Gendo: "Concentrated tree-frog mucus mixed with water, cold water. Don't worry, it's the paralytic stuff native to Japan, not the stuff from Brazil, or you'd already be dead."

Ranma: "What do you want?"

Gendo: "My ultimate goal? That's a secret. For right now? I am curious about a few things."

 **Back at the Ikari estate...**

Little Rea returns and informs the household.

Rei: "They want a birthday party for Auntie Asuka, huh? And Papa wants it to be a surprise?"

Rea: "Uh-huh, uh-huh!"

Rei: (Patting Rea's head) "Okay, sweetie, let's make it a big one then. I'll call all our classmates, from the high-school, Major Katsuragi, Mana, and some NERV staff to see about setting this up! In the meantime, could you help me practice baking the cake?"

Rea: "YEAH!"

 **Soon, inside the GEOFRONT...**

Misato: "That was terrible! Ten more laps back and forth in the lake! Time your movements better... Good, good. That's it. Now you're starting to get it..."

(RING, RING)

Misato: "DAMN IT! Who could be calling now?"

(RING, RING) Misato looks at her cell-phone to see a number she wasn't expecting to get a call from.

Misato: "Hello, this is Major Misato Katsuragi. May I ask why you're calling... YOU HEARD FROM WHO?!"

Tanya: "Major, what's this about?"

Misato: "Lt. Colonel. One of our personnel just informed me that we heard from pilots Shinji Ikari and Asuka Langley Soryu. The caller states that they should be getting out of the Eva within a month, wants us to throw a birthday party for pilot Asuka."

Viktoria: "Sounds lovely! Can we come?"

Tanya: "Sounds like an excellent idea. I know from first hand experience how important morale is in an organization. I don't see why not. I'd like it if the second lieutenant and I could attend to supervise."

Misato: "Let me ask.."(To Mari and Nagisa) "HEY! Who told you two to stop! ADD FIVE MORE LAPS!"

Mari and Nagisa: (GROAN)

Misato: "GOING FOR TEN MORE?!"

Mari and Nagisa: "Ma'am! NO, MA'AM!"

Misato: "Then GET SWIMMING!"

Tanya: "Hehe. Not bad. Not bad at all. I approve."

Misato begins calling around to the NERV staff...

 **In Ritsuko's lab...**

Ritsuko: "I don't know, Major..."

Maya: "Of course! We'd be delighted!"

Ritsuko: (Sigh) "Maya, you are such a hopeless romantic..."

Maya : "Hehe!"

 **In the TRIDENT bay...**

Kensuke: "Well, sure, we'd love to come, right Mana?"

Mana: (Head sticking out from under a blanket) "Sure. Sounds like fun!"

(Click)

Kensuke: "I've got a wonderful idea for the theme..." (Whispers something in Mana's ear)

Mana: "Hmph, he, hehe, hahaha, BWAHAHAHAHA! I LOVE IT! But lover boy, that's not enough to get a repeat ride on the roller-coaster we had last night. You want a repeat performance, you're going to have to put a ring on it!"

Kensuke: "Will this do?"

Kensuke pulls out a ring passed down in his family, for just such an occasion.

To be continued...


	57. Chapter 57

**Chapter 55**

Unfortunately, the phrase, "Want to make God laugh? Tell him your plans." comes into play. The next Angel, later known as Arael, makes its debut. Its arrival makes a literal shadow across all of Japan.

Although it remains in orbit, taking no action, this does not diminish the threat in the slightest.

 **In NERV command center...**

Aoba: "Major. We'll have to hold that thought. An Angel has just appeared. It's currenly in Geo-synchronous orbit over Japan, and has destroyed an observation satellite, causing it to fall into the atmosphere."

Misato: "You're kidding me... Okay, pilots. We have good news and bad news. Good news, the training's on hold!"

Mari and Nagisa: "YAY!"

Misato: "Bad news... We've got an Angel inbound, suit up and get to your chimera Eva!"

Mari: "Boo!"

Nagisa: "That is most unfortunate."

 **Back in Nerima...**

Gendo, upon seeing the Angel's shadow, decided it was time to depart. As befits the current trend, he burned as many bridges behind him as he could, believing he has nothing left to lose, and simply seeks to make the rest of the world hurt as much as he does, and he thinks he's found the perfect way to do it.

Nabiki, despite being an expert con-man, got conned, exploited by her own greed.

Now, while most people of sound mind would be highly suspicious if somebody offered them a sudden windfall by making a claim that someone they know would agree to an act not only wildly out of character, but that the act would be seriously dubious in a moral and legal mindset, Nabiki has a long, long history, since the day she met Ranma, of exploiting his attractive gender-bent form for her own monetary gain, not to mention doing the same with her own blood sister, Akane even longer, by taking photos of them in compromising or under-clothed conditions, without consent, and then selling them.

There are even reports that she once pawned off girl-form Ranma, naked and in chains, to sex-slavers in Hong-Kong to cover her own debts, without apology or hesitation.

As such, Nabiki didn't hesitate for even a fraction of a second to grab the "contract" Gendo presented to her with Ranma's thumb-print, agreeing to participate in Nabiki's business, despite being well aware Ranma would normally never do it. Nabiki happily applied her own thumb-print to the document, sends Susuke, the badly abused family servant/ninja, away to have a copy notarized, and then opens the safe, with Gendo still in the room, to put the original away...

And that's when Gendo struck. He spins Nabiki around, floors her with a vicious left-hook that breaks her jaw, and takes the opportunity to clean out the safe of every single yen.

He hastily leaves town after gathering all his belongings, and heads off for the rural areas marked on the map he prepared outlining the highest probability for holding the house Tenchi Masaki gifted to Shinji, Rei, and Asuka, hoping to catch little Rea unawares, knowing that Shinji and Asuka are trapped in the Eva, but not being aware of Rei's "survival."

The Angel launches its attack on the town of Nerima within moments of Gendo's departure.

A beam of light came down on the town, the victims would later testify hearing the tune "Gloria, in Excelcis Deo" as their minds were rifled through like a Rolodex, driving them to despair by stripping their frailties, insecurities, shames, and fears bare.

Ranma is no exception. Now while Ranma is notorious for being cocky, overconfident, and proud as a martial artist, what is not well-known, even to himself, is that all his bluster is merely a facade to hide the fact that he's actually a very lonely, scared, and highly insecure individual. Considering the "training" his father put him through, the most benevolent being strapped with various meats and lowered into a pit of starving feral cats of all sizes, repeatedly, until the then five-year-old Ranma was hopelessly traumatized, and the fact that his mother happily accepted a two part contract from said father: verbal "I will make Ranma a man among men" and written "Ranma and I will commit Seppuku" which she will finish by beheading them herself, and has a swordsman's equivalent of an "itchy trigger finger," it's a small wonder the boy's spent his life feeling unloved.

That alone is not enough to break Ranma's spirit, and he's faced worse; however, what happened in the Kuno household, as orchestrated by Gendo, destroyed him completely.

The last words anyone would hear before the house exploded into kindling, starting from what was once Nabiki's makeshift porn studio, are "Shi! Shi! Ho! Ko! Dan!" followed by a massive energy beam heading skywards towards the Angel.

 **Meanwhile at NERV HQ...**

Makoto: "The Angel is blasting a small town named Negima with a beam of light, effect unknown... Registering a high-energy reaction in response... What the hell do they have down there?!"

Ranma's Shishi Hokodan blasts right into the Angel, shutting off the mind-rape light with violence by utterly destroying the organ responsible for it.

Arael: "SKRRREEEE!"

Makoto: "WOW! Even the JSSDF strategic positron rifle we used against Ramiel doesn't have that kind of power!"

Misato: "Yeah, but that bastard's still alive. We need to hit it again, fast, before it can recover..."

Tanya: "I'll go, Major."

Viktoria: "LT. Colonel?! But..."

Tanya: "I'm the only one that can even get close enough to even think about attacking!"

Misato: "How..."

Tanya: "My Elenium 95 orb gives me a flight ceiling of 18000 ft..."

Misato: "... Much as I'm loathe to agree, you do appear our best shot at the moment..."

Viktoria: "But..."

Misato: "Viktoria, do you have one of these orbs..."

Viktoria: "An Elenium 97 orb. It's nowhere near as powerful as the Lt. Col., but I can fly up to 9000 feet without issue..."

Misato: (Rings up Ritsuko's lab) "Rits. I need you to make something for me... No, it doesn't have to be very big, along the size of the canopy for the turret of a B-52 bomber... Yeah, that's right, and put it as a detachable part of the Eva-chimera... Yeah, the Lt Col volunteered herself to go against that Angel, and it's our best shot at the moment... I know, I know. The odds aren't good, but this is a legal order from a superior officer I'm working under... Yes, I do have a backup plan, but that's even far more risky...Yeah, can't talk about it here. Over and out."

Tanya: "What were you discussing, Major?"

Misato: "I'm going to get you as close as I can to that Angel. 18000 feet isn't near enough altitude. I trust your primary issues are lack of oxygen and hypothermia?"

Tanya: "Correct, Major. So what's your solution?"

Misato: "We're going to be placing you and your adjutant in a small capsule, have you lifted by the Eva-chimera as high as it can go, and then launch you upwards from there."

Tanya: "...I've endured crazier stuff from Adelheid von Schlugel, the top 'inventor' in NERV-Berlin who not only designed the Elenium 95 and 97 orbs, but once had us test-fly manned _cruise missiles at Mach 1.5!_ It's a wonder Viktoria and I are alive coming out of that lab. Some even say the Elenium 95 only exists due to divine intervention because that whack job had the habit of removing all safety features on it because they interfered with its aesthetics, and even **with** safety features, it had a habit of exploding!... Compared to all that, your plan sounds downright sane!"

Misato: "...Not sure if I should be flattered or terrified."

Viktoria: "Both, Major. BOTH."

Misato: "...Oh give me strength."

 **Back at Nerima...**

The Angel's beam breached Tatewaki's delusions, forcing the man to finally acknowledge his shortcomings and failures, head on. His ego's so fragile, that it doesn't survive the revelation. To make matters worse, he'd already done unforgivable things to "Pig-tailed girl" whom he's forced to acknowledge is also Ranma, his "hated" rival, that "her" and Akane's loathing is not a result of some kind of sorcery, but genuine, and that Ranma, in either form, is the undisputed better martial artist in every single encounter, unless weakened by some outside force, not to mention that his highly self-touted sword-skill is neither as impressive as he makes himself believe, nor does it do anything to make him attractive to girls. Some small part of him was always aware of this, but he chose to shout it down with bravado and tomfoolery.

When he also realizes his idiocy in forcing himself to believe that a swanky boarding school would actually pay him for the privilege of raising his children to be proper heirs instead of the truth that he was signing them away to be sold to the highest bidder by Nabiki, his actual wife, he takes a ceremonial dagger and commits seppuku right then and there. He then has the gall to beg Ranma to end it quickly and take his head.

Ranma simply curls up into a fetal position, crying and rocking back and forth, in response, leaving Tatewaki to slowly bleed to death.

Sasuke returns from his errand to City Hall to find the Kuno estate reduced to mostly splinters, Nabiki lying unconscious with a broken jaw in her office, Kodachi's whereabouts unknown, Ranma curled up on the bed with Tatewaki's corpse on the ground.

Sasuke: "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY MASTER, YOU DELINQUENT?!"

Sasuke grabs Ranma, intending to hit him.

When Ranma flinches, Ryoga, who can get hopelessly lost in a closed room, suddenly wanders onto the scene shouting "WHERE AM I NOW?!" and then notices a clearly traumatized Ranma about to be brutalized by Sasuke.

Ryoga: "Open your eyes, you moron! Can't you see that Ranma clearly didn't do any of this?!" (Swats Sasuke away with his iron umbrella) "Look at how traumatized he is!"

Kodachi: "It doesn't matter to me how traumatized 'Ranko' is. She's in this house, what's left of it, without permission, and over the body of my dead brother. I don't hold back against other girls..."

Akane slams her down with a Moa Head statue she got from somewhere.

Akane: "Never liked you, you treacherous bitch! NOW STAY DOWN! Dr. Tofu, we have several patients here."

Dr. Tofu: "Nabiki is going to the hospital. Kodachi is going into protective custody, so she's not a threat to herself and others. Ranma... is going to need special care. Akane-kun, take him to the Tendo Dojo, away from sharp objects, I'll join you there shortly."

In return for the many, many times Ranma's carried Akane in his arms, or on his back, Akane takes the Ranma who is now covered only by a blanket and wearing a thousand-yard stare home in her arms...

 **Back at NERV...**

Misato: "Oh you've got to be kidding me!"

Maya: "Hard as it is to believe, we're actually facing _**TWO**_ Angels, the one who shot light at Nerima, and the one who was hiding in the pipes and really made things hard for our three best pilots."

Misato: "Ireul... So the bastard survived the three N2 tipped missiles and has been hiding in the upper atmosphere... Has that bastard been helping the other Angels we faced?"

Maya: "No way to be sure, but it's certainly helping this one."

A nearby satellite is broadcasting images of Areal sucking up Ireul from the atmosphere, growing bigger, spikier, and far more menacing.

Misato: "Damn it! Then we need to hurry before it gets its light-beam powers back. We made contact with the authorities in Nerima and learned the Angel's beam of light attack raped the mind of everyone it shined upon. Especially one Ranma Saotome."

Maya: "...And that's not the end of it for the poor girl..."

Misato: "No, it's not. _**GENDO**_ was there."

The command center goes deathly quiet as everyone's well aware of what Gendo's capable of.

Misato: "We'll do what we can for her later. Right now, we need to deal with this Angel or we won't be able to do anything..."

Everyone: "Right!"

Misato: "Rits! Is everything and everyone ready?"

Ritsuko: "Ready as it ever will be... The fact that our payload actually considers this plan _**sane**_ really makes me wonder what kind of hell she faced in NERV Berlin."

Misato: "THEN LAUNCH!"

The Eva-chimera is deployed through the Eva-launcher and upon reaching the surface immediately activates its eight jump-jet engines, flying higher and higher into the stratosphere until nearly reaching orbit before acting like a first-stage rocket and beginning the somewhat controlled descent back to the ground, launching Tanya and Viktoria's pod in the process.

Tanya: "Ready to back me up, Visha?"

Viktoria: "You got it, Lt. Col. Once in position, I'll concentrate on maintaining our altitude while you use the Elenium 95 to fire on that Angel, and hope it's enough."

Tanya: (Biting her thumb and sporting a look that would make The Joker proud.) "Exactly." (Chanting) "It is written. Test the angels that you encounter to prove that they are of the Lord! AMEN!"

To be continued...


	58. Chapter 58

**Chapter 56**

 **Back in Nerima...**

The more public areas of the Tendo Dojo were occupied by Kasumi, Dr. Tofu, Cologne, Shampoo, Mousse, Ryoga, Ukyo, Happosai, and Nabiki, who was discharged from the hospital after being treated and having her broken jaw secured. The two small children, Keichi and Daichi, were taken to their room and left to their homework, while the adults discussed the serious situation. Akane is also with Ramna in a secluded part of the Tendo household to both tend to Ranma's needs and to watch over him.

Dr. Tofu: "Upon getting in touch with NERV Tokyo-3, we were advised to test for ovulation drugs and aphrodisiacs... We found large doses of both. In addition, Ramna's clothing absolutely reeks of paralytic tree-frog poison. We can only conclude one thing. Gendo, posing as Principal Kuno, was looking to rape and impregnate someone while he was here. Ranma was his unfortunate victim, by being hoisted off to Tatewaki while in a state of paralysis, forced arousal, and attempted forced ovulation."

Happosai: "This is both unspeakable and unforgivable!"

Cologne: "Interesting that you would be the one saying that, considering the whole moxibustion scandal."

Happosai: "That's different."

Cologne: "How so?"

Happosai: "Ranma could still run, fight, or beg for mercy! I was really hoping he'd do the latter. Here, Ranma could do none of those things!"

Cologne narrows her eyes at Happosai, "mighty thin reed you're clinging to there, still, I'm not one to judge, seeing as we've all clung to even thinner reeds while justifying ourselves."

Dr. Tofu: "May I continue?"

Everyone: "Of course."

Dr. Tofu: "Fortunately, or unfortunately, as the case may be, Ranma is only superficially female at the moment. The Jusenkyo curse may make him _**look**_ like a girl, but it doesn't provide all the necessary parts. An ultrasound that Akane performed on Ranma, at my direction, clearly shows that girl-form Ranma lacks ovaries or a uterus, so we don't have to worry about a 'gift' arriving nine or so months from now. That's the good news."

Cologne: "And the bad news?"

Dr. Tofu: "Ranma is, once again, stuck in girl-form. It's not a matter of being unable to withstand the hot water he needs to change back, but rather that the hot water doesn't change him back, at all. I've asked you, the experts, as to why this might be."

Happosai and Cologne sit and think for a moment before they suddenly look at each other.

Happosai: "You don't suppose..."

Cologne: "I can think of no other reason..."

Dr. Tofu: "What is it? What have you deduced?"

Cologne: "The poor child is trapped because the 'Spring of the Drowned Girl' is the spring of the _**VIRGIN**_ drowned girl. Even though it was clearly not his choice, and he did not give consent, his girl form is no longer a virgin. Thus, the magic can not change him back..."

Kasumi: "It is good Akane and Ranma are not here to hear that … hypothesis because Ranma could seriously hurt herself. Nabiki, you and I need to have a chat, alone, sister to sister... And I'm not taking 'no' for an answer. I'm aware that you can't speak right now, so bring some paper and a pen. I've got a lot of serious questions for you..."

 **Meanwhile, in very close Earth orbit...**

Tanya: "AMEN!"

A massive beam of energy hurls from Tanya and Viktoria to the Angel, hitting it with a force an order of magnitude greater than the Atomic bombs that hit Hiroshima and Nagasaki combined. Although this blast does pierce the A-T field, it's not strong enough to breach the Angel's armor plating, leaving it singed, at best.

Tanya: "Damn it!"

Arael finishes absorbing and assimilating Ireul and goes on the offensive, attacking Tanya and Viktoria with a massive claw of light... until time stops and an all-too-familiar voice speaks to Tanya.

Being X: (Using the Angel and making a mockery of a face) "Hello again, Prophet Degurechaff. It has been a long time since we've spoken like this."

Tanya: "So you're behind these Angel attacks too, Being X?!"

Being X: (Using Viktoria's face) "I wish I could take the credit, but no. Some humans intentionally brought this about. SEELE, Gendo Ikari, Kozo Fuyutsuki, Naoko and Ritsuko Akagi, all have a hand in this. The rest are merely unwitting pawns in the fight."

Tanya: "DON'T USE HER FACE TO TALK TO ME, YOU BASTARD!"

Being X: (Tanya's gun slips out of its holster and the barrel begins opening and closing like the lips of a human mouth.) "Oh, how rude of me. She's special to you, isn't she?"

Tanya: "What is it you want now? And why did you bring me here then?"

Being X: (The very buttons on Viktoria's buttons beging talking.) "I had brought you to this world so you could expose those people and these Angels as fakes, but it seems you lack the power to make that happen. What a pity."

Tanya: "Yeah, maybe you should have considered that first..."

Being X: (Tanya's coat flies off and begins talking to her) "Oh, but I did. There are certain … rules... that keep me from interfering directly. I can only 'inspire' others to work as my vessels. If you get rid of that stiff back of yours, bow down and worship me, fully, mind, heart, and soul, I will happily gift you the power to end this, get married to that Viktoria girl you like so much, and have her bare your children. This world would be yours for the taking..."

Tanya: "Hehehe, HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Being X: (Back to Viktoria's face) "Why are you laughing?"

Tanya: "So you **ARE** the Devil! 'And Satan took Jesus to a mountaintop, showed him the kingdoms of the world and said "if you will but bow and worship me, all this can be yours."' Does that ring a bell?"

Being X: (Back to the Angel) "...He didn't exactly get a copyright on that phrase, you know. So what is your decision?"

Tanya: "So you can corrupt my mind like you did to Mary Sue? Last time I took you up on an 'offer,' you let my men die. Furthermore, that 'offer' only came about because you 'inspired' people to launch missiles at me! Even with this orb, my 'not mandatory' use of it is corroding my mind, soul, and maybe even my body! I think I'll have better odds without your 'help,' you bastard!"

Being X: (Tanya's cap flies off and talks to her.) "So the experiment's a failure then. Pity. I look forward to seeing you face oblivion. Goodbye."

Time resumes and the Angel's claw hurls down at the little capsule protecting Tanya and Viktoria with alarming speed.

Tanya: "Visha, take over flight control, and send us straight at that thing's main body!"

Viktoria: "Eh?"

Tanya feeds mana directly into the Elenium 95 orb, but without praying to "Being X." Since there's no longer any divine intervention, the highly unstable quad-core configuration begins to run wild and overload, at which point Tanya throws it at the Angel.

Since the Angel doesn't see this as an attack, it slips right through the A-T field, unmolested.

Tanya: "VISHA! DIVE! DIVE! DIVE!"

Viktoria: "HAI!"

Viktoria begins racing the capsule back to Earth's surface, fast enough to suffer re-entry problems, and it's still not fast enough.

The Elenium 95 orb releases all of its stored mana in a single uncontrolled blast, right up against the Angel with enough light and fire to simulate a second sun for the briefest of moments.

While the Angel's A-T field actually protects Tanya and Viktoria from the brunt of the blast, it doesn't protect them completely, and they begin hurtling to Earth like a meteor.

Tanya pulls out her backup Elenium 97 orb, secretly glad to be rid of that Elenium 95 that was slowly but surely eroding her mind, and works with Viktoria to try to control their descent and keep the capsule from burning away in the atmosphere.

It soon becomes obvious to the people down below that the capsule is not a natural meteor as it takes a spiral descent, passing over the vast majority of the Japanese island at least one at supersonic speeds.

 **Back at Nerima...**

Kasumi is speaking with Nabiki in the kitchen.

Kasumi: "You know, sis, I'm not naive, stupid, gullible, or idealistic." (Cuts some vegetables with a knife and starts preparing a stew) "I'm well aware of your behavior, and the way you've been treating your sister, and brother-in-law." (Puts the vegetables in a pot with cold water, and turns on the burner for the stove.) "Now, I've ignored the compromising pictures you've taken of Akane and Ranma, girl-form, and then sold to Tatewaki-san, without their permission, since I figured Akane and Ranma lecturing you was sufficient, and the pictures were ultimately harmless."

Nabiki begins to fidget.

Kasumi: "I've turned a deaf ear to the rumors that you pawned off Ranma to sex-slavers in Hong Kong because they were just that, _RUMORS_ , and Ranma stayed mum on the matter, returning unharmed, and unsoiled."

Nabiki starts to write something down, but stops cold when she sees Kasumi glare at her, kitchen knife in hand.

Kasumi: "This time. This time you've gone too far, way, way too far. You didn't just turn a blind eye to Ranma getting violated by Tatewaki-san, _**YOU SHOOK HANDS WITH THE GUY WHO ORCHESTRATED IT!**_ "

Nabiki: (Written) "No, I didn't! The guy punched me and broke my jaw!"

Kasumi: (Slams the knife, point first, into the table) "Don't treat me like an idiot, Nabiki. How do you explain this?"

Kasumi shows Nabiki the "contract" Nabiki put her thumb-print on when Gendo presented it to her.

Nabiki: (Written) "He must have placed my thumb-print on it when I was unconscious!"

Kasumi: "Oh? Then how do you explain this?"

Kasumi presents the notarized copy Sasuke brought back from City Hall.

Nabiki: (Written) "One of the Kuno's must have put him up to it! I would never..."

Kasumi: " **ENOUGH!** I am not going to take legal action, and I'm certainly not going to tell Akane or Ranma about this. It's just not worth the grief that would cause. Still, this can not go unpunished."

Nabiki: (Written) "What are you going to do?"

Kasumi: "With our father dead, killed in Hawaii, as the eldest, the task of punishment falls upon me, and I am officially disowning you. You are no longer welcome in this house, ever again. You'll just have to make do with the ill-gotten gains your little 'business' have netted you."

Nabiki wants to shout something, but Kasumi doesn't let her get a word in edge-wise.

Kasumi: "So Gendo, as Principal Kuno, cleaned you out? Too bad. It's your fault for letting the guy into your home, and opening your safe with him in the room. Yes, I checked with Sasuke before we had this little conversation."

Nabiki gives up any hope of trying to talk her way out of this, puts down the pen and paper, and sits back to listen as her sentence is laid down.

Kasumi: "You are not to approach this house, Ramna, or Akane ever again, for any reason. I see you trying, and _**I**_ will get violent."

Nabiki is shocked at that last part. The worst Kasumi's ever done is raise her voice a bit when she learned about how Genma subjected Ranma to the Jusenkyo curse.

Kasumi: "You are not to refer to yourself as a Tendo, _**EVER**_. You will be removed from the family registry, records, and inheritance. _**YOU! ARE! DEAD! TO! US!**_ My sister Nabiki died today, and what sits before me is a stranger wearing her face. I will advise both Akane, and Ranma, should he ever recover, to stay the hell away from you, since you've sided with Kodachi, as a sisterhood of psychos. Any questions?"

Nabiki looks like she's going to ask something, but thinks better of it.

Kasumi: "Then get the hell out of this house, this instant! Take nothing with you except the clothes on your back! _**GO! AND DON'T COME BACK!**_ "

Terrifed, Nabiki runs out of the house as fast as her legs will carry her.

Dr. Tofu comes into the kitchen.

Dr. Tofu: "What was that about? As pregnant as she is, she..."

Kasumi glares at him until he shuts up, never seeing the woman he loves that angry.

Kasumi: "That... Is not welcome in this house. AND NOT IN OUR LIVES, unless you're taking care of her as a patient, I don't even want you to look in her direction if you can help it. Understood?"

Dr. Tofu is terrified of his wife being this angry. "Yes, Ma'am." (Sees the contract Nabiki left behind)

To be continued...


	59. Chapter 59

**Chapter 57**

Tanya and Viktoria, against all odds, splashdown safely in Tokyo-3 bay, their badly scorched capsule floating on the surface. Still, there is no time for celebration as they look up to see that the Angel survived their attack, and is now pissed off good and proper.

Tanya: "Well... SHIT!"

 **Back in Nerima...**

Akane continues to console a badly traumatized Ranma.

Ranma: "You were right, Akane. I'm sorry, so, so sorry!"

Akane: "Ranma, this is **NOT YOUR FAULT**. Nothing you did, could have done, or failed to do justifies this!"

Ranma: "But... But... I _enjoyed it!_..."

Akane: "RRRAAAANNNMMAAAA! No, you did not 'enjoy it.' I don't care what popular hentai says. Rape doesn't stop being rape just because the girl 'enjoys it.' Besides, you were drugged with aphrodisiacs against your will. Being aroused under those conditions is clearly _**NOT**_ 'asking for it.' I'll say it as many times as it takes. _**YOU! DID! NOT! ASK! FOR! THIS!**_ "

Akane then sits down on the bed, spreads her lap and dress just like she's going to soothe Ranma as he's under the effects of the 'Neko-ken' technique (ie, having a psychotic episode when his invoked fear of cats becomes too much for him and he starts acting like one). She then guides Ranma's head to her lap, and starts to stroke him gently. Ranma breaks down in tears.

Ranma: "Bwahh! I'll kill him!I'll kill him!I'll kill him!I'll kill him! **I'LL KILL HIM, THAT BASTARD GENDO!** "

Akane is well aware that Ranma means it. The last time some guy forced himself on girl-Ranma, she ran away crying, changed to boy-Ranma, came back, and punched the guy in the face 120 times. And that was just a simple kiss, albeit Ranma's first kiss, but still!

Akane: "That's alright. Gendo **IS** a criminal wanted for treason against the whole human race. I don't think anyone would really mind."

Ranma goes on to cry himself to sleep in her lap. Now while Akane does have a very short temper, and is quite violent, she is not cruel. She just continues caressing his head gently, so he feels safe and secure, because he really, really needs it.

Kasumi enters the room. "How is Ranma?"

Akane: "Still beating himself up... and I don't think it's going to stop anytime soon. Especially since he's going to be reminded every time he steps into the bathtub... That Nabiki. I swear, if I ever see her again..."

Kasumi: "That is not going to happen. She is disowned, exiled, and persona-non-grate. I've taken care of it..."

Akane: "Good. I was getting a bit tired of you going 'Oh my!' and doing nothing else..."

Kasumi: "I... am sorry. Perhaps if we were stricter with her..."

Akane: "She's made her choices, now she has to live with them. Have you heard anything about Ranma's … condition."

Kasumi: (Shaking her head) "Nothing definitive, just … speculation, that I don't dare repeat in front of Ranma."

Akane: "I understand. Still, he does need a therapist. Martial artist or not, this is something you can't simply will your way past..."

Kasumi: "We'll have to take him to NERV. It's the only place that has an active, _**and competent**_ therapist on staff, and apparently a mighty warrior at that. He is on record repelling an entire army division, alone and unarmed while protecting a 5-year-old girl."

Akane: "... I can't argue with that. Even if rape counseling is not his area of expertise..."

Kasumi: "Yeah. Ranma has other issues that Dr. Crane can help with..."

Akane: "Hahaha! Oh So many, many issues! It's amazing he's as stable as he is, considering what BOTH his parents, and both of ours, put him through..."

Kasumi: "Yes, and that just makes his break from the pressure even more profound. Well, good night, Akane. We have a long, long trek ahead tomorrow."

Akane: "Yeah..."

The ground begins shaking.

Kasumi: "Oh my!"

Akane: "Kasumi..."

Kasumi: "Forget the rest, forget tomorrow, we move... NOW! EARTHQUAKE!"

 **At Nerv HQ...**

Misato: "Now what?!"

Aoba: "The Angel... IS TRYING TO PICK UP THE ENTIRE ISLAND OF JAPAN!"

Misato: "You've got to be fucking kidding me! Okay, pilots! Plan B! Kensuke, Mana, you are to head down to Terminal Dogma with your TRIDENT. There's something there that could end this fight in a hurry! It's our only shot!"

Ritsuko: "But Major..."

Misato: "There's no other option, Rits. If we don't stop this angel NOW, not only will Japan get plucked into space, but the resulting super-volcano resulting from the breech in the mantle will kill all life on Earth, and if it triggers the ring of fire volcanoes..."

Ritsuko: "Earth's orbit could be affected, making life on Earth impossible ever again! But still..."

Misato: "The TRIDENT is neither an Eva nor an Angel. It should, SHOULD be safe to go into Terminal Dogma."

Ritsuko: "How are you going to explain..."

Misato: "We'll have to live through this first!"

Ritsuko: "I see..."

Kensuke and Mana begin descending into Terminal Dogma in her TRIDENT vehicle.

Mana: "What could possibly be down here that would do anything to that Angel. Even the JSSDF positron sniper rifle can't get past the A-T field..."

Kensuke: "I don't know, but it has to be something truly spectacular."

{RUUMBLE}

Mana: "Yeah. I hope we can hold out during these quakes... UNDERGROUND IS NOT WHERE WE SHOULD BE!"

Kensuke: "I hear ya, but what choice do we have?!"

They arrive at the doors to Terminal Dogma, and NERV opens the doors for them. Inside is a pool of LCL, a giant cross with some gigantic, strangely humanoid being with its palms crucified on it and missing its legs. As if all that wasn't bizarre enough, a giant two-pronged spear is piercing its chest.

Misato: "You should be seeing the target right now. Cross the lake and pull out the spear. THAT is what we're going to use to take down the Angel."

Kensuke: "...And how..."

Mana: "Don't get cold feet now, dear! Let's get this over with!"

Kensuke: (Sigh) "Yes, Ma'am."

The TRIDENT walks over to Lilith, pulls out the Spear of Longinous, and Lilith's legs immediately start to regenerate, bubbling into existence.

Kensuke: "Yeah, that's not creepy at all..."

Mana: "We're on the clock! Let's get up there!"

Kensuke: "Don't have to tell me twice!"

Due to the sheer size of the TRIDENT and the Spear, they have no choice but to ride the lift up to the surface.

 **Meanwhile, elsewhere in Japan...**

 **Nerima...**

Kasumi: "Hang on, everyone! We're out of here!"

The entire Tendo family is loaded into a van and driven out of Nerima... which is literally falling apart. Now while the Tendos have little reason to ever use the family vehicle, usually being able to walk everywhere they need, they do indeed have one, having driven to other cities on occasion. Kasumi is the one in charge of driving on these occasions, and has a lot of experience. With a calm, steady hand, she heads out of Nerima towards Tokyo-3.

 **Tokyo-3 outskirts...**

Nurse Pam: "We've evacuated everyone who is ambulatory! What about the bedridden?"

Doctor Minamoto: "We are trying, but it's tricky! Several of them are on life-support and can not be easily moved..."

A random firefighter drags the nurses, doctors, and everyone who can move to an outer perimiter.

"Stay back! The hospital can fall down at any moment..."

Nurse Pam: "What about the patients?!"

Firefighter: "We're trying to get to them but..."

The hospital collapses from the continuous earthquake triggered by the Angel trying to rip the island of Japan out of the Earth.

Nurse Pam: "Oh. OH NO!"

Among the patients is one Inspector Kaji.

Firefighter: "It's too unstable right now! We'll try to dig them out later... if we can." (Looks upward at the Angel and the cage of light above.)

 **At SEELE HQ...**

Debris has completely demolished the meeting room. The roof is missing and open to the sky, showing a good view of the impending Angel, but the occupant is unable to appreciate it. One Chairman Kihl lies on the ground, in a pool of his own blood, and none of his many, many implants give him the necessary strength or leverage to extricate himself. He can only lie helplessly, watching his delusions of godhood slowly fade away, forever. He has tried calling out for help, repeatedly, but help shall never come, as only a select few even know of the place, and they're all occupied dealing with the Angel threat, even if they knew he was in distress.

 **Focusing back on the TRIDENT and Eva-Chimera...**

Kensuke: "We're in position, Major. What now?"

Mana: "Yeah! How do we use this thing?"

Misato: "It's self-guiding. Just aim, and throw it at the Angel!"

Kensuke: "Um..."

Mana: "...The TRIDENT can't actually do that..."

Kowaru: "Allow us! Our Eva-Chimera has four arms! We can throw it."

Misato: "... Alright, pilots Kowaru Nagisa, Mari Makinami, this is your last chance to prove yourselves. DON'T SCREW IT UP! We don't have another chance!"

Kowaru and Mari: "ROGER!"

Reluctantly, Kensuke and Mana hand the Spear of Longinous to Mari and Kowaru. The two of them fly upward, clear of the buildings, streets and anything that could throw off their aim. They soar into the sky, building up speed, and then throw the spear straight at the Angel.

The Angel is not idle though. It sees the spear coming, and takes appropriate counter actions. Using the abilities of Ireul, it breaks up into a mist causing the spear to fly through near harmlessly crashing into the moon, and impaling itself.

Misato: "Ineffective?! INEFFECTIVE?! What the hell?! Alright pilots, return to base. You've done your best. Rits?"

Ritsuko: "The Magi are unanimous. They all recommend we get 'shit-faced drunk so we don't feel it when we die.' Sorry, Major."

Misato: "...And Gendo just had to go and make me sober! DAMNIT! Get those damn old men on the horn, maybe they know something..."

Makoto: "The President of the United States is on the line!"

Misato: "What?"

Makoto: "Five ICBMS inbound!"

To be continued...


	60. Chapter 60

**Chapter 58**

In order to understand the incoming missiles, we need to go back in time a bit.

 **In Airforce One, the Boeing 747 reserved for the President of the United States, several hours ago...**

President Ronald W. Grump: "Did you really think I'm as stupid and racist as the media loves to portray, Mr. SEELE US? I have founded many successful businesses in many different countries. I know how to read the times, and follow the money. Don't think you can hide behind the UN charter either. Your little outdated and parasitic organization has really screwed the pooch recently in Japan, a key Asian ally to the US, with your ill-advised attack on NERV Tokyo-3 and would be damn, damn lucky if they can do enough damage control to claim they're a peaceful humanitarian organization, something they've never actually been!"

The president then brings print outs of thirty thousand some e-mails.

Grump: "Now, you see, my former campaign opponent, who suffers from Hilarity Syndrome, that causes her to go into uncontrollable coughing fits and pass out in broad daylight, as well as make up wild conspiracy theories out of whole cloth, especially about 'Bimbo Eruptions' and 'The Vast Right Wing', foolishly set up this very, very insecure private server and channeled her official government correspondence through it, as well as sharing her files with her completely uncleared staff. All felonious behavior, of course, but that's not what I want to talk to you about."

The president pulls out one particular document.

Grump: "You see, it was dangerous, foolish, and frankly, STUPID of you Instrumentality Committee people to trust that narcissistic self-proclaimed 'smartest woman in the world' for anything. If you thought you could control her... The last guy who tried found himself in the national park 'committing suicide' by putting the wrong finger, from the wrong hand, in the trigger of a gun that wasn't even present when a jogger found the body... Now, now. Don't bother playing stupid. I've been sitting on the e-mail correspondence she's been having with you lot until the right moment... Despite what the media loves to think about me, I know when to keep a secret, until the time when unveiling it will do me the most good."

SEELE US: "Whatever you want from me, I'll never betray SEELE! You're just wasting your time!"

Grump: "Oh? True, I wouldn't know where to start in a proper interrogation, so I brought in an expert."

Jack Bauer: "You _**WILL**_ tell me what the president wants to know. The only differences are in how long it's going to take, and in how much you are going to hurt."

SEELE US: "Torture? HAHAHA! In this country?..."

Grump: "Oh, no, no, no, no, Mr. SEELE US. See, unlike my predecessor who couldn't negotiate a deal if his life depended on it, even when everything, and I do mean _everything_ is in his favor, I can negotiate a great deal even when I'm behind the 8-ball. The people of Cuba would be very, very interested in seeing you answer a few questions concerning quite a bit, especially everything about the Katsuragi expedition... Ah, we've arrived."

SEELE US: (Eyes now wide as saucers) "Wait! Airforce One is still considered US soil!..."

Grump: "True, but only while you're an invited guest, and I'm not really in the mood for your company right now." (Taps print outs of 30,000 or so "missing" emails.) "Really quite enlightening. Looks like wiping that server 'with a cloth' just didn't cut it for her."

SEELE US: "YOU WON'T GET AWAY WITH THIS, YOU REALITY TV STAR HACK! IT'S TOO LATE TO STOP US! WE ARE GODS AND YOU WILL SUFFER FOR YOUR INSOLENCE!"

Jack Bauer: "Oh please, there's nothing original or special about you or your cabal. The first and oldest lie in the world is 'do as I say and you will become a god', and idiots like you still fall for it. Besides, if my upbringing has taught me anything, it's that gods bleed and feel pain too!"

As SEELE US is being dragged off Airforce One in chains onto Cuban soil, the Cuban diplomat, a fetching lady in her 30s, steps aboard to take his place.

Grump: "?Hola, Senora, como esta las cosas con los gentes de aerospace?" (Hello, Dear Lady. How are things with the aerospace personnel?)

SEELE US: "WE HAVE SACRIFICED BILLIONS FOR OUR DREAM AND WE WON'T HESITATE TO SACRIFICE BILLIONS MORE IF THEY STAND IN OUR WAY! STARTING WITH YOU!" (Gunshot) "GGGGWWWWHHHHAAAAH!"

Jack Bauer: "You will tell us what we want to know, and nothing else. See, even 'gods' can be made to bleed and suffer."

SEELE US is dragged away, glaring at everyone with unbridled hatred and contempt, as President Grump negotiates the acquisition of Cuba's five nuclear tipped missiles, relics of the Cuban Missile Crisis under President Kennedy in the 1950s. In exchange for getting first pick of the "questions" Mr. Seele US will have to answer, completely open borders with Cuba as an American protectorate, like Puerto Rico, and immediate aid, the Cuban president gladly hands over the nukes and makes the US Cuba's top priority trade partner.

Grump: "!Diga a el Presidente, 'muchas gracias' en serio y yo esta jeno de anticipacion para la proxima ves que ablamos!" (Tell your president 'thanks a lot' sincerely, and I'm fully anticipating the next time we speak.)

Diplomat: "!Si, Senor Presidente. Me encanto ablar con tigo y quiero que disfruitas los rocketes nuclear para matar los Angeles malo!" (Yes, Mr. President. It was a pleasure talking to you, and we hope you get the best out of the nuclear tipped missiles to kill the Angels.)

The aerospace engineers in question are the experts from the private space company, "Falcon X" who have successfully landed the primary booster on a launchpad to reuse several times. If anyone can upgrade Cuba's 90 mile limited missiles to ICBMs, it's them.

To further improve their odds, President Grump got in touch with the team at Cheyenne Mountain to boost the yield of the warheads with this rare extra-terrestrial mineral called "Naquada."

President Grump: "I hope this is enough. I know those brave people at NERV are doing their best, but I don't see how they're going to win this fight without serious help."

 **Back to the present...**

 **At the new Ikari Estate...**

Rei: "Damn it! I should be fighting! I was literally born and bred to fight the Angels, and here I am on the sidelines doing nothing! My husband and wife, both, are stuck in their Eva completely unable to even know what's going on, let alone do something about it! And the rookies... The rookies can't get their Eva to actually damage an Angel, even with assistance! Have to hand it to the TRIDENT pilots though, they've clearly pulled their weight and then some, but what can they do when the enemy is attacking from orbit, FUCKING IMMUNE!"

Dr. Crane: "It's alright to be frustrated, angry even. This is an impossible situation."

 **Back at NERV HQ, command center:**

Misato: "Mr. President. Care to explain those ICBMs? Oh. They're not aimed at us, but at the Angel... You are aware that conventional weapons are all but useless against Angels, yes?...Wait... The missiles are armed with Nuclear Fission warheads? With an anticipated yield to put the nuclear weapon's test in the Bikini Atoll to shame? How did you manage to pull that off? All nuclear weapons were confiscated by the UN in the aftermath of the Second Impact wars... Oh, I see. Can't tell me right now... Wait, you have some information to share with us regarding SEELE and Second Impact?... Right, let's focus on surviving this crisis first."

The incoming missiles hit. Now while the Angel is still in its cloud state, where the missiles should have passed through harmlessly, the onboard detonators were programmed to detonate when they got to the Angel's position, in addition to being primed for impact detonation. Those Falcon X engineers also excelled at their task, as the missiles were set at the optimum distance where one exploding would trigger the detonation of the next, for continuous damage. This is an incredible feat as the margin of error is a fraction of a millisecond, with failure likely resulting in the fratricide of the missiles. (One missile explosion destroying some or all of the rest without detonating them.) It is a truly impressive effort that the US can be proud of, but it's not enough.

Makoto: "Major! The missiles have all detonated in the Angel, eliminating 75% of it!"

Misato: "75%? DAMN! Just two more missiles would have done the job!"

Makoto: "Major! The Angel... It's regenerating!"

Misato: "Mr. President, we appreciate your efforts. You can tell your ancestors, or whatever gods you believe in, that your people did not simply lay down and die, but that you gave it your all, going down swinging."

[Click]

Major: "How much time has the US just bought us?"

Ritsuko: "The Magi calculates, based on the rate of regeneration, that the US Alpha Strike has bought us maybe 10 hours."

Major: "... I know it's not much, but we've got to get the JSSDF Positron Rifle back in place, and try that on the Angel, before its A-T field is back to full strength. That's the only option we've got."

Yamamoto: "I anticipated the need, Major, and I ordered the JSSDF to keep the positron rifle ready. All that remains is to prime it for firing... and hope the quake ravaged power-grid can take the load."

Misato: "Thank you, Admiral. Any other news?"

Makoto Hyuga: "Major, waves of refugees are coming in from the rural areas, especially the town of Nerima."

Misato: "Good. Have someone screen them. Any information they can provide regarding 'he who shall not be named' and whatever it was that first blasted the Angel would be welcome. Next."

Makoto: "...Major, I don't think you're going to want to hear this."

Misato: "Spill it!"

Makoto: "The quakes have completely demolished the hospital where Inspector Kaji was recuperating. The hospital staff did their best, but they could not evacuate him in time. I'm sorry..."

Misato: "... First my father and then my man? THOSE DAMNED ANGELS! I WILL NEVER FORGIVE THEM! Is there any good news?"

Ritsuko: "SEELE HQ is down. I can't reach them..."

Misato: "..."

Ritsuko: "I hope those perverts are dead."

Misato: "We're in full agreement. If anyone needs me, I'll be in the Command office..."

Makoto: "Would... Do you need a shoulder to lean on?"

Misato: "...Yeah, I'd like that."

The next few hours, everyone was busy. The JSSDF, with the help of Mana, Kensuke, and the TRIDENT were occupied moving the positron rifle, and setting it up in the optimal location for firing on the Angel, while those without any engineering talent were busy dealing with the aftermath of the prior Angel attack. Construction crews managed to clear the debris and confirmed that all the immobile patients did not survive the collapse, including Inspector Kaji. Major Misato completely fell apart upon finding out, and it was all Makoto could do to keep her together

In a happier situation, Makoto would have been thrilled to be in an intimate setting with Misato, and Misato knows it, being well aware of his crush on her. Now, however, he's painfully torn. On the one hand, he's still thrilled that Misato's letting him "comfort" her, and she's not taking "no" for an answer. On the other, he's feeling extremely guilty due to the fact that the only reason he's there is because Misato just lost her lover, and she needs a warm body to cling to, so she can keep herself together, even superficially.

 **Meanwhile, near the US Rocky Mountains...**

The runner-up of the last US presidential election is in a privately chartered airplane, heading to a California retreat with her husband, looking to escape the "e-mail server" scandal, and to market her 'non-fiction' book _"Yes, I actually won the election, but it was stolen from me by the Russians and the Grump!"_

[Ring, Ring]

Willie: "Aren't you going to answer your phone, Honey?"

Her phone stops ringing, and then Willie's phone begins ringing.

Willie: "Hello?"

Honey. "Moron! It's probably one of those Vast Ring Wing conspirators, or the press! Hang it up!"

The phone overrides and goes to speaker mode, nothing Willie does can shut if off. He tries removing the battery and it burns his hand.

Willie: "Ow! Huh?"

SEELE Russia: "You have both been a major disappointment. Not only did Willie literally get caught with his pants down while he was in charge, but you, Madame Senator, or is it Madame Secretary? Doesn't matter. Your carelessness has cost us all greatly when you channeled your correspondence through a completely unsecured 'Mom and Pop' server in a public restaurant!"

Honey. "There was nothing labeled 'classified' or higher! It was all Yoga, my daughter's wedding..."

SEELE Russia: "Oh do be quiet, Ms. 'Smartest Woman in the World' except, of course, when you find yourselves in legal or political trouble, and then your go-to defense is 'I really am too damn stupid to know what I did was wrong.' We are not the media that wanted you to win that election. We are not your friends in the FBI, and we are certainly not your political allies in Congress. WE ARE THE PEOPLE WHO WILL DECIDE THE FATE OF MANKIND! You have jeopardized that by leaking our secrets. Now it is time for both of you to pay the price. The Secret Service agents with you will protect you no longer... In fact, they never protected you at all. Did you wonder why it was so, so easy for people to get in to your White House? Hmm?"

Honey : "We're in mid air! What are you lot planning to do?"

SEELE Russia: "We're going to plug a leak, a very, very noisy leak."

The pilot ejects after steering the plane into a mountain. There are no survivors.

To be continued...


	61. Chapter 61

**Chapter 59**

 **An an undisclosed location in Russia...**

SEELE Russia: "Just as planned, Comrades!"

SEELE France: "Yes. Both those pawns and nuisances are out of the way."

SEELE England: "Shame about our American compatriot..."

SEELE Russia: "The fool has nobody to blame but himself. Money and political influence were just useful tools to our plans, not the goal. Neither of them would have served any purpose in Instrumentality!"

SEELE France: "Indeed. He should have left the Americas after that fiasco of an election, where the losers were yelling in the streets 'I'm literally dying!' because that hysterical, delusional woman, that was propped up by a false dossier from 'Fission DPS' lost it, on her own accord."

SEELE Russia: "Indeed. Even after I, in my 'Mr. Steel' persona, propped her up, sabotaging her rivals for her party, she was still fool enough to lose, and lose BIG because she expected me to win it for her without any effort on her part... JUST AS PLANNED! Didn't even have to do anything on behalf of that Grump guy..."

SEELE England: "He should be eliminated as soon as possible. He's too … unpredictable..."

SEELE France: "Unstable, you mean."

SEELE Russia: "Oh, come now. The bombastic fool's theatrics have served us quite well. If nothing else, he's quite handy as a distraction. Most of the press completely ignores our... more unpleasant dealings because they're so irrationally fixated on destroying him... for the fact that he dares call them on their biases and points out when they're wrong, especially about himself!"

SEELE England: "That's certainly true..."

SEELE Russia: "Besides, as much as you all _**want**_ to believe he's a feckless idiot, he did win that election, all by himself, without our help, against at least 16 simultaneous opponents. He's clearly not stupid, and if we go after him carelessly, he has shown that he can and **will** hit back twice as hard, and right where it hurts."

Suddenly, the Sea Lion in the room, that everyone's been ignoring, starts talking.

? : "There is a certain... something to be said about the stupidity of the American voter; it got this guy elected, twice."

SEELE Russia: "Ah. Mr. Rayne Clapper. Is your pet animatronic Barry O'Ban-Ham ready for the press conference yet?"

Rayne Clapper: "Almost. The questions go off-script and it starts hemming and hawing... but then again, it did that for eight years, and nobody noticed!"

SEELE England: "Especially during the debate for the 'anything but affordable health-care act!'"

SEELE Russia: "Which failed spectacularly the moment it went into effect, _**as intended**_. Even after after millions lost their insurance, or worse, actual health-care, and those who remained have their premiums and deductibles jump over 300%, keep going up, and then having to choose between an insurance bill they can't afford, or a tax bill they can't afford, and have even _**less**_ money in their pockets when they actually get ill, a large segment of the public still believes that this 'National Health-care System' is somehow actually saving lives!"

Animatronic: "What?! You actually believed what I said?! Sorry about that! I'll instruct the 'Justice Department' to pretend the law doesn't exist for a year! That will give you the insurance you like back, right?"

Everyone: "BWAHAHAHAAHAHAHA!"

Rayne Clapper: "Arf!" (Clap) "Arf!" (Clap) "Arf!" (Clap) "Arf!" (Clap) "Arf!" (Clap)

A cacophony of gurgling can be heard.

"Gwarglwarglwarglwarglwarglwarglwarg!"

SEELE Russia: "Ah! They've arrived! You're not the only one whose figured out how to make the souls of the deceased go where you want, Ikari! Behold, the mass-produced Eva, powered by the souls of those six 'Secret Service' agents who agreed to help us deal with those two Citronella fools!"

The hangar lights up, the camera pans away, and six deformed monstrosities, barely qualifying as Eva are seen. Each has a gigantic mouth of sharp teeth and a long, triangular tongue, no visible eyes, a pair of wings, and holds this unwieldy cross-shaped blade that one wonders how it can be held without slicing the hand that holds it. They also have an entry plug labeled "Dummy Plug: Model Kowaru."

SEELE England: "Magnificent! Very soon now, we'll have them swoop in to 'save the day,' and nobody in NERV Tokyo-3 will be able to stop us from taking over and granting us our birthright!"

Everyone: "FOR INSTRUMENTALITY!"

 **Back at Tokyo-3...**

Kowaru: "Eva-Chimera in position..."

Mari: "Positron Rifle fully charged and primed."

Misato: "Alright, pilots. Can you target the core?" (Thinking) "Oh how I wish Shinji-kun was here. He fired not one but two perfect shots against Ramiel, and in a row. I don't have much faith in these two."

Kowaru: "Searching, Major."

Mari: "Core located... It's _**tiny**_ and it's moving at ridiculous speeds in the 'cloud' that is this fusion of two angels! Even if our tracking computer can map out its trajectory without error, it's going to take a perfectly aimed and timed shot! Not to mention that this Angel isn't likely to just sit there waiting for us to line up that shot..."

Makoto: "Major! The Angel's on the attack!"

Misato: "Pilots! TAKE COVER!"

"Legs" of A-T field begin raining down damage on the mountain range where the Eva-Chimera is hiding with that positron sniper rifle.

In just a matter of minutes, the entire mountain range is blown away, leaving the Eva-Chimera completely exposed.

Mari: "We won't be able to evade this, Major."

Kowaru: "I regret not being of better use..."

Misato: "Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!" [Misato begins pounding on her console in frustration.]

Just when all seems lost, as the Angel's Leg comes down on the Eva-Chimera, a powerful beam of light comes from over the horizon, blowing it off at the base, causing it to disintegrate harmlessly.

Misato: "What the hell just happened?!"

Ritsuko: "Major, you're not going to believe this. Astronomers all over the world report that Earth now has three more moons!"

Misato: "WHAT?!"

(Coming in over the intercom.) "This is Alicia Klaus, pilot of Eva-04 and the personnel of NERV, Reno! We've brought with us the Battlemoons of Planet Rock, seeking to forge an alliance! We await your orders!"

Misato: "...So there IS a God! This is Major Misato Katsuragi, acting Commander of NERV, Tokyo-3. Pilot Alicia Klaus, FIRE AT WILL!"

Alicia: "With pleasure, Major!"

Captain Blaze: "At last, we get to shoot at something!"

The Battlemoons rise over the horizon in three different places, to triangulate and fire upon the Angel. This is witnessed across the entire world.

 **At the Misaki Estate...**

Rei **:** "The War-Planets story is real?!"

 **At NERV Russia...**

SEELE Russia: "What the hell is this?! Where did these 'Battlemoons' come from?!"

SEELE England: "It appears Eva-04 and the people of NERV, Reno brought them."

SEELE France: "This makes me feel a bit less guilty about sacrificing SEELE US, just a little. I mean he did fail us with his ill-advised sabotage of the Reno lab, but now..."

SEELE Russia: "Indeed. Death is too nice a punishment for him. It is no longer so bad that he's being 'questioned' at Gitmo. Meddling aliens have stolen our glory! Now we have to find a way to deal with them too."

Everyone: "AND IT'S ALL HIS FAULT!"

 **As to the battle in space...**

The battle is entirely one-sided. Nothing the Angel does, even with Ireul's ability to "evolve," can stand up to the sheer amount of damage the moons' main weapons can bring to bear. It can't even counter-attack as the Battle-Moons easily outdistance its attacks.

The only thing it can do is compress itself into a singularity, focusing all its A-T field and mass into a tiny ball, which is too dense for even continuous fire from the Battle-Moons to breech, which is precisely what it does.

Misato: "Now's our chance! Pilots Kowary and Mari, target that ball and breech it with the positron rifle!"

Kowaru and Mari: "ROGER!"

Focusing on the reticule, the two pilots home in on the tiny, near-microscopic, ball that is the Angel's core and once they get the "Target Locked" ping, fire.

Even with the attenuation caused by firing through Earth's atmosphere, the now A-T free shell can't withstand the blow, breaking into pieces. Not missing the opening, the Battle-Moons make sure by blasting the wreckage, causing it to explode and chain-react with the microscopic husks of Ireul, making a showy, temporary wave of fire across along the extreme outer-edge of the atmosphere, visible across the globe, regardless of the time of day.

The Angels, both of them, are now, beyond any shadow of doubt, dead.

Everyone at NERV Tokyo-3 cheers with abandon, except for Major Misato Katsuragi, who finally has the chance to process that Kaji is dead.

Makoto, who is nearby, sees it, and moves in to comfort her.

Makoto: "Major? Are you..."

Misato: "LEAVE ME ALONE!" (Begins flailing about) "GO AWAY! GO AWAY!"

Makoto hugs her from behind and refuses to let go.

Makoto: "I am here for you, Major... Misato-san. I will always be here. Let me be the shoulder you cry on."

Misato: "...BWWWWAAAAAHHHH!" (Breaks down crying in his arms.)

Makoto: "It's alright, Misato-san. Cry all you want, rage all you want, just let it all out."

Misato: "Why? WHY?! Stay away! Every guy I love winds up dead! I KILL THEM!"

Makoto: "That's not true, Misato-san."

Misato: "It might as well be! My father died in Second Impact. Kaji died in the hospital. Shinji-kun is trapped in his Eva core..."

Makoto: "And I'm right here..."

Misato: "STOP IT! STOP IT NOW!" (Tries to push him away) "I know you have a crush on me, and exploited it to have you do my laundry, on occasion, but I don't feel the same about you! You... are just a warm body to me! You deserve better than a woman-child lush like me..."

Makoto: "And that is precisely what I like about you, Misato-san. You can have as much fun as a liberated teen, and still take your responsibilities seriously the next day. Besides, how many guys get the privilege of doing the laundry of the hot, sexy girl they have a crush on? Hmm?"

Misato: "...YOU PERVERT!" (Kisses him then laughs hysterically) "Heheheheahahaha! Am I so pathetic for company that I'm looking to jump the first guy, and a subordinate at that, who shows me any tenderness? And my old flame's corpse isn't even cold yet. Are you sure that's the kind of woman you want, Hyuga-kun?"

Makoto: "I'm not interested in a 'type,' I'm interested in you, and only you!"

Misato: "...Carry me. My legs aren't working right."

Makoto: "Okay..."

Misato: "If you can carry me all the way to the spare bed in the office, I'm yours."

Makoto: "That... might be a problem..."

Misato: "It's the challenge I laid down for Kaji, and after he passed it, I bonked him silly for a week. If you want to take his place, you'd better be able to do at least as much..."

Makoto: "MA'AM! YES, MA'AM! RIGHT AWAY, MA'AM!"

Makoto Hyuga proceeds to pick up Misato and carry her all the way to the Commander's back-up office. He nearly gets a hernia several times, but he makes it, and gets Misato's "Seal of Approval."

To be continued...


	62. Chapter 62

**Chapter 60**

Shinji, Asuka, and the pilot of Eva-04, Alicia Klaus awaken in NERV's private hospital in the Geo-front. Rei is watching over them.

Rei: "Welcome back to the land of the living, everyone."

Asuka: "Wondergirl!"

Asuka tries to jump up and race to Rei, but almost immediately falls back into bed.

Rei: "Don't try to rush it. Both you and Shinji-kun have been in your respective Eva for the better part of a month. Take your time. There's currently no danger of Angel attack."

Shinji: "What happened? I... recognize this ceiling..."

Rei: "Quite a bit has happened since the two of you fought that Natla/Angel fusion."

Alicia: "I'm told there's been two Angel attacks while you were … out of action."

Shinji and Asuka : "EH!?"

Shinji: "Umm... Who are you?"

Alicia: "Alicia Klaus, pilot of Eva-04 as chosen by NERV Reno, Nevada, USA! Don't worry, the three of you don't need to introduce yourselves. You're all quite famous around the world."

Shinji, Rei, and Asuka all blush at that.

Rei: "With the destruction of Eva-00, as well as my 'death', I've been out of the loop, as it were. Alicia can tell you more than I."

Alicia goes on to explain how she and the Nerv Reno facility were sucked into parallel universe, encountered Rock's Battlemoons and came to our solar-system, took down the Angel Arael, and how an Angel attacked the United States, even going after the president. There were massive casualties.

Asuka: "Holy fucking shit!"

Rei: "Indeed. In addition, we have received a Ranma Saotome from Nerima who was greatly influential in the fight with Arael. (S)he is currently quite traumatized, the condition is very bad."

Shinji and Asuka know that if Rei says it's "very bad," then the trauma must be utterly horrific.

Shinji: "Can you tell us anything?..."

Rei: "All I can say is that the Angel attacked with some kind of powerful psychic weapon, and Ranma took a major blow in disabling it. Also I can tell you that Gendo somehow changed Ranma's physical gender against his will... For anything else, we're going to need Ranma's consent due to doctor/patient confidentiality, and he's not in a state where he can give it."

Asuka: "How do you know all this, Wondergirl?"

Rei: "I was asked to translate on behalf of Dr. Fraiser Crane, who was tasked with helping Ranma recover mentally..."

Shinji: "Ah... Poor guy, he was hired to look after us and he's been doing everything but, eh?"

Rei: "Ironic indeed."

Asuka: "Wait... You mentioned the President of the US was attacked by an Angel? How is he..."

Alicia: "Fine. I was able to intercept the Angel. It was a tough fight, and I've got the head injury to prove it, but the president and his retinue aboard Airforce One were all unharmed."

Shinji: "That's good. We don't need another international incident..."

Alicia: "Hahaha! Should have told the president that! Poor guy got food poisoning from bad sushi!"

Shinji and Asuka: (Facepalm) "UGH!"

As if to confirm Alicia's story, Wanda Cronkite comes on the CNN feed to describe the aftermath of the Angel attack on, ironically, the city of Los Angeles.

"This is Wanda Cronkite. The situation is still grave here at the disaster site. Millions confirmed dead, millions more missing, and who knows how many consumed by the Angel, of the confirmed victims are California's senator and our own brave cameraman and reporter covering what was hoped a … peace rally... As for the property damage... nothing since Second Impact even comes close. The city is all but a total loss, the survivors are now homeless refugees..."

An areal shot, by necessity, shows the city as a smoking, cratered ruin.

Shinji, Asuka, and Rei: "... And we thought the battles at Tokyo-3 were bad... What the hell happened?"

"Fortunately, the brave efforts of the local police, firefighters, and other first-responders managed to evacuate the vast majority of the population. As bad as this is, it could have been a whole lot worse. For further commentary, we turn to the words of the President of the United States, who broadcast this address before … going into mourning."

Grump: "People of the world. Today we have learned, at a heavy, heavy price, that peace with the Angels is impossible. They are far too bizarre, inscrutable, and frankly, alien in thought process and motives for even a dialogue. We must fight them. We must beat them. They've just given us the terms, non-negotiable. Victory, or death. We need all the allies we can get. As of now, Nerv Tokyo-3 has entered into alliance talks with visitors from another world. I intend for our nation to join them, in solidarity, as fellow victims of Angel … atrocity. My prayers go out to the refugees, dead and missing, and I have ordered FEMA to immediately go into action to hand out disaster relief as quickly and efficiently as possible. All red tape that can be cut, has. May God have mercy on us all."

The scene on the TV changes to the Governor of California, Arnhold Blackened Ranger.

Arnhold: "The National Guard and first responders have done a wonderful job evacuating. This could have been much, much worse. For now, they are doing their best to maintain order and provide assistance. We need your help. Donation centers for blood, non-perishable foods, clothing, etc. are being set up across the state. If you want to help and need to know where to go, call 1-866-help-now!"

TV is shut off.

Rei: "Alicia-san? Can you tell us?"

Alicia: "Well. It's not exactly classified. As I was with the Miners of Rock on our moon retrieving the Lance of Longinus at Nerv's request..."

A flashback scene begins playing. The stage is the lunar surface, with Eva-04 approaching the Spear of Longinus.

Alicia: "Alright, I think I see it. It's a giant two-pronged fork, sticking into the lunar surface."

Misato: "Yes, that's right. It should be safe for you to pick it up and carry. How do you plan to ship it back?"

Alicia: "Rock's people have transports big enough..."

In NERV HQ...

Aoba: "Everyone! We've got an emergency call coming in! Patching it through now!"

"Mayday! Mayday! We have an Angel attack in downtown Los Angeles! We need immediate assistance! Repeat! Angel attack in downtown Los Angeles! We need immediate assistance!"

Misato: "Los Angeles?! What the hell are Angels hoping to gain there?!"

Mitsukado: "None of our Eva can get there in less than 8 hours!"

Misato: "Damn IT! Maybe Eva-02 and Eva-01 could use their respective S^2 and S^3 engines that they got in the fight with Zeruel/Natla, but the pilots are still out of commission, and we can't get the Eva moving without them!"

Ritsuko: "Eva-04 has an S^2 engine, doesn't it? Maybe..."

Misato: "Rits, even I think that's an insane plan. Eva-04 tried to use that engine once already, and not only got sucked into an alternate universe, but nearly set off a super-volcano. Even if it does work right, in order for Eva-04 to get there in time, it's going to be coming in hot like a meteor!"

Rits: "I fail to see any other alternative..."

Misato: (Sigh) "Fine. Aoba! Get the President of the US on the line... Eh? He's already calling us?!"

Grump: "This is the President of The United States, calling NERV. I need to speak with the one in charge!"

Misato: "This is Major Misato Katsuragi, the current Director of NERV, how can we help?"

Grump: "That's the reason for this call! We have an Angel attack going on in my home country, and we need immediate assistance."

Misato: "We have a plan, but it's very dangerous. The only way to bring an Eva to your shores in time is to hurl it like a meteor, and we're not sure that we can even do that!"

Grump: "Are you serious?!"

Misato: "Yes, Sir. Eva-04 is on the Moon and can use an S^2 engine to rocket over there, all our other Eva would take a minimum of eight hours to transport across the ocean."

Grump: "Why the hell didn't we have at least one Eva in our country... oh right, the Reno incident. Fine. We have no choice. I take full responsibility for implementing your plan, Major. I know I'm risking lives by the millions, but if we don't stop this Angel, we could lose people by the hundreds of millions."

Misato: "Thank you, Mr. President. We'll initiate the plan right away. Eva-04, did you copy all that?"

Alicia: "Roger. Initiating S^2 engine now. Be there in a matter of minutes."

After Rock's transport carriers take off, Alicia activates Eva-04's S^2 engine.

Alicia: "Systems stable, power output at 45% and climbing, initiation process complete. Flight system activated. WE ARE A GO!"

Wings of light appear on Eva-04's back and it takes off like a rocket, reaching escape velocity in seconds and using the Lance's self-guidance system to home in on the Angel.

 **Meanwhile, in LA...**

Angel: "Daddy?! Where are you?! Tee Hee Hee! I know you're here! Playing hide and seek? Ooh. Maybe they know!"

A couple of random passer by are seen and cower before the Angel.

Man: "No! We don't know! Leave us alone!"

Woman: "Please, oh God, no! PLEASE!"

Angel: "BECOME ONE WITH ME!"

Couple: "AAAAAIIIIIIIEEEEEEE!" (Assimilated)

The Angel suddenly stops, and looks up, sensing something wrong...

It's Eva-04 on final approach, and like Misato said, Alicia's coming in hot, just like a meteor.

The Angel notices and recognizes the energy signature of the Lance of Longinus. Not having Ireul's "evolution"ability, it realizes the danger the Lance can bring to bear and flees... in the direction of Airforce One.

Angel: "SKRREEEE! Eh? Daddy? You're there too?!"

 **Aboard Airforce One...**

Pilor: "Mr. President. The Angel... It's on an intercept course with us!"

Grump: "WHAT?! Is there something aboard that is attracting the Angel's attention?"

Agent #1: "I'll check, sir!"

 **A few minutes later, in the cargo-hold...**

Agent #1: "Um.. Sir. There's some kind of device holding a foetal mass in the diplomatic luggage. It's alive, and according to the readings, it's sending out an Angel energy signature..."

 **Meanwhile, at an undisclosed location in Mexico...**

SEELE Mexico: "Just as planned, gentlemen. With this much chaos back home, the president will be far too busy to meddle any further, if he can survive and stay in office."

SEELE Russia: "Good. I still don't understand. Why did you smuggle that Adam clone into LA? Wouldn't the one you placed among the 'Diplomatic Luggage' be enough?"

SEELE France: "It would seem our colleague in Mexico was hedging his bets."

SEELE Mexico: "Exactly. If the Angel attacks Mr. Grump, fine and dandy. If the Angel attacks Mr. Grump's political opponents, even if he survives, he'll still have a hell of a political headache to deal with. So much so that he'll be very effectively neutralized."

SEELE England: "Indeed. We've already sacrificed billions. What's a million or two more?"

Everyone: "FOR INSTRUMENTALITY!"

 **Back in LA...**

The fleeing Angel doesn't get far when Eva-04, coming in like a meteor, lands on it. The impact slams them both to the ground, making a crater, and sending up a massive cloud of debris...

Alicia: "Eva-04 has engaged the enemy!"

To be continued...


	63. Chapter 63

**Chapter 61**

The Angel, having consumed people by the millions, had grown to a size large enough for Eva-04 to stand on without issue. The Angel, however, was not keen on the idea of being stood on, especially by someone wielding the Lance of Longinous. It threw Eva-04 off, smashing through several high-rise buildings, and then fled to the skies, in the direction of Airforce-One.

Misato: "Throw the Lance! It's self-guiding..."

Alicia: "And risk having it fly off into orbit? If only there was some other way..."

Suddenly, Alicia finds the Lance replaced with an Eva-sized anti-materiel rifle.

Alicia: "Oh, now this is nice! What's it going to use for ammo... Never mind, targeting enemy Angel."

As she lines up the shot, all too easy, really, as the Angel is flying in a straight line to the president's Boeing 747, a reticule appears on her screen, locking the Angel in the center. A single shot later, and a bullet of pure A-T field, traveling at relativistic speeds rushes out and hits the Angel in what can charitably called its head, sending it crashing straight into the nearby ocean.

The Angel, now all shades of angry, and knowing it's not going to get anywhere until Eva-04 is taken care of, starts swimming back in Alicia's direction, then tunnels into the continental shelf until it's directly beneath her, grabbing Eva-04 by the ankle and slamming it around, voices coming over Alicia's headset.

"You meanie!"

"You are so lonely!"

"I am lonely."

"Become one with me!"

"I will become one with you!"

"Tee Hee Hee Hee Hee!"

The Angel, while trying to assimilate Eva-04, starts probing Alicia's mind, bringing all her greatest fears and hatreds to the surface, and reading them.

Suddenly, two pieces of the Angel break off, revealing Gigas, giant grotesque, Eva-sized humanoid abominations with very large exposed hearts. They each grab one of Eva-04's arms to restrain it so the Angel can do its "work" uninterrupted.

Alicia: "You know, the reason I feared them is because they were giants, and I was human sized, and I still beat them. Now, I'm in an Eva..."

Eva-04's S^2 engine roars loudly, granting the Eva greater strength. Alicia breaks free of the hold and punches the Gigas in their hearts, killing them instantly, before grabbing and throwing the Angel away, finding the anti-materiel rifle is now a shotgun, that she uses to shoot the Angel in what passes for its face.

"I WON'T FORGIVE YOU ANYMORE!"

The Angel then takes on its full height, towering over the Eva, head in the clouds... to transform into what Alicia really fears most, something that looks like a devil straight out of hell. It has horns on its head, a face that looks like a bull, a humanoid torso, with a humanoid right arm, while its left arm is a swarm of snakes, that breathe fire, and furry legs that end in hooves. The scariest part is the sheer scale of the beast. Like a human to an ant, or an Eva to a human, it towers over Eva-04.

Alicia: "Well, shit!"

Angel: "RRRRROOOOOOOAAAAAAARRRRRRR!"

 **Meanwhile, at an undisclosed location.**

SEELE Mexico: "Good! GOOD! This will make up for those blunders by our American compatriot!"

SEELE Russia: "Agreed. Though why is the Lance of Longinous transforming into gun weapons? I thought only our copies could shapeshift, and then only into those bizarre cross-shaped swords."

SEELE France: "Must be because the pilot's American. Those gun-loving barbarians!"

SEELE England: "Quite right! After all, if you want to kill people en masse, you should run them over with a car and then chase the survivors down with a knife! That's the only civilized way!"

Everyone looks at SEELE England, and then starts laughing. "Exactly, exactly. Well, nothing to be done about that now. The moment Eva-04 goes down, we'll send in our MP Eva and be the 'heroes.' Then NERV won't be able to keep us away!"

Everyone: "FOR INSTRUMENTALITY!"

 **In the present, at NERV Hospital...**

Shinji: "Damn! That... That's scary. Weren't you frozen in place?"

Alicia: "Well, _**I**_ was, but fortunately Eva-04 wasn't. When it tried to step on me, I managed to dodge, but the civilians..."

Everyone looks downtrodden, knowing there's nothing she could have done.

Asuka: "So, what happened next?"

Alicia: "Well..."

 **Back into the battle, at the Battlemoon control center...**

Alicia (over an intercom): "Captains Blaze, Peridot. I could use some backup here!"

Peridot: "What the hell can we do! That... thing will just swat our fighters like they're insects, and it's attacking right in the middle of a heavily populated area!"

Blaze: "In the words taken from one of the bits of 'culture' we've been perusing, 'Go for the eyes, Boo! GO FOR THE EYES!"

One of the Battlemoons takes up Geo-synchronous orbit over the Angel, and starts blasting at its head.

Angel: "SKREERAHHH! ROOOOAAARR!"

The Angel brings up its humanoid hand and _**grabs**_ the Battlemoon, shaking it like a baby shakes a rattle.

Alicia does not let this distraction go to waste. The Lance changes once again into a chain-gun and she uses it to completely shred the "snakes" that make up its right arm.

The Angel howls in pain and releases the Battlemoon, to then start stomping madly beneath it, trying to squash Eva-04.

Alicia: "Your sins will be burned away as the light of God illuminates your soul, LIGHTNING!"

The surrounding clouds begin to crackle and glow with significant amounts of electrical activity.

"KRACKA! KRACKA! KRACKA!"

Then a massive bolt bounces from cloud to cloud, growing stronger with each jump until it hits the Angel, shocking it from head to toe.

"KA-THOOM!"

"ARRREEEEE-THOOOOMMM!"

This does not kill the Angel, despite doing massive damage, but does manage to enrage it beyond all reason, to the point that it opens a portal and starts drawing in asteroids to hurl on the planet below.

Peridot: "Cease fire on the Angel. We must stop those incoming rocks, or all life on the planet will die!"

Blaze: "Now we've got to shoot rocks?"

The Lance once again changes to an AR-15, and Alicia begins trying to shoot the Angel's legs out from under it, hoping to cause enough damage to make it stop using the portal to bring in one asteroid after another. Even the Battlemoon's valiant efforts are not enough to stop them all.

She succeeds, and pays dearly for it. The Angel stops trying to summon meteors and bends down to grab Eva-04 with unbelievable speed. She can not get away in time. The Angel then begins slamming Eva-04 around, like an unruly toddler trying to smash a Barbie doll.

Alicia: "EEEEEEIIIIIYAAAAA!"

Alicia makes the AR-15 glow red and then shoots the Angel's hand, which catches fire, forcing it to let her go, throwing her so far, she lands outside the city borders.

Angel: "RROOOOARROOOWWWW!"

 **Meanwhile In Tokyo-3...**

NERV Tokyo-3 is not idle. The strategic positron rifle is pressed into service a third time.

Kowaru: "Ready when you are, Major."

Mari: "Likewise."

The Chimera-Eva begins its activation sequence. Upon successful activation, it brings a fist into its hand, just like Gypsy Danger from "Pacific Rim" then it takes a launcher to the surface, where it collects the positron rifle and follows the prompts to aim at the chest of the very, very large Angel.

Misato: "Ready, Aim, FIRE!"

The positron rifle fires without a hitch, sending a high-energy stream of anti-matter straight for the center of the Angel's chest. The shot strikes true, leaving a massive hole where the human sternum would be. This _**still**_ does not kill the Angel.

Misato: "What the hell is it going to take to kill that thing?!"

The Angel, not keen on being shot at, begins forming massive wings on its back, as if it's going to fly all the way to Tokyo-3.

Alicia: "Oh hell no! You and I aren't done with our dance yet, beast! BEGONE!"

Again, lightning forms in the clouds "KRACKA! KRACKA! KRACKA!"

"KA-THOOM!"

This lightning strike has a more profound effect, leaving the Angel clearly shaken, but still not down for the count.

The Angel briefly stops to try and catch its breath, but at that point, everybody fires on it at once.

A second shot from the positron rifle hits it between the eyes, and all three Battlemoons blast it in the chest, where the previous shot from the positron rifle hits. The combined energies cause it to begin glowing gold, and then it explodes in a storm of fire and brimstone, blasting it out of existence.

The aftermath is horrific. Downtown LA looks like the epicenter of a volcano. Meteor craters litter the landscape. Eva-04 was blasted out of the city, and nearly into the border of Tijuana, Mexico.

Millions confirmed dead. Millions confirmed missing. Tens of millions confirmed consumed by the Angel in its rampage.

Eva-04 is flown to Tokyo-3 by a stealth-bomber, Alicia still on board, for repairs.

The mayor of Los Angeles does not take it well.

Mayor: "I told her this was a bad idea! But the 'esteemed' Senator Blatherskeit knew better! A sanctuary city for the Angels?! HA! I get that she was trying to score points on Grump, hell I don't like the guy either, but did she really think The Angels wouldn't take her up on her invitation?!"

Aide: "Madam Mayor, there's something you have to see..."

Mayor: "With all the cleanup we have to deal with? This had better be good..."

The mayor looks at the video recording she's shown by her aide, and sees a blue-haired, red-eyed little girl being led along on a leash by a certain old man...

Mayor: "Gendo? GENDO IKARI WAS FUCKING HERE IN PERSON?!"

The video plays a little bit longer, the little girl is clearly very uncomfortable, and is being yanked hard. What Gendo is telling her can't be heard, as there's no audio, but she's clearly weeping and points at something in the rubble. Gendo drags her over to where she's pointing. He pulls out a briefcase, opens it, finds some kind of foetal mass inside... and proceeds to eat it, raw. Then he … changes.

The mayor clearly turns green, looks at the aide, who is only slightly less shocked, since he saw the video before, but still clearly uncomfortable.

Mayor: "My god, what is that bastard doing?!"

Aide: "I don't know, Madam Mayor. I wish I did, but I don't."

Mayor: "Well, find out! Or better yet, find someone who does! And who the hell is that kid?"

Aide: "That I can answer. That is Rea, pronounced Ray-ae, the adopted daughter of Shinji Ikari and Rei Ikari."

Mayor: "... You're telling me that bastard is brutalizing his own granddaughter?"

Aide: "Yes, Ma'am."

Mayor: "Get the word out. That son-of-a-bitch has to be stopped, NOW, if not sooner. Get me the chief of police, and the governor..."

Aide: "Ma'am. If he's not human anymore, and we can be reasonably certain he's not, then yes, you can give the order to have him killed on sight, as a dangerous wild animal."

Mayor: "I like the way you think. Fine, judge him by his own rules. He's now Angel Satanael."

To be continued...


	64. Chapter 64

**Chapter 62**

A voice comes in over the intercom.

"Madam Mayor. Your afternoon appointment is here and waiting, a Sister Bay O'Netta."

Mayor: "Thank you. Send her in, please."

"She has an escort, a Mr. Luka Redgrave?"

Aide: "He's her paid photographer and bodyguard."

Mayor: "Ahh. Send them both in, please."

The door opens and in enters a very shapely woman in a white nun's habit, followed by a rather dashing, but relatively poorly dressed man with a large camera hanging off a leather strap around his neck.

Mayor: "Welcome Sister Bay O'Netta. How is everything with you?"

Sister Bay: "The flock is doing about as well as can be expected, my child. Any news on relief efforts?"

Mayor: "The Governor has already called in the National Guard and every possible resource is being directed here to deal with the... tragedy."

Sister Bay: "That is good. Surely this is not the only reason for our meeting?"

Mayor: "It was, until this came to my attention."

The video is rewound quickly and then frozen on a still image of Gendo Ikari among the rubble.

Mayor: "Have either of these two darkened your chapel doors?"

Sister Bay: "Gendo Ikari, former director of NERV, wanted for high-treason against humanity. Yes, my congregation is well aware of who he is, but that little one..."

Mayor: "We believe she's Rea, the adopted daughter of Shinji and Rei Ikari. She doesn't seem to be with him by choice..."

Sister Bay: "No, she does not. The Lord sayeth 'let the little ones come to me, harm them not, for it would be better if a millstone were placed around your neck and you were cast into the deepest sea,' and I wholly agree with the sentiment. If I knew where he was right now, I would happily turn him in."

Mayor: "Excellent. If you hear anything from your congregation..."

Sister Bay: "I will happily share it with you."

Mayor: "Thank you, very much, Sister. If there is nothing else..."

Sister Bay: "Indeed, there is not. By your leave."

With that, the nun and her escort depart the Mayor's office.

Aide: "You think..."

Mayor: "Yeah. She's seen him, but we can't prove anything, so..."

Aide: "Understood."

 **Meanwhile, at SEELE's Russian base...**

SEELE Russia: "Are the MP Eva ready for deployment?"

SEELE England: "Yes, but we have a problem."

SEELE France: "What is it now?"

SEELE Spain: "Tracking the Battlemoon's path is difficult. If we give ourselves away and they fire..."

SEELE Russia: "ENOUGH! Load up the stealth bombers, and ship them to Tokyo-3! Tell the world that we're fortifying the defenses against Gendo's eventual return! That should be enough to quell the nae-sayers!"

Gendo suddenly appears behind him, with little Rea on her leash, in clear pain.

Gendo: "A plan worthy of me. I must say, I didn't think you had it in you."

SEELE Russia spins around to find himself face to face with Gendo.

SEELE Russia: "Ikari! What are you..."

He never gets to finish his sentence as Gendo puts his right hand on the man's forehead, and it starts sinking into the skull.

Gendo: "I won't be here long. There's just a few things I need to know. With your tendency to lie through your teeth, I'll just take them from your brain directly."

SEELE Russia spends his last few seconds of life screaming in pain and horror as the MP Eva look on in silence, appreciating the scene.

The rest in attendance don't fare any better.

Gendo: "I see. So there is another Adam clone, and none of these louts knew where it was, only SEELE Mexico might know. Shame, really. As for these MP Evas... I suppose they'll serve as a handy distraction, wouldn't you say, granddaughter?"

Little Rea may be powerful, but without her A-T abilities, which Gendo currently has sealed with his bomb-strapped leash, she's just an ordinary four-year-old little girl, and he's not only confirmed it, but abused the heck out of it, forcing her to transport him across the globe, and abusing her with extreme violence if she so much as twitches the wrong way.

Gendo: "Oh well, I don't suppose you'll know anyway. Don't worry, this will all be over soon."

One quick yank of her leash and Rea causes the both of them to disappear...

 **In Mexico, the last surviving member of SEELE has his own problems...**

The son of "Indiana Jones," who calls himself "Mutt" is wrecking havoc in the area.

Mutt: "This is not as easy as it looks, old man!" (Fencing several guards with a commandeered sword.)

Indiana: "Hey! This is child's play compared to some of the stuff I've been through, so shut it, Kid!" (Whips a few others with a bull-hide whip and shoots a couple more.)

Mutt: "Stop calling me a kid, damn it! This isn't the first time I've had to adventure with you!" (Shoves a guy off a scaffolding into a vat of molten... something, where he screams and goes under, never to surface again.)

Indiana: "Well, we wouldn't be in this mess right now if _somebody_ kept hidden and his mouth shut, Kid!"

 **In the headquarters of the SEELE Mexico base...**

SEELE Mexico: "Damn it! Why aren't the others answering my calls? And what's with that racket? I paid the drug cartels plenty in money and favors to be left alone! Are the fools turning on me, us? Do they want to end their lives sooner or something?"

"Oh, that's not it at all. You just got yourself another archaeologist problem."

SEELE Mexico: "And who..." (turns around, eyes go wide) "YOU!

Before he can say anything else, a hand grabs him by the forehead, and begins to sink into his skull.

Gendo: "Oh, don't bother trying to talk your way out of this. I'll just get what I want directly from your brain."

SEELE Mexico: "GYAAAAAHHHHH! GWA! GWA! GWAAAA!"

The door bursts open with Indiana Jones, Mutt, and several guards rushing in to find out what the screaming was about.

Gendo: "Ah, Professor Jones, and son. So nice to meet the two of you. I have something here you might be interested in."

Gendo takes out the scroll he was perusing with the language of the First Ancestral Race on it.

Gendo: "You've always wanted to put it in a museum, correct, Professor? Now just stay out of my way, and it's yours... Not like you could stop me in any event."

The guards open fire and the bullets bounce harmlessly off Gendo's now full body A-T field, to ricochet back wildly.

Indiana: "GET DOWN!"

Indiana and Mutt get down, but the rest aren't so lucky, and get flow-through ventilation systems.

Gendo: "See what I mean? Now where was I? Ah! Got it. Hmm. So it was planted in the luggage of Airforce One? Now that is a shame. I'm sure it's under heavy guard in NERV right now. Granted, the JSSDF couldn't stop me, but I'm sure my old subordinates could do something … annoying with all the anti-angel tech there... Guess it's time to use those distractions after all. Where is the control?"

Gendo fumbles through the belongings of SEELE Mexico, and pulls out a hand-held console.

Gendo: "A PSP? How... quaint, and clever. So the old men _**can**_ use their brains if they try. Now where would be a good place to set loose SEELE's toys... Ah. Angel Grove. Fitting! But not all at once, that would be boring. Let's see how one fares first."

He pushes toggles the right bumper, pushes the "X" button once, and then scrolls across the screen with his finger before pushing the "triangle" button and pressing "Start."

Gendo: "Now the fun begins..."

What Gendo doesn't realize, yet, is that Angel Grove is guarded...

 **Inside a marble castle, nestled in the mountains overlooking the city...**

Enigma of Inquiris: "Alpha-5. What's the situation?"

Alpha-5: "Aiye! Aiye!Aiye!Aiye!Aiye! We are detecting a B-52 'stealth' bomber carrying something rather large, vaguely human shaped, with a massive energy reading!"

Enigma: "Why do I doubt this is a benevolent entreaty? What do we have available to defend ourselves?"

Alpha-5: "We have the Dragon Zord, The Zeo Zords, Gigantis, Tor, the Turtle Zord, and the Falcon Zord, but nobody to pilot them!"

Enigma: "Can we get any pilots in short order?"

Alpha-5: "Sending the signal and morphers now. Aiye!Aiye!Aiye! I hope we get someone worthy, fast!"

Enigma: "Have we ever failed?"

Alpha-5: "Well..."

Enigma: "Would you mind not answering that?"

 **Six gold coins scatter across the world at light speed. In mere moments, five teenagers and one robot appear in the control center. All are confused by the sudden situation...**

Dark-skinned Teen: "This is so whack, Jack! One minute I was in da hood..."

Girl in Islamic Garb: (Random phrase in some Arabic language.)

Robot: "Error! Where is Johnny 5?"

Hispanic teen: "?Donde estamos? ?Como te yaman?"

French teen: "Sacre Bleu!"

Czech teen: (Russian phrases of shock and confusion)

Enigma: "I have activated the translation systems. Could you please introduce yourselves and your origins?"

 **While the new Rangers get acquainted with each other and their situation, aboard Lara Croft's helicopter...**

Lara: "Welcome aboard, Sister Bay O'Netta, or should I simply say 'Bayonetta.' the umbra witch?"

Bayonetta: "Guilty as charged!" (Strips off her nun's habit.) "Ahh. That's so much more refreshing."

Luka: "So I can finally get the real scoop here?"

Bayonetta: "Oh, Cheshire..."

Lara: "As much as is possible, at least."

Bayonetta: "Well. Since we're headed to NERV, Tokyo-3, might as well tell you. I could never pilot one of those giant monstrosities. I'm several centuries old, and my mother was literally dragged off to hell, alive, for the 'crime' of giving birth to me. So her soul couldn't be used to power the Eva even if I somehow did pass the Marduk test..."

Lara: "How the hell did you know that?!"

Bayonetta sucks on a lollipop for a moment before answering. "I have my sources. Don't bother asking. Gotta say though, that Alicia girl did pretty good, all things considered. The metaphysics involved with these 'Angels' is just way too different. I couldn't drag the bastard into an alternate dimension and then kick it into the sun!" She sucks on her cherry lollipop for a moment. "Well, maybe I could do the latter, but the fight would have _**completely**_ obliterated the city and everyone in it, just from the sheer might of the blows I'd need to use to breach that A-T field, not to mention what the bastard would do in the fight."

To be continued...


	65. Chapter 65

**Chapter 63**

 **Back at NERV HQ...**

Misato is awakened by a call from Aoba, thus ruining her "intimate moment" with Hyuga, the two of them taking advantage of the fact that all the pilots are otherwise occupied, and the calm between Angel fights, SEELE plotting and Gendo shenanigans to engage in a bit of "skinship."

This moment is over, no matter how much the two of them want to go on. Hyuga reaches up to rub Misato's glorious naked back, and much as she enjoys his soft, tender touch, she has to break the spell.

Misato: "Sorry, lover. Duty calls. Get ready, we've got a call about Eva activity occurring in some place called Angel Grove..."

Hyuga: "But... We have all the Eva here, in the launch bay. Unless Angel Grove has some kind of Trident..."

Misato: "HAH! I wish that were the case, but it seems those disgusting old men had their own Mass Produced Evangelion project. It looks like one of them is going to be deployed in Angel Grove without any warning being given to the locals whatsoever!"

Hyuga: "Then that means..."

Misato: "Yeah. We're going to have to send those kids out again, and they haven't even had time to recover from that shitstorm yet! DAMNIT!"

Hyuga: "But the Angels?"

Misato: "Yeah, they could still attack at any time, and it's going to take hours to head to Angel grove and back!"

Hyuga: (Sigh) "Let's go to the hospital, maybe something will come to us on the way."

Misato: "Yeah." (Kiss) "Let's not dawdle."

 **At the SEELE Base in Mexico...**

Gendo: "Well, what do you know? So Angel grove has its own giant robots! This should be entertaining. If nothing else, it should buy some time for the remaining 5 MP Eva to get prepped for launch."

Mutt: "Why are you doing this, you bastard?!"

Indiana: "KID!"

Gendo (yanking Rea's chain): "Now, now professor. Your protoge asks a fair question. One that I'll be happy to answer. Now, I'm not going to go into too much detail, as that would spoil the fun, but those fools at NERV Tokyo-3 have something that I need, something that's rightfully mine, but those idiots appointed by the UN stole my position as Director away."

Mutt: "Then why not just go directly to them, then?"

Gendo: "And I thought US schools were bad. If the **dropouts** __are this smart, how intelligent must the graduates be? To answer your question though, with those Eva there, it could be quite a nuisance. So I've got to draw them away. You understand, right?"

Mutt: "Grrr..."

Gendo: "Yes, yes. Hate me all you want. I'm accustomed to being hated. It's … familiar."

Indiana: "Then why are you with that child?"

Gendo: "Oh, this tool, here?" (Yanks Rea's chain) "I'm not quite done with it... yet. I'll release it when this is all over. Don't worry about that. Ah. The fight's about to begin."

Gendo pushes a button and a big-screen pulls down so everyone can watch.

 **Meanwhile, In Angel Grove...**

Enigma: "Do you all understand the situation?"

Dark-skinned teen: "Da fuq? That's so totally whack!"

Robot: "Error! More input! MORE INPUT!"

French teen: "Sacre Bleu!"

Arabic teen: "Still better than back home."

Dark-skinned teen: "And where da fuq is that?"

Arabic teen: "Iran."

Everyone: "Oh."

In the wake of Second Impact, the mullahs of Iran became even more fanatical, more radical, more... extreme. The country never recovered.

Dark-skinned teen: "Word... Ya donna have ta go back, if ye don' wanna!"

Enigma: "I will do what I can to see she remains here. So are you ready?"

Robot skims operation manuals "Radadadadadadadadadadafadadadadadadaada! Input complete! READY!"

Alpha 5: "To the ZORDS!"

The town is somehow, once again, magically evacuated in prelude to a megazord battle.

The MP Eva lands and and gargles "Gwarghalalage!" before starting to smash buildings.

Cue the arrival of the Zords, as theme music starts playing.

 _ **They are … zeo!**_

 _ **STRONGER THAN BEFORE!**_

 _ **GO ZEO!**_

 _ **POWERED UP FOR MORE!**_

 _ **GO ZEO!**_

 _ **RANGERS AT THE CORE!**_

 _ **ZEO! POWER RANGERS! GO! ZEO!**_

 _ **HIGHER, THEY CAN SOAR!**_

 _ **GO ZEO!**_

 _ **FIRED UP FOR MORE!**_

 _ **GO ZEO!**_

 _ **EVEN UP THE SCORE!**_

 _ **ZEO! ZEO!**_

 _ **Go Go Power Rangers!**_

 _ **Go Go Power Rangers!**_

 _ **Go Go Power Rangers! ZEO Power Rangers!**_

Zeo Black Ranger: "Word! That's Whack! Where's them tunes coming from?!"

Zeo Silver Ranger: "Does not compute!"

Zeo Yellow White: "Music. It is the first time in my life that I've heard it."

Zeo Red Ranger: "First time in your life?! DAYUM! We'll get better acquainted later! Right now we have a battle to fight! Form Feet and Legs! Form Arms and Torso! And I'll form the Head! GO VOLTRON FORCE!"

Everyone: "THE FUCK?! THIS AIN'T VOLTRON!"

MP EVA: "Gwarghghghghaa!"

It swings its giant sword down at the pyramid shaped Zord, sparks fly upon impact.

Zeo Silver Ranger: "Aiye Aiye Aiye! Johny Five is Alive!" The robot's eyes glow red. "BAD EVA! MAKE DISASSEMBLE!"

Zeo Silver Ranger, the robot, engages the megazord sequence, causing the zords to assemble into the megazord. Music starts playing again.

" _ **We are young, we are strong, we're invincible!"**_

After the megazord is fully assembled, it throws a punch which is deflected by the MP Eva's A-T Field.

"K-Ting!"

Zeo Red Ranger: "How are we supposed to deal with that?!"

Johny Five: "Analyzing."

MP EVA: "GWAHGHRAHA!"

The MP Eva attacks with a couple of diagonal slashes. Sparks fly on impact both times.

Everyone: (As the megazord shakes) "AAARRRGGHHH!"

Jonhy Five: "Analysis complete. Energy field drops before attack and stays down for 0.25 seconds!"

Zeo Ranger Black: "Da Fuq?! How we gonna deal wi that?!"

Zeo Ranger Yellow: "Give me the controls! I can do this!" (Inhales) "HIII-YAAAH!"

MP EVA: "GWARRRGKGHHLGH!"

As the MP Eva swings its rather unwieldy x-shaped sword, the megazord catches it and begins pounding the MP Eva's chest with a flurry of blows, sparks flying on impact.

"POW! POOM! POW! BLAM!"

Then the MP Eva is thrown to the ground.

"KABLAM!"

 **Meanwhile, at SEELE's Mexico base...**

Gendo: "Oh! Now that's interesting! So they can fight back? Let's see how they handle this!"

(Pushes X+X+O+O+(TRIANGLE)+(SQUARE))

Mutt: (Whispering) "He's distracted. Now we can..."

Indiana: "Eyes open, mouth shut, Kid. We can still do nothing..."

Gendo: "I can hear you, and you are quite right. Unless you have an N2 mine in your pocket, there's nothing you can do, and even if you did, you'll only succeed in annoying me as you kill yourself."

Mutt: (Punching the ground) "DAMN IT!"

Gendo: "I suggest you gentlemen sit back and enjoy the show. The fight is going to pick up now."

(The monitor begins blinking, showing five A-T field bearing objects headed to Angel Grove from NERV Tokyo-3.)

Gendo: "Ah. There's my cue. Time to bring the rest of SEELE's toys on stage!"

(Pushes the (TRIANGLE) button five times.)

Gendo: "Well. I wish I could stay and watch the show, but it's time to go. The little lady and I have an appointment with Terminal Dogma. Professor Jones. As promised, you can have these scrolls. I don't need them any more. If you want to put them in a museum, I suggest you hurry. You might not have that much time."

Gendo tosses a box containing the scrolls he stole from the Kuno household at Indiana Jones before an elevator lowers down, taking him and Rea up into a waiting Harrier Jump Jet that takes off at super-sonic speeds to NERV Tokyo-3.

Mutt: "Damn IT! WE LET HIM GET AWAY!"

Indiana: "We had to! We couldn't have done anything... Wait! BASTARD LEFT THE REMOTE!"

Indiana grabs the PSP to try and do something, only to have it burn his hands as it melts down.

To be continued...


	66. Chapter 66

**Meanwhile, back at NERV's medical center...**

Shinji and Asuka are still in their hospital beds, not yet knowing about Gendo's machinations. Rei is visiting them, clearly uncomfortable. She fidgets, not sure how to relay some rather unpleasant news.

Shinji: "Rei? What's wrong?"

Asuka: "Wondergirl? I... have never seen you like this! What's... happening?"

Rei: "Shinji-kun. Asuka-chan. I... I'm sorry!"

Rei breaks down crying, something she's done repeatedly for days, if not weeks.

Asuka: "WONDERGIRL! What's going on?"

Shinji: "Rei, dear. It's alright. Whatever it is, it will be okay..."

Rei looks up at them, but it's no longer just her irises that are red, her entire sclera are bloodshot, a mix of grief and rage.

Rei: "NO! It won't be okay! Rea is gone!... And it's all my fault!"

Asuka: "Wondergirl?!" Asuka grabs Rei by the shoulders and stares into the bluenette's eyes. "WHAT! HAPPENED!"

Rei: "Gendo... He... he took her. I couldn't stop him. He... he was too strong. Phased right through the wall. Swat me aside like a fly, and grabbed her right out of our bathtub! What good are these Angel powers of mine if I can't even protect my little girl?..."

Asuka, briefly mortified, pulls Rei's head into her bosom and just lets her wail and cry.

Shinji, on the other hand, goes eerily quiet.

Asuka: "BAKA! You still alive? Say something..."

She cuts off as she notices that Shinji's eyes are so red, they're glowing. He repeatedly flexes his left hand into a fist before slamming it down on his bed angrily.

Shinji: "Unforgivable! THIS IS UNFORGIVABLE! I can't forgive that bastard! I won't forgive him! First he harms my wife, then her wife, and now our precious little girl... WHERE IS HE?! I'll KILL HIM, OVER AND OVER AND OVER... No wait.. that's way, way too merciful... Nadla wants his soul? I hope she's interested in leftovers..."

Asuka: "Shinji-baka! STOP IT! You're scaring me... You're scaring us!"

What Asuka doesn't realize, and can't possibly know, is that among Lara's many artifacts is the legendary Witchblade, an artifact so old it predates the universe, and some say actually triggered the Big Bang. It's an unstoppable force of nature taking the form of a gauntlet worn by many women through the ages, including Lara Croft herself, though she's one of the very, very few to do so and live to tell about it. Nobody knows for certain why it chooses women, but the prevailing theory from the one man who wielded it, against its will, is that it craves the pure blood-rage that comes from a woman's maternal instinct that very, very few men will ever attain or understand.

Shinji Ikari is one such man, as he takes after his mother, Yui Ikari, in both appearance and temperament.

 **In the ruins of the Croft estate...**

The rocks and rubble give way as the Witchblade responds to Shinji, many have tried to dissect, disassemble, and destroy the Witchblade. All have failed. A little thing like an explosion, or series of explosions, that can level a mansion is but a gentle massage.

The gauntlet, now active, breaks free and heads at super-sonic speeds towards the rage that it so craves, right into Shinji's hospital bed, smashing through anything and everything in its way, leaving debris and destruction in its wake.

Rei: "EEK!"

Asuka: "What the...!"

Everyone else is shocked as this gauntlet lands right in his lap, but Shinji just sits there, staring...

Witchblade: "RRRSSHHSSSSAAAHSHSDASA! SDASJDA! SSDAAMA!"

Shinji: "You're choosing me?"

Witchblade: "SKDAASDRR! GHRUK! WHAHHA!"

Shinji: "So all I have to do is put you on?"

Witchblade: "SHHHAAASIII! NO! SFHAHAGHAHA!'

Shinji: "I understand."

Asuka: "Wait. What do you understand? Talk to us!"

Rei: "I see. Yes, Shinji-kun. DO IT!"

Asuka: "You too? WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?! Don't leave me out of the loop here! Talk to me!"

Shinji just pats Asuka on the head. "Trust me."

Rei hugs Asuka tight and kisses her on the mouth. "It will be okay. This is something he's got to do."

Asuka: "What's he got to do? Come on! If it's about kicking ass, or taking that bastard Gendo down, I'm game. Just talk to me!"

Shinji: "This gauntlet has the power of a thousand Angels, and the combat experience of centuries upon centuries of warriors tempered in battle. If anything can get Rea out of the hands of that bastard, and give him the beating he so deserves, while he's in a state that he can smack around our dear Rei like a feather, this is it."

Asuka: "Then give it here! I'm the best..."

Witchblade: "SHRRUUU! SHARGHA! NA! DO!"

Asuka: "What was that? You wretched glove, you want a piece of me, huh?!"

Shinji holds her hands and looks deep into her eyes, his own still blazing red. "Asuka, you don't want to do that, and the Witchblade does not want you. Try it, and you'll be lucky if you lose your arm, very, very lucky."

Asuka: "THEN WHAT?!"

Shinji lets go of Asuka and then puts out his right hand before the Witchblade. "I'm ready."

Asuka: "Wait, what? NO!"

Before Asuka can even attempt breaking out of Rei's embrace, the Witchblade jumps onto Shinji's arm, and activates. Shinji's hospital gown is absorbed, and Shinji finds himself covered from head to toe in shiny metallic-looking armor... and gender bent. Shinji now looks like a very young, and very attractive version of his mother, Yui.

Asuka: "Well... DAMN! You don't see that every day!... Wait, can you change back?! I mean, it would be kind of hard to..."

Rei: (covers Asuka's mouth.) "Shush, dear. Please don't finish that sentence."

Shinji: "Umm..." (Blushes furiously) "Well,,,, I'll ask."

Shinji closes his eyes and thinks about it, and changes back, hospital blanket protecting his modesty.

Asuka: "Oh... OH! This brings up some rather interesting... possibilities."

Shinji and Rei: "PERVERT GIRL!"

Everyone: "HAHAHAHAAHA!"

Shinji: "I doubt NERV will let me pilot Eva-01 now..."

Rei: "Leave that to me."

Asuka: "And Eva-02 is mine, Wondergirl. Think you can keep up?"

Rei: "I'm going to try..."

Suddenly Misato comes storming in. "Okay pilots, we have a situation..." (Looks at the Witchblade on Shinji's arm.) "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT DOING HERE?!"

Shinji: "Um... Misato-san.."

Misato: "Never mind. Guess that decides the roster. Rei! You're piloting Eva-01!"

Rei: "HAI!"

Misato: "Asuka! Eva-02!"

Asuka: "Yes, Ma'am!"

Misato: "Maya and Kensuke! As always, the Trident, but you're staying at NERV as back up! The only thing that can take on an S^2 engine Eva, is another S^2 Eva, so sorry, Alicia, but you're up!"

Maya, Kensuke, and Alicia: "Roger!"

Misato: "Even with the Power Rangers helping, that leaves us one short..."

Snake: "We have been monitoring the situation, Major, and we believe we have what you need."

Misato: "I'm all ears, Snake."

Snake (Shows a picture of the US's latest mecha): "We call this beauty a 'Gear.' It has a plasma sword, phase shielding, and if need be, can fire ordinance with a yield in the megaton range."

Misato: "The American answer to Angels? Why was it not fielded in Los Angeles?"

Snake: "I am not authorized to answer that question, Major..."

Misato: "Fine! We can't afford to be choosy now. You're in! Any questions? And no Shinji, you're staying here! No telling how … THAT will interact with the Eva!"

Everyone: "Yes, Ma'am!"

Misato: " We sortie in 30 minutes, get to your mechs!"

Everyone: "Ma'am, Yes, Ma'am."

After everyone else has cleared the room.

Misato: "I'm sorry, Shinji. I know you know the truth about the Eva core."

Shinji: "Misato... san?"

Misato: "But yeah, no telling what that Witchblade will do in an entry plug."

To be continued...


	67. Chapter 67

**Sorry, it's been a while everyone, so without further ado...**

 **Chapter 65**

 **Some time later, in the middle of the ocean...**

Gendo's commandeered Harrier meets with its escort fleet. Realizing the pilot of the Harrier is not the SEELE member they were expecting, the fleet opens fire as he attempts to land aboard the aircraft carrier.

Gendo: "Such pathetic idiots. If they had let me board quietly, they might have lived a bit longer, isn't that right, Rea?" (Yanks leash)

Rea: "KYAAAA!"

The scream unleashes an anti-AT field shockwave that reduces all the people aboard the ships, planes, and everywhere within a 10 mile radius to an orange goo of LCL.

Gendo: "Okay, rest now. Can't have you dying just yet. I still have need of you, if for no other reason than to hurt that damn brat."

Gendo takes the now unconscious Rea and stows her below deck as what appears to be a meteor streaks overhead, unnoticed.

 **Elsewhere in the universe... Just moments before...**

" **Planet Reptizar, On Doomsday"**

The massive construct known only as "The Beast Planet" approaches planet Reptizar, and upon making contact with the atmosphere, opens a massive vertical gate that reaches from north to south pole with an eerie red glow emerging.

After the gate fully opens, a massive planet-sized three finger claw emerges and surrounds Planet Reptizar, swallowing it whole.

Slitthor: "Our people are all DEAD! Protect our only hope! The capsule must make it through the warp gate!"

A major space battle ensues between the handful of survivors and a massive wave of enemy fighters, composed of a material known only as "null matter."

Even though they know the critical weak point, an energy containment matrix, the sheer number is just too much. For every one they shoot down, five more take its place.

In the end, they are all slain, down to the last man, in a flash of light and sound. Their only solace, the capsule they gave their lives protecting made it through the gate to the other side, to warn the universe of the coming of The Beast.

 **Aboard the Beast Planet...**

A three meter being of Null matter, holographic skull, but no jaw stands in attendance, along with its two lackeys, Lamprey and Tackul.

Tackul: "The planet is secured and being consumed, Lord Beast!"

Voyd: (Arches Eyebrow)

Lamprey: "Did we get them all?"

Tackul: "Yes, Lamprey. No survivors this time!"

Lamprey: "Good! The Beast does not tolerate failure, lightly. Those Alliance fools..."

Voyd: (Shakes head) (Points at Tackul).

Tackul: "Lord Voyd?! What?!"

Voyd points at a video showing the capsule escape via the gate, a member of the Reptillian race shielding it from a last ditch shot fired by Beast Drone fighters.

?: "I do not suffer failure lightly, Tackul! Did you learn nothing from the fate of your elder brother Blokk?"

Tackul: "Lord BEAST! It wasn't my fault! You know the drones can't aim worth squat! The only reason they manage to hit anything is sheer numbers..." (An energy beam thunders down upon him) "GHHHYYYAAAAAA!"

Beast: "No more excuses! Still, it really doesn't matter. I know that star system."

Lamprey: "Lord Beast?"

Beast: "Huhuhuhu Hahaha BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Those fools banished me once before, reduced my glorious planet-sized body to nothing more than a head, and then that... that asshole Starscream double-crossed me! All he had to do was connect one freaking wire! But because he wanted to stand around gloating, I was blasted off into space, forced to eat all those 'lesser' planets to recover my glory!"

Lamprey, Voyd, and Tackul stare at each other, not comprehending the reference.

Beast: "But now, now I'm back, and there's no longer any 'Matrix of Leadership' to worry about! It's time for my revenge, humans. You will know fear, you will know pain, you will know despair. You will beg for death that does not come quick or easy. You will suffer like none of the others!"

Beast: "Minions! Prepare for battle! We have an entire solar system to consume, and no more annoying World Engines!"

 **Back at the present time, in Angel Grove...**

The Power Rangers struggle mightily against the Lone MP Eva, but the damage they manage to inflict, getting past its A-T field, is minimal and it regenerates in a hurry.

Suddenly, what appears to be a meteor comes crashing down in the immediate area, knocking out the MP Eva's A-T Field, completely for a few moments...

Ranger Red: "We can't miss this opportunity! I call upon Gigantis, it's time for the Ultra-Zord!"

Johny 5: "Calling the Dragon Zord!" (Plays back a digitized tune from the Command Center's records.)

Dragon Zord: (Rising out of the water) "SKKRRRREEEEYAAAA!"

The Dragon Zord leaps into the sky, opens, and the Zeo Mega-Zord jumps into the opening, wearing the Dragon Zord like a coat of armor, before landing atop an opening on Gigantis.

Rangers: "LOCK ON AND FIRE ALL WEAPONS!"

Missiles, lasers, lightning bolts, and energy blasts of all shapes, sizes, and colors collide into the MP Eva, knocking it to the ground, face first, before it glows gold and then explodes, for no explained reason.

Rangers: "ALRIGHT! WE DID IT!"

Alpha 5: "Aye Aye Aye. Rangers, it's not over yet!"

Enquiris: "Rangers, have you forgotten that there's five more? And they're all coming at once?!"

Rangers: "The Mega-Zord is at 10%, we can't take on five of those things! We only beat one because of a convenient meteor..."

Alpha 5: "That's no meteor, Rangers! That's a space-craft, some king of capsule. Scans are inconclusive... RANGERS! HERE THEY COME!"

MP EVA: "GWARHG HAHAHA HAHA!"

They throw their cross shaped blades and knock the Mega-Zord off Gigantis with a mighty blow, sparks flying everywhere.

Gigantis starts sinking into the ground, roaring in defiance. "GWARRR! GWAARRR! GGGGWWWAAARRR!"

The Rangers try to pull it out by the neck, the only part still above ground, to no avail, as the MP Eva send them flying backwards with another barrage, ejecting the Rangers from the cockpit, flying.

Red: "GWAAAH!"

Yellow and Pink: "AIIEEEE!"

Blue: "Error! Does Not Compute!"

Black: "WHHHAAAASSSUUUPPP!"

The MP Eva hurl their cross-shaped weapons at the Dragon Zord and after a few spark-inducing impacts it runs amok, attacking a nearby factory.

Enquiris: "Every time the Dragon Zord goes rogue, it attacks that same factory. What grudge does the Dragon Zord have there?!"

Alpha 5: "I! I! I! DON'T KNOW!"

The MP EVA don't care, of course, and just keep attacking over and over again until the Dragon Zord falls over and explodes, for no reason.

That's when the Power Rangers know they're doomed.

The MP Eva start stomping their way, gargling all the while.

Johny 5: "Error! OH SHIT!"

MP EVA: "Gwarghgl! GHAGHLGAADFD AHAHAHAHA!"

STOMP!

A massive stomp barely misses, hurling the rangers over 30 meters away and the morphing wears off. Now they're helpless.. when suddenly a couple of roars reach the battle field.

ROAR! (Lion)

ROAR! (Tiger)

"Wild Force Power Rangers!"

"Defend What's Right Forever!"

"Wild Force Power Rangers!"

"We'll protect this world together!"

"WILD FORCE! WILD FORCE!"

"Power Rangers Flying Higher! Go!"

"Wild Force Running Faster!"

"WILD FORCE! Power Rangers Stick Together! GO!"

"We Will Save The World!"

"Wild Force Power Rangers!"

"Defend What's Right Forever!"

"Wild Force Power Rangers!"

"We'll protect this world together!"

"WILD! FORCE! WILD FORCE!"

To the rescue are five Zords based on a red lion, white tiger, a bull, a shark, and an eagle.

 **Meanwhile:**

A fleet of stealth bombers is carrying Asuka in Eva-02, Rei in Eva-01, Alicia in Eva-04, Kowaru and Mari "Illustrious" Makinami sharing the dual core Eva, with Snake sitting in the cockpit of his Metal Gear aboard his own private Boeing jet.

Snake: "We should be arriving within the next 10 minutes."

Asuka: "Fi-fuckin-ally! It's been boring ass hours!"

Kowaru: "You sound... upset."

Mari: "Yeah, and water is wet, and ice is cold, what else is new?"

Asuka: "Ha ha! Very funny. This time, though I AM Pissed, and righteously so!"

Rei: "Care to elaborate?"

Asuka: "You bet your sweet tight ass! First, after being trapped … elsewhere for a full month, I get out, and rather than that oh so sweet loving, Wondergirl's daughter winds up missing, here we are getting sortied against the schemes of that bastard GENDO! And that studmuffin Shinji is trapped at HQ with a damn crazy ass gauntlet that has its own fucking agenda!"

Rei: (Weeping)

Asuka: "HEY! HEY! Not your fault, Wondergirl! We'll get Rea back! And we'll make that heinous son-of-a-bitch pay!"


End file.
